"At the movies -- we watch 'em so you don't have to" This month: Joe Torre, curveballs along the way
M.S. Burton
"Joe Torre -- Curveballs along the way"
Returning to cable this month, A 1997 Showtime Production written by
Philip Rosenberg, screenwriter of such classics as "To Sir With Love 2"
and "Menendez: a killing in Beverly Hills"; directed by Canadian director
Sturla Gunnarsson, shot in Canada, and filled with many Canadian actors
desperately pretending to be ballplayers.
A very frustrating TVM that wants to show us Joe Torre the man and the
Yankees World Series run, but is shot down from the start by a lack of
budget, a limited running time and an inept script. What it becomes
instead is a montage-filled race through the '96 season, bouncing between
glimpses of baseball and the story of Joe's brother Frank's failing
health. When you add in some risible casting and the terrible matching of
the real footage with the re-created footage, well....
Behind the opening credits we get a soft-focus look at Young Joey, playing
sand lot ball, idolizing his glamorous big brother Frank and watching him
run out onto the field in the '57 World Series. Cut to adult Joe, driving
back to Brooklyn as he flashes back to being let go by the Mets, by the
Braves, by the Cards -- but here he is, on his way to start his new job
with the Yankees. Right here we have problem number one-- Joe Torre is
played by Paul Sorvino. Big ebulliant pot-bellied Paul Sorvino is not the
stocky self-contained Joe Torre. (For one thing, you can't imagine Sorvino
*ever* catching for a living). Sorvino has mastered the Torre on-the-bench
impassivity, and for the majority of the movie, that's how he plays Joe.
Joe comes home to NY with his pregnant wife (Barbara Williams, stuck with
the 'it'll be all right, Joe' role), and tries to do his job while
managing George Steinbrenner (Kenneth Welsh, wonderfully self-obsessed,
with just the lightest touch of megalomania), ignoring the radio talk show
callers who provide much-needed plot exposition ("The Kingdome?!
Ever since the playoffs last year, you know those guys HATE each other!")
and realizing that his brother Frankie is in fact quite ill.
Spring training consists of Joe talking Don Zimmer (Gailard Sartain,
looking appropriately Jabba the Hutt-like) out of retirement to be his
bench coach and consulting with Mel Stottlemyre (Barry Flatman) about Doc
Gooden, who George has just signed whether Joe wants him or not. Doc is
played by Isaiah Washington who is under the mistaken impression that he
is in a real movie and so actually acts. He is quite believable even when
forced to stand on a fake mound and pretend to watch Alex Rodriguez hit
one over his head.
We meet the other Yankees; that nice cheerleading David Cone (Dean
McDermott, who bears a striking resemblance to Tommy Glavine), the
square-jawed and pleasantly handsome Paul O'Neill (Andrew Jackson, who
fails to pull off the patented O'Neill whine and can't even punch out a
watercooler convincingly) and that wacky Mariano Duncan (Diego Fuentes)
the clubhouse comedian. There are also brief glimpses of Tino Martinez
(vacuous curly-haired blond) and Derek Jeter (chunky) standing around
behind Wade Boggs. You can tell it is Wade Boggs because in every scene
he holds his Official Wade Boggs Signature Bat. This is important because
he is played by Aidan Devine, a willowy blond with floppy hair and a
straggly mustache who might be better cast as Steve Prefontaine.
Spring training goes badly, Doc can't pitch, the season starts poorly and
gets worse and they move Doc to the bullpen. Coney then goes out with his
shoulder surgery. Joe asks Doc to start the next night against Seattle;
Doc is torn as his father is having surgery (a plot point that, while
accurate, comes out of nowhere) but decides to pitch for his Dad, and goes
out to throw the no-no. There is a fabulous moment in the 9th when Alex is
on third, Edgar is on 2nd and the faux-Mel comes out to calm Doc down.
They have a chat, and then the Real Mel (much taller) runs back to the
dugout, Edgar has somehow magically turned into Richie Amaral, and Doc
(from a mound in a different park) gets Paul Sorrento to pop up to Derek.
The no-hitter is preserved.
The Yanks move into 1st place and Joe's oldest brother Rocco dies suddenly
and Frank is looking even worse. Steinbrenner decides they need some
hitting and send GM Bob Watson out to get Darryl Strawberry. It gets
confusing at this point, for when the clubhouse door opens in walks David
Justice. It is actually one Howard Dell, but he could double for DJ
anytime. This however, makes it rather hard to believe him as Straw. Cone
comes back from surgery and starts to work out. The Yankees head for the
Kingdome (where, by the way, they hate each other, you know.)
This, of course, is the moment the Mariner viewer has been waiting for.
The guys arrive in the clubhouse (pretty nice looking one, too -- that
Kingdome must be some swanky place) and Paulie complains that the Mariners
throw at his head every time he comes up to bat. Quick cut to shot of ball
zooming past Pretend Paulie's nose, knocking him on his keister in the
well-known outdoor confines of the Kingdome. Paulie stands up and whines
at the ump (ok, *that* is realistic) as the singularly tall and well-built
catcher (one 'Irwin' according to his M's jersey) stands off to the side.
Paulie, incensed now, shoves the catcher, the catcher pulls off his mask
and swings at O'Neill, they start rassling on the plate and a phoney
baloney brawl breaks out among all the players in the sunny and enormous
homeplate circle. Just like *I* remember it happening.
The Yanks slump (nice shot of Mac circa 1996 crossing the plate as they
lose to the As). Charlie Hayes is brought in to give Wade some rest, which
is interesting because, as far as I can tell, all Wade does is perch on
tables around the clubhouse, clutching his Official Wade Boggs Signature
Bat, label side out. Suddenly, all of NY is pulling for Frank, Coney is
back and they clinch the East. They head down to Texas. They win that with
just one pitch. Now, the Orioles-- little Jeffrey Maier snatches the ball
in the outfield in NY, and then another one-pitch ballgame wins it all in
Baltimore. whoosh!
The World Series is over almost before it is begun. Atlanta smacks 'em
around (12-0!), George panics, Joe sez we'll lose 2, take 3 in Atlanta and
win it all back home. George calms down. Suddenly they're on their way
back to NY, up 3-2 and Frank has to have his heart transplant. It goes
well, and they play game 6, which consists solely of Wetteland throwing
the last two pitches which both pop up to Charlie Hayes, intercut with
much hand-wringing on the bench. Yankees Win! Yankees Win! Badly inserted
shots of the actors pretending to be deliriously happy next to shots of
the real Yankees looking genuinely ecstatic, which oddly enough, doesn't
work-- they should have just gone for the real celebration. Frank smiles
from his hospital bed at the tv, Cone leaps onto the backs of anonymous
guys in pinstripes, Joe twinkles up at his wife in the stands. The end.
The movie doesn't tell us anything about Joe Torre the man or the manager,
and then compounds that failure by its treatment of baseball as filler.
What baseball is shown are brief snatches of games broken up by intrusive
shots of 'Joe' on the bench or 'Doc' winding up. At the very least, shoot
your video footage so that it matches the existing tapes... this stuff
has more seams than Frankenstein's monster.
"Joe Torre-- Curveballs along the way" is pretty entertaining in a
perverse sort of way... you can play 'spot the Canadian', you can try and
identify which Yankee is supposed to be which (no fair checking the
uniform numbers) and of course there is always the Donnybrook at the Dome
to make us happy.
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1998, m.s.burton.
