NEW: TSU: Testimonium Fortitudinis
Jungle Kitty
NEW: TSU: Testimonium Fortitudinis
Date:
Wed, 27 Jan 1999 22:03:17 +0000
From:
Jungle Kitty <jki...@accesscom.com>
Organization:
SPOK (Society for the Preservation Of Kirkology)
To:
ascem <as...@earthlink.net>
Title: TSU: Testimonium Fortitudinis
Author: Jungle Kitty
Series: TSU
Part: 1/1
Codes: TSU
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Another universe-shattering discovery from the
Professor of Kirkology.
(c) Jungle Kitty 1999
http://www.accesscom.com/~jkitty
The characters in this story may or may not be fictional--
I'll let each of them make hir own decision.
Feedback is welcome. If you post it to ASC or ASCEM(L),
please send me a copy at jki...@accesscom.com.
***
TESTIMONIUM FORTITUDINIS
Ah, yes. Another beautiful morning at TrekSmut University.
The fountain spurting gloriously, Loch Emuptite placid and
mysterious, Bobby tut-tutting as he matches nouns and verbs.
And in Ten-Backwards (known to the uninitiated as the TOS
Faculty Lounge), the esteemed scions of erotica academia
were enjoying their morning comestibles.
Suddenly, the silence was shattered by an ecstatic scream,
and Jungle Kitty burst in, sputtering unintelligibly. How
can you tell, you ask. How, indeed?
Slamming down the Well Endowed William Shatner chair, she
waved her arms excitedly and babbled, "Mrph--Krgh--thbbb--"
"You can't do the whole thing until you tell us what it is,"
said Ned, who was always up for a good pantomime. "Movie,
book, or song?"
Drawing a deep breath, JK grabbed raku by the collar and
demanded, "What's the word? When you figure out something
really great and want to get people's attention so you can
make an important announcement?"
"Eureka?" raku suggested.
"YES! That's it!" She flung raku back into hir chair.
"Eureka, everybody! Eureka!"
All heads turned indulgently towards the Kirkologist, who
had been known in the past to become excessively excited
over Treksmuttish minutiae. But such are the makings of a
true genius--or nutcase. And in this instance, the jury was
still out.
"I have just made a discovery," she announced importantly,
"that will revolutionize Kirkology!"
"Again?" jonk muttered, momentarily distracted from hir
morning JiffyPop.
"JK," Wildcat said kindly. "At the TupperTrek party--by any
chance, were those *magic* snicker-doodles?"
Gayle looked up from her sewing and frowned. "If you're
going to use *language,* I'm going to have to leave."
"NOBODY LEAVES!" Kitty roared. "Now." She smiled sweetly.
"This insight came to me--as do all great insights--while I
was walking Buster."
At the sound of his name, Buster's ears perked up, but JK's
bright, quick, cute, and perpetually horny dog continued to
hump Scarlet's leg. Smiling politely, Scarlet made the
mistake of petting him, which he took to mean, 'Oh, baby--
harder--faster--give it to me good!'
Jungle Kitty, who took her responsibilities as a dog owner
very seriously (and was acutely aware that she was being
upstaged), growled, "Hey, you in the dog suit! Knock! It!
Off!"
Buster immediately ceased his inappropriate behavior. (And
that is how we know this is fiction.) Skittering fearfully
past Doctor Science, he cruised the rest of the room, giving
each Tosser a strangely soulful gaze that could only be
interpreted as slashy.
"Do you find it odd that Jungle Kitty has a dog?" Ned
whispered to jonk, who was politely passing around the
JiffyPop. No one was eating any, of course.
"Not *that* dog," jonk replied as Buster cornered Laurel and
singled her out for a very special friendship.
"Attention over here, please!" JK called out in her best
training persona voice. "I was thinking about Kirk and
EVEs--" she began, strangely lit from the Kirk-light that
burned deep within her soul. Not to mention the champagne
she'd had on her cornflakes that morning.
"Wake me when she says something new," Laura JV mumbled as
she flopped down on the sofa.
"You should really pay attention here," JK said sternly. "I
am about to rescue you from the judgment of the ages. If not
for the incredible wisdom that I am about to impart, you
would all go down in history as the Treksmut equivalent of
the Flat Earth Society."
"Well, now I'm impressed," beamed Mary Ellen. "I wasn't sure
you knew the Earth was round."
"That was second-grade science, Doc. It was *third* grade
where they lost me."
"Will everyone just be quiet and let her talk?" raku
entreated. "The sooner she finishes, the sooner we can poke
holes in her theory."
"This theory is hole-proof!" JK crowed. "Ahem. The EVE I was
pondering was the one on the bridge--"
"The bridge had an EVE?" Arachnethe2 asked, frowning.
"No, *Kirk* had the EVE *while* he was on the bridge. And
the episode was 'Obsession.' It's a very mysterious EVE, one
that is not easily explained. He just bursts out of the
turbolift, with his manly bits at their most manly and least
bit-like."
"And it couldn't possibly have anything to do with Janice
Rand standing right behind him, wiping her mouth and
brushing off her kneecaps," sniggered Robin.
JK's eyes narrowed. "Although I agree that the only
believable role for the pasty-faced Rand would be that of a
fluffer, she does *not* appear in the scene in question. Nor
does Kirk ever--EVER--need a fluffer. Now--back to a more
credible explanation. Why does Kirk have a hard-on? Spock is
on the other side of the bridge, and Kirk comes out of the
turbolift fully erect, before he even sees Spock--"
"Anticipation?" sydvick suggested.
"Please. This is not a ketchup commercial. Now where was I?
Oh, yes! There's no beautiful female guest star nearby.
They're in the middle of a crisis. And then it came to me!
It's so obvious! *They're in the middle of a crisis!*"
There was a long silence before Judith prompted, "And...?"
"*Aaaaand*...In the *middle* of a *crisis*, in the *face* of
*almost* *certain* *death*--"
"JK, Bobby's going to take away your asterisks again,"
warned Wildcat.
Ignoring the interruption, JK continued triumphantly,
"Captain Kirk displays his *testimonium fortitudinis*!"
"Ahhhh!" Judith sighed.
"Huh? Say what?" from Greywolf.
"Testimony to fortitude," explained the ever-helpful raku.
"Proof of courage."
"Exactly!" JK cried. "Thank you, raku. I knew you would
understand."
"I understand the *phrase,* but I have no idea what you're
talking about."
"Then I shall enlighten you. Imagine this. You're a junior
officer, or a non-com, perhaps even a crewman. You've never
been in such a terrifying situation. You're scared shitless.
And then you see the captain, with a pole in his pants that
you could run a flag up and salute! You'd think, 'Well,
gosh, maybe things aren't so bad after all!' And even if you
*do* think things *are* so bad, you'd say to yourself, 'Now
*that's* fortitude! If the captain can face death with a
woody you could drive nails with, then, by god, I can at
least sit up straight and stop sniveling!' That humongous
testimonium fortitudinis inspires the crew and carries the
day!"
Totally carried away with herself, JK executed a flourishing
double-titty-pop curtsy.
(A double-titty-pop curtsy is actually rather impressive,
but, when done with a flourish while carried away with
oneself, it can be quite painful. But some things are Just
Worth It.)
"Ow..." she moaned as she left the room, tenderly massaging
her nipples.
After throwing Laurel a "catch ya later, babe" look, Buster
followed.
The occupants of Ten-Backwards stared at each other.
"Well...I'll give her this much. It's original." jonk
munched thoughtfully on the last of the JiffyPop.
"Where did she ever learn a term like testimonium
fortitudinis?" asked raku, shaking hir head in disbelief.
"I mentioned it to her," Judith explained. "But I was
talking about a painting of the crucifixion."
"You know, it's not completely implausible," mused Ned.
"Those scenes where they're all about to die and they turn
to Kirk..."
The Tossers turned to each other as the light dawned
simultaneously in each and every one of them.
"Waiting for wood!" they breathed in awe.
Eureka, indeed.
[The End]
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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Rae Trail
Re: [ASCEML] NEW: TSU: Testimonium Fortitudinis
Date:
Thu, 28 Jan 1999 14:07:39 -0800 (PST)
From:
Rae Trail <rae_...@yahoo.com>
To:
as...@earthlink.net
CC:
jki...@accesscom.com
---Jungle Kitty wrote:
Way too many ROFLOL parts for a single response to cover!
>
> Slamming down the Well Endowed William Shatner chair, she
> waved her arms excitedly and babbled, "Mrph--Krgh--thbbb--"
>
> "You can't do the whole thing until you tell us what it is,"
> said Ned, who was always up for a good pantomime. "Movie,
> book, or song?"
!!!!! I can see this moment. I'm still giggling.
>
> "I have just made a discovery," she announced importantly,
> "that will revolutionize Kirkology!"
>
> "Again?" jonk muttered, momentarily distracted from hir
> morning JiffyPop.
>
> "JK," Wildcat said kindly. "At the TupperTrek party--by any
> chance, were those *magic* snicker-doodles?"
>
> Gayle looked up from her sewing and frowned. "If you're
> going to use *language,* I'm going to have to leave."
I have attended faculty lounges that were nearly this silly, and I
have to hand you... hand you something. Oh it! I have to hand it to
you! This is wicked!
""I
> am about to rescue you from the judgment of the ages. If not
> for the incredible wisdom that I am about to impart, you
> would all go down in history as the Treksmut equivalent of
> the Flat Earth Society."
JK, you are the history of Treksmut, I think.
> "And it couldn't possibly have anything to do with Janice
> Rand standing right behind him, wiping her mouth and
> brushing off her kneecaps," sniggered Robin.
>
> JK's eyes narrowed. "Although I agree that the only
> believable role for the pasty-faced Rand would be that of a
> fluffer, she does *not* appear in the scene in question. Nor
> does Kirk ever--EVER--need a fluffer. Now--back to a more
> credible explanation. Why does Kirk have a hard-on? Spock is
> on the other side of the bridge, and Kirk comes out of the
> turbolift fully erect, before he even sees Spock--"
>
> "Anticipation?" sydvick suggested.
>
> "Please. This is not a ketchup commercial.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
It's so obvious! *They're in the middle of a crisis!*"
>
> There was a long silence before Judith prompted, "And...?"
>
> "*Aaaaand*...In the *middle* of a *crisis*, in the *face* of
> *almost* *certain* *death*--"
>
> "JK, Bobby's going to take away your asterisks again,"
> warned Wildcat.
I love this bit. I just *love* *this* *bit*!!!!!
>
> "Then I shall enlighten you. Imagine this. You're a junior
> officer, or a non-com, perhaps even a crewman.
I didn't think they let the crew on the bridge. I thought it was for
the main characters and people in red shirts who were scheduled to die
horribly in the next scene. Learn something new everyday, here. I
like TSU.
You've never
> been in such a terrifying situation. You're scared shitless.
> And then you see the captain, with a pole in his pants that
> you could run a flag up and salute! You'd think, 'Well,
> gosh, maybe things aren't so bad after all!' And even if you
> *do* think things *are* so bad, you'd say to yourself, 'Now
> *that's* fortitude! If the captain can face death with a
> woody you could drive nails with, then, by god, I can at
> least sit up straight and stop sniveling!'
Prof. Kitty, you get my vote for faculty member... I mean person, of
the year.
Thanks!
Rae
_________________________________________________________
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Ned Fox
Re: NEW: TSU: Testimonium Fortitudinis
Date:
Fri, 29 Jan 1999 00:48:40 -0000
From:
"Ned Fox" <n...@blimpht.com>
To:
<as...@earthlink.net>
CC:
"JK" <jki...@accesscom.com>
> Title: TSU: Testimonium Fortitudinis
> Author: Jungle Kitty
> Series: TSU
Please tell me you've given up the day job. I'll be
deeply belittled to learn that you can fit in such TrekSmut
prolificity with a Real Life. :-P
> "Do you find it odd that Jungle Kitty has a dog?" Ned
> whispered to jonk, who was politely passing around the
> JiffyPop. No one was eating any, of course.
I bet I *would* say this at some point. And I wouldn't
dream of touching hir JiffyPop, naturally. Oh, I owe you
for adding me to the TSU recurring characters pool; the
check's in the mail.
Ned
*************** ASCEM(L) - HOME OF TREKSMUT ***************
* *
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***********************************************************
Jungle Kitty
Re: [ASCEML] NEW: TSU: Testimonium Fortitudinis
Date:
Thu, 28 Jan 1999 14:21:47 -0800
From:
Jungle Kitty <jki...@accesscom.com>
To:
Rae Trail <rae_...@yahoo.com>
CC:
as...@earthlink.net
References:
1
Rae Trail wrote:
> I didn't think they let the crew on the bridge. I thought it was for
> the main characters and people in red shirts who were scheduled to die
> horribly in the next scene. Learn something new everyday, here. I
> like TSU.
Not sure, but yeomen are crew, aren't they? And there's always one of
them hanging around so that the captain can sign the spanking list. <g>
--
Jungle Kitty
http://www.accesscom.com/~jkitty
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why Jungle Kitty Is Always So Tired
(sung to the tune of "Family Tradition" with thanks to Hank, Jr.)
I say it's just my muse, resistance ain't no use
When the captain wants to work up some friction.
If I get stoned and write all night long,
It's just a Treksmut tradition.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Wildcat
Re: NEW: TSU: Testimonium Fortitudinis
Date:
Thu, 28 Jan 1999 17:50:11 -0800
From:
Wildcat <wildc...@yahoo.com>
Organization:
InfiNet
To:
alt-startrek-creati...@moderators.uu.net,
jki...@accesscom.com
Newsgroups:
alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated
References:
1
Jungle Kitty wrote:
> "Well, now I'm impressed," beamed Mary Ellen. "I wasn't sure
> you knew the Earth was round."
LOL!! This was great! I hope the little guy in the dog suit makes
another appearance someday. By the way, anyone seen Wanda and Scaley
Peanut recently? TSU's resident love-monkey may have just met his
match.
Wildcat
Raku2u
Re: NEW: TSU: Testimonium Fortitudinis
Date:
From:
rak...@aol.combunifufu (Raku2u)
Organization:
AOL http://www.aol.com
To:
<alt-startrek-creati...@moderators.isc.org>
Newsgroups:
alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated
References:
1
One of the many things I like about this ng is the length to which people and
entities go to support their fantasies. Heh heh. So to say.
See, my theories on the peculiar endowments that Kirk from time to time
exhibits are a) Viagra, and b) a horrible transporter accident when he was a
cadet, after which Starfleet equipped him with a special steel-belted item
that's warranted Never To Go Flat.
But those are just my theories. And I'll go to great lengths to support them.
But pretty good, JK--nice touches all across the board. And I'll keep a wary
eye on Buster should we ever meet.
raku, wondering why no one offered me any of the Jiffy Pop, and whether the TSU
machines stock Cheetos
-----
"Look! There's Barbie!" --a young friend on seeing Yeoman Rand for the first
time
mail me at rak...@aol.com
raku-ish stories at http://members.aol.com/Raku2u
-----
Scarlet
Re: NEW: TSU: Testimonium Fortitudinis
Date:
From:
Scarlet <sca...@mbox301.swipnet.se>
To:
"'as...@earthlink.net'" <as...@earthlink.net>
CC:
"'jki...@accesscom.com'" <jki...@accesscom.com>
Jungle Kitty wrote:
> "I have just made a discovery," she announced importantly,
> "that will revolutionize Kirkology!"
> [----]
> *Kirk* had the EVE *while* he was on the bridge. And the
> episode was 'Obsession.' It's a very mysterious EVE, one
> that is not easily explained. He just bursts out of the turbolift,
> with his manly bits at their most manly and least bit-like.
I tried to do my homework on this subject, professor,
but I couldn't see it! Why? Besause those stupid
Swedish subtitles were blocking the action!!!
I have always preferred subtitles to dubbing (imagine
hearing Kirk speaking in the voice of some stupid,
Swedish B-movie actor!) but now I'm not so sure.
I suppose I will have to write a nice letter to the
Swedish Channel 5 (may they live long and prosper
for giving us TOS re-runs) and kindly ask them if they
could, in case of an EVE, place the subtitles in some
less important part of the picture.
> "And it couldn't possibly have anything to do with Janice
> Rand standing right behind him, wiping her mouth and
> brushing off her kneecaps," sniggered Robin.
>
> JK's eyes narrowed. "Although I agree that the only
> believable role for the pasty-faced Rand would be that of a
> fluffer, she does *not* appear in the scene in question. Nor
> does Kirk ever--EVER--need a fluffer.
Nodding in agreement to both statements.
> Now--back to a more credible explanation.
> Why does Kirk have a hard-on?
> [----]
> It's so obvious! *They're in the middle of a crisis!*
> [----]
> And then you see the captain, with a pole in his pants that
> you could run a flag up and salute! You'd think, 'Well,
> gosh, maybe things aren't so bad after all!' And even if you
> *do* think things *are* so bad, you'd say to yourself, 'Now
> *that's* fortitude! If the captain can face death with a
> woody you could drive nails with, then, by god, I can at
> least sit up straight and stop sniveling!'
No wonder he has the most loyal and motivated crew in
Starfleet! A little more seriously, I can easily imagine
captain Kirk being aroused by the very presence of danger.
That's part of his way to "rise to the occasion" (so much
for seriousness).
Thanks for letting a freshman into the Faculty Lounge.
If I pet your dog some more, can I polish that Chair?
Scarlet
------------------------------------------------------------------
------------
In space, no one can hear you scream.
In cyberspace, no one can see you blush. -- Scarlet
------------------------------------------------------------------
------------
Trillseekr
Re: NEW: TSU: Testimonium Fortitudinis
Date:
From:
trill...@aol.comsnlybs (Trillseekr)
Organization:
AOL http://www.aol.com
To:
<alt-startrek-creati...@moderators.isc.org>
Newsgroups:
alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated
References:
1
In article <36b06c51...@news.mindspring.com>, Jungle Kitty
<jki...@accesscom.com> writes:
>"You know, it's not completely implausible," mused Ned.
>"Those scenes where they're all about to die and they turn
>to Kirk..."
>
>The Tossers turned to each other as the light dawned
>simultaneously in each and every one of them.
>
>"Waiting for wood!" they breathed in awe.
>
>Eureka, indeed.
Goddess help me, I actually *understood* this one. Eeep...
"Trilly"
Rae Trail
Sat, 30 Jan 1999 01:03:25 -0800 (PST)
From:
Rae Trail <rae_...@yahoo.com>
Subject:
Re: [ASCEML] Re: NEW: TSU: Testimonium Fortitudinis
To:
as...@earthlink.net
Cc:
sca...@mbox301.swipnet.se
---Scarlet wrote:
>
>
> Thanks for letting a freshman into the Faculty Lounge.
> If I pet your dog some more, can I polish that Chair?
>
> Scarlet
>
Scarlet, I think i adore you. you are the single best-tempered human
i have ever read.
I am placing your treksmut email-tag in my favs, that's all there is
to it.
Cheers,
Rae
_________________________________________________________
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Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com
Interested in the ASCEM(L) Round Robin? There's still time!
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