NEW: TOS, You Can't Go Home Again, 1/1 [G], K, Kirk's mom
lookat...@gmail.com
Author: Jungle Kitty and Lene Taylor
Contact: lookat...@gmail.com
Series: TOS but kinda not - see below
Posted: 5/11/09
Part: 1/1
Codes: K, Kirk's mom
Rating: G
Feedback: Yes, please.
Archive: ASC only
Summary: You can't go home again or maybe you just don't
want to.
Authors' note: This is an "outtake" from our live show
"Look At His Butt." We had to cut it for time but
thought folks online might enjoy it. The character of
Kirk's mom isn't based on TOS canon, new movie canon or
any other canon/fanon that we're aware of. "Marjorie"
sprang from our over-active imaginations and ruthlessly
took advantage of Kitty's ability to speak Minnesotan.
Websites:
Look At His Butt blog & podcast:
http://lookathisbutt.blogspot.com
Look At His Butt live show: http://lookathisbutt.com
Jungle Kitty's fiction: http://www.invisibleplanets.com
Lene Taylor's fiction: http://www.troubledscience.com
The Star Trek characters and universe are the property
of Paramount and Viacom. This not-for-profit piece of
fan fiction is not intended to infringe upon that. The
copyright applies only to the authors original
characters and creative content.
***
YOU CAN'T GO HOME AGAIN
COPYRIGHT 2009 Jungle Kitty and Lene Taylor
SCENE: The Kirk home in Iowa. Two women sit in
comfortable armchairs facing each other.
Marjorie Kirk (the mother of the illustrious Captain
James T. Kirk) is being interviewed about her famous
son's early life. She is a pudgy, happy woman. She wears
an apron with the slogan "Live Long and Potluck" written
on it. She speaks with a heavy Minnesota accent.
The Interviewer is an attractive business-like woman.
She carries a PADD and takes notes as Marjorie speaks.
She wears a fedora with a giant PRESS pass in the
hatband and a shiny mini-cape reminiscent of that worn
by Mrs. Conehead. At this point, she is a bit dazed from
listening to Marjorie's mom-centric views on everything
from mysteriously ripped shirts to Kirk's romantic
relationships with aliens.
We join the characters in mid-conversation.
***
INTERVIEWER: When was the last time Captain Kirk--
MARJORIE: Jimmy.
INTERVIEWER: --Jimmy was home for a visit.
MARJORIE: Well, it was a coupla years back and I was so
gosh darn happy to see him but ya know he was so
surprised that I'd turned his room into my sewin' room
for my crafts projects so he had to sleep on the pull-
out sofa in the livin' room but gosh, what did he think
I was gonna do, just let that perfectly good room sit
and keep on dustin' all his things? And what did I want
with a bunch of old comic books and magazines with
picture. of...well, you know. The church jumble sale was
real grateful to get most of 'em. Well, I could tell he
wasn't real happy with me but I didn't say anything. I
didn't want a fight. So ya know, that first night I made
a nice supper and then we played some cards and then he
said he was goin' out with some of his old friends which
was fine and I went to bed. Now I wasn't waitin' up for
him or anything like that but I woke up at 4 in the
mornin' because, well, who wouldn't with all the noise
and singin'? I bet the neighbors heard him too. But I
didn't say anything, I just got up at 6 like I always do
to make the coffee--I got that special space coffee that
he likes so much--and HE wakes up and hollers at me,
"Mom, I'm tryin' to sleep!" And I said I wasn't gonna
sneak around my own house just because *someone* can't
get in at a decent hour. So he got up and sat around in
his bathrobe drinkin' coffee and sulkin'. So I said, "Do
ya pout like that on the Enterprise?" and he muttered
something about "On the Enterprise, everyone does what I
tell 'em to." Well, I wasn't gonna take that kind of
sass from my own son! So I said, "You're not the captain
of this house and don't you forget it, mister!" So he
storms around and gets dressed and goes slammin' out and
I didn't see him again until almost suppertime. So we
ate the leftovers from the night before--I reheated 'em
and poured some Cream of Mushroom soup over them--oh
that soup is a godsend, he practically lived on it
growin' up--and we played some more cards of course and
then we both said we were sorry and he said he was goin'
out again. So I said real nice, "Don't stay out too late
now 'cause there's a lot goin' on tomorrow, doncha
know." And he said, "Well, what all's that?" And I said,
"Well, first of all, there's church of course, then out
to the cemetery to visit all the folk there, then your
old girlfriend Janet invited us for Sunday dinner--she's
just dyin' to see you again and I know she's planned
something real special." I wish he'd keep in touch with
her--she's such a nice woman and I still don't
understand why he let her get away. So he said "Ya ya,
I'll be back early, don't you worry." And the next
mornin' when I got up. he was already makin' the space
coffee and I thought, "Oh, isn't that nice?" Then he
says, "Oh gosh darn it, Mom, I got a call from the High
Muckity Muck of Outer Space and there's some emergency
and I gotta go back right away." Then he kisses me on
the cheek and disappears in one of those twinkly beams
before I can say a word about it. And I don't care how
high this Muckity Muck is, you should still be able to
say, "Sorry but I promised my mother I'd take her to
church."
(INTERVIEWER looks bemused.)
MARJORIE: But he's a good boy and I'm just so gosh darn
proud of him.
(CURTAIN.)
Ster Julie
Peace!
Julianna
rocky...@gmail.com
> Title: You Can't Go Home Again
> Author: Jungle Kitty and Lene Taylor
Somewhere Thomas Wolfe rolling in his grave. Or cracking up. Or both.
Yeah, definitely both.
This one is right up there with the ice-fishing story. Thanks for
posting!
-Rocky
Visit Rocky's Road to Voyager
http://www.angelfire.com/yt/rockyroad
Cath
Thank you.
Cath
lookat...@gmail.com
Thanks for enjoying this little snippet. It's funny how the voice of
"Marjorie" gets in my head. Whenever Lene and I work on the live show,
"Marjorie" pipes up with more strange observations about "Jimmy"
working in "the outer space" -- much more than we can ever use in the
show. So you may see more outtakes!
Thanks again -
Jungle Kitty