NU2U: "Angels: Home For Christmas", 10b/11 (TOS, K&S, S/Ch, Mc, Am, assorted OCs; h/c, anx [G])
Gamin
receiving the angelic visitation after he and Amanda flee his
relatives to join Kirk and Christine on their Christmas leave in Iowa
for an old-fashioned Christmas with Kirk's mother.
This part: Spock and Anna Marie Kirk have a private talk, then he
spends the rest of Christmas Eve sitting up on the sofa and talking
with Kirk and Christine, until they all fall asleep.
Disclaimers and warnings: Part 1.
*****
When he was out of the room, Anna focused her full attention on Spock.
"We haven't had much of a chance to talk, Spock," she began earnestly.
"Things are going to be pretty hectic around here tomorrow, and
there's something I want to discuss with you while I have the chance."
"What is it?" Spock prompted warily.
"I understand Vulcans live considerably longer than Humans."
"Vulcans normally live between two hundred fifty and three hundred
Earth
years," Spock asserted quietly. "But there are several other factors
influencing *my* life span--not the least of which being that I am a
Starfleet officer on an active-duty starship, which entails certain
physical
risks."
"But you probably *will* outlive Jim."
Spock nodded, lowering his eyes in discomfort; it was a fact that
remained unspoken and--as much as possible--ignored between him and
his Human friends, but it was a fact that existed, nonetheless. "And
Christine, and Dr. McCoy...everyone of any importance to me," he added
somberly, sighing.
"So you could be with him all his life," Anna concluded, all too aware
of
his discomfort and the fact that she was probably intruding too far
into his personal life. Perhaps she was being selfish and
presumptuous--but if Spock *did* care for her son as much as Jim cared
for his Vulcan friend, it seemed to her that Spock would want to
satisfy her anxieties.
"That is my intention," Spock stated, in response.
"Well, Spock, unlike you, I'm close to the *end of my life span," she
pointed out finally. "I'd feel a lot better about...leaving Jim
behind if I
knew someone was going to be around to take care of him and keep him
out of trouble. Could you do that for me?"
Spock met her eyes slowly. "You need not ask me such a thing, Anna. I
have... already committed myself to his well-being, a commitment made
freely a long time ago. Do not be concerned for him; I will be with
him, and I will always care for him," he promised.
Anna smiled at the sincerity in the Vulcan's voice, and they studied
each
other in silence for a time. "Do you know how special you are to him?
You're his dearest friend, Spock," she revealed, at length.
Spock lowered his eyes again, blushing a faint green.
"Jim said you'd react like that. I suppose I should have listened to
him
when he told me not to try to directly discuss your feelings for each
other
with you because he didn't want you to be embarrassed," she told him
apologetically.
Spock made himself look back up at her. "It is...an instinctive
reaction,
having to do with the fact that Vulcans do not customarily discuss
their
emotions...or express them," he explained hesitantly. "I have been...
trying to overcome that...reluctance...for some years, but it has
proven to be more difficult than I had hoped." He paused, lowering
his eyes slightly. "However...I try to make exceptions, in certain
instances; I have found it virtually impossible to remain
completely...detached...while living and working among Humans, and I
do want Jim and certain others to...feel comfortable around me. You
see, I *am* aware of his emotions for me. I do not understand them,
but...I am grateful for them. I am grateful also to you, Anna."
"Me? Whatever for?" Anna asked, in bewilderment.
"For giving life to Jim, and raising him as you obviously did. If he
had
never been there to reach out to me as he did and offer me his
friendship
...I quite literally do not know where I would be, now. He has taught
me so much about myself..." Spock shyly studied his folded hands as
they rested in his lap, suddenly wanting to tell her everything,
despite his
uncertainty as to how she would respond. "Jim has always had friends;
he...makes them easily because he easily shares his thoughts and
emotions.
"But it is not so for me. For a long time before I met him, I
was...alone
within myself, isolated from others; being a Vulcan, it
was...convenient
...for me to hide behind logic and emotional control, especially since
all my training in the Vulcan way *encouraged* such suppression and
denial...and except for Mother, no one ever knew what I truly felt.
No one else *wanted* to know...until I met Jim. I still do not share
much of myself with others, but neither have I felt that degree
of...loneliness...for a very long time.
"Now I know I have someone I can share things with, someone willing to
listen to whatever I have to say, even if it seems to me like
pointless
emotionalism...and however 'special' I am to him, be assured that he
is
*more* than special to me...and that he somehow knows and understands
my... emotions for him. His friendship is an honor that I still
sometimes find myself unworthy of...but I remember that earlier
emptiness within me, and I *do not wish* to outlive him...because I
know it will return when he is gone."
Instinctively, Anna reached out to cover his hands with hers; he
permitted
her touch without being certain why. "You love him," she deduced
understandingly. "I'm glad. Just go on loving each other--don't be
afraid
of the future; it'll take care of itself. And remember--he's no
longer the
only person in your life."
"I would never have permitted Christine or McCoy to be a part of my
life
without Jim to convince me that it would not be wrong to do so," Spock
recalled quietly. "But you need not fear that my emotions for him
will ever change." Still holding her hands, Spock looked up at her
again, studying as if for the first time her facial features--the
hazel eyes and still-brown hair that were so like Kirk's. "He
resembles you," Spock observed, then.
"I know. And I think you have your mother's eyes--not the color,
but.the
expressiveness," she countered gently.
"Yes, Christine has made that same observation," Spock reflected
thoughtfully. It seemed ironic that the expressive, Human-like eyes
that
had only added to his difficulties on Vulcan now seemed to benefit
him,
helping to express his emotions when he needed to and was unable to do
so any other way; Christine had even declared them her favorite
physical trait of his. He returned to the present, slowly releasing
Anna's hands. "Has he ever...spoken to you of our mental bond?"
She shook her head uncomprehendingly.
"As I expected--he does not normally discuss it, because he knows I
consider it a private matter, between us," Spock concluded, thanking
his friend silently. "But suffice it to say that...we are a part of
each other, and there *is* something intangible binding him and his
life to me and mine."
"This...link...this is why you're afraid for him to die, isn't it?
His death would rip it out of you, and part of you would die with
him."
"I see Jim also inherited his perceptiveness from you," Spock noted,
without surprise. "Yes, that is...a large part of the reason. Unlike
Jim, I never had a brother. This 'link-'-our mental and emotional
bond--makes us brothers-of-the-mind and brothers-of-the-heart. On
Vulcan, we would be considered bond-brothers."
"Well, that doesn't surprise me," Anna decided. "I think he's closer
to you than he ever was to Sam. ' Bond-brothers', you say?"
Spock nodded, stopping short of mentioning the Vulcan word for it,
which he normally only spoke when he and Kirk were alone--if then.
"And when one's bond-brother dies..." Words failed him, but he was
certain now that they would not be necessary; Anna had already made it
clear that she understood the implications.
"Are you sure that this 'bond' is mutually acceptable--that Jim knows
about it and doesn't mind?"
"We're both sure," another voice chimed in.
They turned to find Kirk approaching with two mugs of hot chocolate.
"I hate to interrupt you two, but if I stay in this doorway any
longer,
someone's going to kiss me," Kirk told them, cracking a smile.
"And just how long have you been standing there, eavesdropping?" Anna
demanded, obviously flustered, if also grateful to have their
increasingly
morbid mood lightened.
"Oh, just long enough to know that you were having a nice talk with
Spock," Kirk replied easily, handing one of the mugs to Spock and
sitting down next to him again. "No Vulcan would ever allow a mental
bond to form with someone against their will, Mom," he assured her.
"And don't ever worry about me," he added, directing an affectionate
smile at Spock as he slipped an arm around his mother. "I have my own
personal Vulcan guardian angel."
"So I see," Anna agreed warmly, as Kirk kissed her on the cheek. She
smiled back knowingly, turning her airchair toward the door. "Well, I
think I'll go back to the kitchen and see what's keeping Amanda and
Christine."
Kirk watched her until she disappeared through the door, then turned
back to find half Spock's face buried in the whipped cream on top of
his hot chocolate, in an obvious effort to hide his sudden
embarrassment--but Kirk could still see the green touching his
friend's ear-tips. "Spock," he said gently.
Spock looked up apprehensively, now showing the hint of green in his
cheeks.
"Spock, don't be embarrassed. I certainly don't *mind* you discussing
our friendship with Mom," he told the Vulcan reassuringly.
"You are certain?"
Kirk nodded, his smile suddenly spreading into a grin. "You've got
whipped cream all over your face," he observed, reaching to wipe some
of it off of Spock's nose and cheeks.
"Perhaps if you did not put so much *on* the hot chocolate, I would
not have this problem," Spock chided patiently, not moving until Kirk
was finished.
"Who knew you were going to stick your *whole face* in the mug?" Kirk
retorted.
"How else was I to reach the chocolate through all that whipped
cream?"
Spock counter-questioned, in feigned indignation.
"For your information, *Christine* was in charge of the whipped
cream. I
just brought it out."
"Oh."
They fell silent then, each devoting his full attention to his own hot
chocolate, hardly noticing when the women returned to the room,
because they came in several minutes apart. At last, Christine came
to join them, sitting on the arm of the sofa next to Spock and
offering him a small plate. "We saved the last two cinnamon rolls for
you," she told him invitingly.
"Thank you, Christine," Spock replied, in turn offering one to Kirk.
"Jim?"
"Thanks. I'm glad *somebody* remembers *I* like them, too." Kirk
threw a not-too-subtle look at Christine as he spoke.
"I think I'll go to bed," Amanda announced finally, standing up while
Kirk
and Spock were still working on their cinnamon rolls. "It's getting
late,
and tomorrow's likely to be a big day."
"Sounds good to me," Anna added, turning her airchair to follow Amanda
as she left the room. "Jim, don't you three stay up much later," she
admonished, over her shoulder.
"We won't," Kirk promised.
"Do you suppose you two could scoot over and make some room for me to
sit down?" Christine requested, at last.
Kirk and Spock immediately moved further toward the middle of the
sofa, and Christine slipped into place between the arm of the sofa and
Spock's
side. At length, Kirk and Spock finished their cinnamon rolls, and
Spock
passed the plate and empty mugs to Christine, who reached out and up
to put them on the mantle. Then they sat together in silence for a
time, just enjoying each other's company. "Listen, I can go up to bed
if you two want to talk for a while," Kirk offered then, starting to
get up.
Spock glanced questioningly at Christine. "If you have no objections,
I
am...finding it rather enjoyable to have both of you here."
"We do need to talk about something," Christine pointed out.
"Is it something you would object to Jim hearing about?"
Christine was reluctant, but she was already resigned to Kirk staying.
"I'll let *you* be the judge," she told him calmly. "It concerns our
bonding."
Spock sighed, having expected her to bring this up. "You may as well
stay, Jim. We may need your input," he decided.
"If you say so," Kirk responded warily, sitting back down slowly.
"All right, Spock. *When*?" Christine demanded. "It's been two years
since the V'ger mission and two years since we became engaged."
"I know. I am not certain I am yet in any condition to be a fit
husband,
but neither can I afford to wait much longer; my pon farr cannot be
too far
off, now," Spock admitted hesitantly.
"Is there any reason you can't do it *now*, while we're still on
leave?"
Kirk asked, remembering his own earlier suggestion to Christine.
Spock's expression as he looked back at Kirk clearly indicated that
the idea was one he had not considered before. "A bonding ceremony is
not a spontaneous event. Certain preparations must be made--*mental*
preparations," he objected doubtfully. "And we would not be properly
attired. I did not bring my ceremonial robe."
Despite Christine's frustration, she knew that this was not some
contrived excuse; it was important to Spock that their bonding
ceremony be conducted as much as possible according to Vulcan
tradition (even though Vulcan seemed to have disowned him as
thoroughly as Sarek once had)--and that meant formal attire. "I
brought a long dress," she pointed out hopefully.
"But *I* did not bring anything appropriate--only sweaters and
leggings,"
Spock returned, in a note of refusal.
"Oh, I think maybe I can find you something," Kirk suggested
cryptically.
"What about this 'mental preparation'? How long would you need?"
"Several hours, at least."
"Hmm. It might be hard for us to manage that much isolation for you,
especially tomorrow. Amanda would understand, of course, but I'm
afraid Mom would think you were deliberately snubbing us," Kirk opined
uncertainly.
"Fortunately, isolation will not be necessary," Spock informed him
reassuringly. "However, there is one other thing essential for a
bonding
ceremony that I must have."
"Such as?" Kirk prompted.
"It is customary to have a third person present who is familiar enough
with the mind of the male to intervene mentally if he has trouble with
the
bonding," Spock revealed, then. " We call it the t'hyr kalah--the
'bond-witness'. Sarek filled the role when I bonded with T'Pring, and
as it
turned out, I would not have been able to complete the bonding without
him." His eyes met Kirk's. "Since you and I already have a strong,
deep mental bond, I had planned to ask you to be our t'hyr kalah.
Will you do it, Jim?"
Kirk hesitated, considering the matter carefully. "Is it really that
vital?" he questioned warily.
"I would not wish to attempt the bonding without it."
Kirk shook his head doubtfully. "I don't know, Spock. Do you really
think I'm up to 'intervening mentally' in your bonding with
Christine?"
"It would not be as difficult as you imagine--you would intervene in
much the same way as we mind-meld," Spock explained encouragingly.
"You would act only if I seem to be having difficulty--taking too
long, which would indicate that my mind was becoming trapped within
Christine's, or involuntarily breaking off contact, which only happens
prematurely and means I did not complete the bonding. And all you
would have to do is touch me; I would immediately feel your mental
presence and follow its lead, and you would understand what to do as
soon as you entered my mind."
But Kirk was not convinced. "Sure--and hope to God I don't do
something wrong and wind up damaging *both* your minds," he returned
sardonically. "I couldn't live with myself if I did that, Spock."
"You will not," Spock assured him softly, lowering his eyes slightly.
"I
trust you, Jim--who could be a better bond-witness than my own bond-
brother?" He reached out involuntarily to squeeze Kirk's arm. "Can
you not likewise trust *me* and *my* judgement? If you refuse, I...am
not entirely certain I will be able to complete the bonding
successfully. My telepathic skills are not as... consistent...as a
full-blooded Vulcan's
...and, in truth, there is no one else I *could* ask to be t'hyr
kalah."
Kirk considered the matter further. "Couldn't your mother--?"
"I never bonded with her, and in fact have only entered her mind a
small
number of times; in addition to her unfamiliarity with my mind, she
lacks
the knowledge and control to initiate and maintain the mental contact
that would be necessary," Spock replied, shaking his head in negation
before Kirk could finish.
Kirk still hesitated. Spock was the telepath, not him. But it
occurred to
him that he would feel just as guilty if something went wrong with the
bonding and he was *not* there to help the Vulcan. Even if the
bonding went as intended, Spock would always remember that Kirk had
refused the most important of the few requests he'd ever made of his
Captain--and he might never be willing to ask or accept his help
again. Finally, Kirk reached to cover Spock's hand with his. "Oh, my
friend...you don't ask favors of me very often, but when you do--"
"Captain, you're not seriously thinking of *refusing*, are you?"
Christine
interrupted, in obvious concern-the first time she had spoken since
Spock had voiced his request. "It's clear that he *needs* you to be
part of our bonding ceremony."
"I know." Kirk squeezed his friend's hand, then released it in order
to
slip his arm around Spock's back, though the Vulcan seemed not to
notice. "You're both right. I can't very well turn him down...but I
hope none of us will have any reason to regret his choice of bond-
witness."
Spock lifted his head finally. "As I have already stated, no other
choice
is possible for me," he reiterated quietly. "Fortunately, I am
confident in
the choice I have made."
They fell silent for a time as Christine gradually relaxed against
Spock's
side and Kirk's head surreptitiously settled against Spock's shoulder.
Kirk's arm remained around his Vulcan friend's back, while Christine's
absently circled his chest. "It must be getting awfully late," Kirk
noted,
at last.
"Approximately 0115," Spock confirmed, glancing up at the mantle
chronometer.
"We ought to go to bed," Kirk decided.
"Indeed," Spock agreed. But several minutes passed and no one moved.
He looked down at Christine, noting that she, too, seemed comfortable
where she was. "Christine, do you not agree that we all should retire
for the evening?" he asked.
"Yes," Christine replied, with her eyes closed. Spock sensed that she
was not going to sleep--just concentrating on her enjoyment of his
closeness.
Still, no one moved. Finally, Spock spoke again. "Jim...do you think
it
would be permissible...would your mother object if...we just stayed
here?" he asked softly, turning his head to meet Kirk's eyes.
"Do you really want to?" Kirk questioned uncertainly.
Spock nodded, bowing his head again.
Kirk then glanced past him at Christine. "What about you, Christine?"
"I'm not going anywhere," she told him flatly.
"And you, Jim--will you stay, also?" Spock asked again, hesitantly.
"I suppose. But I think we ought to at least have a blanket or
something if we're going to stay here all night," he concluded,
reaching toward his end of the sofa for the quilt lying over the arm.
He spread the quilt out over the three of them as they all positioned
themselves more comfortably there, slipping off their boots and
snuggling down into the sofa. Kirk again rested his head on Spock's
shoulder, and Spock unconsciously slipped an arm around each of them.
Spock closed his eyes and completely lowered his mental shields for
the
first time since they had found themselves settled together on the
sofa,
allowing himself full awareness of his Human friends' thoughts and
emotions, not surprised to find nothing negative or unpleasant in
their minds on this night--only a shared contentment and affection for
him that warmed him deep within.
Thus they spent the waning hours of Christmas Eve, seated together in
companionable contentment on the living room sofa, falling asleep
before the tree and the dying fire, and that was how Anna found them
when she and Amanda first got up the next morning. Smiling to herself
at the sight, she called Amanda into the living room and they watched
the sleeping trio silently for a time before deciding to leave them
alone and let them get some more sleep.
END PART 10B
My ST:TOS Fan-Fiction can be found here:
GAMIN DAVIS' SPOCK TREKS
http://spocktreks.bravehost.com
(Kirk & Spock Friendship, Spock/Christine
and pre-TOS Spock fan-fic, plus Art, Poetry,
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