PAD: new syndrome affects pipe smokers
Dean James
endemic to pipe smokers. P.A.D., otherwise known as Pipe Acquisition
Disorder. This syndrome manifests itself in various forms, but is most likely
to flare up when the victim is near any type of establishment which has pipes
and pipe paraphernalia for sale. My latest episode occurred today, when I
dropped by The Briar Shoppe in Houston. I had been there a couple of days ago
to pick up some tobacco, and I browsed through the display cases while
waiting. My eyes fell upon a beautiful Savinelli Goliath. For some strange
reason, the PAD did not strike hard that day. But today (i.e., pay day) it
did. So I found myself drawn, against my will, back to the Briar Shoppe,
where I purchased said Savinelli Goliath.
I just received two pipes in the mail this week from Bill Unger; I have
another coming from Bill Braddock; and I bought two Aldo Velanis from the PCCA
website, which should be on the way soon. That will bring my collection of
pipes up to just over twenty. And I've been smoking pipes regularly only
since past July. Where will it end? If I keep acquiring pipes at this rate,
what will I do? I'll have to rob a bank, get another job, or something....
(preferably one which would allow me to smoke all day long....)
PAD claims another victim....
Dean James
cam...@neosoft.com
Jeff Folloder
> I have diagnosed myself as the victim of a strange syndrome which seems
> endemic to pipe smokers. P.A.D., otherwise known as Pipe Acquisition
> Disorder.
Hi Dean!
Welcome! The first step in your recovery is admitting that you have a problem.
My name is Jeff, and I have PAD, too! Also, it aint too tough to let Dallas sell
you a pipe!
--
Jeff Folloder
"Wheels within wheels in a spiral array. A pattern
so grand and complex. Time after time we lose
sight of the way. Our causes can't see the effects."
"Natural Science" Rush, Permanent Waves-Neil Peart
YEAG
Dean James wrote in message ...
>I have diagnosed myself as the victim of a strange syndrome which seems
>endemic to pipe smokers. P.A.D., otherwise known as Pipe Acquisition
M. Crane
YEAG wrote:
>
> Let us all hereby taketh the pledge and join Pad's Anonymous
> Dean James wrote in message ...
Guilty as charged. I hereby pledge...
Martin
Crashh
.........Thousands of Pipes at bargain prices........it won't cure
you.........but you'll feel a lot better and gain a new perspective on
values.
Crashh
>Dean James wrote in message ...
Dean James
>May I suggest that you get yourself to one of the larger pipe Shows.
>.........Thousands of Pipes at bargain prices........it won't cure
>you.........but you'll feel a lot better and gain a new perspective on
>values.
The minute there's one being held close enough to Houston....
Dean James
Stephen H. Aidlin
WITH MY PIPE COLLECTION AND WITHOUT MY WIFE)
Puff
not however seek to cure this addiction just now. If in the future I do wish
to seek help quitting this addiction I will go to a pipe show to help me
rejuvenate it. I do pledge to seek out new and used pipes of high quality. I
will also pledge to introduce as many new pipe smokers as I can to the
hobby.
< Add your comments here>
Dean James
Al Lay
I would like to introduce myself to you. I am about to obtain my M.A.
in Clinical Psychology and I have decided to specialize in treating
the obsessive disorder (PAD) that you have.
I am more than willing to work with you (and any others) on your
problem. Since this is a new field, and you will be sort of a guinia
pig for me, I am willing to handle your case for free.
If you would be interested in starting therapy with me, the first step
would be for you to send me all of your pipes, tobaccos, and surplus
money, for safe keeping. After examining carefully what you have sent
me, I will inform you of the next step in your treatment program.
Don't worry about having to go "cold turkey" on this. I will allow
you to buy more pipes, to be sent to me of course, until we have a
handle on your problem.
Looking forward to working with you.
Yours truly,
Alfred Lay
**********************************************************************
Dean James
>I would like to introduce myself to you. I am about to obtain my M.A.
>in Clinical Psychology and I have decided to specialize in treating
>the obsessive disorder (PAD) that you have.
>I am more than willing to work with you (and any others) on your
>problem. Since this is a new field, and you will be sort of a guinia
>pig for me, I am willing to handle your case for free.
>If you would be interested in starting therapy with me, the first step
>would be for you to send me all of your pipes, tobaccos, and surplus
>money, for safe keeping. After examining carefully what you have sent
>me, I will inform you of the next step in your treatment program.
[stuff snipped...]
I just *knew* I could count on a fellow ASPer to offer to help. What a
generous group! ;-)
Dean James
cam...@neosoft.com
I Schier
For me, it ended temporarily at pipe number 65 a couple of years ago. But fear not
- it will begin again soon.
Ian
--
___________________________________________________
Ian Schier, President
Integral Coupon Services and Research
Specialized Marketing and Research Solutions
Moscow, Russia (7-095)531-71-32 ic...@cityline.ru
____________________________________________________
Bill Johnson
<sai...@home.com> wrote:
>I'M PAST 200 PIPES AND GOING- WHERE? pROBABLY TO THE POORHOUSE (ALONG
>WITH MY PIPE COLLECTION AND WITHOUT MY WIFE)
>
OK, for all you alleged PAD-sufferers out there, I need to make it
clear that you don't _really_ have PAD until you've exceeded the
number of pipes you actually need.
How many pipes you need can be calculated with the following formula:
Pipes needed = DPU * R * PC
Where:
DPU is your Daily Pipe Use (assume 6 bowls daily for this example)
R is your Rotation (assume you let each pipe rest 7 days between
each single-bowl use)
PC is your Preferred Choice (assume you want 30 pipes from which
to choose each time you fill a bowl)
Using the above assumptions, you need 6 * 7 * 30 pipes in your array,
or a total of 1,260 pipes.
And frankly, as your pipe collection approaches that size, you may
have become picky enough to want 60 pipes to choose from each time you
smoke, and you may want to let each pipe rest 14 days. If that
becomes the case, then you'll need 6 * 14 * 60, or 5,040 pipes.
True, PAD is a real disease -- but it isn't one that you (or your
spouse) should worry about until your pipe acquisitions have passed
the "needs" stage.
Hope all this helps.
Good Ol' BillyBob
Rebel Without A Clue
Online Personality: The rugged good looks of a young
Clint Eastwood combined with the suave urbanity of a
mature David Niven.
Offline Personality: Somewhat different.
johnwpe...@my-dejanews.com
That is certainly true. And if not Dallas, one of the other wonderful people
at the Briar Shoppe.
Of course, if I want estates, then I will buzz over to Antique Pipe :))
Now, I just have to lay on another trip to Houston!!!
Regards, John
In article <36B271BF...@folloder.com>,
Jeff Folloder <jeff@#despam#folloder.com> wrote:
> Dean James wrote:
>
> > I have diagnosed myself as the victim of a strange syndrome which seems
> > endemic to pipe smokers. P.A.D., otherwise known as Pipe Acquisition
> > Disorder.
>
> Hi Dean!
> Welcome! The first step in your recovery is admitting that you have a
problem.
>
> My name is Jeff, and I have PAD, too! Also, it aint too tough to let Dallas
sell
> you a pipe!
> --
> Jeff Folloder
>
> "Wheels within wheels in a spiral array. A pattern
> so grand and complex. Time after time we lose
> sight of the way. Our causes can't see the effects."
> "Natural Science" Rush, Permanent Waves-Neil Peart
>
>
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own
CRodri5569
with.) :-)
Charlie
Michael Brock
Hi, I'm Michael and I have PAD.
--
Michael Brock
Reg Vet Tech
ATLS Coordinator
"We only needed to be asked." - Neil Gaimen
from 'We Can Get Them For You Wholesale'
Andy Chase
>
> Hi, I'm Michael and I have PAD.
>
Hi, I'm Andy, and although I was on the wagon for a while, I've been on a bender
since last November. 8 pipes in less than three months! Before that I suffered a
bout of P.A.D. in college, and bought up all the Dr. Grabows, Medicos, and flea
market specials I could find and afford on my meager income.
Now my income is substiantially larger, and my tastes are substiantially more
expensive...
Lord help me!
-Andy
--------------------------------------------------
andychase(AT)yahoo.com
http://www.anet.net/~andyc
These pretzels are making me thirsty.
Stephen P. Smith
>Dean James wrote:
>> I have diagnosed myself as the victim of a strange syndrome which seems
>> endemic to pipe smokers. P.A.D., otherwise known as Pipe Acquisition
>> Disorder.
>My name is Jeff, and I have PAD, too! Also, it aint too tough to let Dallas sell
>you a pipe!
Hello, my name is Steve, and I have PAD. Oh, well, I've learned to
live with it.
Steve Smith
^
~~ ~~ ^
@ ~ @~~ ^
^
\/ ^
~~ ~~ ^
<>-------0
\/
-A portrait of the pipe smoker as a young man-
"taking up a glowing cinder with the tongs and lighting with it the
long cherry-wood pipe which was wont to replace his clay when he was
in a disputatious rather than a meditative mood" -- Dr. John H. Watson
Jim Beard
> Hi, I'm Michael and I have PAD.
Does anyone know if there is a pipe smokers' counterpart to Alcoholics
Unanimous?
Cheers!
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UNIX is not user-unfriendly. It merely
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--
-------------------
Bill Triplett
-------------------
Stephen P. Smith wrote in message
<36b7264f...@news.ma.ultranet.com>...
RSprin1104
You're obviously in denial. I guess you have to "hit bottom" before you
realize you DO have the problem. But what would "bottom" be? Purchase of a
Dr. Grabow and a pouch of Prince Albert? IMHO that's the "pipeaholic"
equivalent of drinking Thunderbird wine out of a bottle encased in a brown
paper bag.
RSprin1104
Andy Chase
> You're obviously in denial. I guess you have to "hit bottom" before you
> realize you DO have the problem. But what would "bottom" be? Purchase of a
> Dr. Grabow and a pouch of Prince Albert? IMHO that's the "pipeaholic"
> equivalent of drinking Thunderbird wine out of a bottle encased in a brown
> paper bag.
> RSprin1104
I must confess to compulsively visiting the cigar/tobacco aisle every time I go in
a Rite Aid or Sav-On drugstore, even knowing full well ahead of time what their
selection will be. Sort of like returning to the fridge every 20 minutes late at
night, hoping something new has magically materialized there in my absence.
I sometimes even paw through the blister-packed Dr. Grabows... I don't even intend
to buy one, but I look through them just the same.
Old habits die hard, I guess... such was the scope of my pipe and tobacco shopping
for the first couple of years after I started smoking. :{)> I just loved that
sense of finding a secret niche of one of life's finer pleasures among the rest of
the store's mundane wares. I guess I still love that - it's comforting to see the
pipes & accessories holding forth, even if it's only Dr. Grabows and 8 oz bags of
Smoker's Pride.
BTW, my vote for a pipeaholic's rock bottom is Rum and Maple in a Grabow... I would
say Prince Albert is more like a Gallo wine to Rum and Maple's Thunderbird. Not
bad, but not top shelf.
Fred Latchaw
or four or five pipes and the same old vanilla aromatic. Maybe once every
three years I buy another pipe that strikes my fancy.
I've purchased seven new pipes since last August, all under $80.... until
now. The local pipe shop just got in a Tommaso Spanu with the most
beautiful grain I've ever seen. So naturally I _had_ to have it. The
next day I walked into the other local pipe shop and they showed me a
Castello Sea Rock and several Don Carlos' that I simply _must_ have. To
make matters worse, they've indicated that I'm approved for their generous
(and flexible) layaway plan.
I'm in deep doo-doo.
--
Regards,
Fred Latchaw
Seattle WA
Mildew Capitol of the World
Spammers are welcome to send mail to: junk...@atg.wa.gov
or to yourselves at: ro...@127.0.0.1 (thanks, Colonel!)
Washington State's UCE law provides for penalties of no less than
US$500 for spam.
Fred Latchaw
anointing it with Margate and Pembroke. The pipe is simply gorgeous.
Birdseye on the bottom/front and top/back with straight grain leading from
one point to the other, all around the bowl.
What's really gonna hurt is when they get in some more Spanus; the owner's
going to call me. I'm afraid I'm going to find out just how much layaway I
can get away with!
Needless to say, I now have a few crap -- er I mean 'estate' pipes to unload
on some poor unsuspecting -- er, I mean deserving individual. If anyone
wants them, email me; they're free and I'll pay postage.
CRodri5569
they are fantastic pipes. Like most everyone, I also am a huge fan of the Don
Carlos pipes. I certainly don't think that purchasing these pipes is a sign of
addiction. You and I both know that we can stop making these purchases
whenever we feel like stopping. ;-)
Enjoy the pipes.
Charlie
Mingkahuna
>going to call me.
I also have a tobacconist who calls me when certain pipes are available. It's
the kiss of death. Darn enabler.
Buzz
Bill Johnson
<"andychase"@(AT)yahoo.com> wrote:
>I must confess to compulsively visiting the cigar/tobacco aisle every time I go in
>a Rite Aid or Sav-On drugstore, even knowing full well ahead of time what their
>selection will be. Sort of like returning to the fridge every 20 minutes late at
>night, hoping something new has magically materialized there in my absence.
Andy:
Not only do I still browse those aisles, I still _buy_ there. A
few items, anyway. I'm still convinced that the Dill's pipe cleaners
(in the yellow packets) are the best around. I've tried all sorts of
others, and Dill's is still the best. I also buy flints & lighter
fluid for my Zippo pipe lighters in that aisle, and an occasional
throw-away butane lighter. Nothing wrong with shopping in the
"tobacco" aisles at RiteAid or Sav-On . . . just be discriminating in
what you purchase. :-}
RSprin1104
>in
>>a Rite Aid or Sav-On drugstore, even knowing full well ahead of time what
>their
>>selection will be. Sort of like returning to the fridge every 20 minutes
>late at
>>night, hoping something new has magically materialized there in my absence.
>
>Andy:
>
> Not only do I still browse those aisles, I still _buy_ there. A
>few items, anyway. I'm still convinced that the Dill's pipe cleaners
>(in the yellow packets) are the best around. I've tried all sorts of
>others, and Dill's is still the best. I also buy flints & lighter
>fluid for my Zippo pipe lighters in that aisle, and an occasional
>throw-away butane lighter. Nothing wrong with shopping in the
>"tobacco" aisles at RiteAid or Sav-On . . . just be discriminating in
>what you purchase. :-}
>
>
I must confess, I do the same thing. Not only that, but I bought (on impulse)
a pouch of Sir Walter Raleigh the other day to see if after so many years it
still tastes sh***y. It does.
RSprin1104
Marc Cooper
I guess I'll just have to learn it live with it!
H. R. Tracy
...
>My name is Marc and I have PAD too....
How about:
"One Pipe at a Time"
"Live and let Smoke"
"Easy Does it; don't puff too fast"
"First Things First: pack carefully"
Paul Tatum
> DPU is your Daily Pipe Use (assume 6 bowls daily for this example)
> R is your Rotation (assume you let each pipe rest 7 days between
>each single-bowl use)
> PC is your Preferred Choice (assume you want 30 pipes from which
>to choose each time you fill a bowl)
>Using the above assumptions, you need 6 * 7 * 30 pipes in your array,
>or a total of 1,260 pipes.
Bill , you forgot DT , dedicated tobacco , pipes you only smoke one blend in
. This modifier must also be used in conjunction with the number of
tobacco's you enjoy smoking (B for blends) . Thus you would have to use the
formula (D * R * PC) * ( DT * B)
Paul
--
My real e-mail address is :
pft(at)concentric(dot)net
Andy Chase
JRuble
>From: cam...@neosoft.com
>I have diagnosed myself as the victim of a strange syndrome which seems
>endemic to pipe smokers. P.A.D., otherwise known as Pipe Acquisition
>Disorder.
Well, this calls for another 12 step program. We can charge dues, have
meetings, come over and relieve other members of their affliction (after they
have purchased them, of course).
I would be willing to serve in an executive capacity for a slight stipend,
maybe only $10,000 a year, if I get to keep all of the pipes that are turned
in.
Just an idea.
SCOTTY