[PP 2] Encouraging words for those considering adoption
Celeste
[This is a periodic posting]
This is for those considering adoption,
The anti-adoption sentiments are rooted in the feminist and abortion
issues, but that has spread to those directly involved in adoption mostly
for political and economic reasons, most especially in the private
investigation/adoption search, psychological professions and social work
fields. Even Hollywood and the mass media has exploited the issue of
adoption for ulterior gain. That damage this has done and is doing to
adoptive families and children is beyond calculation. If you delve into it
any further, it is quite an eye opener of things you could never have
imagined, but you don't 'have to' bother with all that unless you can't
resist knowing or stop yourself from wanting to be more informed (that was
my problem). It's much better to not know any of this, believe me! If you
feel you must explore adoption issues, consider this a warning: this is an
emotional roller coaster ride and most of the negative information is so
wrong and distorted in regard to the realities of adoption, and raising
adopted children. It will make you darn mad!
Don't listen to the naysayers! I have an adopted sister, she thinks the
naysayers are nuts. I am so glad that back in '83' when I was in your
place, trying to decide whether or not to plunge into adopting, all I had
was the library to go to for answers to my questions. I pulled Christine
Adamec's, "There Are Babies To Adopt" off the library shelf and not Annette
Baran's "The Adoption Triangle"...those were the only two selections I had
to choose from at the time, had I checked out Baran's, I am quite certain I
would have thought adoption was a hopeless cause, became discouraged and I
wouldn't have my two beautiful sons now. Chris's book convinced me to
ignore the warnings of the "long waiting lists" (this gives a false
impression because many of the couples on these lists drop off..get
pregnant, adopt a child elsewhere, lose interest (probably because of all
the negative things they are hearing, etc, etc.). But I got on the list
with our local Catholic Social Services (you don't have to be Catholic,
they do place Protestant infants with Protestant couples, a Lutheran Agency
would be another good choice. If you are LDS, all the better..call NCFA
they'll give you an LDS agency near you.) but by '86'(3 yrs. later) our
first son came home to us, four years later (after finalizing our first
adoption) we were placed with our second son, both fully confidential
adoptions. We couldn't be happier or more pleased.
You can adopt, there are healthy babies that need adopting and birth
mothers wanting confidential or semi-confidential placements, it's a
wonderful way to create a family. Don't allow anyone to lead you to believe
otherwise. In fact by insisting on a newborn or very young child to adopt,
you yourself are helping to change and reform the system. Because what is
really wrong with this system is the delays in placing children as early in
life as possible. Statistics demonstrate that children are emotionally
scarred when permanent adoptive placements are delayed indefinitely. By
refusing to sign any enforceable open agreements, you will be helping to
keep adoption sound and whole. It isn't ethical or moral to divide a child
in half by striking legal deals and contracts, that divide up the rights
and responsibilities of parents, in which court battles over children could
be brought, and impersonal professionals and judges decide their futures.
Better to go childless, then to take part in corrupting the adoption system
which could potentially harm thousands upon thousands of children. Also,
by sticking to your guns and insisting on at least some measure of privacy
and confidentiality, you will be helping to keep adoption a permanent way
in which to create a new forever family by adoption. That's what adoption
is and that's the way it should stay.
Adoption decisions:
Are you 'deciding' whether or not to adopt? Or are you certain you are
interested in adopting and interested in the "how to's"? You will find
that every adoption forum on the internet is possessed by highly
opinionated views, and in my opinion this is not place to neither find
needed and appropriate information, or to seek a child to adopt. As much
as I understand your desires to adopt, I plead with you DO NOT advertise
for children. Find reputable agency in your area or close to you and deal
with an appropriately trained social service agency. The only thing worth
your time on the internet is a few of the adoption web pages, and for
seeking information about international adoptions. Especially well
traveled are the forums and web pages for 'international adoption'. Are
you thinking of an international adoption? That can be a fast route to
creating your family (if your clock is ticking<G>). Lot's of children
(mostly girls) are being adopted from China at this time.
Domestically, the popular route is through adoption facilitators/attorneys
and placing classified ads. I highly discourage this route to parenting,
personally I would never do this, too risky and rubs me the wrong way to
advertise for a human being. Albeit expensive and very risky, It is
quicker mainly because this is the choice of many contemporary birth
mothers who want more control over decisions (nosy social workers these
days are cramming open adoption down their throats, most birth mothers are
no more interested in being adopted by you, then you are interested in
adopting her, while she may be interested in information sharing, this is
not about sharing a child...this is about adopting a child! Many birth
mothers want to avoid messing with too many overly opinionated
professionals and want a pool of well-off couples in which to place their
child. Be prepared in this case, to meet the birth mother and do an
identified adoption arrangement (which doesn't mean you have to sign or
commit to any binding legal agreements unless that is your preference).
Some may say to you, that adoption isn't legally binding anywhere at this
time. True now, but this could change, therefore my advice is to NOT sign
or commit to anything in writing. Even avoid making verbal agreements,
promises or guarantees.
The best, more preferable, and safer route to adoption, if you have plenty
of patience and time, is a traditional confidential agency adoption (yes,
there are still agencies doing confidential) get on the waiting list, busy
yourself with other things, pray to the Lord to spare one of those sweet
babies from an abortion, (I truly believe the Lord does answer these
prayers! That prayers for the unborn can reduce the number of abortions.)
then put this aside, wait patiently until the agency calls. If you have the
time, you'll be glad you did this, I know we are. I hope this is
encouraging you, that's been my interest and reason for being here, to
provide encouragement for those considering adopting. Go ahead, take the
plunge, do it. Adopt a precious baby. It's worth all the trouble and
sacrifice, you'll never regret it. Our boys are 10 and 5 years now,
parenting has been a rewarding adventure for us.
Take my advice, never be discouraged, patience on the part of adopting
parents is the most important ingredient for success in adoption, to keep
adoption practices sound and the adoption system stable. By doing what
your mind and heart tells you to do, by acting in a legal, ethical and
humane manner, by being steadfast and pragmatic in the decisions you make
now, not only will you be helping yourself, but you will be helping many
future adopting parents and children who need to be adopted. We are the
adoption system, and we are responsible for shaping it. Never
underestimate the important role you play for present and future adoption
practices, adoptive families and most importantly adopted children.
You are all forever in my prayers and wishing you much luck and happiness,
Celeste