How To Disappear Completely (From a Masthead)
Shelton Bumgarner
To Disappear Completely." The lyrics and melody fit my mood about my
relationship to Korea and my fellow expats perfectly:
In a little while
I'll be gone
The moment's already passed
Yeah it's gone
And I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here
The reason? ROKon Magazine seems on the cusp of returning from the
dead. When I hold that first issue in my hands that was published
without my involvement, it will be a kick in the gut. I may literally
throw up on the spot from heartbreak. That magazine was my life for
about eight months. It was like a girlfriend or...maybe a tribe. But I
made a lot of mistakes. So many mistakes, I am probably going to write
a novel inspired on the events surrounding its conception and my
eventual removal - what else can I do? (Actually, start a rock group
called Break Something, but, you know...)
The whole thing is a mobius strip of heartache. I am torn between two
emotions - pride that I thought up something that is strong enough
that it is determined to keep going without me and sorrow that I
created something that is determined to keep going without me.
People keep asking me how I lost "my" magazine. If you want the entire
truth, buy me a bottle of whiskey and let me cry on your shoulder. But
the very question is the source of the answer. It was never "my"
magazine, it was "our" magazine...but in the end it was "their" magazine
and not "mine." I was doing all the work - and paying all the money -
and yet had no authority (hell, I couldn't even go to a photoshoot
without a staffer having a shit fit.) And that was my fault. If I had
established a sense of respect for my ability from the beginning, then
all of that wouldn't have happened. But I was too inexperienced in
such things. Now, however, I am not.
One thing I can promise you, however, is it won't happen again the
same way. The next time I start a revolution, I won't be its first
victim.
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This entry was written by Migukin and posted on June 22, 2007 at 9:37
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15 Comments
1.
Brendon Carr your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 10:52 am | Permalink | Edit
Wait, when we spoke about this on the phone, didn't I tell you
this exact outcome was inevitable?
Sorry you lost your magazine, Shelton.
2.
R. Elgin your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 11:33 am | Permalink | Edit
So? . . .
Learn from your mistakes and do it right next time. That is how
one may succeed.
3.
sewing your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 11:44 am | Permalink | Edit
If it's your money-not to mention your idea, time, and work-
going into the project, lay down the law. Seek input, but don't seek
consensus-if you're the one investing everything-and don't let anyone
else jerk your chain. If they're decent people, they'll respect you
for that. If they're not decent people, they'll still have no choice
but to respect your position.
4.
tz247 your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 11:48 am | Permalink | Edit
Since I actually designed the first 2 issues, I can tell you
exactly what you did wrong. Granted on the first issue (actually issue
2 in the grand scheme of things), I was still getting a feel for what
you wanted, but on the second issue you decided that you wanted your
"girlfriend" to design the mag and you shut me out There was no
compromise. You kept claiming it was "our" magazine, but in reality it
was a platform for your narcissism. You wrote the majority of the
articles and truth be told, they were long-winded, pointless and full
of grammatical and spelling mistakes. You claimed you were the editor,
but you couldn't even do a decent job editing your own articles, let
alone the other 10 that were published. It was embarrassing to admit
to people that I had a hand in the magazine because of the many
complaints I got about the crappy editing. The less you had to do with
the magazine, the better it seemed to get. If Annie can revive the
magazine, all the more power to her. She was the real spirit behind
it.
5.
robert neff your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 12:13 pm | Permalink | Edit
The editing was horrible. You can not edit your own work - you
are too close to it to see the errors.
6.
Migukin your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 12:17 pm | Permalink | Edit
David:
The Girl Who Couldn't Cry
Once upon a time, there was a princess named Brighteyes who
couldn't, wouldn't cry. Even though the policy of the royal family was
love, her heart was of stone. One day, a knight fell in love with the
princess. He fell in love with her smile and her bright eyes.
"Oh, fair princess, you are my world," said the knight. "I would
do anything for you. I'm in love with you."
This made Princess Brighteyes so, so angry!
"You are a fool," said the princess. "Feed him to the dragon!"
The knight was shocked. What had he done? He loved the princess!
Why did she want him dead?
"I'm sorry to make you so angry," the knight said, at last,
however.
The knight was taken to the lair of the dragon. As the dragon
came out, fire burst from his nose and mouth! But the knight did
nothing. He placed his mighty sword on the ground. He put his shield
next to his sword.
"Why are you such a fool! You must fight to the death for the
princess!" the dragon said.
"I believe in love, honor and compassion," said the knight. "If
the princess wants you to eat me, then go ahead - eat me. We are all
winners here."
The dragon shrugged. Just as the knight was about to be eaten,
he yelled, "I love you Brighteyes!"
And so the dragon ate the knight in one mighty chomp.
But the dragon felt guilty. He requested an audience with the
princess.
"Princess Brighteyes, what is wrong with you? Why won't you cry?
Why don't you believe in love? Why must you be so, so mean to those
who care about you?"
"Why do you ask?" she said.
"Well," the dragon said with a sigh, "The knight did not fight
me. He just let me eat him. He said it did it because he loved you and
did as you wished. He obviously loved you a great deal. Just think of
the joy he could have brought you if you had loved him back."
Princess Brighteyes thought for a moment.
And she cried.
7.
Migukin your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 12:23 pm | Permalink | Edit
That magazine was my child. It grew up and decided I was a
horrible parent. I'm Jon Voight to ROKon's Angelina Jolie on this one.
I make no excuses. It existed, and at the time, that's all that
mattered.
I thought it up, ran it and it was something I would have died
for....and in the end...I did.
8.
dlatn your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 12:34 pm | Permalink | Edit
Why doesn't Sheldon start a magazine in Iraq, the place is
crying out for serious, investigative journalists. Scott Burgeson
already has the kooky-krap-by-white-trash thing going on in Korea.
9.
a-letheia your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 12:36 pm | Permalink | Edit
Tsk, tsk...What, do you have a wife and kids to support? No? Then
failure is liberating. I should know; I'm a old pro!
It strikes me that those who are afraid of failure are vain and
solipsistic (look it up), as in this example:
"I thought it up, ran it and it was something I would have died
for....and in the end...I did."
Tsk, tsk...
10.
Migukin your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 12:42 pm | Permalink | Edit
I agree, failure is something to be avoided, but not feared.
I completely, totally failed on every level when it came to
ROKon. I got nothing I wanted and everything I needed.
I definitely have the experienced needed to run a magazine or a
small newspaper. Probably not staffed by anyone from ROKon, obviously,
but...tomorrow is another day...
11.
Migukin your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 12:44 pm | Permalink | Edit
And, Angry tz247.....
Cute Can Be Cruel
One day a mighty warrior was walking through a dark woods. He
was afraid a monster would come out and get him!
"Oh, I must be brave," he told himself. "These woods are full of
monsters! I do not want to be their dinner!"
He walked very carefully. He made sure he kept his guard up. He
kept his eyes wide open. No monster was going to get him!
Soon, he saw something in the distance.
It was a scary monster! He pulled out his mighty sword.
"You don't scare me, you monster!" the warrior said. The monster
- a dragon - came close and tried to kill the warrior. But the warrior
was very brave. He defeated the scary dragon!
He felt he was safe. He started to walk the woody path again.
Soon, he saw a very cute, little fuzzy animal. It was so cute.
It smelled so nice. It made a funny little noise as it got closer.
"Oh, what a cute little animal!" the warrior said. "It is the
cutest little thing in the whole world. It wouldn't hurt anyone or
anything."
The warrior got closer and closer.
Then...Wham! The cute animal attacked the warrior with sharp
claws.
"Oww!" the warrior yelled. "You are so cute, but you hurt so
much! I am your perfect prey!"
After a long time and much blood, the mighty warrior finally got
the horrible, yet cute creature off him.
"Well," he said to himself, "that proves one thing. Something
cute can also be very cruel!"
12.
iheartblueballs your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 12:50 pm | Permalink | Edit
Given the fact that your approval rating in this 'hood is
hovering below the Bush/Mendoza/Nixon line (apologies to Mario Mendoza
for sandwiching him between those two beauts), it would have been
prudent to seek another venue for your personal pity party.
And I'm not here
I'm not here
I'm not her
Ah, but if only those lyrics would become the reality. We can
only dream.
13.
iheartblueballs your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 12:51 pm | Permalink | Edit
Request to close that blockquote and delete this request.
14.
Robert Koehler your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 12:52 pm | Permalink | Edit
When I said you could continue posting on this blog, I don't
believe this is quite what I had in mind.
15.
Migukin your flag
Posted June 22, 2007 at 12:54 pm | Permalink | Edit
ok.
i'll take it off