The rogue newsgroup alt.suicide.holiday.moderated's FAQ Version 1.01
H.G. Wells' Invisible Man
1. Wait a sec! Haven’t I seen this FAQ somewhere else before?
2. What the fsck is this goofy-azzed newsgroup?
3. This is a troll. This has gotta be a troll. Please tell me it's a
troll?
4. What is that newsgroup for?
5. What is that newsgroup NOT for?
6. Should I be paying attention to his Charter?
7. What dire consequences will I suffer if I do NOT pay attention to the
Charter?
8. Who is Louis Charles Candell Juarez?
9. GODDAMN CRIPE! Doesn't Juarez have a LIFE??!1!!
10. How do I subvert this control freak moderator of ASHm?
11. Why is it always November in ASHm?
12. What sort of stupid response can I expect as a result of my lewd and
mischievous behavior in ASHm?
13. I smell a lot of socks lying around this froup. Shall I get an
incinerator?
14. What should I do about the midget?
15. Where can I find out more about net.kooks like Juarez?
16. Who should we attack after Iraq?
17. Should I expect ONE CONSISTENT RESPONSE for my rude and
obnoxious behavior in ASHm?
18. Can I really be arrested and placed in net.hell by the moderator for
laughing and pointing at him and putting a pox on his house?
19. Why didn't anyone notify the Cabal?
20. What is the Golden Paddle Award, and how do I win it?
21. How did so many PITY POT crafters end up in one place??
22. How can I ascend the great poaster hierarchy of ASHm, so I may
increase my standing in the eyes of the Internet, my cat, and,
most importantly, "Fluffy"?
==========
1. Wait a sec! Haven’t I seen this FAQ somewhere else before?
Quite possibly. It flew in on the wings of a Phoenix for the ASHers.
See the clue? If not and if symptoms persist: consult your doctor. Not me.
==========
2. What the fsck is that goofy-azzed newsgroup?
It's alt.suicide.holiday.moderated -- an invalid froup created by a control
freak who doesn't think reality exists and nothing against him can be proven,
who is dominated by his opponents like a British MP's sex scandal dominates
the tabloids, and who also pretends he can gain some measure of control over
depressed and suicidal people by creating a froup out of spite.
==========
3. This is a troll. This has gotta be a troll. Please tell me it's a
troll?
It WAS a troll. That's not strictly true, but you did ask nicely!
It's actually a full-blown kook.
==========
4. What is that newsgroup for?
ASHm is a Kook group. No more, no less. It was created by a Kook, for
a Kook, to serve a Kook's purposes of revenge.. So if it talks like a Kook,
walks like a Kook, stalks like a Kook, lies like a Kook, slurps other Kooks,
and whines 534,567,890,123,987,456,765,397 times when he's spnaked
like a Kook...
==========
5. What is that newsgroup NOT for?
Anything its Charter says, because the froup isn't valid to begin with.
All jokes aside here: Louis Juarez, the sadistic creep who created it,
attempted to control a group of people who never trusted him. It was
rmgrouped by sensible providers as a rogue group.
It was first created by the creep as an act of revenge for being flamed
on alt.config by a suicidal woman who wanted a moderated froup. Juarez
then newgrouped ASHm to get back at her.
She later killed herself.
After she died, the kook realised that some people actually depended on
having a newsgroup where they could let off some steam and whine a bit,
without being force-fed shiny happy crap and being stalked by psychopaths
in Orange County and Canada.
Juarez tried to enlist the help of an asher to legitimize his bastard
child, but since Juarez was involved, no one wanted anything to do with
it... and the asher ran away from the whole mess.
Juarez also tried to personally profit out of the exercise by putting a
"pay for spam" clause in his bastardized Charter.
Here is one rmgroup message from the ISC.org archive.
----------------------------------------------------
From usenet Thu Feb 19 12:50:02 2004
X-Abuse-Report: ab...@teranews.com
Message-ID: <77ee9954754f8e6e...@news.teranews.com>
Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2004 12:29:37 GMT
Lines: 8
From: troll...@gmx.net
Control: rmgroup alt.suicide.holiday.moderated
Newsgroups: alt.test
Approved: troll...@gmx.net
Subject: cmsg rmgroup alt.suicide.holiday.moderated
X-Newsreader: Forte Agent 1.93/32.576 English (American)
X-No-Archive: yes
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
Xref: shelby.stanford.edu control.rmgroup:109951
removal of a rogue newsgroup that was created by an impostor who
* didn't ask anyone whether he can do that,
* wasn't asked by anyone to do that,
* wasn't authorized by anyone,
* wants to control a culture he's not any part of.
Thank you for your understanding.
----------------------------------------------------
That said, we now return you to our scheduled program.
==========
6. Should I be paying attention to his Charter?
No, unless you get off by submitting to the will of sociopathic scumbags.
==========
7. What dire consequences will I suffer if I do NOT pay attention to his
Charter?
None. Nada. Nil. Zip. Zero. Donut. Poast as you will.
==========
8. Who is Louis Charles Candell Juarez?
Bandwidth is a precious resource, and it's best not to waste it here.
A Goggle Gropes search on "Father Ash" will tell you.
==========
9. GODDAMN CRIPE! Doesn't Juarez have a LIFE??!1!!
You had to waste a question in this FAQ by asking that, didn't you?
Since you asked: no.
==========
10. How do I subvert this control freak wannabe moderator of ASHm?
It's very simple, really. Just use an "Approved:" header in each post
you wish to make in ASHm.
Be creative! You can use things like:
Approved: Don’t Shoot Your Girlfriend
Approved: Louis Charles Candell aka Louis Juarez aka GROPENFUHRER
Approved: and don't poast IRC chat logs to the www, you fuckhead
Approved: Because I Said So
Approved: blue lein's bedroom webcams rolling in the pmud
Approved: Grandpa Snuggles
Approved: w00f w00f
Approved: blue lein's bedroom webcams rolling in the pmud
Approved: by *my* H&K ACP-45
Approved: Father trASH's buggered alterboi c/o Oakalla Prison
Approved: knock! knock! Ef Be Eye!1!
Approved: neener neener
Approved: What are you going to do about it?
Approved: (insert ASCII art of your choice line 1)
Approved: (insert ASCII art of your choice line 2)
Approved: (insert ASCII art of your choice line 3)
==========
11. Why is it always November in ASHm?
Because Juarez has not filed criminal charges against an asher, which
he said he'd do before November 2003 was up.
ASHm is another infinite loop of Usenet.
==========
12. What sort of stupid response can I expect as a result of my lewd and
petty mischievous behavior in ASHm?
Guilty party gets a choice of these moderator responses:
1. Complete silence while he pretends to ignore you
2. Complete silence while he is LART'd off of Usenet again
3. Complete silence while he is looking for his H&K ACP-45
4. Complete silence because you asked him where his gun licenses are
5. Complete silence because he got your IP address wrong and his LART
backfired
6. Poasting any of your IRC chat logs he has to the web
7. Whining, bleating and all-around plastic sabre-ratting via legalese
screedbombs
8. #7 with frivolous complaint to your ISP
9. #7 and 8 with frivolous complaint to everybody else's ISPs
10. #7, 8 and 9 while flooding groups with copy/pasted lyrics
11. #6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 plus putting chatlogs from #Buzzard on the web
12. #6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and 11 with a full uncontrolled foamdown not seen
beyond Mt. Pocono
So fear not.
==========
13. I smell a lot of socks lying around this froup. Shall I get an
incinerator?
No. Get The Sarcasticator.
==========
14. What should I do about the midget?
That's Louis’ integrity.
Just shove it back down the toilet, along with his head.
Be sure to flush.
==========
15. Where can I find out more about net.kooks like Juarez?
Go to alt.usenet.kooks (AUK). They Serve and Reject.
Or see <http://www.kookpedia.net> here. Come as you are.
==========
16. Who should we attack after Iraq?
Lichtenstein. Many have a problem with prioritizing them in this order
but Iraq *is* a dangerous country! Like Louis also found the hard way,
it’s best to fight people who have no chance at all of fighting back.
==========
17. Should I expect ONE CONSISTENT RESPONSE for my rude and
obnoxious behavior in ASHm?
Applause, probably. Beyond that, it depends on how worn-out the
denizens are on the morning after the night before.
Porn, death metal, and fornication take their toll, y'know?
==========
18. Can I really be arrested and placed in net.hell by the moderator
for laughing and pointing at him and putting a pox on his house?
Sure you can. Poking holes in a kook's screed is a felony, don’t you know?
==========
19. Why didn't anyone notify the Cabal?
There Is No Cabal. Long Live The Cabal.
==========
20. What is the Golden Paddle Award, and how do I win it?
The Golden Paddle Award is handed out in recognition of outstanding
achievement in the ASH kook-retufting arts. It is named for a metaphorical
oar which is often used to try and beat some sense into the inmates of
Dookie's Orange County Book Klub and God's Liddle Yelpers, for their
failure of having any Integrity.
==========
21. How did so many PITY POT crafters end up in one place??
It's a long story, but to make it short: there's plenty around Orange
County that need to be put in the Pity Pot and PISSed upon.
==========
22. How can I ascend the great poaster hierarchy of ASHm, so I may
increase my standing in the eyes of the Internet, my cat, and,
most importantly, "Fluffy"?
Just keep poasting at will. Post anything you like, anytime you like.
Flame often. Keep it hot. Keep it humorous. Keep it honest. Doing things
so simply will take you far, and Fluffy will smile upon you.
--
© 2009 "H.G. Wells' Invisible Man" & jndjnd.com