Rehi...
anon...@anon.twwells.com
Hey, y'all--it's Laura. Check out the nifty new anon account! *grin*
I hope you don't mind my just randomly writing again, but I really
bottomed out today, and I don't know who to talk to. Certainly not my
present sig other--for all that he's wonderful and supportive, I only want
to talk to him about Paul so much. Helping me work through the issues
surrounding my immediate past relationship is a little much to ask, don't
you think? :)
I'm working in an office now that does public-health related work.
Totally by coincidence, one of the major projects is child abuse related.
(If I promise I didn't know until after they hired me, would you believe
me?) And I've been working here almost two months, but starting Thursday,
I haven't been able to stop thinking about Paul...it's been nonstop...
I love the person I'm with now, and thinking of Paul doesn't change that.
But it does make me sad, because I have no idea how he is. We had to stop
communicating, he took our breakup so badly, and now it turns out he's cut
off almost all our mutual friends completely. Whatever they may say, no
news is worse than bad news.
I'm babbling. Oh, help! :p
***Why am I thinking about him?***
I just went to pass around this presentation to a class the office is
sponsoring. Reading the statistics made me so sad! I want desperately to
just cry this all off, but I also can't figure why it's upsetting me so.
I guess I really thought I had gotten over all the hurt, and I haven't.
Does anyone else recognize this?
***What do I do now?***
"The Abused Child is:
2fold more likely to have poor health
3fold more likely to have life-threatening obesity
2fold more likely to be depressed
8fold more likely to attempt suicide..."
If, as these sheets I'm passing around say, 15% of boys are abused at
home, and of children 8% are frequently verbally abused, 3% hit until
injured or marked, and 5% afraid their parents' actions might hurt them,
how did I find Paul, who is a member of ALL these groups?
I guess I'm still angry--**why him???**
Gotta get back to work. I'm sorry to post something so blue, but I really
needed to let off some steam. I just wish I knew why I can't leave this
behind me...
Laura.
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Tolyn
anon...@anon.twwells.com wrote:
>Hey, y'all--it's Laura. Check out the nifty new anon account! *grin*
>
>I hope you don't mind my just randomly writing again, but I really
>bottomed out today, and I don't know who to talk to. Certainly not my
>present sig other--for all that he's wonderful and supportive, I only want
>to talk to him about Paul so much. Helping me work through the issues
>surrounding my immediate past relationship is a little much to ask, don't
>you think? :)
>
As I hinted to Erik sometimes you can't stay together. Often times
we who do, don't know the other side that well. (Except I have more
than a few friends over the years that couldn't) I for one think you
are welcome here, if for no other reason, than new partners ought
to be able to talk with you as well as us been married 25 years'ers.
Besides you sound neat, and I don't mind neat folks dropping in.
I'm working in an office now that does public-health related work.
>Totally by coincidence, one of the major projects is child abuse related.
>(If I promise I didn't know until after they hired me, would you believe
>me?) And I've been working here almost two months, but starting Thursday,
>I haven't been able to stop thinking about Paul...it's been nonstop...
>
>I love the person I'm with now, and thinking of Paul doesn't change that.
>But it does make me sad, because I have no idea how he is. We had to stop
>communicating, he took our breakup so badly, and now it turns out he's cut
>off almost all our mutual friends completely. Whatever they may say, no
>news is worse than bad news.
>
>I'm babbling. Oh, help! :p
>
>***Why am I thinking about him?***
>
My wife still ocassionally hears from her old fiances. Caring people
will always care. It doesn't mean it could be made to happen. By
extension, since I also know one of my wife's fiances(my roommate,
long story :) ) As your life gains legs with your new SO, these
things balance out, and gain perspective. I don't know the details
of your breakup, but we all need to remember "we were not the guilty
party" here. I know you know that, I just want to be one to say
sooner or later, we all need to deal with regrets, coulda shoulda's
grieve a little, and hand them over to God. Might be a good time to
let God carry some of your old history.
>I just went to pass around this presentation to a class the office is
>sponsoring. Reading the statistics made me so sad! I want desperately to
>just cry this all off, but I also can't figure why it's upsetting me so.
>I guess I really thought I had gotten over all the hurt, and I haven't.
>
>Does anyone else recognize this?
>
>***What do I do now?***
>
>"The Abused Child is:
> 2fold more likely to have poor health
> 3fold more likely to have life-threatening obesity
> 2fold more likely to be depressed
> 8fold more likely to attempt suicide..."
>
>If, as these sheets I'm passing around say, 15% of boys are abused at
>home, and of children 8% are frequently verbally abused, 3% hit until
>injured or marked, and 5% afraid their parents' actions might hurt them,
>how did I find Paul, who is a member of ALL these groups?
>
>I guess I'm still angry--**why him???**
>
>Gotta get back to work. I'm sorry to post something so blue, but I really
>needed to let off some steam. I just wish I knew why I can't leave this
>behind me...
>
>Laura.
>
Please feel free to hang around here if you need, till you can, nice to
meet you.
Tolyn, Grandpa *gasp*
Matou
>>
> Hey, y'all--it's Laura. Check out the nifty new anon account! *grin*
>
Hi Laura, have a sarsaparilla or three! :)
Nice account! Haven't seen an account that nice since the early 70's. :)
> I hope you don't mind my just randomly writing again, but I really
> bottomed out today, and I don't know who to talk to. Certainly not my
> present sig other--for all that he's wonderful and supportive, I only want
> to talk to him about Paul so much. Helping me work through the issues
> surrounding my immediate past relationship is a little much to ask, don't
> you think? :)
*HUGS* if you're taking. I'm sorry to hear that you're bottoming out. :(
Is it too much to ask? Hmmm. I don't really know; in some instances
it would be okay. I know that when my wife talks to me about her past
relationships, it is sometimes hard for me, but it helps her. It is
too much for her to ask me to listen to these issues? I don't feel so.
Of course, I'm not your SO, so I can't speak for him. You deserve to
have an SO that will listen to such things, and accept you and every-
thing you are and everything you have done and everything that affects
you, even issues remaining from your previous relationship.
> I'm working in an office now that does public-health related work.
> Totally by coincidence, one of the major projects is child abuse related.
> (If I promise I didn't know until after they hired me, would you believe
> me?)
:) I'd believe you.
> And I've been working here almost two months, but starting Thursday,
> I haven't been able to stop thinking about Paul...it's been nonstop...
>
> I love the person I'm with now, and thinking of Paul doesn't change that.
> But it does make me sad, because I have no idea how he is. We had to stop
> communicating, he took our breakup so badly, and now it turns out he's cut
> off almost all our mutual friends completely. Whatever they may say, no
> news is worse than bad news.
>
> I'm babbling. Oh, help! :p
>
> ***Why am I thinking about him?***
You had to make a hard decision, one which you couldn't be totally at
peace with either way. It's natural to wonder how he is doing and
worry about him. You made a decision which hurt him but saved yourself
a *lot* of pain in the long run. But you love him and care for him
and deep inside you hope that he won't be set back too much by your
choice. This feeling is natural and human and admirable. If you can
get reassurance that his life is going on, that he is moving forward,
it will bring some peace to you.
The problem here is guilt. It sounds like you're feeling guilty for
having hurt him. Again, this is a very natural response, because you
care about him...you don't want to think that you contributed to his
downfall or bailed at the point where he needed someone the most.
You may get lucky and hear some good news about him and get some
closure that way. But you might never hear about him (which is
sort of what is happening now) or hear that things haven't gone well
for him. But even then, you should *still* be at peace with yourself.
Ultimately, *he* is responsible for his life, and you for yours. It's
okay to endure things yourself to prevent someone else from hurting,
but you shouldn't take this concept too far. Don't lead a life of
suffering to try to help someone else; keeping yourself healthy and
happy is a much better contribution to the world. So don't beat up
on yourself for what you've done! You did right, for you, in that
situation. You are good, and you've done good. You did everything
you could for him, with a pure heart. That the most anyone can
possibly do.
> I just went to pass around this presentation to a class the office is
> sponsoring. Reading the statistics made me so sad! I want desperately to
> just cry this all off, but I also can't figure why it's upsetting me so.
> I guess I really thought I had gotten over all the hurt, and I haven't.
>
That's okay, Laura. It takes time, and crying, and screaming. Cut
yourself a break.
<snip>
> I guess I'm still angry--**why him???**
Why anyone???
> Gotta get back to work. I'm sorry to post something so blue, but I really
> needed to let off some steam. I just wish I knew why I can't leave this
> behind me...
>
> Laura.
Noone ever leaves such a thing behind them; it just becomes a part of
who they are. It sounds like you're still at a point where you have some
open wounds...eventually the scars will form. It can be really tough
until then, though. *HUGS*
Take care of yourself.
Love yourself--you deserve it.
Matou
wishing NOBODY ever had to go through this abuse sh*t.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|==|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Matou | | "If you have a good thing where
|==| you want it, it is a good thing
anon...@anon.twwells.com | | to leave it where it is."
|==|
| | - Sir Winston Churchill
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=|==|=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
stra...@starbase.neosoft.com
In article <53grs1$m...@twwells.com>, <anon...@anon.twwells.com> wrote:
>Hey, y'all--it's Laura. Check out the nifty new anon account! *grin*
hi laura :))) welcome back :) can you set the name on your account
by having a line in it like this: ANON-Name: Laura???
>I hope you don't mind my just randomly writing again, but I really
>bottomed out today, and I don't know who to talk to. Certainly not my
>present sig other--for all that he's wonderful and supportive, I only want
>to talk to him about Paul so much. Helping me work through the issues
>surrounding my immediate past relationship is a little much to ask, don't
>you think? :)
:) depends on the people involved. sometimes yes. sometimes no.
>I'm working in an office now that does public-health related work.
>Totally by coincidence, one of the major projects is child abuse related.
>(If I promise I didn't know until after they hired me, would you believe
>me?)
yes.
>And I've been working here almost two months, but starting Thursday,
>I haven't been able to stop thinking about Paul...it's been nonstop...
what triggered it?
>I love the person I'm with now, and thinking of Paul doesn't change that.
>But it does make me sad, because I have no idea how he is. We had to stop
>communicating, he took our breakup so badly, and now it turns out he's cut
>off almost all our mutual friends completely. Whatever they may say, no
>news is worse than bad news.
you still love him? I know its not as difficult as one would thing
loving more than one person.
>I'm babbling. Oh, help! :p
*HUG*
>***Why am I thinking about him?***
I dunno. what happened thursday?
>I just went to pass around this presentation to a class the office is
>sponsoring. Reading the statistics made me so sad! I want desperately to
>just cry this all off, but I also can't figure why it's upsetting me so.
>I guess I really thought I had gotten over all the hurt, and I haven't.
sounds like it. or maybe you're thinking about how he was abused and if he
had been able to change you would have stayed with him?
>Does anyone else recognize this?
its not unusual. sounds like you have unresolved issues surrounding him.
>***What do I do now?***
talk to whomever will listen about it. :)))
>"The Abused Child is:
> 2fold more likely to have poor health
> 3fold more likely to have life-threatening obesity
> 2fold more likely to be depressed
> 8fold more likely to attempt suicide..."
>
>If, as these sheets I'm passing around say, 15% of boys are abused at
>home, and of children 8% are frequently verbally abused, 3% hit until
>injured or marked, and 5% afraid their parents' actions might hurt them,
>how did I find Paul, who is a member of ALL these groups?
I'd think some of those stats are low, based upon what I"ve seen.
>I guess I'm still angry--**why him???**
:| yes you're angry. you have the right. he was close to you.
meant a lot to you. 'why him'? whay anyone...
>Gotta get back to work. I'm sorry to post something so blue, but I really
>needed to let off some steam. I just wish I knew why I can't leave this
>behind me...
I dunno. maybe you can write more about it...?
>Laura.
*HUG* laura...
good luck.
timid
--
May You Get What You Need When You Need It
stra...@sugar.neosoft.com an2...@anon.penet.fi anon...@twwells.com
The opinions expressed above are mine only, not anyone elses.