On the case

[Agent Oscar Peroni]

Mr. Badlands, Mr. Bidnits and Mr. ScottW,

We have been following this exchange through the Terrorist Intercept
Program (TIP). We appreciate your All-American views!

Decent law-abiding citizens like you are what makes this country
great! Thank you!

We have a dragnet set up. Do not worry for we will apprehend this
perp. We have roadblocks, random ID checks, we have all the libraries
under surveillance and we are in the process of conducting house-to-
house searches.

Mr. Badlands, we hope you'll come into your local office. We need to
talk with you about your illegal drug-related activities. If that's
inconvenient all we ask is for you to post your address and other
contact information. That we we can visit you instead.

It's just routine so there's no need for you to hire an attorney yet.