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[OT] A little breath of sanity

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Chuck

unread,
Jun 29, 2001, 5:54:23 PM6/29/01
to
Years ago I lived in a little town south of Chicago called Crete, and while
I lived there I had a checking account. Nothing special about this story so
far. Well, as it happened I didn't close the account before leaving town,
even though it had $5.75 in it (There were enough things going on at the
time).

Anyway, my parents wound up getting the regular statements from the bank
about this account (my father has the same name I do), and they would tell
me to get the money and close the account. I would just ignore it because a
transfer costs more than the money in there, and it's not worth five bucks
to drain four hours of my life to go down there and close the account (which
is the only way they will allow). So I left it, figuring you never know if
you might get frozen in a glacier and thawed out thousands of years from now
and can use the accrued interest to buy your own fleet of starships to
conquer the solar system. Bring me the most strapping wench, now! Now I
say! Or I will reduce your world to liquid magma, MWAHAHAHAHA!

But now another letter shows up saying that because of a change in policy my
inactive account will start getting charged fees. After all, that money is
causing them no end of problems, what with the way it's sitting in there and
all. So I call them up and get a teller who must be at least three hundred
years old. No, she insists, you have to come here yourself to close the
account. "Are you from out of state?" she asks.
"Yes."
"Oh. Well you still need to come in to close the account." This is why I
never try to talk to employess in the late afternoon on a Friday.
So I finally convince her to reanimate enough to put me on with a
supervisor. Now I know this is mostly just for appearances, because the
supervisor is usually even more incompetent than the help. But they
transfer me over to someone in charge and she says she'll look up my account
information. Here's how it goes:
For May I was charged $5.00 for a processing fee. What they were processing
I've no idea, but I was charged nonetheless.
For June I was charged $5.00 for a processing fee. This brought my account
to -$4.25.
I was then assessed a fee for having a negative balance, resulting in an
account balance of -$24.25.

Got that? The money that I left in their care is now gone, and they want
over twenty bucks, with plans to continue to increase it each and every
month, all because I wouldn't drive to their bank from Wisconsin to close
the account. And the best news of all out of that? I didn't even here word
one from them. It just happened that the letters were going to my parents.
It's lucky there aren't that many Sonnenburgs around or I could have wound
up with a collection agency bugging me two years from now over a few
thousands dollars in bank fees.

Fortunately, the person I was talking to realized just how stupid the whole
thing was, and suggested that she just close the account and we call the
whole thing even. That's fine with me. Keep the $5.75 if it means you
won't bother me ever again.

But I'm actually happy about this, and you know why? Because I'm so used to
dealing with unthinking employees that I seriously expected her to make me
drive down there and fork over the full $24.25. On what do I base this? My
experience with another bank, a credit card company actually. I don't want
to say the name and get sued for libel, so let's just say that the name
rhymes with "Rapital One." I tried contacting them once because I needed to
know how much the bill was to pay it off. The card was in my wife's name,
who was out of town at the time. The plant on the other end of the phone
put me on hold for fifteen minutes and came back to tell me that she
couldn't tell me private information. I pointed out that, as my wife's
husband, I'm legally obligated to pay her debts. She still couldn't tell me
how much the bill was. I listed all my wife's information from memory, it
didn't matter. So finally I told her to make a note that we attempted to
make a payment on today's date and were unable because there was no
cooperation. She said that she was cooperating. I pointed out that if she
wanted to cooperate she'd tell me what to write on the check, because I
couldn't very well send a check with no money written on it. She said that
was no excuse. That's when the sarcasm started.

"You're telling me that it's wrong of me not to pay you the money we owe,
but you won't tell me what I owe you. Do you want me to just guess, or
should I use my psychic powers? Hmm, yes I'm getting something... we owe
$4.09, and a woman in Oakland will slip on a rotten tomatoe in a Wal-Mart
Supersaver. Wait, is that Bryant Gumble being sworn in as president? My
God! I- hello? Hello?" I was tempted to mail her a voided payment with
the words "Reality Check" written on it, but I figured that would only
further confuse them.

So, as you can see, actually talking to a banker who approached the problem
realistically was a surprising breath of sanity for my cynical world.

--
Chuck
http://www.sfdebris.com


Dalton

unread,
Jun 29, 2001, 5:42:36 PM6/29/01
to
Chuck wrote:

[snip]

> So, as you can see, actually talking to a banker who approached the problem
> realistically was a surprising breath of sanity for my cynical world.

Damn dude, the Midwest is weird.

--
Rob "Roby" Dalton
http://daltonator.net

"Kynes sets the stove on fire." ---ASVS House

Deimos Anomaly

unread,
Jun 29, 2001, 5:49:55 PM6/29/01
to

Why bother hiding their name? It's not as if they are likely to have
lawyers scouring every obscure usenet group for any insignificant (In
terms of the number and influence of those who will see it) mention of
their company in a bad light. You have nothing to fear here.

However, given the predominance of such cowboy treatment as the second
example, it's... refreshing to hear of an experience like the first one,
when such occur.

--
Proud Acolyte of the Sheppard.

Matthew Hyde

unread,
Jun 29, 2001, 6:15:45 PM6/29/01
to
Dalton wrote:
>
> Chuck wrote:
>
> [snip]
>
> > So, as you can see, actually talking to a banker who approached the problem
> > realistically was a surprising breath of sanity for my cynical world.
>
> Damn dude, the Midwest is weird.
>
And curiously babe-free!

--
What I want is for every greasy, grimy tramp to arm himself with a knife
or a gun, and stationing themselves outside the doorways of the rich,
shoot or stab them as they come out.
-Lucy Parsons

Matt Hyde
906-487-3406
mdo...@mtu.edu

Crayz9000

unread,
Jun 29, 2001, 10:00:36 PM6/29/01
to
Before he rembered his life-jacket on Fri, 29 Jun 2001 22:49:55 +0100, Deimos
Anomaly <samuelj...@aol.com> found "Re: [OT] A little breath of sanity"
while drowning in alt.startrek.vs.starwars:

>Chuck wrote:

<SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP>
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==
Crayz9000 - - - - - - - - mhm28x12

http://asvsaa.8m.net
(ASVS Auxiliary Archive)
http://crayz9000.htmlplanet.com
(Crayz9000's Hideout)

Don't forget to validate my address.

Stuart Mackey

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 1:24:40 AM6/30/01
to

"Crayz9000" <cray...@invalid.mailandnews.com> wrote in message
news:7q3qjtcpp3o3d1j6i...@4ax.com...

> Before he rembered his life-jacket on Fri, 29 Jun 2001 22:49:55 +0100,
Deimos
> Anomaly <samuelj...@aol.com> found "Re: [OT] A little breath of
sanity"
> while drowning in alt.startrek.vs.starwars:
>
> >Chuck wrote:
>
> <SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP>

<snip> the <snip>

how long did that take?


DMZ

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 1:27:02 AM6/30/01
to

"Stuart Mackey" <jut...@ihug.co.nz> wrote in message
news:9hjnop$6dt$1...@lust.ihug.co.nz...

Something for the weekend, sir?

DMZ
---

Cmdrwilkens

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 2:11:10 AM6/30/01
to
<snip>

Distantly related story that continues to this day for me.

On June 2nd 2000 I left the State of Maryland to attend recruit training at
USMCRD Parris Island. Shortly before I left from college at the University
of Maryland I sent a payment for about 271 dollars along with a change of
address form to my reserve credit card company (I have two and this one was
my backup, don't ask how it got 271 dollars in one month). This company, the
"<Blank> National Bank of Deleware" called me almost immediately upon my
return from Parris Island, except it was in September now four months since
I though my bill paid in full.

Phone Call 1) Company rep calls and says I have an outstanding bill with
them. I say no problem my sister probably used it, or maybe my mom/dad
switching cards (one of the two has a closed head injury). Anyway I pay out
82 bucks and figure thats it, though I do find out that they never changed
my address.

Three Days Later: My bill arrives, I have over 300 dollars in debt due to
late fees, interest, and minus one payment of 82 bucks. My response, call
the damn company.

Phone Call 2) I talk to them and find out that they show a payment for June
of 2000 but that my balance is still the same and no they do not have my
hange of address, I am pissed and hang up before losing it entirely

Phone Call 3-38) Company attempts to force me to pay, I respond on three
different occasions tellign them that I have a copy of my bank statment
which clearly has the outlay to them as a check written, they still say
there is nothing on the accounts, I grow more pissed.

Today) Still recieving calls, still tellign them that I paid, still being
told that they will double check records, still getting pissed. Oh well i
guess I could go to Deleware and shoot them but then I'd have to face murder
charges and those can be pesky to shake off some times.

--
cmdrwilkens
AIM: cmdrwilkens

Star Trek writers are saying "This is great! Ever since Star Wars
came out we haven't had a need for an original thought!"
- Chuck


Crayz9000

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 2:36:27 AM6/30/01
to
Before he rembered his life-jacket on Sat, 30 Jun 2001 17:24:40 +1200, "Stuart
Mackey" <jut...@ihug.co.nz> found "Re: Re: [OT] A little breath of sanity"
while drowning in alt.startrek.vs.starwars:

>
>"Crayz9000" <cray...@invalid.mailandnews.com> wrote in message
>news:7q3qjtcpp3o3d1j6i...@4ax.com...
>> Before he rembered his life-jacket on Fri, 29 Jun 2001 22:49:55 +0100,
>Deimos
>> Anomaly <samuelj...@aol.com> found "Re: [OT] A little breath of
>sanity"
>> while drowning in alt.startrek.vs.starwars:
>>
>> >Chuck wrote:
>>
>> <SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP>
>
><snip> the <snip>
>
>how long did that take?

Exponential pasting. Beyond your technology.

Seriously, you type <snip>, copy it, paste it (Ctrl+V) a few times, copy the
string, paste a few times until you have a block, copy block, paste, etc...

Strowbridge

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 4:10:04 AM6/30/01
to
Deimos Anomaly wrote:
>
> Chuck wrote:

<SNIP!>

> > I don't want to say the name and get sued for libel, so let's just say that
> > the name rhymes with "Rapital One."

<SNIP!>

> Why bother hiding their name?

<SNIP!>

Chuck, should I explain the art of humor or do you want to?

C.S.Strowbridge

Dalton

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 4:13:01 AM6/30/01
to

While you're at it, throw in copyright law too. As long as you don't ID
the company, they can't touch you (or so I understand).

Kynes

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 5:18:54 AM6/30/01
to
On Sat, 30 Jun 2001 08:10:04 GMT, Strowbridge <strow...@home.com> wrote:

>> > I don't want to say the name and get sued for libel, so let's just say that
>> > the name rhymes with "Rapital One."
>
><SNIP!>
>
>> Why bother hiding their name?
>
><SNIP!>
>
>Chuck, should I explain the art of humor or do you want to?

Better yet. Explain the art of shutting the fuck up, a lesson Deimos badly
needs.
--
LK!
[ ky...@choam.org ] [ ICQ: 795238 ] [ AIM: Kynes23 ]

"There is something in the quality of a good translation that can never be
captured in the original."
- William Gibson

The Insidious Spyda

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 7:26:35 AM6/30/01
to
Chuck wrote:
>
My Mum and her boyfriend had to deal with Western Bay Finance (In NZ I'm
allowed to say the name as long as the story is accurate) for a business
loan. If you settle early they charge a $200 settlement fee, and you still
pay full interest if the load had been payed off over the two years.

--
http://homepages.paradise.net.nz/spyda
ICQ#: 39921647
_ _ _ _
\\ \\ // //
\\ || || //
_ \\ \\ // //
|________________________\\ \\_// //_____________________________
| ____________________ \\/ \// ____________________________/
| /_\ /_\ /
|_______________________// | | \\_________________________/
_| // /| |\ \\
// //| |\\ \\
// // \___/ \\ \\
// \\

Stuart Mackey

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 9:27:52 AM6/30/01
to

"Crayz9000" <cray...@invalid.mailandnews.com> wrote in message
news:posqjtsjr9uc0njic...@4ax.com...

> Before he rembered his life-jacket on Sat, 30 Jun 2001 17:24:40 +1200,
"Stuart
> Mackey" <jut...@ihug.co.nz> found "Re: Re: [OT] A little breath of
sanity"
> while drowning in alt.startrek.vs.starwars:
>
> >
> >"Crayz9000" <cray...@invalid.mailandnews.com> wrote in message
> >news:7q3qjtcpp3o3d1j6i...@4ax.com...
> >> Before he rembered his life-jacket on Fri, 29 Jun 2001 22:49:55 +0100,
> >Deimos
> >> Anomaly <samuelj...@aol.com> found "Re: [OT] A little breath of
> >sanity"
> >> while drowning in alt.startrek.vs.starwars:
> >>
> >> >Chuck wrote:
> >>
> >>
<SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP><SNIP>
> >
> ><snip> the <snip>
> >
> >how long did that take?
>
> Exponential pasting. Beyond your technology.
>
> Seriously, you type <snip>, copy it, paste it (Ctrl+V) a few times, copy
the
> string, paste a few times until you have a block, copy block, paste,
etc...

Ahhh, should have guessed.


Stuart Mackey

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 9:30:01 AM6/30/01
to

"DMZ" <d...@NOSPAMfreeuk.com> wrote in message
news:993878822.16586.0...@news.demon.co.uk...

Get your heels together when you address me!
Right, mark time on this spot for 20 muinites, double time!
LeftRightLeftRightLeft!!!


DMZ

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 10:21:27 AM6/30/01
to

"Stuart Mackey" <jut...@ihug.co.nz> wrote in message
news:9hkk6q$t9b$1...@lust.ihug.co.nz...

That would be short back and sides, would it?

DMZ
---

Matthew Hyde

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 10:23:01 AM6/30/01
to
Alt-C + alt-V, I give it a minute or maybe 90 seconds

Matthew Hyde

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 10:24:36 AM6/30/01
to

I thought that was funny, but then I thought, "he should have just said
'rhymes with capital one,'", like "I shall rename mainless, but my name
rhymes with Matt."

Chuck

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 12:04:12 PM6/30/01
to

"Matthew Hyde" <mdo...@mtu.edu> wrote in message
news:3B3DE124...@mtu.edu...

> Strowbridge wrote:
> >
> > Deimos Anomaly wrote:
> > >
> > > Chuck wrote:
> >
> > <SNIP!>
> >
> > > > I don't want to say the name and get sued for libel, so let's just
say that
> > > > the name rhymes with "Rapital One."
> >
> > <SNIP!>
> >
> > > Why bother hiding their name?
> >
> > <SNIP!>
> >
> > Chuck, should I explain the art of humor or do you want to?
>
> I thought that was funny, but then I thought, "he should have just said
> 'rhymes with capital one,'", like "I shall rename mainless, but my name
> rhymes with Matt."
>
I thought of writing Kapital One, but I was worried people would think I'm
using Shep's labeling of communism. In the end I liked "Rapital One" 'cause
it sounds like Scooby-Doo's talking.

--
Chuck
http://www.sfdebris.com


Chuck

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 12:02:08 PM6/30/01
to

"Strowbridge" <strow...@home.com> wrote in message
news:3B3D8894...@home.com...
After Deimos sent me a letter asking why I needed to note that the pictures
of things like 7 of 9 and a T Rex on my website weren't me, I gave up trying
to explain it to him. You can give it a try. You could also poke yourself
in the eye a few times and save yourself some time. :-)

--
Chuck
http://www.sfdebris.com


Matthew Hyde

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 12:50:56 PM6/30/01
to
Now that I have that audio, it's funnier :)

Dalton

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 3:12:46 PM6/30/01
to
Chuck wrote:

[snip]

> I thought of writing Kapital One, but I was worried people would think I'm
> using Shep's labeling of communism. In the end I liked "Rapital One" 'cause
> it sounds like Scooby-Doo's talking.

*snort* chuckle

Stuart Mackey

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 5:19:36 PM6/30/01
to

"DMZ" <d...@NOSPAMfreeuk.com> wrote in message
news:993910885.15853.0...@news.demon.co.uk...

Please, and could you ad a slight wave to the front as well?


Phong Nguyen

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 7:23:54 PM6/30/01
to
"Chuck" <so...@sfdebris.com> wrote in
news:9hkt2k$enu52$1...@ID-64862.news.dfncis.de:

>> I thought that was funny, but then I thought, "he should have just
>> said 'rhymes with capital one,'", like "I shall rename mainless, but
>> my name rhymes with Matt."
>>
> I thought of writing Kapital One, but I was worried people would think
> I'm using Shep's labeling of communism. In the end I liked "Rapital
> One" 'cause it sounds like Scooby-Doo's talking.
>

LOL!

Paradox

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 7:36:34 PM6/30/01
to

"The Insidious Spyda" <sp...@adjective-army.com> wrote in message
news:3B3DB76B...@adjective-army.com...

> Chuck wrote:
> >
> My Mum and her boyfriend had to deal with Western Bay Finance (In NZ I'm
> allowed to say the name as long as the story is accurate) for a business
> loan. If you settle early they charge a $200 settlement fee, and you still
> pay full interest if the load had been payed off over the two years.
>

damn, thats one way to make sure they get their money, ussually banks here
are happy that you finished your loan faster and are more willing to give
you another one.

The Insidious Spyda

unread,
Jun 30, 2001, 11:38:46 PM6/30/01
to

I have never encountered anyone so deserving of the "Rebel without a clue"
title.

The Insidious Spyda

unread,
Jul 1, 2001, 1:16:53 AM7/1/01
to
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Strowbridge

unread,
Jul 1, 2001, 3:06:46 AM7/1/01
to
Chuck wrote:
>
> "Strowbridge" wrote

> >
> > Deimos Anomaly wrote:
> > >
> > > Chuck wrote:

> > > > I don't want to say the name and get sued for libel, so let's just say
> > > > that the name rhymes with "Rapital One."
> >

> > > Why bother hiding their name?
> >

> > Chuck, should I explain the art of humor or do you want to?
>
> After Deimos sent me a letter asking why I needed to note that the pictures
> of things like 7 of 9 and a T Rex on my website weren't me, I gave up trying
> to explain it to him. You can give it a try. You could also poke yourself
> in the eye a few times and save yourself some time. :-)

We need to start a non-profit organization. Society for the humor
impaired.

C.S.Strowbridge

Nathan Yates

unread,
Jul 2, 2001, 4:31:43 AM7/2/01
to
Strowbridge <strow...@home.com> wrote in message news:<3B3ECB45...@home.com>...

Blacks Without Soul.

Ever saw Amazon Women on the Moon?

rob.wn5

unread,
Jul 2, 2001, 3:18:22 PM7/2/01
to

"Chuck" <so...@sfdebris.com> wrote in message
news:9hkt2k$enu52$1...@ID-64862.news.dfncis.de...

Personally I'd have written Crapital One, but thats just me going for the
obvious lowest common denominator.
:-)

Rob Wilson

>
> --
> Chuck
> http://www.sfdebris.com
>
>


rob.wn5

unread,
Jul 2, 2001, 3:19:13 PM7/2/01
to

"The Insidious Spyda" <sp...@adjective-army.com> wrote in message
news:3B3E9B46...@adjective-army.com...

> Chuck wrote:
> >
> > "Strowbridge" <strow...@home.com> wrote in message
> > news:3B3D8894...@home.com...
> > > Deimos Anomaly wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Chuck wrote:
> > >
> > > <SNIP!>
> > >
> > > > > I don't want to say the name and get sued for libel, so let's
just say
> > that
> > > > > the name rhymes with "Rapital One."
> > >
> > > <SNIP!>
> > >
> > > > Why bother hiding their name?
> > >
> > > <SNIP!>
> > >
> > > Chuck, should I explain the art of humor or do you want to?
> > >
> > After Deimos sent me a letter asking why I needed to note that the
pictures
> > of things like 7 of 9 and a T Rex on my website weren't me, I gave up
trying
> > to explain it to him. You can give it a try. You could also poke
yourself
> > in the eye a few times and save yourself some time. :-)
>
> I have never encountered anyone so deserving of the "Rebel without a
clue"
> title.

Or in the legal context under discussion, Rebel without a Clause.
:-)

Rob Wilson

rob.wn5

unread,
Jul 2, 2001, 8:47:45 PM7/2/01
to

"Nathan Yates" <Fifty_...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:656160a2.01070...@posting.google.com...

I always think of that when I see Carlton dancing on Fresh Prince.
:-)

>
> Ever saw Amazon Women on the Moon?

Oh yes. :-)

Carrie Fisher with "Womens Problems".
:-)

Rob Wilson

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