The owner said, "I'm not a watchmaker, I'm a mohel."
The man replied, "Then why do have the big clock in your window?"
Said the shopkeeper, "what would you put in your window?"
--
???
~ ~
o o <=== Bill
^
( - )
>
>Said the shopkeeper, "what would you put in your window?"
>
ROFL!
Mohels only work for tips.
;-)
S
"BugBait022" <bugba...@aol.com> wrote in message
Liza
Not gripin', jus' typin'.
Formally named him Richard?
(ohnomorecrotchreferences;)
Peace
John Kenney
Boston MA USA
Ok, call me stupid - but I just don't get it!
And there is NO such thing as a "mohel" in MY Funk & Wagnalls....
So There !!!!
jb
>
> Ok, call me stupid - but I just don't get it!
>
> And there is NO such thing as a "mohel" in MY Funk & Wagnalls....
>
> So There !!!!
>
Okay, lissenup, you shiksa... ;-)
It's prounounced MOYal, and it's the guy who circumcises little Jewish baby
boys at their bris.
(My son can never be Jewish, because I wouldn't let anyone snip off any of his
privates. I just thought it was a rude greeting into the world.)
Almost a Shiksa Susan
........................
Well thanks for the clarification!
(jean says, humbly, with ashes on her head and no snacks in her belly) :)...
And in this neck of the woods we call Shiksas -' "Stadas"and or "Matushkas".
( I think thats Russian or Polish for "old woman" or mother or somehting like
that :)
jean
>And in this neck of the woods we call Shiksas -' "Stadas"and or "Matushkas".
> ( I think thats Russian or Polish for "old woman" or mother or somehting
>like
>that :)
Who you callin' an old woman, you???
Shiksa is a word for non Jewish women.
Sheesh. Ya tryta help some people......
Susan (licking wounds)
A rabbi and a priest are going down a stairway, and the rabbi trips and tumbles
all the way down to the bottom.
The priest rushes down to help the rabbi up, just in time to see him cross
himself. The priest is incredulous.
"You cross yourself????!!! Am I seeing right?"
"Cross, schmoss, I'm *checking*: Spectacles, testicles, watch and wallet!"
********
A man was walking home one night after Friday night service, anticipating his
Sabbath meal, when he met a schnorrer (beggar, down-at-the-heels person)
sitting on the corner.
"Oy, am I hungry! Oyyyy, am I hungry!!!" he moaned.
The man heard this and was touched.
"Good sir, tonight, you shall not be hungry, you'll come home with me, and
you'll have sabbath dinner with me and my family."
"Oyyyyyyyy, am I hungry!" the schnorrer wailed.
The man was as good as his word. He took the schnorrer home with him (which, by
the way is a time-honored tradition in Jewish städtls [villages]) and sat him
down at the table. The house was bathed in warm candlelight, they ate, they
drank, they sang, and the schnorrer ate to his heart's content. He ate and ate
and ate, until he could eat no more, and then sat there with a beatific smile
on his face. The family kvelled fun nachas (swelled with joy) that they had
satisfied a distressed soul for at least a few hours.
Then the schnorrer began to moan again: "Oyyyy, oyyyyyyyy, OYYYYYYYYYY!"
"What's the matter, asked the alarmed host, fearing that the schnorrer might
have eaten more than was good for him."
"Oyyy, was I hungry! OOOYYYYY, was I hungry!"
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"Why is it when we talk to God we're praying--but when God talks to us,
we're schizophrenic?" --Lily Tomlin 592
Well...which would you rather have: roses on your piano or tulips on your
organ?
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"There is a point beyond which even justice becomes unjust." 祐ophocles,
Electra 726
You mean a shiksa ISN'T an electric razor?
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action." 宥oethe 667
Actually, it should be spelled "moyl," because that's the way it's pronounced,
but you still won't find it in your Funk & Wagnalls, nor will you find
schlemiel, schlemazl, or schmendrick...
Nevertheless, they are VERY important words!
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"The quiet and solitary man apprehends the inscrutable. He seeks nothing, holds
to the mean, and remains free from entanglements." --I Ching 796
Actually, he could have it done at any time in his life—if he's willing to
endure the pain...
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"It all boils down to this: Be good to yourself and be good to others." --Stan
Forriner 800
>Actually, he could have it done at any time in his life—if he's willing to
>endure the pain...
>
Yuh, right.
Like *that* might happen.
Doubting Susan
>
>Well...which would you rather have: roses on your piano or tulips on your
>organ?
>
Isn't this kinda *crotchy* humor?
Not that *I'm* complaining, mind you... ;-)
Susan
Or schmuck, also an important word.
Lynne
There's a whole town southwest of here called Chickasha.
Pronounced as in the song Ricochet Romance.
--------
HEBREW, n. A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an
altogether superior creation. - A. Bierce
--------
"BugBait022" <bugba...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000309124027...@nso-fi.aol.com...
> In article <20000309111915...@ng-fh1.aol.com>,
bukti...@aol.com
> (BuktiMukti) writes:
>
> >Actually, he could have it done at any time in his life-if he's willing
BugBait022 wrote:
> In article <20000309111504...@ng-fh1.aol.com>, bukti...@aol.com
> (BuktiMukti) writes:
>
> >
> >Well...which would you rather have: roses on your piano or tulips on your
> >organ?
> >
>
> Isn't this kinda *crotchy* humor?
Hell no
It might be a Wurlitzer
Ma
BugBait022 wrote:
>
>
> >Actually, he could have it done at any time in his life—if he's willing to
> >endure the pain...
> >
>
> Yuh, right.
>
> Like *that* might happen.
>
> Doubting Susan
OK
Let's say the guy is really drunk
and a gorgeous gal offers ta...................nip off the excess
>nor will you find
>schlemiel, schlemazl
My father told me that the definitions are.... a schlemiel is the waiter who
spills soup in the customer's lap. The schlamazel (all Yiddish spellings are
optional) is the guy whose lap it ends up in.
Susan
Waiter! There's a zupfen in my fly.
---------
Permitting your life to be taken over by another person is like
letting the waiter eat your dinner. - Anon.
---------
LOL... I learned that from a TV show:
"Lavergne & Shirley."
Absolutely! One creates *tsuris* and the other gets it. I think I'll start a
new feature: The Jewish Word-a-Day.
Tsuris is trouble, bad luck.
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers." --Seen
on the Internet 256
Little girl goes to the baker with a half-eaten loaf of raisin bread
Girl: (Heavy Bronx accent:) Moy mawmy found a floy in the raisin bread!
Baker (Heavy Yiddish accent:) So gimme the floy I'll give ya a raisin!"
***
Speaking of soup (zupfen): A man went to a French restaurant to order Frog's
legs. While he was waiting for his order, he was horrified to see the door
swing open, and eight legless frogs came out in tiny wheelchairs, glaring at
him.
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"You wish to see; listen. Hearing is a step toward Vision." --St. Bernard
593
>Let's say the guy is really drunk
>and a gorgeous gal offers ta...................nip off the excess
..............
LOL....... Dont Panic Sue!
Ma's just havin a hard time breakin this crotch habit :)
jb
>
> LOL....... Dont Panic Sue!
>
> Ma's just havin a hard time breakin this crotch habit :)
>
You know me too well!
I always think of all his future romantic prospects as That Slut Who's Not Good
Enough for Him. <G>
Susan
Rein, if I hadn't just implored you to stick together.... oops, there I go
again.
"1/64th Jewish accoiding to my Dad."
OMG.... too many ways to go with this: )
Marktvalu wrote:
> Ma wrote:
>
> >Let's say the guy is really drunk
> >and a gorgeous gal offers ta...................nip off the excess
>
> ..............
>
> LOL....... Dont Panic Sue!
>
> Ma's just havin a hard time breakin this crotch habit :)
>
Is THIS a straight line or what ??
Good thing i've given up crotchy come backs till my cat's tail grows
back or............
Geez - lotsa possibilities. But i'll resist this time.
BugBait022 wrote:
> In article <20000310140047...@ng-cs1.aol.com>, mark...@aol.com
> (Marktvalu) writes:
>
> >
> > LOL....... Dont Panic Sue!
> >
> > Ma's just havin a hard time breakin this crotch habit :)
> >
>
> You know me too well!
>
> I always think of all his future romantic prospects as That Slut Who's Not Good
> Enough for Him. <G>
Now here's an interesting thing.
I always think of 'em a sorry bunch of ho-ho's that look like a train wreck and
behave
lilke a traveling shit storm.
Ma
"Rien van Keulen" <Ri...@vkeulen.changethis> wrote in message
news:nu8ddMAYoXy4Ew$E...@vkeulen.demon.co.uk...
"BuktiMukti" <bukti...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000310093723...@ng-fh1.aol.com...
OK John, go ahead.
A man had been coming into his favorite deli for over 30 years, and his order
was always the same: a bowl of motzoball soup.
This evening however, he called the waiter over.
"Max, taste the soup."
"What's wrong with the soup, we make it just the same as always!"
"Taste the soup."
The waiter becomes incredulous. "I'm telling you, there's nothing wrong with
the soup! We make it the same as always, made by the same cook as always!"
"Taste the soup."
The waiter is almost hysterical. "Are you crazy? The soup's the same as always!
I watched them make it! There is NOTHING wrong with that soup!!!"
"Taste the soup."
"Awright, awright, where's the spoon?"
"Ah HAH!"
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." --Friederich Nietzsche 44
By the way, we saw our first robin today. It was shivering on an ice-coated
branch.
Liza
Not gripin', jus' typin'.
Long Beach has undergone a renaissance
(however it's spelled) and the yuppies with $$ have really done ~nice~ things
to all those coastal towns that were once covered in grime from the oil
industry.
A tiny cottage w/tiny yard can cost $400K.
Do you have a pic of the house? If I am down that way I'll take a look...but
even if it is in one of the lesser neighborhoods, I would buy it (depending on
estate situation & price) just because.
Long Beach is absolutely beautiful overall.
There are many cultural entertainment opportunities, the aquarium, and the
little old downtown is charming....I go there on occasion for Sunday brunch at
one of many sidewalk cafes. VERY laid back....sweet pooches teathered to
parking meters outside eaterys....friendly folks strolling. I'd love to live
there.
Liza < buy it & we can all visit you!>
"Imagine963" <imagi...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000311145044...@ng-ci1.aol.com...
Liza <jawoord ; )
............................
Well Bill.....take your baptisim/barmitzvah money youve been saving since you
were a kid and spend it will ya?
>Oh....I thought it was some sort of poll.
>
Organ, pole, it's all "crotchy" humor. Try something uplifting, like bras.
Lynne
--------------
Oy, you tell 'em... darned shmegegies...
For email do 'spammy...@msn.com' without
the 'spam'
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
>
> Well Bill.....take your baptisim/barmitzvah money youve been saving since
>you
>were a kid and spend it will ya?
>
Spoken like a true realtor!
Susan
>Oy, you tell 'em... darned shmegegies...
>
That's what my dad always called me.... in fact, that's the only thing he ever
called me. Hmmmmph.
Schmegege (sp?) Susan
Liza <who roomed with three nice Jewish grils in Stony Brook, Longuy Land>
>
>Liza <who roomed with three nice Jewish grils in Stony Brook, Longuy Land>
>
Susan (who roomed with 6 not-so-nice goyishe guys in Stony Brook, Lawn Guyland.
Phyllis Diller: "My cup runneth over...Don't I wish!"
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who think they
talk sense." --Robert Frost 246
Guess I missed that post! Sometimes AOL gets funny with this ng.
>what is Long Beach like?
>small home is for sale and we are
>>toying with the idea of buying a winter get-a-way. The house is at 625
>Ohio
>>Avenue in case your familiar with Long Beach.
I'm not that familiar with the area, but I do know and like the little enclave
of San Pedro, and 2nd Avenue in Belmont Shore is not to be missed. Liza has
named all the good stuff about Long Beach, and it's all true. Just don't get
into the wrong neighborhood. And the weather is quite nice.
One of the things I especially like is boarding the Queen Mary on Tuesdays at
lunchtime and listening to that kickass big band blow the roof off. And these
are all old codgers who look like they're ready to keel over.
My first thought would be to snatch up that house before anyone else does and
hold on to it while you check out the shifting demography. Some places in Long
Beach are home to gangs, and I don't know what's going on there. I do know
someone who's lived there for many years, and I'd be happy to shoot that
address to him and find out for you. Would you like me to do that?
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance." --Derek Bok, President,
Harvard University 608
Ouch! What an atrocious pun! And I LOVE atrocious puns! The atrociouser, the
better!
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"Those who clothe themselves in good deeds are well camoflaged." 憂ean-Luc
Picard 656
>darned shmegegies...
>>
>
>That's what my dad always called me.... in fact, that's the only thing
>he ever
>called me. Hmmmmph.
If that's true, your dad wasn't that great of a guy. Schmegeggeh (there is no
correct spelling) means inept, untalented, a loser.
Tell your dad he's an ALTEH PASKUDNYAK for calling you that!
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them." --Alfred
Adler 112
>
>If that's true, your dad wasn't that great of a guy. Schmegeggeh (there is no
>correct spelling) means inept, untalented, a loser.
>
>Tell your dad he's an ALTEH PASKUDNYAK for calling you that!
>
He's dead.
Susan
-----------------
Let that be a lesson to one and all:
Never call the Alpha Bitch a schmegegi.
The ground is still frozen and covered with snow. Those worms must be
stiff, eh?
"Henry Love" <he...@hlove.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:952906704.21192.3...@news.demon.co.uk...
"BugBait022" <bugba...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000312154254...@nso-ch.aol.com...
> He's dead.
>
> Susan
Someone who can buy from a Jew, sell to a Scot, and make a profit.
"Marktvalu" <mark...@aol.com> wrote in message
Thanks,
Bill
"BuktiMukti" <bukti...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000312131757...@ng-ci1.aol.com...
The house is at 625 Ohio Avenue.
"Marktvalu" <mark...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20000312212600...@ng-fh1.aol.com...
>
> >If it isn't too much trouble, Leonard. I'd like to know which way the
> >demography is shifting.
>
> ..................
>
> Im buying land in Nevada....
>
> I hear by next year it will definitely be ocean front property... :)
>
> jb
>
>If it isn't too much trouble, Leonard. I'd like to know which way the
>demography is shifting.
I'm not sure, Bill, since I have almost no reason to go there. I suggest your
spending a nice day there in Belmont Shore, or aboard the Queen Mary, and
during your stay just talk to people, or drive around neighborhoods to see
who's where and what's what.
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop." --Kung Fu
Tzu (Confucius) 598
I said *demography*, not *topography*!
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"He has the gall of a shoplifter returning an item for a refund." --W. I. E.
Gates 57
Sounds like it still hurts though. Sorry to hear that, I hope you were able to
get things clear between you before he left.
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince." 692
>
>Sounds like it still hurts though. Sorry to hear that, I hope you were able
>to
>get things clear between you before he left.
I have no idea you're talking about here, Sigmund. He was joking and we were
both laughing... it was an affectionate joke.
Susan
Sounds like you had a wonderful realtionship with your father Susan.
Great to see : )
.............
I dont care! I still think Nevada is a good bet .:)
jb
The news casters keep saying "expensive homes" are sliding.
Ironic.
Liza
Watching the North Atlantic eat away at
Cape Cod each winter is sad to see as well. Some areas actually improve a bit
but it's not a zero sum game by any stretch.
Increasingly large breaches in Monomoy
National Wildlife Sanctuary island and at Nauset Beach is letting raw wave
action make it all the way to Chatham, cutting down the beautiful cliffs.
>Watching the North Atlantic eat away at
>Cape Cod each winter is sad to see as well.
...............
I think you guys better move inland.
Some place safe - like Nebraska or Arkansas.. :)
jb
>Liza wrote:
>>>I remember sobbing when they started building homes all over the hills up
>>north.>>Now they are sliding down.
>twodobes wrote:
>>Watching the North Atlantic eat away at
>>Cape Cod each winter is sad to see as well.
>
>...............
>
> I think you guys better move inland.
>
> Some place safe - like Nebraska or Arkansas.. :)
>
> jb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So who'd mourn? ; )
Tree-huggin' Zuce
Boat for sale - contact henry
Bruce invited me to crab-apple Lake.
Its is calm and is the sort of lake that every one would want to live
beside. Problem is people of good taste do, others copy.
Then follow boats, canoes, jet skis and all sorts of smelling noisy nasty
machines for 'moving' Sod it. Why.
henry
As for stiff worms - well there are many who would like to have their worms
stiff - I wonder does Ice work better than Viagra.
I am planning to travel to the Arctic - Norway to see the midnight sun and
experience some of the thawed out northern lands. I am, well trying very
hard, to paint my thoughts and observations of experiences that ' get' me. I
shall think of Manitoba when I travel. In fact dammit I shall look it up in
the reference section. Unless of course it got thrown out with the glue pots
and chicken feathers.
Tell us more of Manitoba stu.
Henry - with dick in the freezer; really trying!
Stupified wrote in message <38cc45cd@news>...
>200 Miles south of Winnipeg, Manitoba.
>
>The ground is still frozen and covered with snow. Those worms must be
>stiff, eh?
>
>"Henry Love" <he...@hlove.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
>news:952906704.21192.3...@news.demon.co.uk...
>> Hello Stup... Where are you? The Robins in Bristol UK are building nests
>at
>> the moment.
>> Henry
>> Stupified wrote in message <38ca6355@news>...
>> >Tell me, Leonard and Liza, what is Long Beach like? Judy's aunt lived
>> >there until she expired last week. Her small home is for sale and we
are
>> >toying with the idea of buying a winter get-a-way. The house is at 625
>> Ohio
Henry - up to my woolly jumper in demog stats and paint brushes.
You may be in for a brush with the northern lights.
http://www.ufomind.com/ufo/updates/1999/feb/m19-008.shtml
If you don't get bogged down in that thawed permafrost. ;-)
-------
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled
through snow. - J. Valdez
-------
Just wondering.
Liza
Not gripin', jus' typin'.
You sound as if you cud use a good paddlin' yerself.
Liza <expert paddler....of canoes that is>
&; )
Ooops! Henry caught a crab with his comment on canoes.
Henry - crabbing about a bit.
Canvases, paper, board, even tried silk once. I am not mad about doing
houses. Every householder has perfect vision when it comes to the number of
pebbles on the drive or the reflection in the bathroom window. That sort of
detail is not my style. I rather follow the concept that a painting is of
the experience of seeing rather than a copy of what is seen.
To get an idea, consider that very few waves are actually copied by an
artist; what happens is, the remembrance of what is observed is painted. Now
add to these remembrances such concepts as the mood of the water at that
time, as well as the mood of say the painter at the time of painting.
But remember a painting is NOT a photograph because a photograph cannot cope
with time; it being a view at that particular moment. A painting is by its
nature created over a period of time, consequently the different moods and
'ways of seeing the subject/object' as it evolves will determine the artists
decisions about how to treat the subject. Thus the end result is rarely
really known beforehand. The hardest part is knowing when to stop.
Stop too soon and it feels/ looks undone. Go too far and it is just that,
gone too far; and it shows.
The great artists of the world have the ability to know exactly when another
line or blob would be one too many.
Henry - Stretching - a canvas.
Still, one can hardly live in North Dakota without becoming a regular
visitor to Winnipeg, having relatives in Manitoba, or simply saying "eh" at
the end of every sentence.
Driving to Winnipeg never ceases to fascinate me. Essentially, one drives
straight north for four hours across a the flattest prairie on the planet,
passing through a few small towns where you can always get a great burger at
some 50's style ma-and-pa. Then, suddenly, this teeming metropolis of
harmonious ethnic diversity magically rises out of the prairie. One wonders
if it doesn't belong somewhere on either coast.
The people of Manitoba are kind, gentle, educated and articulate. My
grandfather homesteaded just west of Manitoba in Ontario but went broke and
came back to the North Dakota around the turn of the century. I guess this
proves the Irish can go broke most anywhere.
Is it stiff yet?
Bill
"Henry Love" <he...@hlove.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:953071381.231.1....@news.demon.co.uk...
Well said!
Painting and photography do deal differently with time in some ways,
but similarly in others. You mention knowing when to stop; for the
snapshot school of photographers, its anticipating when to snap the
shutter - just reacting misses the ideal moment. For the still life
people, its often waiting for the right time of day or year or sky -
which requires knowing a place through time.
I think photographs are more confined in the range of colors than they
are in dealing with time. An instant can become a timeless expression
of the times.
As you said, its all in the seeing.
---------
If the phonetic alphabet was a technical means of severing the spoken
word from its aspects of sound and gesture, the photograph and its
development in the movie restored gesture to the human technology of
recording experience. - M. McLuhan
---------
I've always liked the old Oregon slogan; "Don't Californicate Oregon."
I think such things have the reverse effect, however.
>
In front, we want the world at our feet.
In back, we want all the unspoiled wonders of nature.
Inside, we want to keep the world at bay.
This calls for illusions of the highest order.
-------
Scenery is what you see from where you live. If your scenery is to
cost you nothing, you will leave it where it is, and if that scenery
already has character, you will make only minor modifications. You
will move yourself around, move the house around, but you will not
move the scenery around until you have lived with it for a while as it
is. - R. Roberts
-------
My view of the painting process, is that this essential planning
accomplishes less than the photograph, as far as recording goes; but
introduces a different dimension - time. The painting changes from what is
planned, because the process of creation is longer and subject to different
influences, some intended others unintentional. It is this, the photograph
cannot do.
There is of course a single exception, and that comes from David Hockney's
'joiners' but these are in the infancy of development. Infancy or not they
are so dramatic that they bring the whole process of 'reproduction' into the
discussion about art.
Now that is a different thread and one that I could just get myself
completely lost with.
Are you an artist too?
Henry
.............
In real estate we call this progress.
Ok, Im running for cover now!
What's a nice guy like you living at a place called "Crabapple Lake " for
anyway?
jb
jb
Painting and photography do deal differently with time in some ways,
but similarly in others. You mention knowing when to stop; for the
snapshot school of photographers, its anticipating when to snap the
shutter - just reacting misses the ideal moment. For the still life
people, its often waiting for the right time of day or year or sky -
which requires knowing a place through time.
I think photographs are more confined in the range of colors than they
are in dealing with time. An instant can become a timeless expression
of the times. As you said, its all in the seeing.
>>
<Henry
My view of the painting process, is that this essential planning
accomplishes less than the photograph, as far as recording goes; but
introduces a different dimension - time. The painting changes from
what is planned, because the process of creation is longer and subject
to different influences, some intended others unintentional. It is
this, the photograph cannot do.
>
There may be more planning in fashion photography - at least the
movies tell us so - but although I agree that photos are more limited
than painting in many ways, their creation takes more than just
popping the shutter. Once the shoot starts, any plans become
guidelines and thence go out the window as the exploring begins:
changing the lighting, poses, lenses, filters, etc. Processing the
film afterward is adjusted for the changes made during exposure, but
is still the most mechanical part of it. There are many more options
in making a print from the developed film than most people realize.
There are only 1 or 2 decent shots per roll; 1 'good' shot per 10-12
rolls. A lot can be done in cropping and framing the image, in
selection among the various papers, in exposure manipulation for the
print, and in the chemical treatments for developing the print. And
that's without doing anything fancy. Definitely more interesting than
watching paint dry ;-)
The main point I'd like to make, though, is that its becoming more and
more dangerous to accept an image as a record. There are now so many
ways of manipulating, distorting, or even constructing them.
Getting images that are good records is now a specialty itself. And
what constitutes a camera/medium is another big question. Would you
accept a big tub of carbon tetrachloride?
<Henry
There is of course a single exception, and that comes from David
Hockney's 'joiners' but these are in the infancy of development.
Infancy or not they are so dramatic that they bring the whole process
of 'reproduction' into the discussion about art.
Now that is a different thread and one that I could just get myself
completely lost with.
>
Being unfamiliar, I found some hock-kneed pages (no dissing intended):
http://www.mcs.csuhayward.edu/~malek/Hockney.html
http://www.poster.de/hockney.htm
http://www.artchive.com/artchive/H/hockney/pearblsm.jpg.html
http://www.artincontext.org/LISTINGS/IMAGES/FULL/2/2WY11RO2.htm
http://www.godardgallery.toronto.on.ca/inhock.htm
But I didn't find an explanation of "joiners". Are those his
composites? Or are they manipulated polaroids?
<
Are you an artist too?
>
Maybe a bit of a craftsman.
<<Joel
---------
If the phonetic alphabet was a technical means of severing the spoken
word from its aspects of sound and gesture, the photograph and its
development in the movie restored gesture to the human technology of
recording experience. - M. McLuhan
---------
>>
<Henry
McLuhan's point is an interesting view because it correctly identifies
the photographic process as a form of 'recording'. The recording is,
as you point out Joel sometimes planned, oftimes missed and in a lot
of cases inopportune.
>
Threw that in there in hope of getting Liza, Bruce and the others to
comment. There is certainly a long way between Muybridge and Jurassic
Park, possibly with the lizard dance somewhere in between :-)
-------
Nothing ever looks like the photograph. - P. Fussell
-------
Liza <...when I'm queen of the world..>
WAIT!!!!!!! I want to see all Malls stripped first.
Henry - Nipple king for a day.( Looking for a queen)
>
>
Crafts men and artists. Is there a difference? A stone chipper creates the
David and and earless painter creates a style. Compare the chipper to Rodin
who a few hundred years later creates shapes(!) by assembly of material as
well as chipping and Georgie O'keeffe the pioneer of New York modernism.
Each one is an artisan until the admirers called them artists. Was Ansell
Adams no less an artist because he worked with the lens and chemicals?
Not that I have too many ears to give away - they don't work very well, I
admit so I won't miss much; but I would be happy to achieve what A Adams
has done, in any medium.
Henry - lost the key of the door in the darkroom.
Do they ever go empty? I thought the rule was that there's always 1
surviving insurance agent. :-(
I see them as a step up (in density) from pure sprawl - businesses
sharing walls and a communal parking lot. You'd think they'd provide a
niche for some artsy-craftsy workshops, but apparently the rent (tax
driven?) doesn't go down enough.
--------
Generally speaking, the plants which follow man around the world might
be said to do so, not because they relish what man has done to the
environment, but because they can stand it and most other plants
cannot. ~ W. Thomas, ed.
--------
But I didn't find an explanation of "joiners". Are those his
composites? Or are they manipulated polaroids?
>>
<H
Photographic points taken and accepted. David Hockney strated to do
some work with polaroids and then progressed. he uses connecting
images to construct a whole. He is an English artist resident in
California. It is worth reading his book Hockney on Art.
>
I really like the one of the road. The effect is reminiscent of
DuChamps
http://www.udel.edu/psych/johnmcl/nude.jpg
http://www.glyphs.com/forums/load/cafe/msg0417361317034.html
And even more like the point-illists
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/Kevin_Christian/semic.htm
but where each point is replaced by another image. Of course this ties
in with half-toning and (at the bottom of the page) digital images.
http://www.city-gallery.com/digital/digital_image.html
<
Crafts men and artists. Is there a difference? A stone chipper
creates the David and and earless painter creates a style. Compare the
chipper to Rodin who a few hundred years later creates shapes(!) by
assembly of material as well as chipping and Georgie O'keeffe the
pioneer of New York modernism. Each one is an artisan until the
admirers called them artists. ...
>
On one end, there are the practitioners and imitators. On the other
end, a few raise the top skill levels to new heights, and become the
imitated.
This description would seem to require knowing what everyone else is
doing, at least within some community. Invention and innovation.
In another direction, the exercises of skill - works - take on or
express wider meanings, sometimes beyond the artist's intent.
<
... Was Ansell Adams no less an artist because he worked with the lens
and chemicals?
Not that I have too many ears to give away - they don't work very
well, I
admit so I won't miss much; but I would be happy to achieve what A
Adams has done, in any medium.
>
http://www.adamsgallery.com/
FWIW, I think his exalted landscapes raised the general consciousness
of ecological and environmental matters, but at a time when many were
feeling confined in ugly cities.
Speaking of landscapes -
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/brendandj/PUDDLE.jpg
---------
It is better to be looked over than overlooked. - M. West
---------
I love this woman's work
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Square/5070/table2.htm
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Square/5070/faith.htm
My brother bought a bronze from her... that dobie but smaller dimentions.
>Painting and photography do deal differently with time in some ways,
>but similarly in others.
<snip>
Thanks for the wonderful and thoughtful piece on photography.
I have been taking pictures for many many years, but I can't really lay claim
to the title "photographer." To me, a real photographer not only has the
artist's eye, and strongly developed concepts of what he's about, but a wealth
of ability to put huge amounts of technical knowledge to the service of his
concepts. I can say with some modicum of pride that I am a musician, but it
would, I fear, take me more years and effort than I'm willing to involve myself
with to become a real photographer.
I guess I come by it from my Dad, who also loved to trip the shutter (my Dad
was a charter subscriber to Popular Photography and kept that subscription
going until the magazine went belly up). He would come home exhausted from
working on the streetcars (yes, L.A. had a wonderful system of electric rail
transportation once upon a time), but on weekends, he loved to spend hours by
himself in the darkroom, among all his chemicals and equipment, making his
(mostly) black and white pictures.
*He* loved it, but the general reaction among relatives was, "Oh God, here
comes Archie with that damn camera!" "That damn camera" was a 4x5 Graflex with
blue flashbulbs the size of 200-watt regular light bulbs.
Dad loved to take the shots, but he didn't know how to make people feel at
ease. So it was *very* uncomfortable for his subjects most of the time, because
he tried to pose them and arrange their expressions, etc., etc.
And he was indiscriminate. If he found a subject human or nonhuman he loved, he
took shot after shot of it, even though each picture looked almost exactly the
same as the rest of the series.
And he loved the equipment and the gadgets. When a new Kodak film came out, he
was there to try it. When a new light meter came out, he'd be there. When a new
photographic paper came out, he'd give it a shot.
When 35mm photography got really good, he abandoned his graflex for a Kodak 35
camera and he shifted over into color. He'd try all the print films and slide
films.
Then Stereo Realist came out with their first true stereo camera, and both of
us went wild for that! It was a modern version of the old stereopticon, and it
was fun! You couldn't merely focus the camera on the subject, because the
picture had to be sharp from front to back, so you needed a special table to
figure the shutter speed and f stop combo that would give you an infinitely
sharp depth of field. (I wish I had one of those tables now!) I really thought
it was a shame when Stereo Realist cameras passed into limbo.
But as he got older, he began to have memory problems. Not Alzheimers exactly,
but he really began to get forgetful, especially after he retired, and really
especially after mom died. He lived 20 years after that, but he became more and
more withdrawn.
During that time Minolta came out with their Maxxum series of SLR cameras.
Without saying anything to me, he bought one, a Maxxum 7000. Finally he told me
he had it, and I asked him how he liked it. He was uncharacteristically vague,
and always waved the subject off. Finally, many months later, he gave me the
camera, saying that his mind was getting too bad to figure out the goddam
instructions! He felt lousy about himself and scared about his mind. I was very
sad.
I took the camera home and started reading the manual and working with the
camera, and I began to shake my head. Something was wrong with this camera! No
wonder he couldn't get it to work! The polarity was reversed! Instead of the
shutter staying closed until tripped, it stayed OPEN until tripped and then
*closed* for a fraction of a second!
I called him up and told him there was a very serious problem with it, and
described it to him. He was incredulous when he finally understood what I was
telling him, and said, "So it's not ME after all?" "NO, I said, it's the goddam
camera! Let's get it fixed!"
So I called the Minolta company, when was then in Torrance, and I took my Dad,
and we drove down to the factory. I described the problem to the guy behind the
counter. He worked with the camera for a minute or two, and said, "By God,
you're right! I've never seen anything like this! Leave it with us, it's still
under warranty, and we'll fix it for you for nothing!"
So Dad like *that* a whole lot, and we stopped off at a restaurant to eat on
the way back home.
This problem occurred SIX TIMES over a period of months with this camera. Six
times they fixed it, and six times the polarity reversed again. Each time I
took my Dad for a ride down to the place, left off the camera, and we'd stop
off for a nice lunch. It got so we'd hope it would happen again, we were
enjoying ourselves.
Each time they worked on the camera, they replaced something else. By the time
it was permanently fixed, they had virtually replaced *everything* but the
camera body! The guy told me that (1) they had replaced virtually every single
working part inside, and (2) they never did find out what the hell was wrong
with it in the first place. And they keep meticulous records of every camera
brought in for repair, what was done, what was replaced, and this was the
*first* camera among all those cameras ever to have that problem. And to my
knowledge, they never got another camera with that problem. But I can tell you
I've had it for many years, and it works fine! I'm putting up a photo album
website of our trip to Oregon last summer (a *helluva* lot of work), and when
it's ready, I'll let you know.
But back to real photography: For me, the absolute master of black and white
photography is Ansel Adams (who was also a musician, and I think this comes out
in his photography), and I also think that Galen Rowell is the Ansel Adams of
color photography. Both of these men are artists who use cameras. (If you don't
know the name Galen Rowell, check out his book "Mountain Light," and you'll see
what I mean.) Annie Liebowitz is, to me, another great photographer, and nobody
shot nudes the way Peter Gowland did.
When I look at the work of these artists, I try to soak something up in my own
photography from them, the way I built my flute sound from listening to
recordings of Julius Baker and William Kinkaid.
As I said, I'm really just a shutterbug, but I try. I'm of the school that
tries to get really *good* using a limited set of parameters. I use that
Minolta Maxxum 7000, although there are cameras that turn handsprings. I have
two strobes that I use at need. I usually keep a 28-200mm zoomer on the camera,
and when I need it, I also have a wide-angle lens which lets me get the rest. I
stay with Kodak Gold Max 800. I have a two-book library on photography: One
book is the "Kodak Guide to 35mm Photography" (which I bought in April 1988)
and the other is "How to Select and Use Minolta Maxxum Cameras" by Carl Shipman
(also from April 1988). The former book still teaches me. I still learn things
from it, and I hope they're still publishing it, because it's the most useful
35mm photography book I know of. The latter book took me through every nook and
cranny of my camera.
So hopefully I do well within the limits I have set for myself. I think real
freedom comes with the setting of limits.
Cheers,
Leonard
Superb online shopping;
superb income opportunity:
http://www.excelir.com/xlsa
"A doctor saves lives--it's up to people to create lives that are worth
saving." --Philip Gold, immunologist 820
My brother bought a bronze from her... that dobie but smaller
dimentions.
>
I've seen acrylic pieces displayed in some classy mall shops. The idea
of running light up and through the piece is really intriguing. So are
those fiber optic lamps. There's an immediacy to things that are
emitting instead of reflecting light - CRTs, slides, prisms - that
compels attention.
It may seem abusive to art, but I'd like to see some pieces that were
designed to do things with the light - fancy lamps if you like - throw
a pattern on the ceiling, accent some wall area, etc.
---------
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper
tray and the blinking red light. - anon.
---------