Munich '58 - The Conspiracy Theory
The Thack
fifty years ago now, when eight Manchester United greats of the future (and
a few reporters and backroom staff that no-one ever bothers about) perished
on that snowbound runway in Munich. The team were returning from a European
Cup tie in Belgrade when, having been forced to refuel at the German city's
airport, tragedy stuck. Initial reports suggested that the crash may have
been caused by a fuel leak, or that it was just an act of God, a cruel twist
of meteorological fate. The Glenn Miller Airways VC10 Boeing 717 simply
could not handle the adverse weather conditions of that snowy evening and
crashed, killing most of those on board.
But was it really just an accident, the result of one cruel and tragic
moment of runway mayhem? Or could there be a more sinister explanation for
the horrific events of that bleak winter's eve of half a century ago?
Well, recently discovered revelations could shed light on such an
alternative explanation. Papers released yesterday by the German
Bundesbildeschneidung (the equivalent of ous MI5) on their fifty-year rule
suggest that there was indeed a plot to assassinate the entire Manchester
United squad on that cataclysmic day. And there is much evidence in these
released papers that backs up such an outrageous claim.
Professor Wolfgang Affenschnitt, a former German spy and high-ranking member
of the organisation, speaks of his relief that the truth may finally come
out after all these years. "At ze time," he says, "I was working with top
people who were scared that ze Engleesh pig-dogs of Manchester Busy Babies
might be threatening to win World Cup in 1958. Of course, one is remembering
zat West Germany is best team in ze world back then, so we are not liking
this very much. It was ze plan of ze German Fussball authorities that this
threat be...how you are saying...neutralised. Jawohl, etc..."
The German Bundesliga Fussball Spieler decided that, in order that West
Germany would be sure to win the World Cup of that year, all top opposition
had to be minimalised. "Already," claims Professor Affenschnitt, "we are
putting ze kibosh on ze French schweinehunde by threatening to invade them
if they so much as put together a decent squad. Und ze Hungarians also we
are putting up ze shits with all manner of nasty promises. Wales, Scotland
und Northern Ireland we are not being arsed about, but ze Eeeglinsh are
causing us much worry. With their players such as Duncan Edwards, Dave Pegg,
Liam Whelan, Roger Byrne und especially Paddy fucking Crerand, we are very
worried indeed. So we are needing to do something drastic."
One of the papers released shows that the pilot of that ill-fated plane was
a football suicide bomber who had been specially trained to crash the
fucking plane on purpose. Heinrich Goebbels (no relation) had only ever
flown a plane once before, and that had been a model glider on his local
park. Also, it is claimed, the alcohol level in his blood was tested as
being 100 times over the legal limit for driving. Or crashing planes in the
snow. The autopsy report from February 1958 reads (in German): 'Herr
Goebbels (no relation) had obviously been drinking heavily before take-off,
and results show that he must have had the equivalent of eighteen bottles of
Heineken, a crate of Grolsch, three large brandies, two glasses of red wine
and two-litre bottle of White Lightning. How the cunt was able to see let
alone play a plane buggers me, let me tell you.'
But the most startling revelation from Professor Affenschnitt is that one of
the survivors that day was acting as an undercover German agent. It was, he
claims, the sole purpose of this devious individual to scupper the flight,
cause the deaths of the famous Busby Babes and stop England from winning the
World Cup that coming summer. However, when asked to reveal which player
this was, the professor was somewhat reticent. "Nein, nein," he said. "I
couldn't possibly divulge the name of this individual, for reasons of
national security. Even now this same person is still working undercover for
ze German Fussball authorities. But it is certain that this man was largely
responsible for the crash which is killing all them Mancs."
When further pressed, Professor Affenschnitt - a lifelong Manchester City
fan - would not reveal any of the secrets which he maintains must always be
kept under wraps. He would not be drawn on whether or not the person in
question had a bald head, nor if his daughter once presented the weather on
BBC1, nor even if he had a brother with a long neck who went off in the
country shooting small animals with a big fucking gun. Neither would he
intimate that this undercover agent was a boring old bastard who was jealous
of George Best because he was better, nor if the cunt had ever been a biased
and predictably pro-Manc twat all his fucking life. Whatever, the German
plan worked and the English threat to Teutonic dominance at the World Cup of
1958 was eliminated. If only Germany hadn't gone out in the group phases
anyway and the cup hadn't been won by Brazil. The daft Kraut bastards.
Darth Simian
news:N7oqj.111004$Kt4....@fe3.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> (and a few reporters and backroom staff that no-one ever bothers about)
Really? You must have missed the remembrance service.
boulder
Bikini Whacks
thet...@hotmail.co.uk says...
> Much has been written, broadcast and debated about that disastrous night of
> fifty years ago now, when eight Manchester United greats of the future (and
> a few reporters and backroom staff that no-one ever bothers about) perished
> on that snowbound runway in Munich. The team were returning from a European
> Cup tie in Belgrade when, having been forced to refuel at the German city's
> airport, tragedy stuck. Initial reports suggested that the crash may have
> been caused by a fuel leak, or that it was just an act of God, a cruel twist
> of meteorological fate. The Glenn Miller Airways VC10 Boeing 717 simply
> could not handle the adverse weather conditions of that snowy evening and
> crashed, killing most of those on board.
Refreshed.
>
> But was it really just an accident, the result of one cruel and tragic
> moment of runway mayhem? Or could there be a more sinister explanation for
> the horrific events of that bleak winter's eve of half a century ago?
Light-headed.
>
> Well, recently discovered revelations could shed light on such an
> alternative explanation. Papers released yesterday by the German
> Bundesbildeschneidung (the equivalent of ous MI5) on their fifty-year rule
> suggest that there was indeed a plot to assassinate the entire Manchester
> United squad on that cataclysmic day. And there is much evidence in these
> released papers that backs up such an outrageous claim.
Tipsy.
>
> Professor Wolfgang Affenschnitt, a former German spy and high-ranking member
> of the organisation, speaks of his relief that the truth may finally come
> out after all these years. "At ze time," he says, "I was working with top
> people who were scared that ze Engleesh pig-dogs of Manchester Busy Babies
> might be threatening to win World Cup in 1958. Of course, one is remembering
> zat West Germany is best team in ze world back then, so we are not liking
> this very much. It was ze plan of ze German Fussball authorities that this
> threat be...how you are saying...neutralised. Jawohl, etc..."
Swingin'.
>
> The German Bundesliga Fussball Spieler decided that, in order that West
> Germany would be sure to win the World Cup of that year, all top opposition
> had to be minimalised. "Already," claims Professor Affenschnitt, "we are
> putting ze kibosh on ze French schweinehunde by threatening to invade them
> if they so much as put together a decent squad. Und ze Hungarians also we
> are putting up ze shits with all manner of nasty promises. Wales, Scotland
> und Northern Ireland we are not being arsed about, but ze Eeeglinsh are
> causing us much worry. With their players such as Duncan Edwards, Dave Pegg,
> Liam Whelan, Roger Byrne und especially Paddy fucking Crerand, we are very
> worried indeed. So we are needing to do something drastic."
Bladdered.
>
> One of the papers released shows that the pilot of that ill-fated plane was
> a football suicide bomber who had been specially trained to crash the
> fucking plane on purpose. Heinrich Goebbels (no relation) had only ever
> flown a plane once before, and that had been a model glider on his local
> park. Also, it is claimed, the alcohol level in his blood was tested as
> being 100 times over the legal limit for driving. Or crashing planes in the
> snow. The autopsy report from February 1958 reads (in German): 'Herr
> Goebbels (no relation) had obviously been drinking heavily before take-off,
> and results show that he must have had the equivalent of eighteen bottles of
> Heineken, a crate of Grolsch, three large brandies, two glasses of red wine
> and two-litre bottle of White Lightning. How the cunt was able to see let
> alone play a plane buggers me, let me tell you.'
Arse-holed.
>
> But the most startling revelation from Professor Affenschnitt is that one of
> the survivors that day was acting as an undercover German agent. It was, he
> claims, the sole purpose of this devious individual to scupper the flight,
> cause the deaths of the famous Busby Babes and stop England from winning the
> World Cup that coming summer. However, when asked to reveal which player
> this was, the professor was somewhat reticent. "Nein, nein," he said. "I
> couldn't possibly divulge the name of this individual, for reasons of
> national security. Even now this same person is still working undercover for
> ze German Fussball authorities. But it is certain that this man was largely
> responsible for the crash which is killing all them Mancs."
Shit-faced.
>
> When further pressed, Professor Affenschnitt - a lifelong Manchester City
> fan - would not reveal any of the secrets which he maintains must always be
> kept under wraps. He would not be drawn on whether or not the person in
> question had a bald head, nor if his daughter once presented the weather on
> BBC1, nor even if he had a brother with a long neck who went off in the
> country shooting small animals with a big fucking gun. Neither would he
> intimate that this undercover agent was a boring old bastard who was jealous
> of George Best because he was better, nor if the cunt had ever been a biased
> and predictably pro-Manc twat all his fucking life. Whatever, the German
> plan worked and the English threat to Teutonic dominance at the World Cup of
> 1958 was eliminated. If only Germany hadn't gone out in the group phases
> anyway and the cup hadn't been won by Brazil. The daft Kraut bastards.
>
>
Hangin'.
Paul C
Pope Pompous XVIII
Bikini Whacks brought next idea :
were you around when Arthur was doing his "End of the day" posts?
here's a taster:
<+|80)
--
+ His Holiness Pope Pompous XVIII
"I am bent to know by worst means the worst. For mine own good all
causes shall give way, I am in blood stepped in so far that, should I
wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o'er" - /Macbeth/ Act 3
Sc 4.
Bikini Whacks
knoc...@heavens.door says...
>
> Bikini Whacks brought next idea :
> > In article <N7oqj.111004$Kt4....@fe3.news.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> > thet...@hotmail.co.uk says...
>
> were you around when Arthur was doing his "End of the day" posts?
>
> here's a taster:
>
> http://tinyurl.com/2eczys
>
> <+|80)
>
>
scoopex
lol. :)