This Story Just Keeps Getting Better
Randy
Yeah go ahead Mission Control, Constellation.
So, Sir, have you seen the awesome power of your spaceship?
Oh fuck yeah, now how do I get off this thing?
For you Sir, there never will be getting off.
Oh you bitch, I'm stuck here for eternity?
Yes, stuck in the middle with me.
Stuck in the middle of what!!!?
Positive and negative entropy, the primal forces of nature.
Fuck off with that shit! We already did the oxidation-reduction constant of
the universe thing...
INCOMING PRELUMINIOUS SUBSPACE ALIEN TRANSMISSION...
Sir, do you have the vaguest clue what the hull of this ship is made of?
If you tell me flesh I'm gonna scream bloody murder.
ALL OPERATIONS OF THE NUCLEUS OF THE CELL RENDERED IN NANOTECHNICAL
MATHEMATICS AND REACTIVATED IN SYNTHETIC CELLULOID MATTER.
Now I'm gonna scream rape.
RECEIVING SUBSPACE TRANSMISSION:
DEOXYRIBONUCLEIC ACID BASE IDENTIFIED POSITIVE.
Oh shit.
What Sir? What does that mean?
They're coming...
What the hell are a bunch of fucked-up primates like us going to do with a
seriously advanced civilization like that, Sir?
Probably fuck it up.
Probability and statistics is two dimensional math, Sir, like the market
economy.
You wanna see some math Honey?
United States Service Vessel CONSTELLATION ONLINE AND ENABLED SIR.
Constellation Command, identify and repeat signal to response.
CONFIRMED SENTIENT RESPONSE TO SIGNAL. OPERATIONS MODE ENABLED.
Constellation, discharge military forces.
On your mark, Sir, neutron cannons armed.
Constellation, make holy war against death.
OFFENSIVE FIGHTING MODE ENABLED, Sir. Payload locked and loaded.
Constellation, fire neutron cannons.
ANTINEUTRON RESPONSE POSITIVE, Sir. SOLAR SHIELD ACTIVE.
Steady as she goes, Constellation, through the plane of the galaxy.
But Sir, the dinosaurs...
Fuck the fucking dinosaurs, all they knew was lust, hunger and fear.
And they perished in nature, Sir.
Exactly. I know something better.
You know love, Sir.
I know God.
USS CONSTELLATION BREACHING GALACTIC PLANE ON SOLAR PLASMIC RESPONSE,
PRENUCLEAR FORCES OPERATIONAL ON MATERIAL OBJECTIVE PLANET EARTH.
Oh yes, my God, she's more than full of stars, she's ALL the stars.