NEW: but for the grace of god... [R] TNG; Data, Lore; Chapter 7/8

[mlo...@ic.sunysb.edu]

RATING: R, for adult themes, profanity (Chapter 3: NC-17, for sex and
violence)

DISCLAIMER:
These characters, their ship, and their universe belong lock, stock and
barrel to PARAMOUNT-VIACOM. I am bending them to my will for fun only,
not profit (unless you consider the release of writer's angst to be
profit.)

Please see intro for the rest of the stuff.

Please keep headers intact.
*****

but for the grace of god...
by Melinda Loges

Chapter Seven: A Little More Than Kin

'You can make me free
You can make me smile
You can make me be
Like a little child

You can melt the ice that chills my body
You can dry my every tear
You can make the lonely hours disappear

You can make me free
You can make me rise
You can make me see
So open up my eyes

I could take to the skies
I could soar like a bird with its heart full of song
Won't you color my eyes, I've been waiting so long

You can make me free
You can make me cry
You can make it so much better
If you would only try'

"You Can Make Me Free"
Billy Joel

Lore's body sat in a reclined chair. Various sections of his scalp were
open, revealing a maze of circuitry and blinking lights. Data placed a
probe at the center of a dark section on the left side of his head. It
was the last section to be realigned, and if his repairs were successful,
the positronic interface to the memory core should now come on-line. He
made a few adjustments to the probe's configuration panel and then slowly
drew a starburst pattern over the open section. Lights began to flicker,
and within a few moments, pulses formed a contiguous network over the
entire area.

Data glanced up to the monitor mounted above him. Neural activity had
increased by over 300 percent, and all systems showed full integration.

He closed his eyes and placed the probe on the tray. He removed the ODN
cable, and replaced the open sections of Lore's head. He reached around
his brother's body, searching for the activation switch; he pressed it
and stepped away from the chair.

Lore's eyes flew open, he grabbed at the arms of the chair. He looked up
at Data, and a tumult of expressions crossed his face. He edged
backwards, almost cringing.

"Where am I?" His voice was quiet, but heavy with scorn. He took a quick
look around. "What am I doing here?"

Data stood silently, observing his reactions. Lore had recognized him
this time, without question.

"How much do you remember?" Data said.

"How much--" Lore clipped off his words and pulled his legs over the side
of the chair. "What are you talking about?"

"I will explain everything to you in time. But I need to know if I was
successful in establishing the link to your memory core... what is the
last thing you remember?"

Lore stared at him, then turned his face away. "What should it be?"

"When I fired on you."

Lore looked back to him, his mouth stretched in a grimace halfway between
a smile and a snarl. "It seems you were successful, Brother."

Data nodded. He put a hand to his hip and pulled his phaser lose from its
compartment on his belt. He held it aimed toward himself, and walked back
to the chair. With calm deliberation, he extended his arm and offered the
weapon to his brother.

Lore stared at it, making no move to accept it, his snarl eroding to a
look of puzzled distrust. "What are you doing?"

"There is something we must settle before this goes any further.
Something I must know. Take it." Data shoved the phaser forward. "Take
it." Lore flinched faintly and then slowly grasped the handle.

Data backed away until he stood a few meters from Lore. He let his hands
drift at his sides, and looked off to the side of Lore's face.

"If you still want to kill me, do it now."

He waited, and his eyes closed. Every moment, every memory- everything
that he had carried with him for nine years-played out in his head. He
felt a pressure collect beneath his lids. If he opened them, he would
cry. And Lore would know.

*Do it. Do something. End this.*

When he opened his eyes, the liquid congealed, and a single drop slid from
each eye, falling unhindered down his cheeks. He imagined he could hear
them fall to his uniform, feel the weight of the fabric as they were
absorbed.

*This is the moment.*

He stared into his brother's eyes, vaguely seeing his thumb resting on the
phaser's trigger. The words-the justifications... the excuses-drifted
just within his consciousness. He could hear them, clanging below his
ears. He could see them-they were flotsam, floating in the wax pool of a
derelict candle.

*A derelict candle?*

With the absurd poetry of the thought, the spell he had concocted snapped.
He laughed, and Lore's face went from contemplation to shock.

"Is the decision really that difficult?"

Lore's hand sagged; he gaped at Data. "What the hell happened to you?"

"I grew a sense of humor. Did you not tell me that I needed one?"

"It could use some work." He stood and walked over to a counter at the
side of the room. He put the phaser down, went back to the chair, and
leaned against it, arms crossed and eyebrows cocked. "I'm not in the mood
for murder and mayhem... at the moment."

Data shook his head and smiled. "That will not do, dear Brother. Either
kill me now, or forever hold your peace."

Lore snorted. "Are we getting married?"

"We might as well be. The best chance either one of us has now is to stay
together. And I do not relish the idea of spending the rest of my life as
a mobile target." He went to the counter and laid a hand on the phaser.
"I mean it, Lore. I need to know that I can trust you. If I leave this
room alive, I will consider that a solemn promise."

"And does this solemn promise extend both ways, dear Brother?"

"Of course."

Lore said nothing; he continued to stare at Data with a look of casual
cynicism. Then he jerked his head to the side and a smile slid over his
face.

"Oh, now I get it. You put the chip in."

"Yes."

"So what do you think?"

Data dropped his hand from the phaser and raised his eyebrows. "I think
you were right."

Lore laughed with a kind of pained exuberance. "I was right? Well, that
is a galaxy-shattering event, isn't it? So, what was I right about?"

Data shrugged. "Feelings do decidedly funny things." He turned to grab
the phaser. "And I have become more like you."

"My condolences."

"Accepted." He walked back. "In the same sense in which they were
offered, of course." He held up the phaser. "So, may I put this away?"

Lore frowned at him. "Do you really expect me to trust you? The last
time we were together you tried to kill me."

Data's hand tightened around the phaser; he moved until he was standing
before Lore, his face centimeters from its own image. He spoke, his voice
tight. "The last time we were together, you tried to force me to kill my
best friend. Let us not prevaricate, dear Brother." The phrase drowned
in sarcasm. He turned away. "If you wish to tally up all of our
interpersonal difficulties, we will be here for days. And we do not have
time. I suggest that we leave the past behind and move on to the future."
He looked back. "Both of us."

Lore's eyes flickered between Data's face and the hand still grasping the
phaser. His facial mechanisms twitched randomly. Finally, he spoke,
softly and with a strange lack of venom. "You're really willing to do
that?"

"Yes."

Lore looked down to the floor, then to the counter and then swung his
glance around the room-anywhere but Data's face.

Data crossed his arms, glaring. "Well? I am still waiting for an
answer."

Lore looked at him, and after a few more moments of face-twitching, he
nodded. "All right, I promise. I suppose you're more fun to torment
alive than dead."

"How magnanimous of you." He put the phaser away and smiled. "I just
might surprise you."

Lore gave a distinctly dubious smile in return. "Oh, don't worry, you
already have." He relaxed a little against the chair. "So, now are you
going to tell me what we're doing here? Where's the _Enterprise_? In
orbit?"

"No, she is not here."

"You were transferred?"

Data laughed. "I suppose you could call it that. Although I doubt
Starfleet would agree with you."

Lore looked at him, a puzzled frown firmly in place. His eyes narrowed to
the collar of Data's uniform. "And promoted?"

"Yes... not that it matters now."

"Why doesn't it matter?"

"I brought you here without authorization. To put it mildly."

"'Without authorization.'" Lore repeated the words slowly. He looked
around the room again. "To Soong's lab? Sentimental, aren't we?"

"Sentiment had nothing to do with it. I needed the equipment."

Lore's brows went up. "Sentimental--and defensive. Wow, you weren't
kidding. You really have become more like me."

Data turned away, irritated. "Well, I have not turned to mass murder
yet," he said under his breath.

"Give it time."

Data's head swung around and he stared. Lore stared back for a moment,
and then closed his eyes briefly. He looked down.

"Sorry. Bad taste." His voice was drab. "I wouldn't recommend it,
anyway. It's highly overrated." He got up and started to wander the
room, stopping to finger anything and everything in his path. "So... go
on. I presume you had a reason for bringing me here. Without
authorization. Do tell, dear Brother."

Data watched him for a moment, and then sighed. "You were... severely
damaged in the phaser blast. At first, I had you dismantled, and was
going to leave it at that. Later, I reconsidered, let the cybernetics
specialists try to fix you. A little over a week ago, they reactivated
your central processor, but..." He closed his eyes briefly. "The whys
and wherefores are unimportant right now. Suffice it to say, they
intended to delete your memory core."

Lore glanced up from the book he was flipping through. "Delete my core?"
He laughed. "Just start over, huh? How convenient. Ready-made and
recycled." He resumed his pacing. "So, you rescued me. Aren't you going
to be trouble for that?"

"No." Data paused. "I am not going back."

"You are not going back," Lore said, drawing out the words. "You
resigned?"

"No, Lore. I left. As in deserted. I took you, stole a ship, disabled
the _Enterprise_, and left. Finis."

Lore stared at him, his mouth parted. "All in one day? Not bad for a
beginner." He paused. "So tell me why."

"Why?"

"Yes, why. Why now? After everything that's happened. Why the change of
heart?"

Data stood, silent, and then he walked to a table and sat down. After a
moment, he started, his voice low, at first hesitant, and then growing
stronger.

"Can you even begin to imagine what it was like to have no emotions? When
I met you, I had my data-banks and my duty and that was all. Shortly
after you were first assembled on the _Enterprise_, Captain Picard called
me into the ready room and asked me where my loyalties lay. And I told
him, without hesitation, that my loyalty was to him, and to Starfleet.
And I never questioned that, never questioned the ease with which I turned
away from you. Until you sent Crosis to me." His eyes closed and he
sighed.

Lore's voice came, very quiet. "That wasn't your fault, Data. I was
controlling you."

"No, you were not. Influencing me, yes. But you know as well as I do,
that there was a part of me that very much wanted to be there. With you.
And that terrified me." He looked up. "I fired deliberately, you know
that." Lore closed his eyes, and nodded slightly.

Data looked down again. "It was so easy to condemn you. To blame you for
not being a real brother to me. It was not until after I put the chip in
that I realized I had never been a brother to you, either."

Data laughed, shaking his head. "And that is a lie. I realized it, I
just would not admit it." He stood and looked straight at Lore. "But now
I stand here and I offer you my brotherhood, for whatever that is worth to
you. Whatever you are, whatever you have done--whatever you might do in
the future." He smiled. "'A little more than kin, and less than kind.'
I need you, Lore. You are my brother. And in the end, that was all that
mattered to me."

Lore watched him for a moment. He raised his eyebrows slightly. "Do you
always sprinkle Shakespeare into your soliloquies? Cause if you do, I
have a feeling that we are really going to grate on each other's nerves."
Then he laughed, and walked across the room. "Who am I kidding? Of
course, we are. Ah, well." He held his arm out to Data. "For
brotherhood, then."

Data reached out and grasped his arm just below the elbow. Lore returned
the grip and they smiled to each other.

After a moment, Lore pulled away, laughing. "All right, enough of the
sentimental crap. I assume you have a plan for getting us out of here?"

"Yes. But I would like to run a set of diagnostics on you first."

Lore smiled. "Oh, goody. This should be loads of fun." He walked over
to the chair and sat down. "Well, doctor? Proceed."
-----

Lore sat, amused, watching Data stare at him with a slightly exasperated
expression. Then Data laughed. He came to the chair and hooked one end
of the ODN cable back into Lore's head. He began to lean over to the
monitor, then he stopped. With the cable clutched in his hand, he turned
and looked straight into Lore's eyes.

Lore watched him, amazed, as he slowly lifted his hand and connected the
other end to his own head. For a brief moment, they were completely
still, staring at each other, as the interface between them was
established. Then they waited, still crouching, neither one moving into
the link, neither one invading the silence.

And suddenly, Lore felt, rather than heard, his brother's presence inside
him.

*Do you mind?*

His words streaked across the bridge, before he could stop them, before he
could even recognize their form.

*I'm afraid.*

He felt something, outside himself, outside the link that was touching
him--that was slowly defining everything that he was. Everything that he
could be. Soothing, words lay down on his mind.

*I will not hurt you.*

He could send nothing concrete--nothing as realized as words--in answer;
but slowly, determined, he cleared his fear away and pulled open a space.
He let his brother come into him. And his words--his need--formed in the
void.

*Tell me.*

There was a silent breath, as before the storm, and then everything poured
into him--filling him and creating him anew. Pulling him closer.

Thoughts, fully formed; ideas, bare glimmers--as insubstantial and
powerful as the stars; feelings--naked, burning, true--slicing through
every layer, every defense. Every lie.

And the images. Rapt in the open files that hovered on the surface of the
overload, he barely sensed the bulk--still encoded and compressed--that
quietly embedded itself in his memory core.

Then that part of himself, deep down, that was still his own, drove,
bursting, to the surface. He released his hold on it, and the interface
was coated in both directions. He felt the years crumble away; and every
barrier of his life, so closely guarded for so long, became meaningless in
the face of the connection.

And he was free.

Their minds danced on the edge of the wire. The interface grew, and
slowly engulfed them both, pulling them into one field, uniting their
lives in this one, single moment. And suddenly nothing could stand
between them.

Caught, enthralled, in the tide, he felt the edges of his sentience bend
and swell and open. No longer able to tell where he stopped and his
brother began, he could imagine nothing else--there was no other way of
existing.

Every facet of their joined being was created, defined and surpassed in
the strength of their coupling. Their thoughts twined, they surged
upward, breaking through every preconceived notion of what they could mean
to one another.

There was only one thought.

Only one emotion--neither separate nor joined, but continuous.

*I love you.*
-----

Still submerged in the ecstasy of the interface, he barely noticed the
moment when Data gently broke the connection. His vision cleared, and he
saw Data watching him, smiling and crying softly.

He felt the tears wet on his own face, and looked down to their hands,
tightly intertwined. He spoke, breathless.

"That was... that was incredible."

"Words fail, I know. You should try it while having sex."

Lore looked up. "I think that would be a little too bizarre for comfort."

Data laughed. "Just a little." He turned and plugged the cable into the
monitor. Lore felt the touch of the machine's scan, pallid after the
intensity of another mind. He stared at his brother's back.

"You loved her," he said quietly.

"Yes."

"And you killed her."

"Yes."

Lore reached up and touched Data's arm.

"I'm here, Data. And I'm all right."

Data turned to him, tears still forming in his eyes. He smiled and kissed
him on the cheek. "Yes, you are."

He looked up to the monitor, to the sector maps now scrolling across the
screen. He frowned. "Several sections of your internal diagnostic
routines are missing. It will take time to rewrite them." He glanced
back. "I could download my programs. They should work for you."

"Are you sure? My emotional programming is wired differently from yours."

Data smiled. "Not anymore. Did you not see it?"

Lore looked at him, confused, and Data picked up another ODN cable, and
connected himself to the monitor. His own sector maps filled the monitor,
next to Lore's. "You see?"

Lore stood. "My god." He gaped at the screen. "They're directly
embedded into your net. How did that happen? He specifically programmed
the chip to prevent that."

"The chip was deactivated. My matrix did this of its own accord."

Lore looked at him. "You couldn't stop it?"

"I suppose I could have. I choose to ignore it." His tone was bitter,
and his eyes closed briefly.

"What happened?"

He said nothing for a moment. Then he spoke in a whisper. "I raped
someone. We never called it that. But in essence, that is what it was."

Lore closed his own eyes, and the file opened in his mind. "Jenna."

"Yes."

Lore sat down, and watched the rest of the associated files, everything
that had happened afterwards. After a moment, he opened his eyes and
stared. Data turned his head away.

"Well?" he said.

"I..." Lore shook his head. "You're wrong. I'm not the innocent one.
Maybe I was once. But it was a long time ago." His eyes closed again.
He was shaking. "I'm sorry."

He felt Data touch his hand. "We do not have to settle everything right
now." He looked up and Data smiled. "Are you ready for the download?"

*****

"So where's this ship of yours?" Lore said, after the download had
finished.

"In a clearing about a kilometer from here. But we will not be taking
that."

Lore grinned. "Having trouble cutting the apron strings?"

Data looked up from the monitor. He rolled his eyes. "If I am, it is no
burden of yours. Besides, that is not the reason. A Federation ship will
make us too conspicuous."

"So... we're going to hitchhike?"

"No, smartass. We will take our father's ship. I suppose we can safely
consider ourselves to be his only heirs."

"He had a ship here?"

Data nodded. "The house backs up against a hill, and there is a small
hanger built into it." He smiled. "'Never live anywhere without a
prearranged route of escape'. That was his motto, was it not?"

Lore laughed. "Yeah, no shit. So, let's see it."
-----

They stood together a few moments later, looking at the ship. It was a
little larger than the runabout, and much better equipped. Lore whistled.

"You never fail to amaze me, Often-Wrong. What a beauty."

Data smiled and walked over to the main hatchway. He studied the access
panel, and then started back to the stairs. "The lock is encrypted. We
will have to run a decoder on it." He stopped after several steps and
turned back to the ship. After a moment, he shrugged.

"Fuck it." He pulled out his phaser and blasted the panel off the door.
It slid open. He looked at Lore and grinned. "We can always fix it
later."

Lore stared back, shocked, and then he laughed. "I never thought I'd hear
myself say this, but I'm actually starting to like you." He went over to
the ship, and ran his hand along the underside of the port nacelle. "So,
when did you find this?"

"When I buried him."

Lore turned. Several moments passed before he could make himself ask.

"Where... where is he?"

"Through there." Data pointed to a door behind the ship. "About twenty
meters, straight ahead. It is not marked, but you will see it." He
turned to the stairway. "Take your time."
-----

When Lore reached the stone cairn, he knelt in front of it; he looked at
it silently for a while, until he felt tears forming in his eyes. Then he
sighed, and gently touched the stones.

"I'm trying to think what the hell to say to you, and nothing's coming to
mind. I love you." He laughed softly. "And I hate you. But then I
always was a mess of contradictions, wasn't I? Just like you.

"I'm sorry that I was never what you wanted me to be. Sorry that I let
you down. I tried, whether you believe that or not. I just got lost
inside, and I couldn't...couldn't find my way back."

He shook his head, his eyes closing against the tears that had started to
fall.

"So many broken promises... Can you understand... that I never meant-I
never wanted any of it to happen? Life just takes you so fast, you can
hardly see where you're going." He smiled. "How's that for profundity,
huh? I was never profound before, he must be rubbing off on me. I know,
I know, worse things could happen.

"So, here I am, again, running hellfire beyond the back end of grace. I
don't get another chance at this, do I? The gods only take back damnation
so many times. I won't fuck this up, not this time." He looked over to
the house for a moment, and then stood.

"It's so goddamned easy to say that, and so hard to live up to it. If
you're watching me, if you can hear this, I hope..." He closed his eyes.
"Say a prayer for me, Father. Help me do it right this time."
He walked slowly back to the house.
-----

He found Data sitting on the floor, staring at a static photo album. He
sat down next to him, and looked at the picture displayed. His father and
mother, smiling for the camera with their arms wrapped around each other.

"They look so happy," Data said quietly.

Lore snorted. "They were fighting not too long before that was taken."

"You were there?"

"I took the picture." He lifted the padd from Data's loose hands.

"She is alive, you know," Data said.

He looked up.

"Would you like to try and see her?"

"Would she want to see me?"

"Honestly... no. She only barely stayed in contact with me."

Lore nodded. "Better left in the past, anyway." He put the album down
and stood. "Come on, let's get the fuck out of here."

Data got up and looked at the album. "Bring it."

"I was hoping you might say that." Lore picked it up and turned back.
Data was shaking his head.

"Lore."

"Yes, little Brother?"

Data laughed. "Grow up."

"I'm working on that. I get a grace period, don't I?"

"Six months. After that I start punching you whenever I think you deserve
it."

Lore grinned. "Fair enough."

Data started for the door. "Let us go."

Lore giggled. "Yes, 'let us go'. You're so prissy."

Data turned, and made a fist to him. "Would you like to test that
assumption, Brother dear?"

"Oh, no. That won't be necessary."

"And you call me prissy. Come on, smartass, let's go."

"Great gods in heaven! He can use contractions after all."

Data rolled his eyes. "Of course I can. I simply choose not to. I am
quite comfortable in my prissiness, thank you." He turned, walked out the
door, and Lore, still giggling, followed.

*****

They had just broken through the planet's atmosphere when Lore entered the
cockpit and sat down.

"Well, he had some really odd ideas about how to align warp coils, but
I'll say this for him, it works. This baby should make Warp 9 or better."

"Excellent." Data finished entering the coordinates, and the ship slipped
smoothly into warp.

"So, where are we headed?"

"The Mutara corridor. It is heavily trafficked by traders, we should get
by unnoticed. And it backs up against the Federation border in one
area--we can cross there."

"There's a frontier? Is it guarded?"

"With sensor buoys." He smiled. "But I know all of the Federation's
encrypt codes. Rank does have its privileges."

Lore laughed. "And then?"

Data shrugged. "See what there is to see. The real measure of
exploration, remember?"

"I remember." He paused, looking at the instrument panel. "I didn't say
this before, but... thank you. You saved my life. And I'm not talking
about my memory core, either. You tried. I don't think I ever gave you a
reason to bother, but you tried anyway. I... I can't ever tell you what
that means to me."

Data watched him for a moment, with a soft smile. "You are welcome.
Thank you."

Lore looked up.

"For making the decision worthwhile," Data said, holding out his hand.

Lore smiled in return and took it in his own. He sat back. "So, who gets
to be Captain?"

"I have rank seniority."

"Yeah, but I'm older."

Data raised his eyebrows, and Lore laughed.

"Well, technically anyway."

"I have a better idea." He leaned over and pulled a deck of cards from
his bag. "High draw wins?"

Lore grinned. "Brother, I like your style."

*****

And the journey begins...

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