Disclaimers: Part 1A.
******
It was a little over a year, because of the Enterprise's busy
schedule, before Spock and Christine were able to return to Vulcan.
In the mean time, Spock healed emotionally and Christine healed
physically as they began to get back to a normal routine in the more
comfortable environment of the
ship, and McCoy and Kirk checked on her regularly until she had
recovered.
Once Christine was able to return to duty, she was careful to set
aside part of each day to spend watching the babies, who continued to
grow and develop with no detectable abnormalities that might have been
caused by exposure to the Vulcan drug. As they began to grow more and
more active, Christine knew
it would not be much longer before they were able to come out of the
artificial womb; in the mean time, except for selected medical
personnel, only Spock and Christine were allowed into what was now
referred to as "the womb room". Christine treated the babies as much
as possible as if she were still carrying them within her, talking
softly to them and reaching out to touch
the womb surface in places where the babies' hands and feet were near.
When the time finally came for them to come out, the womb was rotated
onto its side and the babies, by then positioned at the bottom, were
gradually expelled through a flexible opening in much the same way as
in a normal birth. Spock and Christine were both present for the
occasion, of course, and even Kirk--having been invited--managed to be
there.
Over the next six months, Kirk and McCoy arranged Spock's and
Christine's schedules so that one or the other of them would always be
available to watch the children. T'Jaim and T'Krystyn spent most of
their time in Sickbay, being observed, examined and tested by McCoy.
Christine found a place to set up the portable playpen, with the
beautiful, blue quilt given by Spock's little cousins spread out
across the bottom, and the babies
stayed there when McCoy was not busy with them and Christine wasn't
carrying them around herself. Spock customarily came to Sickbay and
watched them while Christine was working, but he still seemed
noticeably uncertain about
touching or handling them and tended to just sit by the playpen,
studying them with an eyebrow raised quizzically, as if he had just
discovered a new alien life form.
While they were en route to Vulcan, Spock picked a day when he and
Christine were spending one of their occasional joint off-duty days
together with their children in the Officers' Lounge to discuss
something he knew he had to discuss with Kirk. Christine was sitting
in one of the padded bench seats with T'Krystyn in her lap, and T'Jaim
was lying on her back in the
portable playpen, playing with her feet; Spock, standing nearby with
his hands clasped behind his back, studied Christine and the children
as he awaited the arrival of Kirk, whom he knew would be off duty
soon.
Though the children were technically twins, they were easily
distinguishable from each other. T'Krystyn had Christine's blue eyes
and lighter hair color (why Christine had darkened her naturally-
blonde hair remained a mystery to Spock), while T'Jaim's hair and eyes
were identical to Spock's. Their Vulcan features were clearly evident
now, though Spock suspected that the influence of their Human blood
was just as strong; when their eyes had first opened, both girls' eyes
had been blue and T'Jaim's had *changed* to brown--a uniquely Human
trait--and there had been other things, too. He had seen them smile,
laugh, and make happy-sounding baby noises when Christine and Kirk
held or played with them.
That did not concern Spock nearly as much as his own failure to bond
with them, particularly since Christine had had a head start and was
by now bonding well with them. They were beautiful children--everyone
who had seen them said so--and Spock could see both himself and
Christine in them. He
found himself wondering if they would become sweet-natured and loving
like Christine or insecure and emotionally crippled like him as they
grew older--or would they be some combination of both? He realized
abruptly that the cause of his musings was his own transitional
period--he still had not completed the task he had set himself of
sorting through what V'ger had taught him and coalescing it into a
Vulcan/Human philosophy which he could comfortably follow.
As he watched, Christine called to him to come join her, and he
obliged. "Spock, I want you to sit down and hold T'Krystyn," she told
him chidingly. "You've barely touched our babies since they came out
of the artificial womb. They need to be held and played with by both
of us."
Spock sat down beside her, taking T'Krystyn cautiously as Christine
handed her to him and setting her in his lap, facing him. T'Krystyn
reached out to him with both arms, waving her hands.
"See? She *wants* you to hold her," Christine pointed out
encouragingly.
"Am I doing it correctly?" Spock asked uncertainly.
"Depends. If you just want to look at her and talk to her, that's
fine," Christine returned. "However, if you want to play with her..."
"You will have to show me how."
"All right." Christine picked T'Jaim up out of the playpen and set
the baby in her lap, cradling her in the crook of one arm; with some
difficulty, Spock imitated the gesture with T'Krystyn.
"Good," Christine declared, watching him. "Now...let her hold your
finger, tickle her or touch her. Like this--watch." With her free
hand, Christine touched T'Jaim's nose; T'Jaim blinked at her, then
smiled and batted at her mother's hand as Christine
slowly drew it away, then did it all over again, finally just tapping
T'Jaim's nose with her fingertip. She then glanced over at Spock.
Spock did not understand the significance of this gesture, but the
results were indisputable; T'Jaim, reacting--as both children tended
to--as a Human baby, obviously enjoyed it. He imitated Christine
again, experimentally touching T'Krystyn's nose with his finger,
marveling at its smallness, and she responded in the same way as
T'Jaim. Spock looked back at Christine with a raised eyebrow, waiting
for further instruction.
Insuring that he was watching her again, Christine began to stroke
T'Jaim's cheek, then her arms and the tops of her hands, then her legs
and feet. T'Jaim watched every movement with fascination, then laughed
as Christine tickled her feet. As she moved her hand up to let T'Jaim
hold her finger, Christine looked at Spock again. "Try it," she
suggested.
Spock hesitantly complied, brushing a finger against T'Krystyn's
cheek, then against her arms and legs, and she smiled and gurgled
happily at him in response. Spock stroked one of her hands,
fascinated by the delicateness of the tiny fingers. As he touched
them, T'Krystyn suddenly latched onto his finger; Spock
wiggled the finger, noting that her grip did not loosen. "Excellent
strength and coordination," he remarked.
"Okay, now, *talk* to her," Christine instructed.
Spock raised an eyebrow at her again in puzzlement. "How does one
'talk' to a baby?" he inquired.
It was just then that Kirk walked up on them. "And how is my favorite
family this afternoon?" he greeted them.
Both looked up at him. "I'm still trying to teach Spock how to play
with the babies," Christine informed him.
"I *am* a slow learner," Spock admitted regretfully. "At the moment,
I am trying to learn to 'talk' to T'Krystyn."
"Remember that 'obscure Earth dialect' I told you about after Leonard
James Akaar was born?" Kirk asked.
"Ah, yes--the one Dr. McCoy used," Spock recalled thoughtfully.
"That's always a good place to start. And tickle her when you say
it," Kirk suggested helpfully.
Spock hesitated instinctively, aware that it was an undignified
activity for a Vulcan, but aware also that he had resolved to bond
with his children--and his children were Human enough to respond to
the type of cuddling he had seen Christine and Kirk give them. Any
Vulcan training would have to wait until they were older. Spock
tickled T'Krystyn under the chin, calling to
mind his memory of the nonsense words Kirk had advised him to look up
after McCoy spoke them to the infant bearing his and Kirk's names:
"Oochy-woochy-koochy-koo..." He paused, glancing quickly around the
Officers' Lounge to see if anyone other than Kirk and Christine was
watching him, deeply embarrassed. Fortunately, no one was; he
returned his attention
to T'Krystyn. "Oochy-woochy-koochy-koo," he repeated softly, with a
little more conviction in his voice this time, tickling her feet now.
T'Krystyn laughed and kicked her feet.
Kirk sensed that Spock was pleased with her reaction, but very
uncomfortable with this nonsensical way of talking to her that was
admittedly not really his style. "Of course, there are other things
you can say," he pointed out.
Spock looked up at him gratefully. "Such as?"
"Here, I'll show you. Give her to me."
Spock picked up T'Krystyn and handed her curiously to Kirk.
Kirk took her, holding T'Krystyn under the arms and wiggling her
gently as he looked at her. "How's my big girl today?" he crooned
softly. "Have you been a good girl for Mommy and Daddy?"
T'Krystyn waved her arms at him and responded with a long gurgling
sound.
Kirk glanced over at Spock. "That means 'yes'," he informed the
Vulcan.
"Obviously," Spock replied mildly, watching Kirk with amusement in his
eyes.
Kirk returned his attention to T'Krystyn. "Want Uncle Jim to hold
you?" he continued, in the same tone as before. It had actually been
his idea to start calling himself that in front of the children, but
Spock had found it too appropriate to object to, and in fact,
Christine had begun to use it herself when she talked to the babies.
T'Krystyn began to lean toward him, still holding her arms out, and
Kirk drew her against him, cradling her in one arm.
On Christine's lap, T'Jaim--usually the quieter of the two--began to
babble excitedly and reach out in Kirk's direction as T'Krystyn,
obliviously content, began to make her own happy little noises as she
occupied herself with studying her hands. "Hold on, 'Uncle Jim'--I
think T'Jaim is jealous," Christine remarked.
"Two at once? Well, I'll try," Kirk agreed hesitantly. Spock took
T'Jaim from Christine and handed her to Kirk, who somehow managed to
maneuver her into the crook of his other arm.
Spock watched him in silent admiration for a time before speaking.
"How is it that you, who have no children of your own, have already
established such a strong bond with T'Jaim and T'Krystyn?" he asked
finally.
"Part of it is that I think *they* did most of the bonding," Kirk
explained. "The rest was mainly just instinct. Most Humans do love
children."
Spock sighed heavily. "I hope this 'instinct' can be learned, Jim; at
the moment, your bond with them is stronger than mine," he reflected,
a note of despondency in his voice. "You have seen how it is. I
am...uncertain of myself...with babies. If I hold them incorrectly, I
could hurt them."
Kirk was surprised. "For someone who has as many little cousins as
you have--"
"You forget how long it had *been* between my last clan gathering and
the one at which Christine was presented. Most of the children you
saw there had not even been born then," Spock reminded him quietly.
"When was that?" Kirk inquired curiously.
"Just before I was assigned to the Enterprise, after my graduation
from Starfleet Academy," Spock recalled, striving to suppress the pain
that the memory still aroused within him. "It was a mistake. A large
mistake. I went because I felt...guilt...
for having missed the last one while at the Academy, and I was certain
that Sarek had had time to forgive me. He had not--nor
had anyone else in my clan--so I left after the first day. Until my
marriage to Christine, I never attended another clan gathering." No
one was more surprised than Spock at his apparent need to elaborate,
and he looked at Kirk now in embarrassment.
Kirk met his gaze reassuringly and carefully returned to their
original subject. "Spock, there's nothing to worry about. You are,
by nature, the gentlest man I've ever known--you wouldn't *let*
yourself hurt a baby, even accidentally," he pointed out consolingly.
"Being a father is bound to be hard, at first, and it may be harder
for you because you have so much else on your mind--but you will be
able to handle it."
"I trust so," Spock replied dubiously.
Kirk smiled affectionately at the expression in the Vulcan's eyes.
"McCoy told me you wanted to see me about something,"
he noted then.
Spock nodded, reaching to take T'Krystyn--who seemed to be on the
verge of falling asleep--from Kirk and placing her in the playpen,
covering her with one of the pink blankets as she continued to sleep,
before looking back up at his Captain. "As you are aware, I must
choose a Fuahn-shanah--a guardian to be designated at T'Jaim and
T'Krystyn's Initiation Ceremony--to care for our children in the even
that Christine and I both die prematurely," Spock began cautiously.
"Since custom permits only one guardian to be chosen, I have discussed
possible options with Christine, and...if you are willing, Jim, we
would like *you* to be Fuahn-shanah for T'Jaim and T'Krystyn."
Kirk felt himself blush slightly. "Of course, I'm willing...but are
you certain *I'm* the one you want? McCoy has more experience with
children than I do," he pointed out.
"I am certain. They seem--fond--of him as well, but...T'Jaim and
T'Krystyn prefer you." Not for the first time, Spock thought of how
much taking care of two children would interfere with Kirk's duties as
Captain. It hardly seemed fair to burden him with the extra
responsibility--especially since Kirk would feel obligated to accept,
whether he wanted to or not, because of their friendship. Spock began
to apologize--"If it would be too much of an imposition..." --but
stopped helplessly when he realized that no choice other than Kirk or
McCoy (each with virtually the same amount of professional duties and
obligations) was acceptable.
He was determined to insure that T'Jaim and T'Krystyn grew up in the
same emotionally warm and accepting atmosphere that he had not known
until Kirk and McCoy (and later, Christine) entered his life. T'Jaim
and T'Krystyn would never have that on Vulcan, Spock was certain--
especially since they were three-fourths Human--and his only other
option would be to name Amanda (not Sarek, for obvious reasons) to be
their guardian. Unable to find the words to explain all this, Spock
could only look into his Human friend's eyes and hope that Kirk's
usual empathy with him would assert itself now.
"Spock, it's all right," Kirk assured him, in response to the pleading
expression in the dark Vulcan eyes. "It's no imposition
--I'm honored. I just want you to be sure," he told Spock gently. The
first statement was a necessary bending of the truth; the second was
true. He did not want to dissuade Spock from doing
something that meant so much to him, if Spock was sure it was best for
the children.
"I *am* sure, Jim," Spock reiterated.
"If you're worried about me being too busy, I'll *make* the time for
them," Kirk promised him.
"I have no doubt of that, or I would not have chosen you," Spock
acknowledged quietly. "I suppose it would be more convenient if you
were married; however, I do not--"
"Oh, that reminds me. There's something in my cabin I'd like to show
you when you get the chance."
Spock raised an eyebrow at him curiously.
"As long as T'Krystyn's sleeping, why don't you go on and take T'Jaim
with you?" Christine suggested.
Spock looked at her dubiously. "Are you certain that that would be
advisable?"
Christine nodded. "Go ahead."
"Very well, but I will return shortly."
******
Minutes later, Kirk and Spock were in the Captain's cabin, Kirk still
carrying T'Jaim in his arms. He handed her to Spock and went to his
dresser, pausing to turn up the lights on his way, and picked up a
small box off the top of the dresser; Spock followed curiously with
T'Jaim, who had made one of her periodical discoveries of the IDIC
necklace that she (like
T'Krystyn) had worn since coming out of the artificial womb and was
now fully occupied in examining it. Kirk turned to him, showing him
the box. "Do you think T'Merit would like this?" he asked, opening
the box to reveal a simply-designed ring, silver with a row of tiny
alternating diamonds and sapphires across
the top.
Spock was too stunned to even think of suppressing the emotion. "I
did not even think you remembered T'Merit," he admitted. "You have
not spoken of her since we left Vulcan, almost a year ago."
"No, but I've thought about her. And what I've been thinking
is...that maybe she and I need each other." He was looking anxiously
at Spock, clearly seeking the Vulcan's approval, and the best Spock
could do was pretend to ignore the fact that this was looking more and
more like Kirk's relationship with Edith Keeler. With one exception:
Kirk had never had the chance to
give Edith a ring.
Spock examined it closely. "It is most attractive," he commented,
looking back up uncertainly at Kirk. "You told me that rings are a
part of Human courtship customs when I was attempting to 'court'
Christine. What significance does this particular ring have?"
"It's called a 'promise ring'. You give this to someone whom you're
serious about and whom you hope you'll be able to marry, eventually,"
Kirk explained.
"Have you ever given such a ring to anyone before?" Spock asked.
"Once, and it was ages ago. Obviously, it didn't work out," Kirk
recalled dryly. "I plan for this to be different."
"I am certain that T'Merit will be quite impressed," Spock opined
quietly.
"*You* don't sound very impressed," Kirk observed anxiously, trying to
read the emotions he saw in the Vulcan's eyes.
"I am *concerned*," Spock returned carefully. "If you intend to marry
T'Merit in the foreseeable future, there are certain things I wish to
remind you of...such as the fact that T'Merit is a full-blooded Vulcan
and you are a Human. Such a union is difficult, as Mother would tell
you, even under the best of circumstances
--and you and T'Merit would be separated much of the time." Spock
hesitated, wondering if he had misinterpreted the signs in Kirk's
manner; after all, Kirk had not actually *asked* for his advice. "You
*have* indicated an interest in my opinions on the subject, have you
not?"
"Yes, of course I have, Spock," Kirk assured him kindly. "As I told
you at the outset, I want you to be comfortable with it, and I *am*
going to need your advice along the way. But as for the rest of it,
if your mother can survive a marriage to a Vulcan, I think I can,
too."
"In that case, there is another possibility I must point out," Spock
continued slowly. "Your emotions toward her have remained intact, but
it is possible that *her* emotions toward *you* have changed. What if
she refuses your ring?"
Kirk sighed, and his expression told Spock that he had already
considered this. "Then I guess I'll be left with a few great
memories, a lot of regrets for what could've been, and one fancy cabin
ornament," he admitted, in a weak attempt at a joke.
"Except for the ring, situation normal." He gave Spock a sad little
smile as he closed the lid of the box.
And for the first time, Spock was finally, fully convinced that Kirk's
feelings for T'Merit *were*, in fact, genuine. Again, he was reminded
of one of the reasons he had permitted himself to accept Kirk's
friendship: Jim Kirk knew what it was to be lonely and could easily
empathize with similar emotions in him. The death of the few women he
had truly loved had done nothing to improve this situation, and Spock
was determined this time to
help things along, if he could--not contribute somehow to the
relationship's destruction and Kirk's continuing unhappiness as he had
in those other instances. "Jim...I hope she will respond as you wish
her to," he told Kirk earnestly. "Such a relationship could be
beneficial to both of you--and if you marry T'Merit, under
Vulcan law, you, too, would become my cousin. You...would then
officially be what I have for so long considered you: part of
my family. I can think of nothing more pleasant."
Kirk's smile became more genuine as he studied the affection and
concern in Spock's eyes. "My friend, maybe it's presumptuous of me,
but I've always considered us family, too
--and that won't change, whatever happens between me and T'Merit," he
promised warmly.
Spock nodded appreciatively in acceptance of this, but continued
anxiously. "Nonetheless, each time you speak of yourself and T'Merit,
I find myself thinking of.of Edith Keeler and Miramanee. Captain's
duties notwithstanding, I wish above all else for you to find
happiness, Jim."
"I know, and I'm grateful." Perhaps the lump in Kirk's throat had
something to do with the fact that his voice was barely above a
whisper. Wordlessly, he slipped an arm around Spock and hugged him;
it was the sort of response Spock had expected, and he did not object.
T'Jaim, distracted by Kirk's sudden closeness, looked up at him and
laughed.
"I agree with T'Jaim. Your behavior is most illogical," Spock
commented, but though his facial expression remained otherwise
controlled, there was a playful glint of humor behind the dark eyes as
he spoke.
"I don't really give a hang," Kirk retorted, carefully foregoing his
expletive of choice in front of the baby.
"At the moment, neither do I," Spock admitted conspiratorially, almost
whispering.
Kirk released him then and went to put up the box with the ring in it
back on top of his dresser.
"I should be returning to Christine, and I prefer not to have the
children separated for any longer than necessary," Spock told him
finally. "Do you wish to come with me?"
"Sure. Maybe I'll teach them some more illogical Human behavior and
make them more 'contaminated' than they already are."
Spock raised an eyebrow at the grin that indicated that Kirk was again
trying to make a joke. Then, finally, he permitted himself a tiny
smile in response as they headed toward the cabin door.
END PART 23
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