www.jollyroger.com THE FINAL TWENTY IRREFUTABLE TRUTHS!!!
Wise Old Owl Press
THE GOOD SHIP JOLLY ROGER
http://jollyroger.com/beaconway/jollyroger.html
Send join jollyroger to jolly...@jollyroger.com for the ride of yer life!
The following truths cannot be refuted. If one attempts to do so, one risks
losing one's sanity. Avast! Thus we hope ye do not try!
99. When the administrator says, "never again," that, my good friend, is
usually when.
100. A picture is worth a thousand words, but the ten commandments cannot
be drawn.
101. Liberal administrators shall soon have to answer to this generation
for robbing us of our money, our heritage, and the sacred.
102. Conservatives don't hold sit-ins and peace-outs and love-fests to get
things done. Nor do they write grant proposals. They forge ahead, build
magnificent ships, and start Literary Revolutions.
103. Because liberalism has its fundamental tenets rooted in free-lovin'
Dionysian rebellion, it has failed in the higher ideological arena, where
the Appolonian dominates.
104. One cannot rebel against the oppressive patriarchy when one doesn't
know one's father.
105. Those who fail at writing for the people often find themselves
writing for a paper.
106. When the ugly make the law beauty often ends up being illegal.
107. The contemporary liberal literary establishment exists to degrade,
destroy and desecrate Greatness, while making the postmodern fog thicker.
If ye write to exalt, ye are on yer own. Ye are on yer own except for the
wonderful people of this country who embrace freedom, the Truth, and God.
And now the WWW let's you address their intellects without the liberals'
permission.
108. If the New York elite literary agents and publishers loved
literature, they'd have high tailed it on out of New York long ago.
109. It is a small minority of people who read to destroy. It is tragic
that they should reign in our institutions of higher learning.
110. Know ye that any man who strikes out on his own shall suffer the
slings and arrows of those who did the same and failed, but even worse
will be the violent wrath of those who lacked the courage to venture forth
in the first place. For those who tried and failed know that at least they
succeeded in being themselves, whereas those who never tried failed in
even that. And thus the jealousy augments.
111. If ye should choose to march to your own drummer, to walk down yer
own chosen path, do not take the vitriolic castigations personally. Take
them as a compliment.
112. Ye cannot battle the postmodern fog by lashing out at it, for ye will
fall into the void of the mere mist. One must construct a noble beacon
upon the bedrock of Western Civilization, embodied by the Great Books.
Thus others might find their way, and democracy shall prevail. The Roger
will take ye there.
113. While the liberal elite enjoy seeing my generation's consciousness as
an anti-intellectual, fallow field, I view it as it is-- fertile earth
upon which nothing has been allowed to grow.
114. The liberal boomers love grunge and plotless, characterless
generation-x nihilism because they created it. And like president $hapiro
they know that there is no better way to control a generation than to deny
it its meaning.
115. Most modern day physicsts are mathematical historians who know as
much about Great Literature as the professors in the English department,
'cause they've never read any either.
116. If ye shoot drugs and write nihilistic prose, the liberal elite will
embrace ye and place ye on a pedestal. If ye ponder, contemplate, and
revel in sobriety, ye will scare the bejesus out of them, and they will
unite in their efforts to destroy ye, or something.
117. You can lead a liberal to Great Literature, but you can't make them
think.
118. The modern university president is the ultimate anti-intellectual.
They value money, pride, and arrogance over the Truth.
119. Avast! The battle for the soul of this generation and all generations
to come has just commenced, and be it known that the captains could not
ask for a more gallant crew than those found aboard The Good Ship! If it
weren't for yer insightful letters, demonstrating a shared commitment to
the Permanent Things, we wouldn't be where we are today! Avast! And know
ye that this we never forget!
120. Postmodernism is the opiate of the liberal elite.
121. This generation shall author a renaissance as the postmodern fog
lifts.
122. Arrogance isn't believing in what you do. It's funding what you do
with other people's money, against their will.
123. Avast! By the time ye solve the Mystery of The Jolly Roger, it will
be too late.
To see all 123 TRUTHS in their eniterty, check out
http://jollyroger.com/beaconway/prophet.html
Kathy Vincent
Could we be lucky enough that this is really the FINAL set of
"irrefutable truths"???
Stanton J Wonn
: 118. The modern university president is the ultimate anti-intellectual.
: They value money, pride, and arrogance over the Truth.
Oh, my gawd, I think I actually *agree* with McGherken here...aaah! Run
for your lives!
Stan
has been at the UA too long, perhaps...
--
Stan Wonn------------http://www.primenet.com/~wonn---------Tucson, AZ USA----
-----------------wo...@u.arizona.edu or wo...@primenet.com---------------------
"It is a wondrous human characteristic to be able to slip in and out of
idiocy many times a day without noticing the change or accidentally killing
innocent bystanders in the process." --Scott Adams
Donald A. Hosek
Wise Old Owl Press <o...@sunsite.unc.edu> wrote:
>The following truths cannot be refuted. If one attempts to do so, one risks
>losing one's sanity. Avast! Thus we hope ye do not try!
Oh boy, a challenge. I'll go for the cheap laughs, they're soooooo easy.
>100. A picture is worth a thousand words, but the ten commandments cannot
>be drawn.
Not enough words, I'd imagine.
>106. When the ugly make the law beauty often ends up being illegal.
OK ladies, Bill Clinton, Stom Thurmond. Who would you rather do?
>119. Avast! The battle for the soul of this generation and all generations
>to come has just commenced, and be it known that the captains could not
>ask for a more gallant crew than those found aboard The Good Ship! If it
>weren't for yer insightful letters, demonstrating a shared commitment to
>the Permanent Things, we wouldn't be where we are today! Avast! And know
>ye that this we never forget!
I was wondering when we'd get to hear from the pirates. awwwwk! polly
want a cracker!
>To see all 123 TRUTHS in their eniterty, check out
>http://jollyroger.com/beaconway/prophet.html
I betcha the reason he got kicked out of the poetry class was cause he
couldn't spell.Any bets on how long it'll be before he's dragged out
of his cabin in montana for sending letter bombs to English
professors?
-dh
--
Don Hosek dho...@quixote.com Quixote Digital Typography
909-621-1291 fax: 909-625-1342 orders: 800-810-3311
For information about SERIF: THE MAGAZINE OF TYPE & TYPOGRAPHY,
http://www.quixote.com/serif/ or mail serif...@quixote.com
Lawrence Watt-Evans
>
>
>
>Could we be lucky enough that this is really the FINAL set of
>"irrefutable truths"???
Has anyone pointed this garbage out to President Shapiro?
I'm amazed by just how personal this grudge is. As if Shapiro were some
dominant figure on the American scene. I mean, how many of you guys ever
HEARD of him before this barrage started?
Seems to me he's become a substitute father-figure in a rather extreme and
stupid display of Oedipal, testosterone-driven adolescent rebellion.
--
For information on Lawrence Watt-Evans, finger -l lawr...@clark.net
or see The Misenchanted Page at http://www.greyware.com/authors/LWE/
The Horror Writers Association Page is at http://www.horror.org/HWA/
M Barnard
o...@sunsite.unc.edu (Wise Old Owl Press) wrote:
Well, three posts of "irrefutable truths", and we stopped agreeing after:
"Jolly Roger...AAAARRRGGGGHHHH!"
..in the first one.
Have you ever considered that learning to argue coherently or write well would
be a good starting point for a Conservative Literary Revolution? At least
David Frum was once able to outrage in several hundred well-written words,
even if he now takes thousands to bore and argue badly. You skipped right to
the second part of the Conservative Literary Devolution though, didn't you.
>123. Avast! By the time ye solve the Mystery of The Jolly Roger, it will
>be too late.
The only mystery is how someone of your obvious short comings (in all senses
of the phrase) has managed to stay in any university course. Proof of
diminishing educational standards in the States, I'd say.
M
bar...@io.org - http://www.io.org/~barnard/web/barnard.htm -
"Old wood to burn! Old wine to drink! Old friends to trust!
Old authors to read!" Francis Bacon
John Michael Scalzi, II
wrote:
>111. If ye should choose to march to your own drummer, to walk down yer
>own chosen path, do not take the vitriolic castigations personally. Take
>them as a compliment.
Oh, guys. De Nial ain't just a river in Egypt.
-------------------------
John Michael Scalzi II
Writer/Editor, America Online
http://www.cybergate.com/~scalzi
"I've been authorized by the jurisdiction of whatever
city this is to punish you in whatever way I can think up."
-- Max, "Sam and Max" by Steve Purcell
Robert Merritt
> THE LARGEST, MOST-FEARED LITERARY FRIGATE ON THE WWW
> THE GOOD SHIP JOLLY ROGER
> http://jollyroger.com/beaconway/jollyroger.html
>Send join jollyroger to jolly...@jollyroger.com for the ride of yer life!
>102. Conservatives don't hold sit-ins and peace-outs and love-fests to get
>things done. Nor do they write grant proposals. They forge ahead, build
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>magnificent ships, and start Literary Revolutions.
Forget about the "Contract With America" so soon? Typical..
Rob M email: rob...@jagunet.com
Game Reviews @ http://www.jagunet.com/~robertm
"If you think there is a solution, you're part of the problem"- GC
Davida Chazan
:|123. Avast! By the time ye solve the Mystery of The Jolly Roger, it will
:|be too late.
Which, of course, won't come too soon for me, thank you.
{Psssst! 99 + 20 = 119 and not 123. Just thought you should know.}
|"Scalagadoola, Menchakaboola, Bibbidie, Bobbidie, Boo.
| Put them together and what have you got?
| Bibbidie, Bobbidie, BOO!"
| The Fairy Godmother from Cinderella (Disney)
ALANT24FPS
>> THE LARGEST, MOST-FEARED LITERARY FRIGATE ON THE WWW
THE GOOD SHIP JOLLY ROGER<<<
and so on and so on....you know the rest.
But please leave him alone and don't bother following up. I have it on
good authority that the FBI has approved allowing this post to go
through...it's all a part of their plan. So be patient, and we may yet be
safe from this menace to the net.
Best,
AT
Weasel Boy
> usually when.
So, this isn't REALLY your last rant, then?
--
come visit me at:
http://www.io.org/~monkee/
later...
--
From Happy to Frown..
J..
Jason Mayfield
[snippety snip snip]
Um, Mr. Roger, sir...several of these last twenty truths are the same
as the previous thirty five.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I feel vaguely wronged.
And also, Jolly, are you mental?
-- Jason Mayfield
-- wen...@akorn.net
-- DESTRUCT!
JMingo
cathedral!
Jack (someone feed him a Diet of Worms) Mingo
sussman
was once a great storage of filling. . .Jolly roger is a liberal. . .As a
conservative this saddens me to see the left stoop to such chicanery, posing,
as it were, for the world to see, as a young, disenchanted, college student.
Recent graduates remember: the mighty grip of a teacher's ideology. Great
teachers, though we may disagree with them politically, can infect our weak
willed peers with postmodern foggy headed thinking. As a conservative I
must refute Jolly Roger, I must defend conservatism's good name.
First, Jolly wants to lump conservative academia with political conservatism,
ans the same for liberalism. This is a mistake many propitiate including Rush
Limbaugh, Gordon Liddy, and a host of hosts.
Many people I know voted for Clinton and still disagree with liberal
academia, which is the notion that a book should be judged on socio-ethical
grounds and not literary merit. Now, for example, if a person is a liberal
politically and academically, they want to kill the author then hike up his
taxes.
Anyway, we must thank jolly for beginning this important discussion
Weasel Boy
merci.
Maia Gemmill
Owl Press) wrote:
> THE LARGEST, MOST-FEARED LITERARY FRIGATE ON THE WWW
> THE GOOD SHIP JOLLY ROGER
> http://jollyroger.com/beaconway/jollyroger.html
> Send join jollyroger to jolly...@jollyroger.com for the ride of yer life!
>
> The following truths cannot be refuted. If one attempts to do so, one risks
> losing one's sanity. Avast! Thus we hope ye do not try!
>
> 99. When the administrator says, "never again," that, my good friend, is
> usually when.
[snip]
>
> 123. Avast! By the time ye solve the Mystery of The Jolly Roger, it will
> be too late.
Final TWENTY, eh?
Maybe you should go back and take a couple math classes to complement your
outstanding literary knowledge.
Maia
--------------------------------
ma...@bway.net
http://www.bway.net/~maia
Proud parent of Lev and Emma...kittens of the world unite!
Ken MacIver
> > usually when.
>
Ha ha ha ha ah ah ha ha ha hahahahahahahaha ah hahahahaha ha ah ahha
ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ah ha ha
ha ha
ha
ha
ha ha ah ha ha ha ha hp ho hoh h h hoh ho ho ho
whew!
John Michael Scalzi, II
RANGE!
THE GOOD HACIENDA JOLLY RANCHER
http://jollyrancher.com/pointyheaded/sillyboys.html
Howdy there, pardner! Our quest for truth, justice and the American
way is ongoing at the JOLLY RANCHER, where we're not afraid to say:
"BSE is what happens to cattle that don't join our literary
revolution!"
JOIN the over 17,347,844,212 (and counting) cattle branded with our
red-hot brand of TRUTH! YESSIR, we're more than happy to rope 'em up
and ride 'em out, on that great intellectual Chisholm Trail! Sure,
there's some culling that happens on the way, but the cowboys' gotta
EAT, don't they? Cookie, our cook/head poet, gleefully cuts out the
sick and weak from the herd! SOUP'S ON, and if you can't keep up,
YOU'RE the main course!
READ our scathing letter to the editors of SUNSET magazine! They dare
not taste the hamburgers of our truth, partly because it's not germane
to their magazine's topic, BUT STILL!!!!
http://jollyrancher.com/whinydrivel/bigwords.html
THEY say we're nothing but a bunch of obnoxious university hangers-on
who have resorted to the web because no one would publish us! THEY say
that what we call the "truth" is nothing more than a bizarre mix of
Ayn Rand, Melville, and the bloodier parts of the Old Testament,
whipped into a frothy frappe in the OVERHEATED BLENDER that we call
our thought processes!!!
WELL, as we said to our WRITING PROFESSOR after she kicked us out of
class for our inability to create a sentence without the misuse of
CAPITAL LETTERS: "PLEASE don't drop me from the class! I need it to
GRADUATE!!"
YAHOO!! In our quest to educate those of you who have yet to join our
placid cattle, slowly wending their way to the intellectual KANSAS
CITY of the soul, where they will be slaughtered, dismembered and
THEIR CHEEKS AND STOMACH LININGS USED FOR THE INTELLECTUAL EQUIVALENT
OF HOT DOGS, We're releasing this set of 10 MORE irreducable TRUTHS!
Read these and weep! You say you don't ENJOY pithy aphorisims,
carefully wrought from the fine filigree of BEAUTY AND JUSTICE?
BEWARE, or our normally bovine herd of followers shall trample you in
their anger!!!
10 MORE IRREDUCABLE TRUTHS
1. The problem with academia these days is that those put in charge of
the education of young minds don't realize that truth is not graded on
a curve. Especially when the purveyors of the truth are somewhere near
the bottom of that curve, and have to do extra-credit assignments to
keep from failing. Trust us on this one.
2. A wise man once said to a child "If I catch you in my magazines
again, I'm gonna whack you senseless with my cane!!!" We could all use
a good whack now and then.
3. The mother's milk of kindness and decency is turned into clotted
butter if the breasts of knowledge are allowed to bounce around
without the bra of morality. What does this mean? I don't know, but I
think I'm going to raid grandpa's magazine drawer again.
4. If there's one purpose to man being on this planet, it's to read
THE JOLLY RANCHER and glean from it trenchant observations on the
meaning of life. This is especially true if they are a magazine or
book publisher, in which case they should additionally give us the
name of their submissions editor. Please?
5. When liberals say "No, I don't want fries with that, you idiot, how
many times do I have to repeat myself?", BEWARE!! They don't really
know what they want.
6. If you are actively ridiculed for your views by everyone else,
rejoice! Soon the Rapture will come and you will be able to direct the
Archangel Michael to brutally skewer those hateful HATEFUL people on
his flaming sword of Justice and Truth. Start making your list now!
7. If you throw around the words "Apollonian" and "Dionysian", chances
are very good you'll get invited to a fraternity party! They're Greek
words, see? Well, never mind. We're pretty sure it'll work one day.
8. I forget what eight was for.
9. Dare not to oppose the wise views of the JOLLY RANCHER, or we'll
sneak into your electronic mailbox, and send out nasty messages in
your name. What's a federal offense, compared the the work of the
righteous???!??
10. The Great Books is the only hope for our soulless, wasted
generation, abandoned by the selfish desires of those before us. We
particularly recommend the "Classic Illustrated" versions. Them's what
got pictures!
Well, it's back to the trail for us! To see all 12,567 IRREDUCABLE
TRUTHS in their entirety, check out our web site at
http://jollyrancher.com/blabblabblab/yaddayaddayadda.html. Do it, or
we'll just have to spam the other 12,557 over the Usenet!
GERONIMO!!!!!
-------------------------
John Michael Scalzi II
Writer/Editor, America Online
These are MY opinons, damn it.
http://www.cybergate.com/~scalzi
"I've been authorized by the jurisdiction of whatever
city this is to punish you in whatever way I can think of."
R Scott MacDonald
--Anne-Marie MacDonald
Tim Meehan
>Weasel Boy <mon...@io.org> wrote:
>>je think vous est un moron.
>>
>>merci.
>>
>>
>Je pense que vous needez plus de lecons en francais.
YM "besoin" HTH :)
-Tim (on dangerous ground correcting the French teacher)
--
"Persian word for 'penis' is 'Dole'..." -- Reuters | Tim Meehan - Toronto
"Clinton Licks Bush, Beats Dole - newspaper | du...@interlog.com
headline I'd love to see." -- Dave Mooney | tim.m...@utoronto.ca
http://www.interlog.com/~duke - +1(416)449-2369
Chuck Lipsig
> THE BIGGEST, LARGEST, SMELLIEST RANCH ON THE ENTIRE LITERARY RANGE!
> THE GOOD HACIENDA JOLLY RANCHER
> http://jollyrancher.com/pointyheaded/sillyboys.html
Now, this was on target! Both Patti and I had the biggest laugh that we've
had on this board. Well, the biggest laugh that was meant to happen.
Chuck Lipsig lip...@atlantic.net Gainesville, FL
It's not just a .sig -- It's a .lipsig.
Patti Lipsig
> THE BIGGEST, LARGEST, SMELLIEST RANCH ON THE ENTIRE LITERARY
>RANGE!
> THE GOOD HACIENDA JOLLY RANCHER
> http://jollyrancher.com/pointyheaded/sillyboys.html
(hilarious parody snipped)
>-------------------------
>John Michael Scalzi II
>Writer/Editor, America Online
>These are MY opinons, damn it.
>http://www.cybergate.com/~scalzi
>"I've been authorized by the jurisdiction of whatever
>city this is to punish you in whatever way I can think of."
> -- Max, "Sam and Max" by Steve Purcell
.......................................................................................................................................
Thanks. This is definitely a "wish I'd thought of it" post.
Laughed so hard, almost choked on my corn nuts.
Patti Lipsig
Bob Pastorio
the credits and skills of ol' JR much as De Lesseps is remembered by the
famous " "A man, a plan, a canal - Panama" palindrome.
These are extraordinarily difficult to do, as I'm sure a moment's
reflection would show. I mean, the words have to spell something in both
directions and be meaningful. In this case, it should capture the full witty
essence of JR, be pithily accurate, and show elegant use of the
language. If it could capture a certain aphoristic sense as well, more's
the good.
A bad example would be, "Sit on a potato pan, Otis!"
Here's an extension of the Panama palindrome and, in its obvious
brilliance, what I suggest we use as the basis of our paeon:
"A man, a plan, a canoe, pasta, heros, rajahs, a coloratura, maps, snipe,
percale, macaroni, a gag, a banana bag, a tan, a tag, a banana bag again
or a camel, a crepe, pins, spam, a rut, a rolo, cash, a jar, sore hats, a
peon, a canel - Panama"
So here's my humble effort. It could use a little polishing.
"A man, a plan, a writer, avast conservative, aarrgghh, whine seller, hole, preacher,
shouter, dork, thudding words, nose hole, mipseller, sound & fury, a vasthole,
flavorless spam, wordfarter, grammar slammer, funny but don' mean to, hole, plumbing
fixture, solid dust, a cyrklejerque unto heself, aarrgghh, hole, verbal diarrhea, buy a
dictionary, get a life - Panama"
Bob(should it be "a vasthole," "avasthole" or "a vast hole?" Maybe "an
vasthole?")Pastorio
Ted Samsel
: jsc...@gnn.com (John Michael Scalzi, II) wrote:
:
: > THE BIGGEST, LARGEST, SMELLIEST RANCH ON THE ENTIRE LITERARY RANGE!:
: Now, this was on target! Both Patti and I had the biggest laugh that we've
: had on this board. Well, the biggest laugh that was meant to happen.
Is this supposed to be some sort of slam at Cormac McCarthy?
But continued, especially if you intend to distribute habanero chile
flavored JOLLY RANCHETTE candies (with a soupcon of bear gall).
--
Ted Samsel....tejas@infi.net *1996* Year of the Accordion~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Home of the brave, land of the free,
I don't want to be mistreated by no bourgoisie."
Huddie Ledbetter
Davida Chazan
:| THE BIGGEST, LARGEST, SMELLIEST RANCH ON THE ENTIRE LITERARY
:|RANGE!
:| THE GOOD HACIENDA JOLLY RANCHER
:| http://jollyrancher.com/pointyheaded/sillyboys.html
ROTFLMHOWTSDMF!
Thanks, I needed that.
R Scott MacDonald
>R Scott MacDonald <rscott.m...@sympatico.ca> writes:
>
>>Weasel Boy <mon...@io.org> wrote:
>>>je think vous est un moron.
>>>
>>>merci.
>>>
>>>
>>Je pense que vous needez plus de lecons en francais.
>
>YM "besoin" HTH :)
>
>-Tim (on dangerous ground correcting the French teacher)
>
>
difficulty and dumbing the sentence into franglais for him to comprehend.
"Besoin" is for advanced level learners such as yourself 8>) HTH-toi, or
is it vous?
--Anne-Marie