NEW: TOS Sympathy for the Devil 5/6 [PG-13] (S/f, f/m)
Rabble Rouser
AUTHOR: Rabble Rouser
CONTACT: Rabbl...@aol.com
SERIES: TOS
RATING: [PG-13]
CODES: S/T'Pring, T'Pring/Stonn
PART: 5/6
DATE: October 12, 2000
SUMMARY: T'Pring tries to find a way out of a bond she does not want.
See Part One for Disclaimers and Acknowledgements.
* * *
When I called Stonn, he would not discuss Spock over the com link but told me
to wait for him at my office. The first words out of his mouth stunned me.
"T'Pring, you cannot go through with this. Challenge him. I will act as your
champion."
"Are you mad? Would you make me your murderer? When is the last time you have
trained with the lirpa and the ahn woon?"
"Probably not much more long ago than it has been for Spock."
"Probably? The last time you have had fight training was for a mock duel in an
opera. Spock has had his fighting abilities honed by the techniques of two
worlds and the disciplines and demands of a Starfleet career."
"And he has been under Earth conditions on that starship. Even as a Vulcan it
would take days for him to be fully reacclimated. And feeling the symptoms you
describe, he cannot be far away from the blood fever. He will be weakened by
that. I am willing to take my chances." At my grim shake of the head he changed
tactics. "It is suggestive, is it not, that Spock should finally be undergoing
pon farr now?"
"I do not know what you could mean."
"Do not be obtuse. You are a Vulcan and a healer. What is the last time you
have seen him? Six years? And never a hint of these symptoms before this. He
has met and grown close to someone since. That is what has brought on the onset
of the pon farr. You do not owe him any faithfulness. The symptoms are being
funneled through you because of the link and he will continue to fixate on you
as long as the link lasts but you have not precipitated this." Stonn gripped me
by my arms. "Could you possibly want this? To be tied forever to a man and know
every time he touches you it is another woman, a human shipmate perhaps, that
he really wants? To know it better perhaps then he even knows it himself? Has
it even occurred to you that he has chosen to undergo this with you because he
would not risk a human lover in pon farr?"
"We cannot know that such a person exists."
"We cannot know who--what matters is that it is not you."
I broke away from his grip and stood silent hugging myself. Such a tangle of
thoughts and feelings were passing through my mind at once it was hard to know
which strand to pull on first. Let Stonn be my champion? If he should die! And
if he should survive, what would that do to us? He would have been forced to
kill. Could he forgive me that it would be Sybok's brother that he had killed?
Could I forgive him for killing Spock?
"I have sworn the ancient oath to T'Kuht as a Healer to bring light and life
wherever I go. Am I to break that oath now and start by condemning you or Spock
to death? I still care about him, Stonn. Even now."
"T'Pring, you have the right to defend your life. Do not misunderstand--it is
nothing less than your life and mine, and the right to it for which I would be
fighting for--and I would rather lay down my life than see you connected to
that man unwilling. Can you truly tell me that you want Spock? If you do, I
will accept it with more pain than I could express in words but don't think you
would be doing me a favor to let me live on and watch you smothered in such a
lifebond. Humans say 'life is too short' when they are unable to endure the
intolerable. T'Pring--our lives are far too long to endure this."
"Spock did not ask for this to happen."
"Neither did you." I saw him swallow and suddenly he opened his arms wide.
"T'Pring." I went to him and he crushed me against him. I put my arms under his
and curled them around his back grasping his shoulders. I laid my head on his
chest and felt it rise and fall with his breathing. Warmth suffused my body and
I clenched him tighter as if I could draw him entirely into myself.
"It is illogical to wish. Yet I could wish there might be another way," I said.
"There may be a chance."
My head snapped up at that. "A way Vulcans have not found for thousands of
years?"
"But they did find it. You knew Sybok. Surely he read to you from S'Pak's
dialogues--the Story of Satek and Stal. Of how Stal linked with Satek to bank
the flames of pon farr so they would be survivable."
"That is a myth."
"Is it? Do not Healers do much the same with Bendii's Syndrome at times--link
with the patient to bring enough emotional calm to at least close up affairs?
Spock is partly human--he may not feel pon farr at its full force."
"I can assure you based on what I am feeling that is not so."
"He is influencing how you feel as you can moderately influence him. I propose
linking with you. Adding my strength to yours. It would at least make this
easier for you to withstand."
"And weaken you at a time when you intend to fight Spock. You would lose much
of your own emotional control."
"It may weaken the hold of the pon farr over him--and even the link between
you."
"Another legend, Stonn." I quoted the passage from memory. "And katra calls to
katra and no bond not made of like material can withstand the like."
"Much myth has a core of truth, T'Pring. And if I am right, the link between
the two of us will not be the only one pulling at Spock."
In all the time we had been lovers, I had refused to meld with his mind. I
remembered too well how such contact had only driven Spock and me apart. I do
not know how I found the will to assent. I suppose I did it because I knew I
must. I could not bear the alternatives.
He let me initiate the contact at my own pace and I think that may have made
the difference. I did not feel invaded or erased. There was only a gradual
lowering of barriers that allowed an acceptance and love to flow in that
brought me a joy I had never before felt. We exchanged the names that only the
mind could hear. That kind of intensity could not be sustained for long, and
with regret, I pulled back a little and began to build the link. The link was
not strictly speaking telepathic. We would not share thoughts. Stonn would send
to me and through me to Spock a steady calm and he in his turn would absorb
into himself much of our turbulence. I slowly withdrew mentally and physically.
I was restored to a calm such as I had not felt since Spock's lusts had
broadcast themselves to me. It was a small miracle. But I feared it would not
be enough. There was but the slightest chance that keeping my emotions tightly
locked within could influence Spock and our link. I did not care to calculate
the odds. I knew the probability of success would be lower than what I
calculated before attempting the meld with T'Vashti. And this time it would not
be my life alone at risk.
"T'hy'la," he whispered. T'hy'la. Sibling. Friend. Lover. Spock had been all
those things to me once--had been the first but never like this in the full
meaning of the word that was more than the sum of its parts. Stonn and I had
never before dared to use the word to each other. There was no defiance in his
tone, just a desperate tenderness and yet I heard his challenge to me. We could
have this openly, recognized without question. All I would have to do is be
willing to sacrifice Spock's life--assuming that the life sacrificed would not
be Stonn's.
* * *
When Spock had visited Vulcan two years before, he had left a curt
communication informing me of the length of his stay, and I had responded that
my duties made it impossible for us to see each other. I was sure he was as
relieved as I to have an excuse not to meet.
Now, I have seen Spock again, speaking to me from the bridge of the ship with
which he has become so identified. The bond with Stonn had already relieved me
of much of my distress. The sedative I took, exhaustion from the echo of his
passions on my body, and the ability to resort to the ritual phrases also
allowed me to retain my composure, which is well.
Little time remained. Liz and Stonn were waiting with me at the place of my
ancestors. Liz stood apart shielding her eyes with a hand and looking into the
distance for the arrival of the marriage procession. Stonn was at my side. I
was clad in a stiff costume of icy silver that constricted my very breath. My
hair was piled on top of my head like a crown. I felt like a child's doll
rather than a living woman.
"Stonn, I do not know that I can do this."
"T'Pring." Stonn's hands gripped my arms so tightly it hurt. "We are so close.
Think of yourself as on the stage playing a role. Do not allow yourself to
think of this as real. Do not think of the consequences. You need only say the
lines prescribed in a script that was never of our own making. After that, you
must trust me to play my part." We heard then the clinking of the ritual bells
and drew apart. T'Pau and her party had arrived.
T'Pau stared at Stonn and Liz. "He may come. She may not," T'Pau declared.
"It is my right."
"Not to bring outworlders to our ceremonies."
"The groom's own father was wed to his mother in such a ceremony and she is an
outworlder."
"I forbid it."
I would have protested further, but T'Pau summoned a guard with a gesture, and
I moved back into the line. I looked for Liz and pleaded with my eyes for
understanding. I saw her give me a cool nod that braced me as the procession
continued on. As we walked to the place of koon-ut-kalifee, I was still unsure
of my choice.
Spock himself had chosen to defy tradition by enlisting in Starfleet, yet in my
place, I cannot imagine him even considering the challenge. For him it is
axiomatic that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one. Perhaps it
is time that someone said, "Enough!" The only way to free a people is one by
one, even if it is for a time uncomfortable for the many. Or perhaps I was
rationalizing what I was about to do. I have found that logic is as easily used
to that purpose as any other. One of the ironies of ignoring emotion is that it
is hard to separate the rationalizing from the rational.
When I saw Spock at the place of marriage or challenge, at first he seemed much
the same as I remembered him. Cool. Aloof. Untouched.
Beside him were two humans. One introduced himself as McCoy. The other I
recognized. Captain James T. Kirk. Barely two years a Starship captain and
already a legend. Kirk had gained some notoriety on the Clan Council for his
actions in destroying Landru. It had been the humans who had carved an
exception to the non-interference principle for a culture that was no longer
living and growing. Kirk had been the first to risk using this exception and it
had created some controversy. I wonder if Kirk "defender of individual choice"
even gave a moment's thought to how little choice I had in all this. I could
only assume that he felt a strange woman's freedom was a small price to pay for
his friend's life.
I watched as T'Pau challenged Spock about the humans' presence much as she had
challenged me. But with a different result. Kirk and McCoy would stay. T'Pau
would not oust a Starship captain from his place at Spock's side.
Our nature is not kind to us. The man is enveloped in flame but the woman does
not burn. Even from where I stood, I could feel the beast waiting behind the
eyes of my betrothed. If he had been here when it first came upon him, there
might be some control. But I looked at him and felt fear coil in my belly.
There would be no tenderness between us, no connection to ameliorate his
brutality. He was near the plak tow. If I did not challenge, he might take me
here on the desert sands. I am a small woman and barely reached his shoulder.
If he won, I might not survive the next few hours. I used the fear in a way the
followers of Surak would not understand and let it chill all conscience, all
remorse, and all pity.
"Kalifar!" T'Pau cried and it began.
Spock was moving to the gong that would end all my choices. I could not allow
myself to hesitate.
"Kalifee!" I yelled, denying him ownership over my body and mind. I met his
eyes and refused to let him see fear. Forbidding myself any hint of softness, I
settled a haughty mask upon my face. I waited impatiently while T'Pau explained
what I had done to Spock's two companions. I needed this to be over quickly to
keep my resolve.
"T'Pring, thee has chosen the kalifee; the challenge. Thee are prepared to
become the property of the victor?"
"I am prepared." Our laws allowed me no other answer. I felt utter calm as the
lying words left my throat. I was not prepared. No matter what happened I would
not accept this. If Spock killed Stonn, Vulcan would not long see my shadow.
"Spock, does thee accept challenge according to our laws and customs?"
He nodded for he too had no choice. Oh Spock, how did we come to this!
"T'Pring, thee will choose thy champion."
It was a different fear I felt then--this time for Stonn. Stonn had not been
trained, as Spock had been trained, by Starfleet. Stonn had not followed a
warrior's ways. What if he found he could not after all force himself to kill
Spock? If Stonn hesitated, Spock, blinded by his blood lust, would surely kill
him. Spock had been weakened by the blood fever, but by how much? I could not
retreat but neither could I risk Stonn. Now fear was the enemy. I had to force
myself to feel nothing and think nothing to get through the next few moments.
Drawing out the ritual words, loathe to come to their end, I walked slowly
toward T'Pau. As I spoke, I saw Spock's two companions gazing at me. An
audience watching a figure in a play. I reached Stonn and looked at his face. I
could not do it.
"This one," I cried and pointed to the man in gold. The words flew out of my
mouth of their own accord yet had the ring of inevitability about them--as if
some part of my mind knew this was the way out as soon as I saw him. Kirk no
longer looked like a spectator.
"No!" Stonn said, his voice hoarse. "I am to be the one. It was agreed!"
"Be silent!" T'Pau ordered. How astonished she must have been. I could not help
feeling a surge of pride. What other Vulcan would so defy her publicly? Yet the
passion in his voice made me also fear our link was taking its toll. At Stonn's
next words I feared he would tell of our bond to all that listened.
"Hear me--I have made the ancient claim. I claim the right. The woman is ..."
"Kroykah!" T'Pau shouted and this time a guard stepped forward to enforce her
edict.
"I ask forgiveness," Stonn said tightly and withdrew.
Throughout what followed I dared not look at Stonn. I could imagine Stonn's
feelings of betrayal and confusion. Why would I choose this human as champion?
Would he forgive me the dishonor I would bring? It was one thing for him to
take part in this challenge according to our laws, to have him undergo a risk
willingly accepted. But would he willingly choose to connect himself with one
who had committed murder?
For immediately upon choosing Kirk, I had seen the elegant logic of this
solution. I thought T'Pau would not allow it and risk Kirk's death. That would
create a scandal even she could not control. After all, for all her
traditionalism, T'Pau had already denied me my right to have my friend at my
side. I reasoned that if she did not allow me my champion, I might find a way
to challenge the validity of the marriage.
But T'Pau permitted it to go on. And spent by what I had willed myself to get
through, I did not think to take back my words.
T'Pau had to know what the result would be. Did part of her exult to see a foe
and a rival focus for power brought low? For here was the symbol of all she
opposed when she refused a seat on the Federation Council. Not even Spock's
plea from the depths of the plak tow could move her. When that occurred, for a
moment I felt a treacherous hope bloom that Spock's human side might prevail
and free us all but after T'Pau's refusal, he plunged back into the flames.
When McCoy protested, T'Pau made it clear further objections would not be
tolerated.
It was a travesty. Kirk did not even try. I could see that. Here was a Starship
captain with the training to deal with a stronger opponent. Spock was not fully
in his right mind nor was he physically well, but time was on his side. Our
heat, our gravity, our air, Kirk's unfamiliarity with the weapons--it all
worked in Spock's favor. To fight defensively as Kirk was doing was to invite
death and he had to know it. He was throwing his life away to save his friend.
It was not long before Spock drew first blood. No one looked more astonished
than Kirk. Until that moment I do not think he really believed Spock could kill
him.
Kirk lasted the first round, and McCoy requested permission to equalize Kirk's
chances. T'Pau feigned indifference and impartiality. "The air is the air." But
I could tell she was pleased to impart permission and seem magnanimous. After
all, the conclusion was certain, and she could always say the humans
participated of their free will and with her full cooperation.
It did not take much longer. Curiously, the tri-ox compound did not help. I
watched as my would-be husband strangled the life out of his friend. I saw
Kirk's body go limp, and at the same moment felt a lurch in my own. For the
first time in almost thirty years I was free of the link! This was no more
possible than Spock's plea from the depths of plak tow and yet there was no
doubt. McCoy raced to his captain's side and angrily pushed Spock aside.
It was too late for regret. And yet I looked down at that pale face as it
sparkled in the beam of the transporter and felt grief. Here was one who had so
little at stake in the affairs of Vulcan and yet who died because of our
failings--or rather he died because even if someone else had to pay the coin, I
would set no limit on the price I would pay for my freedom. He died for Spock's
life and though he did not know it, he died for my happiness.
End of Part Five
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We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
--T.S. Eliot
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