Re: Dr. Legume - heart attack
Rev. Richard Skull
> Posted on Facebook:
>
> Bill Kates DR. LEGUME CRITICAL, NO JOKE... I just got a text message
> on my phone from Ken "Dr. Legume" Narouski. He just had three heart
> attacks, and is currently in Buck's County Hospital in Bristol, PA,
> where he is scheduled for heart surgery on Monday. Please tilt your
> personal Luck Plane in his direction, or whatever you might do in this
> case.
> Yesterday at 4:10pm · Comment · LikeUnlike
>
> John Bigl
> By the power of every moment of your goodness,
> may all dangers be averted and all disease be gone.
> May no obstacle come across your way.
> May you enjoy fulfillment and long life.
> Yesterday at 4:11pm
>
> Sarah Knight
> our hopes and prayers are with him!
> Yesterday at 4:26pm
>
> Khristina VanHall
> !
> Yesterday at 4:28pm
>
> Diana Greig
> I have been tilting it.
> Yesterday at 4:37pm
>
> Tom Sane
> This is surprising, I thought the heart was a vestigal organ for Dr.
> Legume.
> Yesterday at 4:57pm
>
> Rich Clark
> If you talk to him, pass the love on from Karen and I, please. We'll
> send the slack waves in his direction.
> Yesterday at 5:04pm
>
> Orpheus Stain
> Damn THREE?! I hope that fella'll be alright..... *lights a candle (
> just cuz I know he likes fire!) and tilts the hell outta the luck
> plane.*
> Yesterday at 6:21pm
>
> Sarah Knight
> He was just on IRC chating from his phone in the hospital. Same old
> Legume, seemed in good spirits but tuckered out.
> Yesterday at 6:33pm
>
> Abvhiael Crowley
> send my best along to him. i stil have yet to fasten that hello kitty
> flag to his motorcycle, and should he die, thered be nothing left in
> heaven OR hell to smash/break/destroy for the REST OF US when we get
> there...
> Yesterday at 7:58pm
>
> Nickie Michaud Wild
> Yeah, him and Limbaugh. This scenario sounds oddly familiar...
> 11 hours ago
>
> Toth Wilder
> I will demand that he LIVE!!!
> 9 hours ago
>
> King Trolland
> At least he is sure to be guaranteed eternal salvation, or he's fucked
> with the triple his money back guarantee since he probably never
> actually paid any cash money to join our holy church...only blood
> sweat and tears. Other peoples blood, sweat and tears, of course, not
> his own.
> 9 hours ago
>
> Bill Kates
> Look, if he kicks it, lets pool our money and send the church a check
> dated BEFORE the day he died. "Bob" will make sure its cashed and, I
> bet, guarantee his salvation anyway. As long as they have the cash in
> his name, I think its a go, especially for one who has contributed as
> many Good, Sick Works as he, I believe he is entitled to Special ...
> See MoreExceptions.
> I'm not trying to be morbid. Just humorously optimistic about his
> salvation, church style. I mean, if there's any church that can JOKE
> about this stuff....
> 3 hours ago
>
> Bill Kates
> But I really hope he does NOT kick it, and lives a good, long life
> filled with weirding us out some more.
> 3 hours ago
> --
> The High Weirdness Project
> http://www.modemac.com
I'm not falling for THAT again!
Doktor Dark
>
> > Nickie Michaud Wild
> > Yeah, him and Limbaugh. This scenario sounds oddly familiar...
I remember your tribute act in his memory at his last funeral, in the
'90's, back in Cleveland. Do you? Gonna reprise it at the next one?
Doktor Dark
RastaBillyBob
> Posted on Facebook:
DR. LEGUME CRITICAL, NO JOKE...
As if.
Take a moment to ponder the fate of Legume
SubGenius minister; brain as big as a room
His muscular heart, though it pumps bunker oil
Has a time keeping up with the brain's constant toil
His rhyming, his timing, his broad sense of humor
Has attached itself to my butt like a tumor
To my mind he defines the Yeti decorum
With his terse contributions to the alt.slack forum
I've seen him in action, I've witnessed onstage
This scary ex-biker with Viking-like rage
Pink turns to panic, and gorms get to running
When they hear this SubGenius Reverend coming
So Death, be not hasty; don't take what's not you're'n
There are many faint Xtians, and Muslims for sure, 'n
There are several Hindus, who've had their turn on the wheel
So just don't kill Kenny; that's the thirty-buck deal.
Doktor Dark
Reverend Susie the Floozie
me play it again.
If you go, motherfucker, *I'm* coming in after you. Wherever you wind
up.
Fucking WORD.
Love,
Susie
Tater Gumfries
> on my phone from Ken "Dr. Legume" Narouski. He just had three heart
> attacks, and is currently in Buck's County Hospital in Bristol, PA,
> where he is scheduled for heart surgery on Monday. Please tilt your
> personal Luck Plane in his direction, or whatever you might do in this
> case.
Tater'll believe it when he thrusts his hand into the wound.
Tater
Rev. Exo-Skeletal ScalPlan
>
> Tater'll believe it when he thrusts his hand into the wound.
>
> Tater
Me too. And I'll drop radioactive rocks bearing "Bob"'s face for good
luck.
RevNickie
Erm. Yes. No.
-RevNickie
Rev. Anna Dynamite
what room he's in, since his cell phone is either off or the battery is
kaput.
Rev. Anna Dynamite
Pun partially intended, there, btw.
Doktor Dark
wrote:
An irony in all of this is that you're here on this earth because he
once had a hard attack.
Rev. Anna Dynamite
*chuckle* True!
rabb...@gmail.com
using that either. He has email and Facebook. Beyond that, I don't
know much. I'm a damn wreck. He's one of the best friends I'll ever
have and will be really pissed if anything happens to him. If anyone
hears anything, please get in touch with me, okay?
--With love, the Rabbs
Tater Gumfries
Tater's talked to him on Facebook chat, and you can too if he signs
on. He was online a few times yesterday. In case you ain't done
Facebook chat, mash that little button on the lower right and see
who's on.
Tater
Rev. Richard Skull
I still say he's faking!
Probally had a ingrown toenail extracted, and decided to push all our
buttons
Princess Wei
>
> - Show quoted text -
He had better not be faking. I've been ritualistically jacking off
every hour for two days in an effort to divert spiritual healing
energies into his organs. I'd hate to think that was all wasted
effort.
If anybody can pass on that message I would appreciate it. We are not
in a Facebook-ready environment right now.
Incidentally, the other night when he sent out that text message, when
we got it on Wei's cel phone, due to some past error it appeared to be
coming from Rev. Ed Strange. For a night we thought it was Ed who was
in the hospital.
Princess Wei
>
> - Show quoted text -
HEY! How did Princess Wei hijack my post? I wrote that, but apparently
Wei was the last person to sign in on this bizarre "computer" that
we're forced to use at Pappy's. I repeat -- I am Rev. Stang. Princess
Wei is a name-usurpar. I wondar what her secret could be. It was NOT
her that was ritualistically jacking off the goats, but ME. I, Stang.
I want that made perfectly clear.
To prevent even deeper embarrassment I shall now "SIGN OUT."
Rev. Ivan Stang
>
> - Show quoted text -
There... how's that?
DAMN that Dr. Legume!!
Rev. Ivan Stang
>
> - Show quoted text -
Legume magically turned himself into Ed Strange and me into Princess
Wei. Nothing good can come of this.
Zapanaz
<wir...@gmail.com> wrote:
You look cute in that dress though.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
That's what sets man apart from the beasts. we're fucking stupid like
them, but we don't even have the sense to be happy about it.
:: Currently listening to Revolution, 1968, by The Beatles, from "Hey Jude"
Doktor Dark
>
> Legume magically turned himself into Ed Strange and me into Princess
> Wei. Nothing good can come of this.
Whaddaya expect from the Grand Kleagle of the Leguminati?
Curtis R Anderson
whoever it is in there, I think the "confusion" would have been
appreciated by Legume.
I think.
--
Curtis R. Anderson, Co-creator of "Gleepy the Hen", still
No compensation was received for any product or service mentioned.
http://www.gleepy.net/ mailto:gle...@intelligencia.com
mailto:gle...@gleepy.net (and others) Yahoo!: gleepythehen
Rev. Back It On Up 13
>
> - Show quoted text -
He's not faking it this time.
Rev. Ivan Stang
>
> He's not faking it this time.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -
I know. We've been texting and sexting him.
I hope they don't mess up his tattoo too much! Those doctors don't
want a pissed-off Legume rampaging through their hospital.
By coincidence, last night with Pappy we watched Crank 2 High Voltage.
I have to admit I thought of Dr. Legume several times during that
particular movie.
XODDI
"Princess Wei" <wir...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> On Jan 3, 1:41 pm, Princess Wei <wir...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> He had better not be faking. I've been ritualistically jacking off
>> every hour for two days
>HEY! How did Princess Wei hijack my post?
I much prefer the mental image of Princess Wei jacking off ritualistically
than that of that GUY doing it.
That's just icky.
Paul Jamison
"Rev. Back It On Up 13" <evie...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:8509ff43-24a2-4bae...@26g2000yqo.googlegroups.com...
==============================
Okay, I was waiting until the consensus was formed as to what was going
down.
Based on your statement, Rev. BIOU, I'll now say that I wish him a full
recovery.
He's not going to like that sort of sentimental claptrap, is he?
Well, tough.
Pisces
I am sure she would do it to, if she felt it would help.
Zapanaz
wrote:
Don't die Legume, you still have to murder William Shatner in an
incomprehensibly bizarre cult-stalker-crazy celebrity-murder.
I mean if you're really sick, what have you got to lose, right?
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
"Science Does Not Remove the Terror of the Gods"
-- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
:: Currently listening to Portait of Tracy, 1976, by Jaco Pastorius, from "Jaco Pastorius"
Chain Smerker
"Rev. Back It On Up 13" <evie...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:8509ff43-24a2-4bae...@26g2000yqo.googlegroups.com...
> He's not faking it this time.
Don't know the guy but from the SubG media he seems like a nice chap. And I
mean he aint dead. people have heart attacks all the time these days and
live for zonks, hope he returns to adequate health points.
If he has any sense he would be requesting the sponge bath.
Samantha
Thanks everyone...the Luck Plane has tilted in the right direction. I
just got back from the hospital were Legume has successfully had not
just 3 bypasses (to match the 3 heart attacks) on his heart but a
whopping 5...he is resting comfortably on some very nice pain killers
and should be somewhat coherent by tomorrow. For those of you who may
be local and want to visit, hours at Lower Bucks Hospital are from
Noon to 8pm. I have his phone but could never manage to call everyone
who needs or wants to know how hes doing so I figured this was the
best way.
High Mistress Inquisitor Pisces
>
> - Show quoted text -
Thanks for giving everyone the heads up. You rock!
ChrisL
>
> - Show quoted text -
Thanks Samantha!
I'll call ahead, as they usually only allow next of kin into the ICU.
Hopefully he'll be out of there by the end of the day.
Is there anything he's in need of at the moment? Some ideas.... Hmmm
There is a Spencer's in KOP mall...
Cell Phone Charger
Life sized inflatable wonder woman doll filled with Helium so she'll
float
above his bed, ever alert for dangerous Conspiracy Dupes!
A copy of Fear and Loathing
Religious Trappings (dobbs heads, pamphlet #1, #2, #3 or #4 )
Skulls, Shrunken Heads, 808's Hair
Francis E. Dec: The Complete Recordings (Frankenstein Radio Controls
and the Remote Operating Cabinet)
Remote Controlled Farting Device
Assortment of Vibrating, Flatulating, Laughing, GEW GAWS
Whoopi Cushion
Soap that turns black when you wash with it
Fake Blood
Invisible Ink
Crystal Ball
Mummy
Novelty Edible Under Garments
-Cmock
Zapanaz
wrote:
>Fake Blood
That could be a fun thing to have in a hospital
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
A single glass of water lights the world
- Two times
:: Currently listening to Cello Suite No. 6 in D Major, BWV 1012 : Prelude, 1720, by Bach, from "Cello Suites - Yo Yo Ma"
High Mistress Inquisitor Pisces
wrote:
> On Tue, 5 Jan 2010 06:17:30 -0800 (PST), ChrisL <cleonar...@gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> >Fake Blood
>
> That could be a fun thing to have in a hospital
>
> --
> Zapanaz
> International Satanic Conspiracy
> A single glass of water lights the world
> - Two times
>
> :: Currently listening to Cello Suite No. 6 in D Major, BWV 1012 : Prelude, 1720, by Bach, from "Cello Suites - Yo Yo Ma"
bottle of corn syrup and a few bottles of red food color
Samantha
You know him...he would take one of each and have a ball with all of
it! Heading over for a visit now, will update the group when I get
home!
Samantha
Latest Legume Update: Doing well, still on pain meds, nurses had him
up and sitting in a chair earlier today. Chest tubes were being taken
out when I left around 7:15 so all is well...should be back to his old
self in no time. Ed Strange and I let him know we had them change his
feet to hoofs and install a tail! Legume seemed to like the idea...go
figure...
Pisces
Did they install a fire breathing apparatus as well?
I just want to make sure.
Zapanaz
<gators_...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>Latest Legume Update: Doing well, still on pain meds, nurses had him
>up and sitting in a chair earlier today. Chest tubes were being taken
>out when I left around 7:15 so all is well...should be back to his old
>self in no time. Ed Strange and I let him know we had them change his
>feet to hoofs and install a tail! Legume seemed to like the idea...go
>figure...
He's going to be disappointed when his head clears up and he finds out
you were kidding
wish him well
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
then, one night while watching cartoons, it hit me like a throbbing
pork obelisk
- Morose, aka Doktor Holocaust
:: Currently listening to Banzai Washout, 1964, by Dick Dale and the Del-Tones, from "Summer Surf"
Rev. Tom Sane
wrote:
> On Tue, 5 Jan 2010 19:03:03 -0800 (PST), Samantha
>
> >Latest Legume Update: Doing well, still on pain meds, nurses had him
> >up and sitting in a chair earlier today. Chest tubes were being taken
> >out when I left around 7:15 so all is well...should be back to his old
> >self in no time. Ed Strange and I let him know we had them change his
> >feet to hoofs and install a tail! Legume seemed to like the idea...go
> >figure...
>
> He's going to be disappointed when his head clears up and he finds out
> you were kidding
>
> wish him well
>
> --
> Zapanaz
> International Satanic Conspiracy
> then, one night while watching cartoons, it hit me like a throbbing
> pork obelisk
> - Morose, aka Doktor Holocaust
>
> :: Currently listening to Banzai Washout, 1964, by Dick Dale and the Del-Tones, from "Summer Surf"
Being over 3,000 miles away it is hard to respond to this in an
appropriate way. Luckily I found a local flourist who could fulfill
almost all of my requirements.
I hope he gets out of the hospital soon, for their sake.
Samantha
Latest news! Legume is out of ICU and in the coronary unit room 431
bed 2 for those who may visit! He can take calls but was still kind
of out of it tonight...no word yet on when they will let him leave but
they are cutting down on the drugs so for their own sakes it better be
soon...
Rev. Anna Dynamite
> Latest news! Legume is out of ICU and in the coronary unit room 431
> bed 2 for those who may visit! He can take calls but was still kind
> of out of it tonight...no word yet on when they will let him leave but
> they are cutting down on the drugs so for their own sakes it better be
> soon...
YAY! Thanks for the updates, it means a lot.
Rev. Richard Skull
>
> - Show quoted text -
We need to send him a Strip-o-gram to test out that new ticker
Samantha
Not yet...He wasn't up to appreciating the hot nurse giving him a
sponge bath today. Doing much better...sends thanks for the "flour"
and balloons he got today from Rev. Tom Sane! Anxious to go home but
no word on when that will be yet...still has a way to go before that
will happen...was quite disappointed the hoofs and tail were not for
real!
Samantha
Legume update! Much better over the weekend. Looking forward to
being released from his so called captivity ASAP...Docs trying to get
BP to stay down along with his heart rate (although its 10x better now
than when he went in)...that has to happen before they will set him
free upon the unsuspecting public again!
Zapanaz
<gators_...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>Legume update! Much better over the weekend. Looking forward to
>being released from his so called captivity ASAP...Docs trying to get
>BP to stay down along with his heart rate (although its 10x better now
>than when he went in)...that has to happen before they will set him
>free upon the unsuspecting public again!
And he hasn't Fed in days, weeks now.
You know what I mean. FED.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!
- Steven Wright
:: Currently listening to Search, 1977, by Tangerine Dream, from "Sorcerer (soundtrack)"
Pisces
Thank you Dear Mistress of information for your helpful updates.
Seriously.
You rock muchly.
Legume
> Thank you Dear Mistress of information for your helpful updates.
> Seriously.
> You rock muchly.
Update:
I've been released. Resting at home comfortably under the care of my
helper monkey Samantha, without whom my ordeal would have likely done
me under from day one.
I have considerable arm weakness going on, from having a pair of
creepy giant coal-black African witch doctors named "Anene and Bhatia"
saw through my sternum, but every day, I'm a little stronger, and
feeling better.
I was considering not attending XDay this year, because it was not
action-packed enough for me, but after this adventure, I dont mind if
all Xday amounts to is watching grass grow. I feel like I've ejected
from an F-14 in combat, and when the chute deployed nothing came out
but bacon and cheese.
That's enough action, adventure, and pure sternum-splitting comedy
gold to last me whatever's left of a lifetime.
Rev. Anna Dynamite
> That's enough action, adventure, and pure sternum-splitting comedy
> gold to last me whatever's left of a lifetime.
Please try to come to XDay this year. We can sit under the shady trees
and throw rocks and insults at the passers-by.
Rev. Ivan Stang
wrote:
I have taken the liberty of inviting Anene and Bhatia to X-Day, free
of charge, so that Dr. Legume will feel at home, with more action
available if he wants it.
Rev. Back It On Up 13
Good luck with all your future endeavors.
Rev. Bunnyday
Holy crap I think your aggression flew out of you and lodged in my
brain. For the past few days I've been going to army recruitment
webpages, day and night dreaming about guns, lifting weights every day
(my goal is enough strength to carry and throw a human football-
style), sharpening my teeth and snarling. Weird.
Zapanaz
I'm glad you came out of it OK.
Did you save any of the stuff they cut out of you? I was thinking
that would make a good x-day barbeque.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
"TAX the CHURCHES!
TAX the BUSINESSES OWNED by the CHURCHES!"
- Frank Zappa
:: Currently listening to Erase/Replace, 2007, by Foo Fighters, from "Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace"
Rev. Richard Skull
How would that be differet from any other X-Day for Legume?
I'll bring a whole 2 pound block of of scrapple just for you!
Steve Thompson
They shouldn't have let that cretin out in the first place. FFS, now
that they have Legume in a vulnerable position they ought to come up
with an excuse to keep him there, or in some secure facility where he
won't be a danger to the "unsuspecting" public.
I hate to be seen agreeing with anything Zapanas says (primarily
because he's such a fucking dipshit), but there are far too many
cretins on the loose as it is. Something must be done about it.
Regards,
Steve
--
Please go back to Militar.
Steve Thompson
> On Sun, 10 Jan 2010 19:54:26 -0800 (PST), Samantha
> <gators_...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> >Legume update! Much better over the weekend. Looking forward to
> >being released from his so called captivity ASAP...Docs trying to get
> >BP to stay down along with his heart rate (although its 10x better now
> >than when he went in)...that has to happen before they will set him
> >free upon the unsuspecting public again!
>
> And he hasn't Fed in days, weeks now.
>
>
> You know what I mean. FED.
Q.E.D.
Steve Thompson
> On Jan 10, 11:33�pm, Pisces <priestesspis...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > Thank you Dear Mistress of information for your helpful updates.
> > Seriously.
> > You rock muchly.
>
> Update:
> I've been released. Resting at home comfortably under the care of my
> helper monkey Samantha, without whom my ordeal would have likely done
> me under from day one.
Curses. They let you keep animals around for your selfish, depraved
satanic sexual purposes? Does she know what part of the food chain
you've got her situated at?
> I have considerable arm weakness going on, from having a pair of
> creepy giant coal-black African witch doctors named "Anene and Bhatia"
> saw through my sternum, but every day, I'm a little stronger, and
> feeling better.
That's nice.
> I was considering not attending XDay this year, because it was not
> action-packed enough for me, but after this adventure, I dont mind if
> all Xday amounts to is watching grass grow. I feel like I've ejected
> from an F-14 in combat, and when the chute deployed nothing came out
> but bacon and cheese.
In the cartoons it's always random clothing: socks, tee-shirts, and
assorted miscellennia in place of silk. The *splat* is known only
from a sound effect, but the aftermath is usually amusing. Let me
assure you that IRL, you would look like a greasy smear on the ground
if that ever really happened.
Now a heart attack is more like getting squeezed in a full-body vise
where the torturer only backs-off a few turns after it's all over. If
you survive, coming back can wear you out like the Boston Marathon.
(Heh. Mush! good doggie.)
> That's enough action, adventure, and pure sternum-splitting comedy
> gold to last me whatever's left of a lifetime.
Sorry to hear that you're out.
Pisces
Why are you a paranoid asshole who is cruel to others yet bitches when
you're treated poorly?
Legume
> They shouldn't have let that cretin out in the first place. FFS, now
> that they have Legume in a vulnerable position they ought to come up
> with an excuse to keep him there, or in some secure facility where he
> won't be a danger to the "unsuspecting" public.
>
> I hate to be seen agreeing with anything Zapanas says (primarily
> because he's such a fucking dipshit), but there are far too many
> cretins on the loose as it is. Something must be done about it.
They should put us all on a boat and send us back to Crete,
Rev. Richard Skull
"..defeated the cretens at Sparta!"
Centuruion wispers in his ear
"Make that the Spartes at Crete!"