Bananas Are Not a Fruit

[Ed the Cat]

Some of you may already be aware that cucumbers and tomatoes, although commonly considered vegetables, are actually fruits. Well, did you know that bananas are not fruits? Yes, that's right. Although they are sweet and full of natural sugar, they are not a fruit.

Now, you might be thinking that this means that the mighty banana is a vegetable, but this is false. The banana is not a vegetable.

So, if a banana is not a fruit, and it's not a vegetable, what is it? I mean, it's clearly not a chocolate bar. Even though yellow chocolate bars do exist, the banana is not one of them.

In fact, bananas are animals. In the wild, they normally have 15 legs. Why 15? That's an odd number of legs for an animal to have. Well, that's a very good question. But the answer is, nobody knows.

But putting the strange number of legs to one side, how come we've all seen photos of bananas growing on trees? Well, those photos are not of bananas, but of an exotic type of elongated berry known as UrgleBurgleBerries, which, when ripe are red, but when unripe are yellow.

If that name sounds familiar to you, you may be confusing it with the similarly named UncleBuncleBonkyBooBerries, which are deadly poisonous even to look at, which is why nobody knows what they look like, because everyone who has ever seen them has died. We can't even be totally sure they still exist, but they probably do because most things do.

But also, don't bananas have faces? The answer is no. They run around blind, which is why they are so easy to catch. But how do they eat? They suck worms up from the soil using their legs.

But why do bananas not have legs when we buy them in shops? This is because they have been pulled off to make Twiglets. This is why Twiglets are covered in such strong tasting yeast extract - because otherwise they would taste of a bizarre mixture of banana and worms.