Soulmate checklist

[Chris Hopkins]

I wrote this about a month or two ago; a good friend has encouraged me to post it here. I'm otherwise unfamiliar with what goes on in this newsgroup, so bear with me.

Anyway, here it is: my List.

- - -

To find your soulmate, you must look for all nine of these ideas.
To find your soulmate, you must be able to offer all nine of these in return.

1. Introspection. You must share some common foundation in your philosophy of life, and a willingness to explore it together. You should both look at life as an
opportunity to learn and discover, and trust that there is meaning in all of the events of your lives -- even the 'bad' events.

2. Direction. You must already both have direction and goals in life, and already both be striving to achieve them. Nobody should be pining away waiting for their
soulmate to arrive; it is only when we are already reaching for our dreams that we find the people we most need to meet, because we are being the people we most
want to be.

3. Balance. Emotional support must go both ways; you must both be coming to the relationship to share equally, not one to need and one to rescue. Supportiveness
must be balanced, expectations for tolerance should be the same for both, and the overall patterns of compromise should be fair to both. And, you must both be
forgiving of each other.

4. Confidence. You must both have self-esteem and confidence in who you are, what you can do, and how people percieve you. No relationship can create this if it is
absent, and we cannot share ourselves with another until we already have a realistic picture of who we are. You must both be proud of who you are and both already
be taking the effort to maintain and improve both mind and body. Then you can be beautiful to each other.

5. Affection. You must treat each other with affection. You must show that you enjoy each other's company, be willing to make time for each other when you can,
respect each other's opinions and limits, enjoy expressing love verbally and physically, feel an emotional and physical attraction to each other. You must feel rewarded
by the giving of simple acts that share and create happiness and security, like a loving gaze, or a tender kiss, or a thoughtful act. You must both be able to give
without expecting immediate reward: be able to care for each other when sick, comfort when sad or angry. You must both be able to trust that this compassion would
be there if you needed it.

6. Integrity. You must be able to admire each other's integrity. If you were to exchange philosophy or morality or motivation, the trade must be a fair one, and not
crippling to either of you. You must each be able to respect the beliefs of the other, even when they differ, for you must respect the other person enough to trust that
their beliefs must have good reason to exist. You must both be very proud of who your partner is and what that person has done with life. You must both have
concepts of ethics and morality and responsibility that you can agree on and enforce together.

7. Consistency. You must both be true to what you believe. You must not chase false happiness because of boredom or loneliness, for a year alone is ultimately better
than a year with the wrong person. You must not be crushed by rejection from those who see the world in ways that are vastly different from yours, because you too
are just as different and incompatible to their life and they have just as much right to be different as you do. But your beliefs about who you are and what you want
must be stable and enduring. You must be true to your dream and invest your energy in your own life in ways that would make you -- and your future soulmate -- proud
of you.

8. Fun. A good relationship can't be soul-searching all the time. You must enjoy each other's company, laugh together with compatible senses of humor, enjoy each
other's intimacy for the fun of it, share some hobbies together, enjoy small-talk together, admire and enjoy each other's intellect and personality. Your time together has
to be more than soul-enriching; it should be fun and laughter and smiles, too. But don't confuse this fun with true, enduring happiness; this fun, while important, is only
part of what makes a good relationship.

9. Beauty. It is not unreasonable or superficial to look for physical beauty in your partner. It is important to build your relationship without the time-bomb of resentment or
frustration that would happen if you did not find each other beautiful. You need beauty in times of misunderstanding, to encourage you to stay, and you need it in the
happy times, so you can truly say you are happy together, without any reservations or repressed disappointments.

Christopher Hopkins c...@wca.com Southwick, MA

[Mark Paciga]

On Thursday, May 9, 1996, Chris Hopkins wrote...

> I wrote this about a month or two ago; a good friend has encouraged me
to post it here. I'm otherwise unfamiliar with what goes on in this
newsgroup, so bear with me.
>
> Anyway, here it is: my List.
>

> To find your soulmate, you must look for all nine of these ideas.
> To find your soulmate, you must be able to offer all nine of these in
return.

Hmmm.... now if this is something to judge whether or not a person is a
soul mate, there certainly can be more than one person who fits this
description. In fact, I would look for these points in every
relationship. If they're not there, it's not even true love.

The concept of "love" has been given a bad name by various negative images
depicted mainly by television. Love is not sex, nor is it "love at first
sight." The concept of "soul mates" is not some special form of love, as
many people seem to believe; it is what true love was really meant to be.

[ANDRE PARASKEVAS]

In article <01bb3f7d.65913e60$42fa...@pacman.mis.nb.ca>, Mark Paciga
<pac...@mis.nb.ca> wrote:

> On Thursday, May 9, 1996, Chris Hopkins wrote...

> > I wrote this about a month or two ago; a good friend has encouraged me
> to post it here. I'm otherwise unfamiliar with what goes on in this
> newsgroup, so bear with me.
> >
> > Anyway, here it is: my List.
> >

> > To find your soulmate, you must look for all nine of these ideas.
> > To find your soulmate, you must be able to offer all nine of these in
> return.
>

> Hmmm.... now if this is something to judge whether or not a person is a
> soul mate, there certainly can be more than one person who fits this
> description. In fact, I would look for these points in every
> relationship. If they're not there, it's not even true love.
>
> The concept of "love" has been given a bad name by various negative images
> depicted mainly by television. Love is not sex, nor is it "love at first
> sight." The concept of "soul mates" is not some special form of love, as
> many people seem to believe; it is what true love was really meant to be.

I couldn't agree with you more!

As for myself I think I'll probably know if and when I meet this
person though in some ways I have come close on some occasions and I think
of these friends as sisters. Sometimes there's a connection of somekind
but it's not perfect. I was married once and although my ex and I are
really good friends now, I don't have that connection in the same way as I
do with my 'sister' friend.
I don't know what to expect. Things and people just happen and
people go in and out of one another's lives on different levels. Some
you're mysteriously drawn to for no reason without really knowing them.
Others don't relate whatsoever on that level despite the fact that there
may be a friendship or regular aquaintance.

[p...@micron.net]

Absolutely breath taking. A beautiful and concise account that rings
true in every way. Thanks for sharing the following post it was very
enlightening and helped immensely. Stangely it came at exactly the
right moment for me and it feels very much a sign an omen.