Sermon for St. L. Ron Hubbard's day
Fwap Cowcatcher
IT IS WRITTEN:
"If you deprive the average man of the lie of his life, you
take his happyness from him with the same move."
"Well, yeah", you might think, "but how does this apply to
me?" After all, the SubGenius is not the average man; you
are heirs of mighty hairy things - you are beings of Titanic
proportions and appetites, the Horror That Lurked in the
Woods, the Original Crime Against Nature!
Yes, the SubGenius pulls the wool over his own eyes. He does
not suckle a second hand lie, or bond to a single one for
life. He has access to a grand selection of delicious
falsehoods, fibs and whoppers, there to be sampled or
devoured hook line and sinker by the discerning ignoramus.
However, on this occasion, we should remember those not so
fortunate as us; those stuck with the ass end of both deals,
having both glued their gentials to a single idea, AND
choosen a really outrageously funny one.
As we gather today to pay homage to one of the great masters
of this global gourmand restaurant which the Con serveth up
to us, boiling it daily out of the frantically scrabbling
minds of some of the most intelligent, mal-aligned
hive-building monkeys of the world, we must also send a
thought to the Sons of Elron.
Yes, ladies and lizards, as we honor St. Hubbard, we must
also pay our respects, or at least a fleeting moment of
madly juddering attention to these polished droids, these
lesser sub-beastificated servitor creatures who have given
up their existence as individual beings to perpetuate a
SubGenius Saint's Great and Grievous Lie. As we greet the
most barefaced, shameless, vicious barrel of cookery outside
the blessed opus of our "Bob" with a nod of respect, we must
contemplate all the uses we might find for these gentle yet
scrotum-biting mysterious entities which join us in
blighting the existence of so many Normen.
What utilities may the creative SubGenius see reflected in
their gleaming foreheads? Might not those expensive suits,
once thoroughly sterilized, make excellent wankrags? Might
not studying their self-righteous outrage at being told that
reality is other than they believe be even more entertaining
while trading bets over a gladiator pit filled with numerous
specimens of the noble rancor beast in heat?
And so, it is in this spirit, the spirit of joyful
expectation of mutually profitable future cooperation, I ask
you to join me in a moment of rioutous guffawing and general
noise in memory of the good Saint Elron.
...
Rev. Ivan Stang
wrote:
EYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI!
plus extra turkey-gobble.
Tater Gumfries
wrote:
That's some good preachin. Good enough to publish.
http://kernsholler.net/KernsHollerContrarian/Preachin.html
Tater
Fwap Cowcatcher
<TaterG...@usa.com> wrote:
...
>
>That's some good preachin. Good enough to publish.
>
>http://kernsholler.net/KernsHollerContrarian/Preachin.html
>
>Tater
Thank you. It looks mighty fine up there on Tater's site.
...