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Re: when did you all feel like you no longer belonged here?
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Tony
Apr 9, 2021, 4:28:38 PM4/9/21
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mashed70 wrote:
> I recently lost my family - my mom has been gone 12.5yrs, my dad 1yr and my brother 6 weeks tomorrow. I have a lot of friends that have been a big support to me and a partner I care a great deal for. But, things just don't feel right anymore and I no longer have any true sense of belonging. I'm filled with anger and rage that I just can't seem to control and I'm taking it out on people that truly don't deserve it. . I'll never have a family again and knowing this hurts more than I can put into words. I'm anxious all the time and don't really have anything going for myself. My main concern is my dog, but I also know she'd be ok in the long run. Additionally, I'm a suicide survivor and know the guilt and 'what ifs' that come with surviving the loss of someone you care about who takes their own life. I would never want anyone I love to feel that guilt, or think there was something they could have done. this is all on me and a decision i'd make for me and for me alone. I'm just so tired of hurting, feeling alone, desperate and hopeless.
> please share your thoughts, your experiences and your plan if you already have one
> thanks for reading!
>
My father broke his neck but he lived by about 20 minutes. I phoned 911
and that's what they said at the hospital and gave him a five percent
change at surviving. I saw the x-ray of his neck a c1-c2 break of about
three quarters of an inch. He lived another 6 and a half years to age 84
and a half. My brother killed him when he told my father his sister is
dying and he died two days later. His sister died 4 days later. We lost
the will of his sister by two days thanks to my stupid brother and his
big mouth. My mother had a massive heart attack around age 30 from
digoxin poisoning. They gave her 6 weeks to live. She lived another 53
years and died at age 83. All the clocks in the house froze at 5:00am
when she died. A whole host of other shit happened after she died power
failures but only in the areas where me and my sister at lunch lights
flickering and and off even burned out light bulbs flickered on and off.
Phone calls from her bank and all I heard was the pushing of the buttons
on the phone via call identifier. As for my brothers and sister just
excess baggage. I tried to buy a house where my sister lived but the
Chinks bid up the housing prices and the bank told me I didn't make
enough money even though I could pay cash for the house but my money was
tied up in non-cashable GIC's. So today I can just make nothing in GIC's
or risk losing everything in the ponzi fraud stock market. Things don't
look so good in the future as the entire world will turn communist or
one dictatorship. I warned everyone about these Chinks way back in the
mid 1970's now you can see soon what's going to happen.
> I recently lost my family - my mom has been gone 12.5yrs, my dad 1yr and my brother 6 weeks tomorrow. I have a lot of friends that have been a big support to me and a partner I care a great deal for. But, things just don't feel right anymore and I no longer have any true sense of belonging. I'm filled with anger and rage that I just can't seem to control and I'm taking it out on people that truly don't deserve it. . I'll never have a family again and knowing this hurts more than I can put into words. I'm anxious all the time and don't really have anything going for myself. My main concern is my dog, but I also know she'd be ok in the long run. Additionally, I'm a suicide survivor and know the guilt and 'what ifs' that come with surviving the loss of someone you care about who takes their own life. I would never want anyone I love to feel that guilt, or think there was something they could have done. this is all on me and a decision i'd make for me and for me alone. I'm just so tired of hurting, feeling alone, desperate and hopeless.
> please share your thoughts, your experiences and your plan if you already have one
> thanks for reading!
>
My father broke his neck but he lived by about 20 minutes. I phoned 911
and that's what they said at the hospital and gave him a five percent
change at surviving. I saw the x-ray of his neck a c1-c2 break of about
three quarters of an inch. He lived another 6 and a half years to age 84
and a half. My brother killed him when he told my father his sister is
dying and he died two days later. His sister died 4 days later. We lost
the will of his sister by two days thanks to my stupid brother and his
big mouth. My mother had a massive heart attack around age 30 from
digoxin poisoning. They gave her 6 weeks to live. She lived another 53
years and died at age 83. All the clocks in the house froze at 5:00am
when she died. A whole host of other shit happened after she died power
failures but only in the areas where me and my sister at lunch lights
flickering and and off even burned out light bulbs flickered on and off.
Phone calls from her bank and all I heard was the pushing of the buttons
on the phone via call identifier. As for my brothers and sister just
excess baggage. I tried to buy a house where my sister lived but the
Chinks bid up the housing prices and the bank told me I didn't make
enough money even though I could pay cash for the house but my money was
tied up in non-cashable GIC's. So today I can just make nothing in GIC's
or risk losing everything in the ponzi fraud stock market. Things don't
look so good in the future as the entire world will turn communist or
one dictatorship. I warned everyone about these Chinks way back in the
mid 1970's now you can see soon what's going to happen.
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