NEW: TSU: The Rescue, PG-13, 1/1
Jungle Kitty
NEW: TSU: The Rescue, PG-13, 1/1
Date:
Mon, 15 Feb 1999 17:59:11 +0000
From:
Jungle Kitty <jki...@accesscom.com>
Organization:
SPOK (Society for the Preservation Of Kirkology)
To:
ascem <as...@earthlink.net>
Title: TSU: The Rescue
Author: Jungle Kitty
Series: TSU
Part: 1/1
Codes: TSU
Rating: PG-13
Summary: As promised, Jungle Kitty & friends rescue Judith
from the TupperTrek universe. This is dedicated to Kaki,
Judith, and Greywolf, because all rescues are mutual. And a
special tip of the ears to Billy Wilder, in appreciation of
"Some Like It Hot."
(c) Jungle Kitty 1999
http://www.accesscom.com/~jkitty
The Star Trek characters and universe are the property of
Paramount and Viacom. The TSU and other real folk belong to
themselves. This not-for-profit piece of fan fiction is not
intended to infringe upon that. The copyright applies only to
the author's original characters and creative content.
Feedback is welcome. If you post it to ASCEM(L),
please send me a copy at jki...@accesscom.com.
***
TSU: THE RESCUE
The two figures tottered unsteadily toward the doorway
marked "The REAL K/S Fandom--Fundamentalists Only. Dress
code strictly enforced."
"Jim," the taller of the two said, "I still do not
understand why we must engage in this subterfuge."
"We have to find Judith. And I want to know what's going on
in this TupperTrek Universe. Ouch!" Kirk cried as his ankle
turned painfully. Hopping on one foot, he rubbed the injured
appendage. "How *do* they walk in these things?" he muttered
as he stepped back into his three-inch high heels.
"I believe their ability to function in such footwear can be
attributed to the way their weight is distributed. I, too,
find it uncomfortable."
"Uncomfortable? It's torture. Are my seams straight?" Kirk
turned and displayed the back of two very shapely legs.
"Quite straight."
"Will you two hurry up?" A flame-haired woman of generous
proportions stepped out of the shadows. "Greywolf's already
gone in. You should have seen him. I lent him my Deanna Troi
dress."
"Sorry, Kitty," Kirk said. "We had a little trouble in the
wardrobe department."
"*And* the makeup department, *and* the hair department,"
Spock continued in an irritable tone.
"I like to look my best, all right?" Kirk answered
peevishly. "I don't know how women deal with all of that."
"Oh, quit your bitchin'," Jungle Kitty growled. "No one's
asking you to have a baby."
She eyed them critically, thinking that the basket-weave
hairdo did nothing for either of them. With a defeated
sigh, she moved toward the doorway.
"Wait." Kirk turned to Spock uncomfortably. "Spock...does
this dress make me look fat?"
Before the Vulcan could respond, Jungle Kitty pulled him
aside and murmured, "The answer to that question is always
'No.'"
"Vulcans never lie."
"They do when they want to stay in a relationship."
Spock considered his options, turned to Kirk, and said, "No,
you do not appear fat."
"Are you lying?" Kirk asked.
"Yes."
"All right, let's go," Kitty said impatiently, and pushed
the door open.
***
"Hi, Hello Kitty! Welcome!"
Relieved that her disguise (a Hello Kitty sweater and pink
hair ribbons) had proven successful, Kitty gushed like
the winner of the Miss America pageant. "Amber Rose St.
Swithinsmyth! Samantha Vulcanheart! Kiss-kiss! I've brought
along two newbies. This is Jamie--"
The blond fluttered her eyelashes and smiled sweetly.
"And this is--"
"Daphne," said the dark-haired newbie.
Amber Rose eyed them suspiciously. They hadn't admired her
tasteful new sweater set and were therefore not to be
trusted. "Where are you from?"
"Cheboygan," Jamie replied at the same moment that Daphne
answered, "Chicago."
"We have to be extra careful lately," Samantha explained,
her eyes filling with tears for no apparent reason. "There
have been rumors that people from another universe have been
trying to sneak in." She rattled her bracelets, perhaps to
ward off evil. "The TSU Universe."
"TSU!" Jamie repeated, shuddering dramatically. "We wouldn't
be caught *dead* at TSU--"
"Well, gotta go!" Kitty said brightly as she hauled her two
charges away. When they were out of earshot of the others,
she hissed, "*Daphne*?"
"I do not care for the name Sally. And while we are on the
topic of names, I am not overly fond of Sport."
"All right. But no more last minute switches, understand?
Now where's Grey--I mean Geraldine?"
"Right here, dearie," said a voice behind her.
Kitty and the two newbies turned and were greeted by a short
curvaceous person.
"Geraldine?" Jamie gulped, staring down hir cleavage.
"Amazing what whalebone can do, what?" chortled Geraldine,
happily hoisting hir drink.
"Don't spill on that dress! I have to wear it to a wedding
next week!" Kitty warned.
At that moment, the meeting was called to order.
"Welcome, ladies, welcome!" cried a tidy, cheerful little
woman at the podium.
The welcome was returned in the form of girlish giggles and
high-pitched calls of "Hi, Junie Mae Jo!" and "Yoo hoo!"
"Do you like my new jacket?" Junie Mae Jo asked. "I made it
myself." She began pointing out the badly doctored
photographs that were glued to her perfectly crocheted
garment. "Here's Kirk and Spock holding hands at Niagara
Falls. And here they are looking at each other's baby
pictures. And here they are reading Bride Magazine--"
As the TupperTrekkers oohed and aahed, the TSU folk groaned
and made retching noises. Junie Mae Jo's head snapped up,
and she addressed the crowd, sounding like John Cleese at
his most outrageously pompous.
"Are there any *men* here?"
"No! No! Men? No! Never!" cried the feminine chorus.
"I wouldn't be caught *dead* with men," Jamie babbled to the
woman next to hir. "Rough, hairy beasts, and they all just
want one thing from a girl--"
Hir diatribe was cut off when Kitty elbowed hir in the side
and whispered, "Don't overdo it."
"Then the meeting will come to order," Junie Mae Jo
announced as she fluffed her poofty-do. "Let's proceed with
the committee reports. We'll start off with Samantha
Vulcanheart."
"Thank you, Junie Mae Jo," Samantha said as she stepped up
to the podium. "This month at CHEESES--the Committee for
Hot, Explicit, Erotic Sex in Every Story--we've been working
on the corrections to 'Eye for an Eye.' We decided it would
take too much time to write a sex scene, so we copied one
from some Nanny fanfic, changing the names, of course. And I
hope we didn't overstep our bounds, but we removed all the
contractions from Spock's speech, took out the disgusting
parts where Kirk and Spock were attracted to women, and gave
it a happy ending!"
The crowd cheered and applauded.
"Excellent work!" Junie Mae Jo cried. "I'm sure we're all
grateful to the CHEESES ladies. Now, Amber Rose, what have
you been up to?"
Amber Rose heaved a heartfelt sigh. "I think it was very
unfair of you to assign me to 'The Uneasy Dancers.' This is
a lot tougher than you realize. There are quite a few K/Sers
who are actually enjoying those--those--those Brandt
stories!"
"I hope you're taking down names," Junie Mae Jo said
sternly.
"Don't worry, I am. But I can't fix that story without
fixing 'Blood Claim' and 'The 1000th Woman' and all the
other stories. So I think we just should ban the whole
series!"
The crowd murmured its assent.
"No, ladies, we can't do that," Junie Mae Jo said
condescendingly. "That would be censorship. However, we can
remove all the objectionable parts."
"Ahhhhh!"
"Excuse me." Daphne raised hir hand. "I fail to understand
the reasoning behind your assertion that it is acceptable to
remove the parts to which you object. Would that not be
considered censorship?"
"Oh, no, no, no!" Junie Mae Jo chortled like a clogged
drain. "That's editorial control."
"Hooray!" the crowd responded. "Three cheers for editorial
control!"
"Now, Amber Rose," Junie Mae Jo continued sympathetically,
"why don't you just go through all the stories and change
Brandt to Spock? That shouldn't be too hard."
"But what about the parts where she laughs and smiles and--"
"That's all right, as long as you make it the special laugh
and special smile that Spock saves only for Jim."
"All right," Amber grumbled and sat back down.
"But be sure to leave in the part in 'Blood Claim' where she
cries. I love when Spock cries, don't you?"
The crowd sighed its agreement.
"But only if it causes Jim to realize how much he loves him!
Yes, that's true love," Junie Mae Jo said wistfully.
Daphne leaned in to hir companions and whispered, "I believe
I see Ms. Gran. She is tied to a chair behind the podium."
Indeed she was. Bound hand and foot with a very nice macrame
rope.
"Good, Spo--er, Daphne!" Jamie said. "You two create a
diversion and..." Hir voice trailed off as Junie Mae Jo
continued.
"I would like to propose a toast to all the fine work we're
doing to preserve the Sacred and Undying Love of Kirk and
Spock. So let us all raise our white wine spritzers--"
"Is that what this is? Bleagh!" Geraldine spit on the floor.
"--and salute our Noble Cause. To the Glorification of K/S
Through Pussification!"
"Pussification!" echoed the crowd ecstatically.
"NOW THAT'S ENOUGH!" A bright, golden, *male* voice cut
through the hubbub.
The TupperTrekkers fluttered and tut-tutted, and a few even
fainted, for no reason other than it seemed like the girly
thing to do. Greywolf sat down on one of the larger ones,
lit up a joint, and settled back to enjoy the show.
"Who's that?"
"It's that newbie!"
"It's a TSU person!"
"KILL HER!"
"LISTEN TO ME!" Jamie roared in a voice that every person in
that room should have recognized. And it was downright
criminal how few did. "You have no right to pussify Kirk and
Spock! I *demand* that you release them from the Tupperware
hell in which you have imprisoned them!"
"How dare you?" Jeanie Mae Jo cried. "You're just a newbie!
Who are you to tell us--?"
"I'll tell you who I am." Jamie tore off hir wig. "I'm James
T. Kirk!"
GASP!
Jeanie Mae Jo fainted dead away. Then her toes curled up and
her feet disappeared under a nearby table.
<Standard Kirk speech, in which he explains the error of
their ways. You're not really going to make me write it out,
are you?>
***
THREE HOURS LATER--TSU UNIVERSE, A BAR ADJACENT TO BOTH
ASCEM AND ASC
"Well, all's well that ends well," Judith raised her glass
in a toast.
"Here's to TrekSmut, in all its wondrous variety, and its
fans, in all *their* wondrous variety!" Greywolf cried,
breathing a hearty sigh of relief. He really hated that
whalebone.
Spock solemnly nodded in agreement. He was most relieved to
be back in his uniform, free of wig and makeup. Although he
had rather enjoyed the blue eyeshadow...
"Hear, hear!" cried all the TSUers. Yes, all of them had
managed to gather around the small table. You, too. You're
right over there, flirting with the waiter.
"Where's the captain?" Judith asked. "I would think he'd be
celebrating with us."
"He is exercising his testimonium fortitudinis," Spock
explained.
"What?"
"Doing what he does best," JK said. "Seducing the enemy into
seeing things his way."
"But they all agreed! K/S must embrace IDIC, or it's all a
sham. Who's left to seduce?" Kaki asked.
At that moment, they were joined by the lovely Jamie, only
slightly disheveled from hir latest conquest. The delectable
human dropped an extremely expensive bracelet onto the
table, which landed with a loud THUNK! Then Jamie sank into
a chair and muttered, "I feel like such a tramp. Taking
gifts under false pretenses."
"There is a Vulcan expression." Spock put his mouth near his
t'hy'la's ear and whispered, "Get it while you are young."
Jamie smiled just a little, then a little more. Finally hir
face broke into a huge grin, and the captain of the
Enterprise shouted for a round of Romulan ale.
"Mission accomplished, Captain?" JK asked.
"Oh, yes," Kirk replied, as he doffed his wig and wiped off
his makeup with the cocktail napkins. "Very much so."
"Romulan ale?" Kaki asked. "Isn't that a little pricey?"
"Don't worry about it." Kirk picked up the weighty, diamond-
studded bracelet and dangled it from his fingertips as his
hazel eyes sparkled merrily. "It's on Mr. Ordover's tab."
The ale arrived and, after pouring out a glass for each of
his companions, Kirk stood, raised his glass high, and said
in a ringing voice, "To Pocket Books' newest series--
*Really* Strange, *Really* New Worlds!"
[The End]
***
NOTE: Happy endings, hot sex, special smiles, and crying all
have their place in K/S. But nothing but? Not for me, thank
you. And I have never encountered anyone on this newsgroup
who would actually agree that certain types of stories
should be banned, censored, or "editorially controlled." But
in the TupperTrek universe...brrrrr.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Remember to vote in the '98 Golden Orgasms:
http://www.blimpht.com/go98/
Send all voting forms to <go...@blimpht.com> and *NOT* the newsgroup!
Posting to ASCEM is easy: send your messages to <as...@earthlink.net>
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/ASCEML
Wildcat
alt-startrek-creati...@moderators.uu.net
From:
Wildcat <wildc...@yahoo.com>
Subject:
Re: NEW: TSU: The Rescue, PG-13, 1/1
Date:
Tue, 16 Feb 1999 21:55:25 -0800
Organization:
InfiNet
Reply-To:
wildc...@yahoo.com
To:
Jungle Kitty <jki...@accesscom.com>
Jungle Kitty wrote:
> Daphne leaned in to hir companions and whispered, "I believe
> I see Ms. Gran. She is tied to a chair behind the podium."
>
> Indeed she was. Bound hand and foot with a very nice macrame
> rope.
Well! All's well that ends well. I'm so glad you're back with us
Judith, and I must say that the sweater looks lovely on you. Is that
a
picture of Kirk and Spock doing the tango? They look particularly
dashing in their matching powder blue tuxedos. I have to tell you,
though, that you might have overdone it with the poofty-do, my dear.
Ta ta!
Tiffany Ashley-Violet Wildvulcanlovecat
Sydvick
Re: NEW: TSU: The Rescue, PG-13, 1/1
Date:
From:
syd...@aol.comjoy (Sydvick)
Organization:
AOL http://www.aol.com
To:
jki...@accesscom.com
Newsgroups:
alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated
References:
1
Did I say that you are sick? How could you even expose our boys to possible
tupperware contamination. It was toooo dangerous. I shiver at the thought.
My heart is single and cannot be divided
And it is fastened on a single hope;
Oh you, who might be the moon
Until I die, I shall not give up lovesongs.
Oh God, forgive me my shortcomings
SOMALI LOVESONG
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Remember to vote in the '98 Golden Orgasms: http://www.blimpht.com/go98/
Send all voting forms to <go...@blimpht.com> and *NOT* the newsgroup!
Posting to ASCEM is easy: send your messages to <as...@earthlink.net>
To subscribe or unsubscribe to the mirror list, contact anne <asc...@aol.com>
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/ASCEML
Scarlet
Re: NEW: TSU: The Rescue, PG-13, 1/1
Date:
From:
Scarlet <sca...@mbox301.swipnet.se>
To:
"'jki...@accesscom.com'" <jki...@accesscom.com>
CC:
"'as...@earthlink.net'" <as...@earthlink.net>
Jungle Kitty wrote: NEW: TSU: The Rescue
LOL! Wonderful -- just wonderful! <wipes eyes>
> The two figures tottered unsteadily toward the doorway
> marked "The REAL K/S Fandom--Fundamentalists Only.
Boy, I was so afraid to meet myself in there...
> "Hear, hear!" cried all the TSUers. Yes, all of them had
> managed to gather around the small table. You, too.
> You're right over there, flirting with the waiter.
Great! Thanks for inviting me! Mmmm... and the waiter
looks yummy, too.
> "There is a Vulcan expression." Spock put his mouth near his
> t'hy'la's ear and whispered, "Get it while you are young."
I'm so glad you created a Treksmut version of "Some Like It Hot".
> NOTE: Happy endings, hot sex, special smiles, and crying all
> have their place in K/S. But nothing but? Not for me, thank
> you.
Checking... my latest story also had a spanking and a history
lesson, so I should stay out of TupperTrek Universe, also known
as TSU Hell, at least this time... Brrrr! I'll try to be good!
(Or should I try to be bad?)
Thanks for another great story, JK!
Scarlet
--------------------------------------------------------------------
In space, no one can hear you scream.
In cyberspace, no one can see you blush. -- Scarlet
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Judygran
Re: NEW: TSU: The Rescue, PG-13, 1/1
Date:
From:
judy...@aol.com (Judygran)as...@earthlink.net
Newsgroups:
alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated
References:
1
Tiffany Ashley-Violet Wildvulcanlovecat writes,
>Is that
>a
>picture of Kirk and Spock doing the tango? They look particularly
>dashing in their matching powder blue tuxedos.
Be still my heart!
Tiffany Ashley-Violet, I hope you like the rewrite of "An Eye for An Eye." I
know you would agree with me, that story had SO MUCH potential! I mean, the
boys in 19th-century Kentucky--what's not to like? They look so adorable in
those overalls! With a few sex scenes added, it could be renamed "Splendor in
the Bluegrass."
Judith, still fighting the afteraffects of her stay in the TupperTrek universe,
but promising to write a *real* review of "An Eye for an Eye" very soon.
Judygran
Re: NEW: TSU: The Rescue, PG-13, 1/1
Date:
Thanks for the rescue! It gave me a bit of a start when the Boys showed up in
drag, but I realize it was the only way they could enter the sanctum sanctorum
of True K/S Fandom. I knew that everything was back to normal when Kirk gave
that long-winded speech.
It sure is nice to be back in my own universe,
Judith
Laura Jacquez Valentine
Re: ASCEML - NEW: TSU: The Rescue, PG-13, 1/1
Date:
17 Feb 1999 10:03:46 -0500
From:
Laura Jacquez Valentine <jacq...@andrew.cmu.edu>
To:
as...@earthlink.net
YES! Kudos, kudos, KUDOS!
--laura, whose All-Time-Favorite-Movie is...you guessed it...Some Like
It Hot
Kaki
Re: NEW: TSU: The Rescue, PG-13, 1/1
Date:
Thu, 18 Feb 1999 22:23:41 -0600
From:
Kaki <ka...@ipass.net>
Organization:
iPass.Net
To:
alt-startrek-creati...@moderators.isc.org
Newsgroups:
alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated
References:
1
But Tupperware is useful. A nice seal for the lube. Or a covered bowl for the
plomeek soup. One can never have too much tupperware.
Kathleen
Sydvick wrote:
> Subject:
> Re: NEW: TSU: The Rescue, PG-13, 1/1
> Date:
> 16 Feb 1999 03:50:01 GMT
> From:
> syd...@aol.comjoy (Sydvick)
> Organization:
> AOL http://www.aol.com
> To:
> jki...@accesscom.com
> Newsgroups:
> alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated
> References:
> 1
>
> Did I say that you are sick? How could you even expose our boys to possible
> tupperware contamination. It was toooo dangerous. I shiver at the thought.
>
> My heart is single and cannot be divided
> And it is fastened on a single hope;
> Oh you, who might be the moon
> Until I die, I shall not give up lovesongs.
> Oh God, forgive me my shortcomings
> SOMALI LOVESONG
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Remember to vote in the '98 Golden Orgasms:
http://www.blimpht.com/go98/
Send all voting forms to <go...@blimpht.com> and *NOT* the newsgroup!
Posting to ASCEM is easy: send your messages to <as...@earthlink.net>
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/ASCEML
Kaki
Re: NEW: TSU: The Rescue, PG-13, 1/1
Date:
From:
Kaki <ka...@ipass.net>
Organization:
iPass.Net
To:
alt-startrek-creati...@moderators.isc.org
Newsgroups:
alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated
References:
1
But you don't get to stay there long. here the sounds of The Tupperware Zone!
Judygran wrote:
> Subject:
> Re: NEW: TSU: The Rescue, PG-13, 1/1
> Date:
> 17 Feb 1999 13:44:44 GMT
> From:
> judy...@aol.com (Judygran)
> Organization:
> AOL http://www.aol.com
> To:
> jki...@accesscom.com
> Newsgroups:
> alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated
> References:
> 1
>
> Thanks for the rescue! It gave me a bit of a start when the Boys showed up in
> drag, but I realize it was the only way they could enter the sanctum sanctorum
> of True K/S Fandom. I knew that everything was back to normal when Kirk gave
> that long-winded speech.
>
> It sure is nice to be back in my own universe,
>
> Judith
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~