THINGS GET EVEN WORSER FOR THE PATRIOTS

[Legally....@hotmail.com]

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< SUPER BOWL EXCLUSIVE
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FOXBOROUGH, Ma (Rueters) --
Just when you thought things couldn't
possibly get any worse for the New
England Patriots, they have.
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Four key starters have just been
diagnosed with measles and will
be forced to miss the Super Bowl
against the New York Giants.
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"I think some rotten bastard had
poisoned our food," said Coach Bill
Belechick, who was hotter than Hades.
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However, a few fingers are pointing
in another direction.
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An orderly at Mount Nittany Medical
Center in State College, Pa., has told
miracle investigators from the Vatican
that he found a paperback -- "How to
Spread Measles in Five Easy Minutes"
-- under a pillow in Room 118 that had
been occupied by the late Joe Paterno.
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Shortly after Joe's death, a rabid
Giants' fan in Brooklyn said a prayer
asking him to do what he could to make
sure the Giants win the Big One.
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Two hours later, star QB Tom
Brady slipped on a banana peeling
and injured his brain, causing amnesia
which has made him forget his plays
and pass patterns.
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As for measles, doctors will tell
you they're nothing to sneeze at.
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Also known as rubeola or morbilli,
measles is an infection of the respiratory
system caused by a virus -- specifically
a paramyxovirus of the genus Morbillivirus
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Symptoms include fever, cough, runny
nose, red eyes and a generalized,
maculopapular, erythematous rash that
is really, really ugly (especially if you're
overweight).
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An asymptomatic incubation period
occurs nine to twelve days from initial
exposure (which means there is NO
chance to suit up for the Super Bowl)
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Measles can also cause bronchitis,
encephalitis, laryngitis and, in many
cases with football players, fumblitis.
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The worst case scenario is when
the brain is adversely affected, a sad
condition known as rushlimbaughitis
or, in a number of foreign countries,
billoreillyitis.
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< EARLIER STORIES
< (We certainly hope you're not a Patriots' fan)
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http://groups.google.com/group/dc.smithsonian/browse_thread/thread/710e175a06c38f1a?hl=en#