Pick Up The Phone Booth and Die

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tv's Spatch

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Apr 7, 1996, 4:00:00 AM4/7/96
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SpatchCo productions presents:

<honk>
PICK UP THE PHONE BOOTH AND DIE
</honk>

Quite possibly the stupidest text adventure you've ever played!

One room.
One object - a phone booth.

All you have to do is not pick the phone booth up, or else you'll die.
Yes, it's that simple. Of course, there -is- a way to win the game, and it
doesn't even involve winning by not playing (how zen). Just get rid of the
damn phone booth. That's all.

WANNA PLAY?
Course you don't. You're quite scared of me right now, I bet. But that's OK.
Grab the DOS executable at http://www.retina.net/~spatula/booth.zip
-or- ask me personally for the compiled .Z5 format (use your own Inform
interpreter in that case.)

No, I won't post the source cause y'all just CHEET. CHEET CHEET CHEET!!!

- spatch, coming soon: Pick Up The Phone Booth 2: This time, it's got
chainsaws and a cow -

--
tv's Spatch, MSTie #43790, back from the Shadows and ready to Beeeat the Reaper!
"I'm a candy bar! Break pieces of me off and enjoy me all day!" - Tom Servo
"It's the bug zapper in the Center Of The Earth." - Nate Scheidler
Gimme one good reason to stay at: http://uptown.turnpike.net/S/spatula


Chester 'Flat' Karma

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Apr 8, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/8/96
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On Sun, 07 Apr 1996 05:08:43 GMT, spa...@javanet.com (tv's Spatch) wrote:

>SpatchCo productions presents:

I'm appaled by the lack of StupeScape tags in this post.

><honk>

Thank you.

> PICK UP THE PHONE BOOTH AND DIE

I sense low-B text adventure coming on...

></honk>
>
>Quite possibly the stupidest text adventure you've ever played!

Low-B... stupid.. one in the same, really.


>One room.
>One object - a phone booth.

]PICK UP PHONE BOOTH
**** YOU HAVE DIED ****

(drat)

>All you have to do is not pick the phone booth up, or else you'll die.

It takes a real brain surgeon to figure that out.

>Yes, it's that simple. Of course, there -is- a way to win the game, and it
>doesn't even involve winning by not playing (how zen). Just get rid of the
>damn phone booth. That's all.

Of course. It's so mind bogglingly simple! And I appreciate the way you
intentionally struck down the people who just finished watching "WarGames"
by disqualifying not playing as a way to win.

>WANNA PLAY?

Do I win? Oh wait, we're past that now, aren't we? Uhm, I dunno Spatch. DO
I want to play?

>Course you don't. You're quite scared of me right now, I bet. But that's OK.

Thanks for clearing up that minor point. I was quite the confused one.

>Grab the DOS executable at http://www.retina.net/~spatula/booth.zip

Is the resemblence to John Wilkes Booth intentional? You may have to pay
his family royalties...

>-or- ask me personally for the compiled .Z5 format (use your own Inform
>interpreter in that case.)

Damn good thing it's not a .Z6 format file... otherwise the new extensions
to the Inform language would actually KILL you if you picked up the phone
booth. How's about you post the source?

>No, I won't post the source cause y'all just CHEET. CHEET CHEET CHEET!!!

[quickly hiding "Basics of not picking up Phone Booths"] Who's cheating?

>- spatch, coming soon: Pick Up The Phone Booth 2: This time, it's got
> chainsaws and a cow -

Imagine the plot intricacies that could be formulated with THAT setup.... I
swoon at the thought....


---
"Looking toward his .sig, _Amp brought his activities to a stop. He had
already heard a peculiar 'crunch', and now the figure resembling Chester
Karma beneath the newly formed 'V' intrigued him..."
Chester 'Flat' Karma ... f...@cris.com ... http://www.cris.com/~fts

IO ERROR

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Apr 8, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/8/96
to
tv's Spatch wrote:
>
> SpatchCo productions presents:
>
> <honk>

> PICK UP THE PHONE BOOTH AND DIE
> </honk>

> No, I won't post the source cause y'all just CHEET. CHEET CHEET CHEET!!!

But cheeting is so fun!

> - spatch, coming soon: Pick Up The Phone Booth 2: This time, it's got
> chainsaws and a cow -

heh. I already have the cheet for Phone Booth 2. ASK ME WHERE I GOT IT AND DIE.

--
This is not a test of the emergency broadcast system. If it was, I wouldn't be
sitting here on my duff writing E-mail! I'd be running like hell!

_amp

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Apr 9, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/9/96
to
tv's Spatch wrote some software:

>
> SpatchCo productions presents:
>
> <honk>
> PICK UP THE PHONE BOOTH AND DIE
> </honk>
>
> Quite possibly the stupidest text adventure you've ever played!
>
> One room.
> One object - a phone booth.
>
> All you have to do is not pick the phone booth up, or else you'll die.
> Yes, it's that simple. Of course, there -is- a way to win the game, and it
> doesn't even involve winning by not playing (how zen). Just get rid of the
> damn phone booth. That's all.
>
> WANNA PLAY?

> Course you don't. You're quite scared of me right now, I bet. But that's OK.
> Grab the DOS executable at http://www.retina.net/~spatula/booth.zip
> -or- ask me personally for the compiled .Z5 format (use your own Inform
> interpreter in that case.)
>
> No, I won't post the source cause y'all just CHEET. CHEET CHEET CHEET!!!
>

Go North
You can't go that way

*hee hee*

Go South
You can't go that way

*kaaa haa haa*

Go West
You can't go that way

*gurgle*

Go East
You can't go that way

*flop*

pleeeZe posT SUm cheet COdez for sPatchez BOOth

--amp: who was about to write PICK UP THE V AND DIE but obviously Spatch has
the copyright on the PICK UP ______ AND DIE series...
__ __ __ __ ____
\ \/ /| \ / || _ \Coming soon MAYBE!! My .sig with no
\ / | \ \/ / || __/butt ugly text!! Hmm..Chester? you ok?....
O_\/_ |_|\__/|_||_|Get cured at: http://ireland.iol.ie/~adamj
\ \

tv's Spatch

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Apr 9, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/9/96
to
And thus did IO ERROR <er...@icarus.creighton.edu> spake, speaking:

>> No, I won't post the source cause y'all just CHEET. CHEET CHEET CHEET!!!

>But cheeting is so fun!

Wait until the Comprehensive Hint Filing System(tm) comes out. You can stare
at the Spatch Screen Saver until I finish it, if you want.

>> - spatch, coming soon: Pick Up The Phone Booth 2: This time, it's got
>> chainsaws and a cow -

>heh. I already have the cheet for Phone Booth 2. ASK ME WHERE I GOT IT AND DIE.

I don't have to ask, I already know.

You been reeeding Non Sequitur> again.


--
tv's Spatch, MSTie #43790. My mother was a Bozoette in high school.
"Hey! There's no food here! You tricked me, you big dumb liar cat!"
- 2 Stupid Dogs
Big dumb liar cats abound at: http://uptown.turnpike.net/S/spatula


tv's Spatch

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Apr 9, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/9/96
to
And thus did f...@cris.com (Chester 'Flat' Karma) spake, speaking:

>On Sun, 07 Apr 1996 05:08:43 GMT, spa...@javanet.com (tv's Spatch) wrote:

>>SpatchCo productions presents:

>I'm appaled by the lack of StupeScape tags in this post.

>><honk>

>Thank you.

>> PICK UP THE PHONE BOOTH AND DIE

>I sense low-B text adventure coming on...

>></honk>

No, that would be if I used the <huh?> tags. (Ob</huh?>)

>>All you have to do is not pick the phone booth up, or else you'll die.

>It takes a real brain surgeon to figure that out.

I figured if I hammered the point home enough times folks'll figure it out.
That way I didn't have to code in an extensive help system, or get the
chemicals needed for a set of Invisiclues.

Help! I don't know what to do! What should I do?
( HAVE YOU TRIED PICKING UP THE PHONE BOOTH? )

>>Yes, it's that simple. Of course, there -is- a way to win the game, and it
>>doesn't even involve winning by not playing (how zen). Just get rid of the
>>damn phone booth. That's all.

>Of course. It's so mind bogglingly simple! And I appreciate the way you


>intentionally struck down the people who just finished watching "WarGames"
>by disqualifying not playing as a way to win.

JOSHUA my Aunt Fanny. Matt Broderick should have whipped out the "How To
Succeed In Wargames Without Really Trying" book and sung a song.

>>Grab the DOS executable at http://www.retina.net/~spatula/booth.zip

>Is the resemblence to John Wilkes Booth intentional? You may have to pay
>his family royalties...

Of course not. In this game, the Booth doesn't kill you from behind and shout
"Sic Semper Tyrannis!" I'd work that into PUTPBAD 2 but phone booths don't
talk, you see.

>>-or- ask me personally for the compiled .Z5 format (use your own Inform
>>interpreter in that case.)

>Damn good thing it's not a .Z6 format file... otherwise the new extensions


>to the Inform language would actually KILL you if you picked up the phone
>booth. How's about you post the source?

>>No, I won't post the source cause y'all just CHEET. CHEET CHEET CHEET!!!

>[quickly hiding "Basics of not picking up Phone Booths"] Who's cheating?

You and IO ERROR, apparently.

>>- spatch, coming soon: Pick Up The Phone Booth 2: This time, it's got
>> chainsaws and a cow -

>Imagine the plot intricacies that could be formulated with THAT setup.... I
>swoon at the thought....

At this moment, however, the chainsaw and the cow are not to be used together
in any fashion.

>---
> "Looking toward his .sig, _Amp brought his activities to a stop. He had
> already heard a peculiar 'crunch', and now the figure resembling Chester
> Karma beneath the newly formed 'V' intrigued him..."
> Chester 'Flat' Karma ... f...@cris.com ... http://www.cris.com/~fts

Hey, that's not my .sig.

- spatch, who notes that the PUTPBAD home page should be in effect at
http://retina.net/~spatula/booth.html with the .z5 compiled file
as well -

tv's Spatch

unread,
Apr 10, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/10/96
to
And thus did _amp <Ad...@iol.ie> spake, speaking:


>--amp: who was about to write PICK UP THE V AND DIE but obviously Spatch has
> the copyright on the PICK UP ______ AND DIE series...

Maybe it'll be a companion piece to the PUTPBAD series. Yeah. You play
Chester Hero Karma, famed V picker upper...

Chester 'Flat' Karma

unread,
Apr 13, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/13/96
to
On Tue, 09 Apr 1996 01:25:57 +0100, _amp <Ad...@iol.ie> wrote:

>pleeeZe posT SUm cheet COdez for sPatchez BOOth

No kidding. I can't win!

>--amp: who was about to write PICK UP THE V AND DIE but obviously Spatch has
> the copyright on the PICK UP ______ AND DIE series...

Actually, it was an A when I picked it up... and I guess I lost that game,
eh?

Chester 'Flat' Karma

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Apr 13, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/13/96
to
On Tue, 09 Apr 1996 10:05:19 GMT, spa...@javanet.com (tv's Spatch) wrote:

>>>All you have to do is not pick the phone booth up, or else you'll die.
>
>>It takes a real brain surgeon to figure that out.
>
>I figured if I hammered the point home enough times folks'll figure it out.
>That way I didn't have to code in an extensive help system, or get the
>chemicals needed for a set of Invisiclues.
>
>Help! I don't know what to do! What should I do?
> ( HAVE YOU TRIED PICKING UP THE PHONE BOOTH? )

The giant witch appeared and threw the phone booth on me?
( HAVE YOU TRIED EATING THE BACON? )
( THE GIANT WITCH APPRECIATES PORK PRODUCTS )
( HAVE YOU TRIED GIVING THE BACON TO THE WITCH? )
( OF COURSE YOU HAVEN'T, THIS GAME IS ABOUT A PHONE BOOTH,
NOT WITCHES AND BACON )

>>>Yes, it's that simple. Of course, there -is- a way to win the game, and it
>>>doesn't even involve winning by not playing (how zen). Just get rid of the
>>>damn phone booth. That's all.
>
>>Of course. It's so mind bogglingly simple! And I appreciate the way you
>>intentionally struck down the people who just finished watching "WarGames"
>>by disqualifying not playing as a way to win.
>
>JOSHUA my Aunt Fanny. Matt Broderick should have whipped out the "How To
>Succeed In Wargames Without Really Trying" book and sung a song.

(sung to the theme of... hmm... don't know)

"I took over the government one day...
I took over the government one day...
It wasn't very tough
Just used 15-year-old stuff,
Like a computer that talked before computers could talk."

Thank you, thank you.

>>Is the resemblence to John Wilkes Booth intentional? You may have to pay
>>his family royalties...
>
>Of course not. In this game, the Booth doesn't kill you from behind and shout
>"Sic Semper Tyrannis!" I'd work that into PUTPBAD 2 but phone booths don't
>talk, you see.

What if the phone is off the hook? And the booth falls on you when you're
not looking? How about if you realize that it actually says
"J0h|\| W1LK35 B00TH"?

>>>No, I won't post the source cause y'all just CHEET. CHEET CHEET CHEET!!!
>
>>[quickly hiding "Basics of not picking up Phone Booths"] Who's cheating?
>
>You and IO ERROR, apparently.

I don't need to cheat. After several hours of picking up the phone booth
and dying, I realized the game is NOT to pick up the booth. And I won. Why
would I cheat then? :)

>>>- spatch, coming soon: Pick Up The Phone Booth 2: This time, it's got
>>> chainsaws and a cow -
>
>>Imagine the plot intricacies that could be formulated with THAT setup.... I
>>swoon at the thought....
>
>At this moment, however, the chainsaw and the cow are not to be used together
>in any fashion.

Damn. There goes that solution.

>>---
>> "Looking toward his .sig, _Amp brought his activities to a stop. He had
>> already heard a peculiar 'crunch', and now the figure resembling Chester
>> Karma beneath the newly formed 'V' intrigued him..."
>> Chester 'Flat' Karma ... f...@cris.com ... http://www.cris.com/~fts
>

>Hey, that's not my .sig.

I hope not.

>- spatch, who notes that the PUTPBAD home page should be in effect at
> http://retina.net/~spatula/booth.html with the .z5 compiled file
> as well -

I feel so special. I'm quoted. :)

Bill Wilkinson

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Apr 13, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/13/96
to
f...@cris.com (chester "flat" karma) maybe sed something
to _amp:

HA! Try the Windows version!

--
"WWW is the largest vanity press in the world."
(Found scrawled on the Tomb of the Unregistered Voter.)
Names have been dropped and added at
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/W_Wilkinson1

Flapjack

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Apr 16, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/16/96
to
In article <316f0805...@news.cris.com>

When I went on line
As a brash newbie
I said to myself, brash newbie
Don't try anything smart.
Well, I stuck to that.
And I've got it down to an art!

"You play it stupidly"

No, I play it
The Internet Way
Wherever my Lycos finds porn, there I'll stay

"You'll never see what's out there"

Junior, one thing's clear
Someday, when this whole thing flops, my GIFS'll still be be here

"You post such lame Use-a-net posts"

The .sig I attach says 'X-Files RULEZ THE MOST!'

"The Internet's flame wars. . ."

Oh, they're so much fun

"And Netscape enhancement. . ."

Can't wait for 2.1!

flapjack-who will have to console himself with this Loesser
accomplishment, since he can't play the game

--
Flapjack, the Guilt Toad whose goatee has vanished!
"please remove alt.sex.fetish.diapers from your posting list. your
drivel does not fit the purpose of the group. Thank You."--John M.
Chen
The only known picture of the goatee can be found at:
HTTP://students.vassar.edu/~nosmith/nosmith.html

Nosy

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Apr 16, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/16/96
to
<In article <4kp665$gkm$2...@mhadf.production.compuserve.com> Bill Wilkinson <70325...@CompuServe.COM> writes:
To:

< f...@cris.com (chester "flat" karma) maybe sed something
< to _amp:

< HA! Try the Windows version!

Is it bundled with Windows96?

Windows96 *is* out now, isn't it?

tv's Spatch

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Apr 17, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/17/96
to
And thus did nos...@vassar.edu (Flapjack) spake, speaking:

>"You play it stupidly"

Watch it, Flapjack, that was almost a run-yon sentence.


That hacker bimbo is not a chick,
Trust me, Rick, not a chick.
So quit with the 7-inch dick
schtick!

The hacker bimbo is not (snapsnap)
Everything that you thought (snapsnap)
In fact you've just been caught (snapsnap)
By Vice Squad head, Al Mott!

So remember this, poor Earl,
That hacker bimbo was not -- a CyBeRgUrl!


- spatch, prolly paraphrasing, but hoping for the big showstopper number with
Cancelm00se, "Gotta stop that post" -

Magnus Mulqvist

unread,
Apr 22, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/22/96
to

Yes, far out.

As for the subject, I needed numerous moves when playing
SHUTUPDAD for the first time, but only three moves on later
attempts. There seems to be some potential in me!

*MM -- Whee!


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