Things not to do with a pipe, #117
bearg...@gmail.com
work has its advantages, for this hardened and shameless pipe fiend.
The only disadvantage, if one can call it that, is that my collection
has wound up in two distinct locations: home and work. For almost
anyone else, the split would be inconsequential. Grab a couple of
pipes leaving work, grab a couple of pipes when headed out in the
morning... slooooowly rotate to achieve a new home/work collection
equilibrium.
I ride a Harley Dyna Wide to and from work..... no bags.
Tonight, I planned on watching "300", and spied a neglected pipe on my
work rack that fairly called out to me in its lonely pain, wanting to
enjoy my company, as well as a sanguinary DVD. Casting all caution to
the wind, I grabbed my Don Carlos canadian, ran down the two flights
of stairs, and swung my leg over the saddle. Wearing t-shirt, tight
jeans, and boots... where the hell was I going to place my pipe? Well,
in my lightly closed (not clinched) jaw, of course!
Once choked and started, I eased into traffic with my impossibly long
canadian rakishly aloft. Up to 25mph, there were no problems, save the
fact that I was on state route #90 (55mph) and continuing at that
speed was likely to earn me "00" pellets between my shoulder blades,
from the F-250 behind me. I sped up and (yep) my lightly held pipe
suddenly turned from a "pal" , into something with the strength of a
meth-crazed badger, trying to suicidally leap to the asphalt. I
realized I had two choice. 1. Clench the snot out of the pipe and hold
on for the remaining mile (unacceptable, I loathe tooth indentations
on my bits). 2. Shove it somewhere, anywhere.
With the adrenaline charged speed, I removed my left hand from the
clutch, grabbed the bowl of the wayward pipe/crack-addled rodent, and
rammed the shank/bit between the seat..... and a place I do not care
to think about. In a matter of about 45 seconds, the entrance to my
subdivision came up. I clutched, braked, slowed, and then heard a
subtle, but sickening "thwick". This may be the first time ever that I
have heard a breaking sound come from my crotch, and prayed that it
was, indeed, my anatomy.
It wasn't
Da' Bear
Buddy Springman
post could've been more upbeat<g>.
Say "Hi" to the Da' Mouse for me.
Buddy
Steven Fowler
wrote:
Harley riders...they care more about form than function. On my Beemer
I could carry over 100 pipes at any given time. ;-) Anyway...sorry
about the pipe, Bear.
posgroup
Kindest regards, Jerry
Ian
> This may be the first time ever that I
> have heard a breaking sound come from my crotch, and prayed that it
> was, indeed, my anatomy.
>
> It wasn't
It cried out to you in its lonely pain, Bear, and you snapped it in
half. Woe to all forgotten pipes! :-)
Ian
--
"Sir, I'm afraid you've gone mad with power."
"Of course I have. You ever tried going mad
without power? No one listens to you." (Simpsons movie)
http://sundry.ws/
Red
>
> - Show quoted text -
Hey!Steve, I ride a Harley-Davidson and function and form both of them
at the same time. I have a 05 Ultra Classic and have only ever found
the need to have 4-5 pipes on board for a 2-3 week trip. Don't get me
wrong, BMW makes a great bike,but it's not a Harley. :)
TTFN
Keep the rubber side Down!!
Red.
All's quiet on the western front.
The Pirate
>
> - Show quoted text -
Bear,
Consider a pipe holder that attaches to belt?
Ken
Jeff H.
Good read and sorry about the pipe. When are you getting the Ultra?
My Street Glide can house MANY pipes!
Jeff
dre7
in your boot?
Andrew
<bearg...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1186438095.8...@57g2000hsv.googlegroups.com...
kate.m...@gmail.com
> Man, that's got to be a bummer. Couldn't you have stuck the pipe stem first
> in your boot?
>
> Andrew
>
>
> - Show quoted text -
<A whimpering ho ho ho ho coming from the corner>
*Ahem... A badger is a mustalid, not a rodent... related to weasels,
ferrets, mongoose, wolverines and skunks.*
I think you got skunked.
Will
Man, that is one of the funniest things I have read in a while.
Condolences on the pipe.
Will
bearg...@gmail.com
> Good read and sorry about the pipe. When are you getting the Ultra?
> My Street Glide can house MANY pipes!
> Jeff
Guess who's putting down a deposit on an '08 FLHTCUSE? Gotta love the
Screaming Eagle :)
http://www.motorcycle.com/manufacturer/harley-davidson/2008-harleydavidson-cvo-models-59959.html
Yeah, it's time for a Full Dresser
thanks for the condolences,
Da' Bear
lustra
OK, so you tried to shove a pipe up your butt while riding a
motorcycle. The real question is: did any of those South Carolina good
ole boys riding along in their F-150s see you attempt this maneuver? I
know that out in Arizona, where you used to live, people are probably
seen trying to shove pipes up their butts while riding motorcycles all
the time. But you're living in the SOUTH now, dude, in the very cradle
of the Confederacy. Didn't we all fight the War of Yankee Aggression
to make sure our women-folk didn't have to watch grown men doing
indecent things with smoking pipes in public? Or maybe the war was
about something else. But get a grip, dude! Wait a minute--do not get
a grip, especially on a motorcycle in public in front of god-fearin'
southern wimmen--but think about what yr doin' for god's sake before
those Carolinians come after us all!
:) :) :)
Good to have you back, dude...
Joe Ahearn
GRC Pipes
d
www.grcpipes.com
<bearg...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1186438095.8...@57g2000hsv.googlegroups.com...
Casey
Ouch...ouch. I laughed my ass off during the first half and cried a bit
when I realized the horrible ending. My condolences. You should consider
a backpack or fanny pack or something.
Anywho, great post! Take care :)
Casey
buck12ga
my fold up cane when I ride, I stick my pipes in with the cane. Still,
it's a hazardous environment, so I'm extra careful.
Buck
Lobby
>
> I ride a Harley Dyna Wide to and from work..... no bags.
>
> Tonight, I planned on watching "300", and spied a neglected pipe on my
> work rack that fairly called out to me in its lonely pain, wanting to
> enjoy my company, as well as a sanguinary DVD. Casting all caution to
> the wind, I grabbed my Don Carlos canadian, ran down the two flights
> of stairs, and swung my leg over the saddle. Wearing t-shirt, tight
> jeans, and boots... where the hell was I going to place my pipe? Well,
> in my lightly closed (not clinched) jaw, of course!
>
> clutch, grabbed the bowl of the wayward pipe/crack-addled rodent, and
> rammed the shank/bit between the seat..... and a place I do not care
> to think about. In a matter of about 45 seconds, the entrance to my
> subdivision came up. I clutched, braked, slowed, and then heard a
> subtle, but sickening "thwick". This may be the first time ever that I
> have heard a breaking sound come from my crotch, and prayed that it
> was, indeed, my anatomy.
>
> It wasn't
>
> Da' Bear
Bear,
Do you have a sissy bar on the bike? If not you may want to think
about getting a detachable one. That way you can get one of those
soft bags that attach to the sissy bar and go either on the seat or a
luggage rack if you have one.
In this case what I would have done is made sure my shirt was tucked
in and put the pipe down the front of my shirt before taking off.
Make sure that it is safe before going down the road and should be
safe when home, not the best but could have worked. Also a back pack
can work but has the potential to catch the wind and cause some
issues.
Now as to what Steven says about "Harley riders...they care more about
form than function ..." I'm assuming he's being a smart alec, or he
hasn't met many Harley riders like me. I own a Softail Deuce, not an
ideal touring bike, at least not until I put the largest saddle bags I
could find on it. The wife and I go on at least one 2 week road trip
a yr on it, and she is on the back.
To me a Harley doesn't look right w/o leather bags, but I am a bit
odd ;-)
Lobby
mark tinsky
Thanx for the laugh Bear the way the fishin was tonite I needed it MT
Kurt Huhn
> subdivision came up. I clutched, braked, slowed, and then heard a
> subtle, but sickening "thwick". This may be the first time ever that I
> have heard a breaking sound come from my crotch, and prayed that it
> was, indeed, my anatomy.
>
> It wasn't
>
Damn!
I have a small backpack that I shove my shit in when riding. A wise
investment, I'd say....
--
Kurt Huhn
pipec...@pipecrafter.com
http://www.pipecrafter.com
darkflake
I can't tell you how sorry I am about your pipe (now that I've stopped
laughing). After letting it settle for a bit, I'm thinking that Ronnie
Bicacsan at Nightowl Pipeworks can do the do on that canadian, and you
will return to your happy former self, complete with impossibly long
canadian.
Be well.
Cheers,
Frank
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Allen
> subtle, but sickening "thwick". This may be the first time ever that I
> have heard a breaking sound come from my crotch, and prayed that it
> was, indeed, my anatomy.
>
> It wasn't
> Da' Bear
It's The Bear!!! Excellent to hear from you. Not excellent to hear
there's one less Canadian in the world... I don't know how you guys do
it- riding bikes with pipes in yer chops. I've heard some do it with it
lit as well (T?)... insanity.
Sorry to hear about the loss, man. I have vivid memories of almost
every pipe I have and it's first ding. [Seeing the pipe drop to the
concrete is never ever a fun thing...]
Keep the rubber side down,
-Allen
ps- I love every pipe from the old program, my friend, and it keeps
getting paid in numerous ways many times over.
--
------
a.s.p. Brother of the Briar
May 2001
Allen
> In this case what I would have done is made sure my shirt was tucked
> in and put the pipe down the front of my shirt before taking off.
> Make sure that it is safe before going down the road and should be
> safe when home, not the best but could have worked. Also a back pack
> can work but has the potential to catch the wind and cause some
> issues.
Ha! I thought this was what Bear was going to say too! I thought
perhaps in the t-shirt... but, they often pull out, eh? Perhaps a nice
leather vest with good pockets?
I tend towards leather and helmet when I ride, but I have a tank-bag
where the pipes and other items always hide. Love the tank-bag.
Cheers, Lobby,
-Allen
MajorMaduro
<bearg...@gmail.com> skrev i en meddelelse
news:1186438095.8...@57g2000hsv.googlegroups.com...
Bear,
I'm so sorry for your loss, but damn you had me laughing in tears!.. Man, oh
man...
Condolences,
Kenny (ROFL)
Briarroot
> [snip]
> With the adrenaline charged speed, I removed my left hand from the
> clutch, grabbed the bowl of the wayward pipe/crack-addled rodent, and
> rammed the shank/bit between the seat..... and a place I do not care
> to think about. In a matter of about 45 seconds, the entrance to my
> subdivision came up. I clutched, braked, slowed, and then heard a
> subtle, but sickening "thwick". This may be the first time ever that I
> have heard a breaking sound come from my crotch, and prayed that it
> was, indeed, my anatomy.
>
> It wasn't
>
What? Wasn't there any room *in* your <cough> pants? ;-)
Regards,
Tim Parker ... Dorchester in a Connoisseur poker
--
"The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the
blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of
misery." - Winston Churchill
bearg...@gmail.com
now, approaching the big 5-0, I can pull it off. In the mean time, any
pipe rotation will occur on our hellishly rainy days, when I fell
obliged to take my car, or dropped down the front of my tucked in t-
shirt.
Live, laugh, learn,
Da' Bear
JtN©
Bear ... might I make a simple suggestion or two after your calamity
of tragedy.
I suggest you contact the folks at http://www.smokingpipes.com for
some assistance in repairing your pipe. Depending on exactly where it
snapped they might be able to have it fixed and made into a little
shorter canadian or if needed a short nose warmer Don Carlos.
Ya just never know ... the crew at Smoking Pipes can do almost
anything in the world just short of preventing the upcoming future
Rapture.
If you care to mention my name when you speak to them please feel free
to ... it might not get you any better deal but ya might want to be
careful who you mention it to cause they just might charge you more
but I would highly doubt that they would do that at all since they are
such a reputable and outstanding company of the pipe world. If you
speak with Sykes, Jeff, Tony, Miss "A" or any of them let them know I
said hello and that they should take care of you like a long time
friend deserves to be treated ... even though they treat a brand new
friend/customer the exact same extinguished way.
Now just in case you talk to the Graves guy who describes the pipes
there just kind of ignore him and his descriptions ... ya know the EEO
rules and the tax breaks a company gets for helping those
challenged ... well ... maybe we should just leave it at that but
treat him nice if you speak with him cause he is a Harley rider and
pipe smoker as well.
JtN ©2007
Nick
On Aug 7, 10:03 am, "beargra...@gmail.com" <beargra...@gmail.com>
wrote:
bearg...@gmail.com
> OUCH!
Indeed. I post something on topic that I thought might give my pals a
grin, and my employer is brought into it. Someone (please) ask again
why I have gone a couple of years without posting.
Hugs,
Bear
Ian
> Someone (please) ask again
> why I have gone a couple of years without posting.
Bear, I didn't even see it. Mind, I haven't followed every post in this
thread, but I'm guessing it was from someone in my killfile, and those
guys are there for a reason. They don't have a nice word to say about
anyone or anything. Don't sweat it, buddy. I would rather that Sykes be
a little pissed off at you, and you post on here, than otherwise. Like
you said on the phone (and I know you don't want me to repeat it, but
it's nothin' secret) you've sat down and had a beer with some of the
best carvers in the world. You have a wealth of information to share,
not even counting the stuff you can't share for business reasons, and
ASP would be a better place because of you. In fact, just quit
SmokingPipes. You and Mouse can move into my apartment. (There's a spare
bed.) I can pay you in returnable cans for doing my dishes. That's a
living! Hell, with all the dishes I have to do, you might make as much
as ten cents a day. Compare that with your average sweat-shop worker,
and you can see you'd be making out. Plus I get food stamps, and that
means you could whip up some kind of gourmet meal out of macaroni and
cheese and ramen noodles. Consider it, buddy. Wealth and a good job
aren't all they're cracked up to be. Master Seung San (sp) ate pine
needles for a month, and his skin turned green, but then he became a
great Zen master, and probably ate lentils and brown rice for the
remainder of his life. Consider the mac and cheese, my friend, and peace
be with you.
bearg...@gmail.com
<snipped>
>You and Mouse can move into my apartment. (There's a spare
> bed.) I can pay you in returnable cans for doing my dishes. That's a
> living! Hell, with all the dishes I have to do, you might make as much
> as ten cents a day. Compare that with your average sweat-shop worker,
> and you can see you'd be making out. Plus I get food stamps, and that
> means you could whip up some kind of gourmet meal out of macaroni and
> cheese and ramen noodles. Consider it, buddy. Wealth and a good job
> aren't all they're cracked up to be. Master Seung San (sp) ate pine
> needles for a month, and his skin turned green, but then he became a
> great Zen master, and probably ate lentils and brown rice for the
> remainder of his life. Consider the mac and cheese, my friend, and peace
> be with you.
>
> Ian
BWAHAHAHA! Thanks, I needed that :)
-b
Luke
Condolences on the briaricide. Sounds like a smokin' holster or some
other such contraption may be useful due to your mode of
transportation.
Nice to finally "meet" you, by the way. I've read lots about you on
here (don't worry; the vast majority of it has been good). ;-)
Luke
JtN©
wrote:
Why have you gone a couple of years without posting?
BTW ... if you cant see the humor in that mentioning maybe you need to
go a little longer without posting and find your sense of humor. ;-)))
JtN ©2007
mark tinsky
>
> Why have you gone a couple of years without posting?
> JtN ?2007
>
We all know that it had something to do with Mouse's Tutu at one
of the TAPS pipe shows. Figures you d muck rake that up JTN you meanie
MT
JtN©
I guess I should have instead told him to send it to Mark Tinsky or
Rad Davis for repair instead of that other establishment.
JtN ©2007