03-04-04 AGORAPHOBIA REPORT Went Tate Modern Art Gallery...
MrUK4U
Had quite a busy day! (Meaning this message is long, long, LONG...)
MISSED MY MORNING MATHS LESSON
10:30 AM - Had made an appointment with an Australian sounding lady -(I only
chatted to her over the phone)- called, Kyla Butcher, who had promised to teach
me private lessons on maths for £20.00 per hour...and, I was meant to meet her
at Lancasters restaurant on the High Road.
Actually, I was meant to get there at 10:00; but, typical me, woke up late...;
by the time I left home it was, already, 10:30...so, I was 1/2 an hour late!
Then, I went over to the Barclays ATM...and, popped in there both my
Mastercard/Barclaycard...well, the damn machine swallowed up both of my cards!
There was an onscreen message saying...phone Barclaycard for more info.
Basically, I couldn't even believe it?! First, I'm late to go and meet her...;
and, now, I have no money to be able to pay for the lesson! That's when I
changed my mind...and, decided there's no point turning up - especially,
without any money!
So, I went back home. Phoned Barclaycard, first...; explained how the ATM
machine swallowed up my 2 cards. The Barclaycard operator told me she doesn't
know why the machine eat my cards...it's probably a faulty machine. However,
she will order some more cards to me sent to me, right away...(including new
PIN nos.); and, I should recieve these by next Friday.
I then phoned Klya Butcher to explain exactly what had happened to me. And, she
seemed sympathetic...especially, when I told her the next time we meet I will
financially compensate her for all of her wasted time.
By this time I was feeling pretty down...that my morning expectations hadn't
gone the way I had planned, atall. So, what now to do with the rest of the
day...; just sit at home and sulk away, I wondered?!
12:00 Midday - Decided to get up, and, go out...do something...but, don't just
surrender to depression, anymore.
-(Somebody, who I met online, once, said to me...ACTION is the enemy of
DEPRESSION. And, honestly, I believe this is true. In that when we are far too
busy with concentrating on taking action...; then, we have no idle time left
for ourselves to be able to think the endless negative thoughts that depression
brings.)-
BROCKWELL PARK
The first place I ended up was at Brockwell Park. I did one lap...walked
it...didn't run(maybe, jogged around 25 yards...; then, at another point for
another 25 yards...; and, that was it!). I felt far too lazy, and, unfit to
run. Mainly, all I wanted to do was just stretch. So, for the 1 mile lap going
all around the park...I just merely walked and stretched
out(fingers/wrist/elbows/shoulders/feet/ankles/legs/hips/trunk/neck/head/-etc.
twisting and turning/lifting and holding it).
MET 2 OLD GUYS IN THE PARK - EACH ACCOMPANIED WITH HIS OWN DOG
I then say an old guy -with a dog- sitting down on a park bench. And, decided
he looks ok/friendly enough...; so, why not try talking to him.
-(Normally, I'm socially phobic...and, fear too much getting rejected by
others...so, I don't usually talk to anyone when going on my travels. Thus, one
of my 'going out' exercises is to 'try' and socialise...by speaking to, at
least, one person.)-
I said to him..."Exercising gets harder with age! I used to go running right
around this park, before, when I was younger. But, now, instead, of running,
all I do is merely walk!" He replied, "Just you wait till when you get to my
age which is 70!" I answered, "If this is what it feels like to be 40...; then,
no, I can't say I do very much look forwards to reaching 50/60/70 plus!"
We then chatted for around 15 minutes -(which felt like 1/2 an hour long to
me!)-...; and, also, another old guy came along (he, too, had a dog with
him...; he apparently was this old mans friend)...; and, so, we continued
talking togeather, now, as being a threesome.
The first guy I was talking to did mention to me that he was in the navy. And,
that in those days you had no choice but to join up...; unless you could prove
you were unfit.
We, also, talked about the many different parks in London...; and, how one
place was blitzed -(bombed/set on fire)- during the war...; and, that's when a
woman called Burgess decided to turn that place into becoming a park called:
Burgess Park.
And, we also talked about IT-Information Technology...and, both of these old
guys explained they are new to learning it. I said, most young people know it
very well. I know it a bit...; but, those younger than me...know it even far
better. And, that I thought they were doing great for themselves by bothering
to go learn it...; as whenever I tried to teach it to my mum...she just doesn't
want to know?!
Finally, we decided to close the chat...; with the guys going off to walk their
dogs some more...; and, me continuing to walk unto the end of my park lap.
Then, right out through the gates...
RUSKIN PARK - HERNE HILL
When I left Brockwell Park...I felt somewhat deeply disappointed that my
original intention had been to go running...; and, yet, I hadn't run/just,
simply, walked!
So, I next decided to go along and visit Ruskin Park, instead. Maybe, the
change of scenery will inspire me to work out more?!
Again all I did in Ruskin Park was walk, I'm afriad. And, watch the wildlife
birds/ducks floating on the scenic pond. And, also, I recall a number of
pigeons sitting around in a tree.
I did do some exercise, though(a sort of slow Tai Chi)...; trying to
co-ordinate my breathing togeather with both my hand/foot movements.
However, by now the main thing that was going through my mind...was not the
thought of exercising, anymore...; but, instead, finding a place where I could
go take a leak?!
-(You would think that in a park...; you can either find public toilets(most of
these are shut!)...or, even go do it behind a tree. But, everywhere I looked
there were people...; or else, I thought the trees were visible to close by
houses. Thus, I felt just much too embarassed!)-
KINGS COLLEGE HOSPITAL
I walked out of Ruskin Park...; and, into Kings College Hospital...A &
E/(Accident & Emergency) department. The first public toilets I found inside
of the hospital was shut! So, I came out of that particular wing...; and, went
into the brand new built up Jubilee Wing...wow, what really stylish
architecture(I love to see really excellent architecture-it's one of the joys
for me of going walking all around London)...inside there I merely asked a guy
for directions to where the public toilets were? And, he was able to quickly
and easily send me in the right direction.
CAMBERWELL GREEN
I went and visited Camberwell Green Leisure Centre. Actually, I went in there
to see if there were any martial arts lessons going on? I was told I'd just
missed one!
I also saw 2 guys practicing gymnastics...; wow! The teacher said to me the
lessons are £4.00/Tuesdays/6PM-7PM...; and, lots of fun! (And, I thought to
myself...only if I don't go break a leg!)
ELEPHANT & CASTLE
My next stop was Elephant & Castle Leisure Center...; where I picked up another
martial arts time table.
I quickly went downstairs to go and peep on a lesson...; but, just didn't stay.
LONDON BRIDGE
(My original intention of going along to visit London Bridge was to go and see
the Tokei Martial Arts dojo (gym) located off Magdalen St. To see if there were
any good lessons to watch there. But, then, I got side tracked.)
Decided to take the bus right to the end of the line...got off it...somewhere,
I'd never been before. -(I love getting myself completely lost in London. I
guess, because, I can usually find my way back home, again. Always have done so
far to date, anyway!)- Then, just continued walking...; ran into a place
called: The Old Operating Theatre, Museum, and, Herb Garret. Their web site URL
address is...
Apparently, this museum shows how doctors Surgery used to be done in the old
days. Yes, rather gruesomely!
I was going to walk up the circular steps...; but, saw a sign saying something
about having to pay an admission fee. That's when I knew this was not for me,
today...; because I have no money on me! Thus, I just walked on...
RIVER THAMES
After walking away from the old museum...; suddenly, I found myself having gone
in circles...; because, I ended up straight back at London Bridge Train/Tube
Station.
I decided why not go walk beside the River Thames for a bit...; after all, it's
been a long time since I've done that.
LONDON BRIDGE STREET MARKET
I remember walking through a London Bridge street market...smelling all sorts
of wonderful food.../and, thinking, but, I got no money to buy any!
THE GOLDEN HIND SHIP
I also recall seeing the old Golden Hind ship. Stood there staring for around 5
to 10 minutes long...; you can't help but stop...it's taking a look into the
past...and, seeing how ships looked back, then...which is certainly very
different from the way ships look now...this ship seems to be made all entirely
of wood, for example.
SHAKESPEARES GLOBE THEATRE
I, also, remember walking past the modern recreation of Shakespeares Globe
Theatre. And, seeing advertised some of his plays. Again, I had no money to go
and watch, though...; so, to hell with it...for another day, possibly...kept on
walking...
-(Shakespeare, is my fav. poet in the whole wide world. So, there's no doubt
about it, I really will be back, just merely a matter of when?)-
TATE MODERN - ART GALLERY - CHECKED OUT ALL 7 FLOORS
Walked all the way up to The Millenium Bridge...(ever so modern-all carefully
sculpted steel-not like a normal bridge-but, really looks 'different')...; and,
was tempted to walk straight across it towards St. Paul's Cathedral...; when,
no, I changed my mind. Decided to go in the opposite direction; and, visit the
Tate Modern gallery, instead. And, this is where I spent most of my evening.
TATE GALLERY MEMBERSHIP CARD - SOON, TO EXPIRE (WILL NEED TO USE IT A LOT MORE
FULLY BEFORE THEN?!)
You see, I'm already a Tate Gallery member having paid regular membership fees
for the whole year(membership costs me something like £40.00 per year...in
fact, my year is nearly up, now...as my card expires next month-wondering how
I'm going to be able to afford to pay for next years membership-when I'm so
broke?!).
My membership card allows me to go and see shows for FREE...; without having to
pay, seperately, to see each one...; the which costs can certainly mount
up...like £8.00 to go see each show. -(Now, imagine having to go pay that
amount, say, daily/or, weekly?!)-
Only trouble is...though, I remember to pay the yearly membership card fee...;
I don't always remember to use it?! So, this I decided was a real good
opportunity, now, to use it...; and, thus, not waste my yearly membership
money!
I didn't see any exebitions on the ground floor??? Whereas, normally, I would
expect to see some sculptures there. So, I just took the escalator stairs
upwards...
I saw loads and loads of art works on, at least, 5 entire floors worth...(there
are another 2 floors-restaurant/and, member rooms, above-thus, making up 7
floors altogeather)...; I won't attempt to say here on which particular floor I
saw which particular art work...(as, I can't even remember, exactly?!)...; but,
I will list a few artists names...there was...
LISTING NAMES OF SOME OF THE ARTISTS WHOSE WORK I SAW
>Picasso(my fav. artist in the whole wide world! I saw 1 flower
painting/another abstract-I think, bulls head skeleton/1 cubist period
painting/and, The Three Dancers, also, abstract collage).
>Brancusi(whole entire rooms full of his smooth abstract sculptures - very
impressive)
>Naum Gabo(2 x abstract sculptures - didn't like it)
>Franz Kline(1 x abstract painting - reminds me of Japanese caligraphy)
>Mark Rothko(a whole room devoted to his abstract work - I remember it being
very dark, and, depressing!)
>Andy Warhol(saw a whole room devoted to him - frankly, I never was a keen
Warhol fan. To me, most of his stuff is dead boring...; like the same sort of
photo being reproduced over, again and again...only using a slighly different
color each time...I see this as being nothing more than another big rip off of
the general public! Nevertheless, there were 1 or 2 of his works that I liked
there...such as 1 large photo-painting of Jackie Kennedy/and, another
interesting photo-painting of Marlyn Monroe)
>Donald Judd(whole room fulls of his work, too. All I can say is that modern
art, well and truly, stinks! Because, that's exactly what I think of his bloody
boring work!)
>(there was one modern art work of a porcelain toilet. Man, I felt, -instantly-
sick...; almost like vomiting! What in the hell is that thing doing in here
being on display for?! I just don't get it. I forget the artists name...; but,
he's obviously have a joke at the establishments expense.../and, also, at the
expense of the general public! People need to pay £8.00 to go see a plain
toilet?! Insane! Ridiculous! I won't even say I was shocked...; just disgusted
at being feeling totally ripped off! I didn't stare...just, very quickly,
walked away from it. But, the horror of seeing it there still stays inside of
my mind's eye, nevertheless.)
>Salvador Dali(I remember what a joy it was to see 2 paintings by the master
Salvador Dali...wow, really great stuff...his work is as truly fantastic to
look at in real life...as it is to see it published on paper in books.)
>and, there were certain themes...like I remember one was...a world war II
theme...; and, seeing some paintings which were related to this. Only, sorry, I
forget names real easy?!
>(Another theme was modern day photographers - 1 whole room. Including Henri
Cartier Bresson. Fascinating how this guy can take photos of events that are
occuring in real life...; but, yet still make these seem like being wholly
staged! With performers, very carefully, having positioned themselves.)
>after a while I felt really tired(been walking/standing up non-stop); and,
dehydrated(forget to take some drink refreshments along with me/and, also, had
no money to go buy any?!)...; therefore, I was extremely happy to discover a
show where the art work was in the form of a film...you went and entered a
darkened film projection room...where there were a couple of really comfortable
thick black sofas...I just sat down flat in one of these, and, rested -while
watching the movie- for, at least, around 1 hour long(I, actually, saw the
movie being repeated, twice!). Later, after getting enough physical rest...; I
got up, and, continued covering some more floors.
...quite literally, I saw 100's -(if not 1000's)- of art works! Some I stopped
to stare at...; most I just merely glimpsed at...and, then, very quickly moved
on...knowing that if I don't concentrate on keeping a move on...; then, there's
no way I'm going to get to see it 'all'...; and, will therefore have to come
back here, again, say, tomorrow.
-(But, tomorrow, I wish to go and visit the Tate Gallery in Millbank. I think,
that one is called: Tate Britain. Anyway, their web site address - where you
can go to find out the full details is at...
TATE MODERN - THE 2 TOPMOST FLOORS - MEMBERSHIP/RESTAURANT
When I had reached the 5th Tate Modern art gallery floor...; I thought, well,
I've already climbed this far up...so, might as well continue exploring around
to see what else is located up above? There I found the Members restaurant -
6th floor/and, above it -7th floor- a more general public restaurant.
And, wow, what incredible window views seeing out, far and wide, right over the
River Thames/and, being able to see the many historical buildings St
Pauls/Tower Bridge/-etc. So, it's really well worthwhile gong all the way right
up to the top of the Tate Modern building...just to discover the amazingly
wonderful view you can get by having enough courage to go look out/or else,
downwards! Plus, there are lifts.../so, you don't necessarily have to
walk...but, only if you wish to keep fit...me, I walked it.
COMING OUT OF TATE MODERN - AND, BEING CONFRONTED WITH THE SIGHT OF DARK
EVENING HAVING DESCENDED ALL AROUND ME
I'm not too sure exactly what the time was when I walked out of the Tate
Gallery...; but, I do know that when I had walked in there it was broad
daylight...; and, that when I walked back out, again, it was evening - and,
quite truly, dark as night!
Luckily, though, there are still plenty of street lights...and, neon sign
lights being located just about nearly everywhere you look. So, to me, it was a
bit of a wonder to look around me, now...and, contrast seeing how London looks
during the day...in direct comparison with how it looks at night...which is, of
course, totally different!
Huge buildings which you could clearly see during the daylight hours...become
almost totally invisible at night(merely a faint shadow on the landscape)...;
and, instead, you can only spot seeing buildings that have massive neon signs
either nearby/or else, on top of them...; buildings such as, the Hayward
Gallery/-etc.
WALKED OVER THE MILLENIUM BRIDGE
Right opposite Tate Modern...I decided to go walk over The Millenium Bridge
towards St Pauls.
As one goes over the bridge...; one thinks 'what if?!' the bridge were to,
quite suddenly, collapse...; and, I can't swim...; so, obviously, I would
drown! I also suffer from a dreadful fear of heights...so, looking down is
always extremely scary to me...I tend to try my best to keep away from going
too near the side railings...; and, yet, another part of me can't help but to
want to dare myself to stop for, at least, once, to quickly take one look over
the side.
At the end of the bridge, I came across a sculpture by Mills called: Blitz...3
firemen...; this sculpture represents World War II; and, is engraved with the
names of firemen who had lost their lives while fighting fires. It leaves one
feeling both very sad/and, yet, still uplifted at the strength of the human
spirit/as well as, being impressed by what a skillfully executed piece of art
work it is.
ST. PAUL'S CATHEDRAL - WENT WALKING RIGHT PAST IT
Walked on past St. Paul's Cathedral. They are still working on reparing a part
of this building. The amount of scaffolding is huge! I started thinking just
looking at strange configurations of all of that scaffolding is a work of art
in itself. If only I had brought a camera with me...; then, I would have taken
photos right there and then.
WALKED OVER BLACKFRIARS BRIDGE
For some reason, I choose to take a side route...; after feeling bored walking
down the main street...; during the late evening...the streets are not as
crammed full with people as during the day...; and, therefore, all I could see
before me was little else but mostly empty streets. I thought why not try
taking a side street, then...maybe, I might find something far more interesting
there...even if it's only a short cut which I didn't already know about
before???
Before long, I found myself facing Blackfriars Bridge. And, trying to figure
out which way to turn, next? In the end, I decided to cross over the Bridge.
This, took me back to the Millenium Mile walk. And, looking backwards I could
see The Tate Modern building that I had just come from. Apparently, Blackfriars
Bridge is the next bridge down from there. Well, I kept on walking in the
opposite direction to Tate Modern...this time aiming to go home.
CROSSED ANOTHER BRIDGE - (DON'T KNOW IT'S NAME, THOUGH?!) - WHICH TOOK ME TO
THE EMBANKMENT TUBE STATION
As I walked past The Hayward Gallery...and, Waterloo...I saw a next
bridge...with a very ornate modern looking building at the end of it...I wanted
to go and explore seeing there? Thus, I crossed over the bridge...walking
straight to the other side...and, next thing I know I'm at The Embankment tube
station! I know, this place really very well.
FINALLY, MADE MY WAY HOME
So, I now decided to go walking on towards Trafalgar Square...through Soho,
and, then, down into Regents St...up Regents St., and, into Oxford St...from
where...I took a bus to Hyde Park...got off that bus...; and, switched to
taking another bus...this time, the no. 2 bus, all the way straight back home.
On the bus, I'm thinking, hey, I remember having read a book about an American
female serial killer, called, Aileen Carol Wuornos. And, that the film of her
lifestory would be on at 11:05 PM. So, I wondered what the time was...and, if
I'd already gone and missed it?! Well, anyway, when I got home the time was
11:30 PM(yep, very late!)..and, the film was still running...thus, though I had
missed the start of the movie...; I was still able to see all the rest of it.
CONCLUSION
Wow! Had a really long day doing mostly non-stop walking! With both good and
bad things happening...; the day started out bad(gone and missed an
appointment).../then, ended up good(met new faces/saw new places...; basically,
went out seeing sights all over the place). Hope to have many more days just
like it./;-)
Bye4now!/BEST wishes, always!/-Paul(UK/London)
PS: Have a NICE day!
;-)