Trout Drowning in America
averti
Hello, kiddies. Uncle averti here.
When was the last time somebody lied to you?
When was the last time you lied to somebody?
Think about it, while you finish up the last of your yummy seahorse salad
and arrowfletch soup, and be sure to drink your boiled dockweed tea
while it's nice and piping hot.
Everybody done? Clean plate rangers, all? Good!!
Now run off and wash up all neat and tidy while averti throws a couple
of fresh Witnesses on the fire and makes things all warm and cozy here
in the conversation, er, pit. Remember, in the bathroom, the RED tap is
the molten lava; the BLUE tap is the chilled nitric acid. Let's not make a
mess
like last week. Uncle a HATES the emergency room. They're a gang of
dreadful snobs and that security person was TERminally rude to me about
that leftover leg. Well, the guy wasn't going to be using it any more, that
was plain to see...
Now then. Everybody neat and pretty? Well, do the best you can with what
you have to work with...Shimon, stop pulling out the front of buff's shirt!
Or else pull it out far enough so _everybody_ can see. Remember, around
here we share--unless it's something really really good, and then we GRAB
and run away laughing like wild dingoes.
OK then.
Once upon a time in the west, three men rode up to a windy train station
in the middle of the arizona desert...wait, that's not the story. It's A
story,
to be sure...
Oh Kay!! Real story follows riiiight after this stainless-steel, sawtoothed
spoiler:
****************************************************************************
**********
****************************************************************************
*****************
Hahahahaha. Like I would waste my valuable time telling you bunch of little
empty suits and and oxygen traps one of my valuable stories!! You feebs
best not be standing near the curb when the Chump Wagon comes by, you'll
get collected in a flash 8).
No story!! You have been LIED to again! You trusted me--whatever THAT
means in this day and age--and I ripped you off like wax off a bimbo's
inner thigh 8).
Now go to bed, pull the barbed wire and poison oak up over your pointed
little heads, and be grateful for devoted uncles such as myself, who give
of
their valuable time to try to smarten up the woefully declued.
Last one to bed, put out the light. And don't miss; those shotgun shells
are up to a buck twenty-five these days.
averti
--
My opinions are not.
pj
ok
sometimes i'm not sure if your insane or what
i kinda wondered if you did drugs, legal or not, or maybe how much you
did in the past
i dunno
6 bizarre posts
then a good 1
then 2 that seem a little more then strange
then 2 that made perfect sense
i dunno
i gotta be honest here- this one is not one of the more understandable.
but now the monkey one...that was worth a chuckle
ok averti...big question
r u nuts or not?
syddie
Simon Woodington
averti <ave...@ix.nertcom.com> wrote:
Averti Dear,
(Please do consider this a flame)
Dearest:
< > RC Richards / Eddie Turner
<*> Scary Gary
< > Goatchrist
< > Joe Betz
< > Wannabe
< > Nine Inch Nails groupie
< > Deathmetal Freak
< > Crow Impersonator
< > Vampire obsessive
< > Sub-adolescent trolling juvenile
< > Horny asshole
<*> alt.syntax.tactical loser
< > Spambot
< > Irresponsible listserve administrator
< > Pretentious doomsayer
<*> Needlessly glib twit
< > cow...@anon.c2.wimp.yellowbelly.wuss.com
< > Mime
You are being toasted because:
< > You asked us why we wear black
< > You informed us that we were all faggots
< > You made a vampire post
< > You are peddling net.sex
< > You flamed a regular
<*> You rammed your foot so far down your own throat that you have a
boot-print on the seat of your knickers
< > You think that you are the most goth person on the planet
< > You said "Nine Inch Nailz are kewl"
< > You are a Nazi
< > You steadfastly refuse to lighten the fuck up
< > You speak in rhyme
< > You asked a really stupid question
< > Your poetry sucks
< > You sent me a "wanna fuck?"
< > You posted a cleverly worded "me too"
< > You perpetuated a stupid thread by responding to it
<*> You can't count to 78
<*> You are wasting bandwidth
<*> You are wasting air
<*> You deserve to die
<*> You deserve to die slowly
<*> I don't like you
Your forced attrition consists of:
< > Eating all of your NIN / Crow paraphenalia
< > You are banished to alt.cuddle
< > Joining the John Denver fan club
< > Rolling naked in broken glass
< > Lip sewing
< > Having your dick / breasts fed to you
< > Becoming a real goth
<*> Going out and buying a life (and declaring bankruotcy forever
after)
< > Getting sucked off by a hooker with a lip tumor
< > 00 gauge rectal piercings
< > Glass pipette, sledgehammer, etc
< > Hand, forehead, staplegun, etc.
<*> Going to Sunday School
< > Selling your Doc Martins
< > Getting "The Last Supper" tattooed on your forhead
<*> FAQ you
< > Wearing white and pink
< > Being fed a Gundy
<*> Having a balloon blown up inside your ass
< > Staying in the same room as Sally Struthers for ten minutes
< > Writing "I am not a goth" on the blackboard 500 times.
< > Sitting on an operating chainsaw
< > Hanging yourself
< > Shooting bad smack
< > Drinking coffee til you vibrate into a solid object
< > Necking with a member of a Frat / Sorority
<*> Drinking Bleach
<*> Being mailbombed copiusly
< > Cutting your own feet off
In summation:
< > Eat shit and die
< > Roast in hell, cumstain
< > You're not fit to wear my feces
< > My socks are more goth than you
< > You are a mentally bankrupt waste of skin
< > I'd like to put a fishook in your tounge and yank it out your
ear
<*> You need therapy
<*> What the fuck is your problem?
<*> Deal
<*> Go away
<*> Stop, drop, and roll
<*> Your parents must be proud
< > Welcome to my killfile
< > AGSF has your name and address
< > The FBI has your name and address
< > Amway has your name and address
<*> I'd like to know how you remember to breathe
< > Lick the back of my left nut
<*> Decrease the dosage
<*> Have you considered collecting stamps?
< > Have a Kebab
<*> You're Welcome
And as a final (personal statement), I don't want to seem like a brute
here, but as an occational lurker, I cannot ignore the blatently (sp)
diliberate attack here. Obviously, "Averti", you've nothing better to do
with your time you sick LOON. Expect repeated flaming if your nonsense
continues.
As a newbie to this group I'd also like to say a meek "Hello". *smile*
<snipped idiotic>
(crisisgal)
I think its more like going through voicable changes. Sometimes I do
that in the middle of the thread, at least averti does it in a separate
thread and gives it a great title. People ask me if I'm losing it and
I'm not, just going through changes in my head, searching through
alternatives and talking or writing as I'm searching. I'm just strange
enough to enjoy reading it, but thats just my take on it, I may be
wrong and have been lottsa times.
Crisis
In <5j4bp5$1...@dfw-ixnews7.ix.netcom.com> kie...@ix.netcom.com(pj)
writes:
(crisisgal)
In <01bc49e6$983fe040$0774d481@iguana> "averti" <ave...@ix.nertcom.com>
writes:
>Hello, kiddies. Uncle averti here.
>
>When was the last time somebody lied to you?
ummmm.....I don't know. Sometimes I don't you know. I don't even know
when I don't know cause I didn't know and I ain't lying, but you don't
know.
>
>When was the last time you lied to somebody?
Today.
>
>Think about it, while you finish up the last of your yummy seahorse
salad
>and arrowfletch soup, and be sure to drink your boiled dockweed tea
>while it's nice and piping hot.
Can I stick to my Whole Foods salad mix with organic tomatoes and
avacodo and some tomato herb honey dressing and then granola for
desert, oh yes and there was cornbread. I ain't lying yet. What is an
arrowfletch??
>
>Everybody done? Clean plate rangers, all? Good!!
yep .....burp!!
>
>Now run off and wash up all neat and tidy while averti throws a couple
>of fresh Witnesses on the fire and makes things all warm and cozy here
>in the conversation, er, pit. Remember, in the bathroom, the RED tap
is
>the molten lava; the BLUE tap is the chilled nitric acid. Let's not
make a
>mess
>like last week. Uncle a HATES the emergency room. They're a gang of
>dreadful snobs and that security person was TERminally rude to me
about
>that leftover leg. Well, the guy wasn't going to be using it any more,
that
>was plain to see...
averti is in a strange mood tonight ....gooody. I love strange, and
I'm not lying yet.
>
>Now then. Everybody neat and pretty? Well, do the best you can with
what
>you have to work with...Shimon, stop pulling out the front of buff's
shirt!
>Or else pull it out far enough so _everybody_ can see. Remember,
around
>here we share--unless it's something really really good, and then we
GRAB
>and run away laughing like wild dingoes.
>OK then.
>
>Once upon a time in the west, three men rode up to a windy train
station
>in the middle of the arizona desert...wait, that's not the story. It's
A
>story,
>to be sure...
>
>Oh Kay!! Real story follows riiiight after this stainless-steel,
sawtoothed
>spoiler:
>**********************************************************************
*****
>**********
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>**********************************************************************
*****
>*****************
>
>Hahahahaha. Like I would waste my valuable time telling you bunch of
little
>empty suits and and oxygen traps one of my valuable stories!! You
feebs
>best not be standing near the curb when the Chump Wagon comes by,
you'll
>get collected in a flash 8).
>
>No story!! You have been LIED to again!
Didn't didn't .... nah nah.... crisis watches the Chump Wagon pass her
by...
You trusted me--whatever THAT
>means in this day and age--and I ripped you off like wax off a bimbo's
>inner thigh 8).
I don't usually expect, tend to be more open, expectations tend to
close you down. Ha ha.
>
>Now go to bed, pull the barbed wire and poison oak up over your
pointed
>little heads, and be grateful for devoted uncles such as myself, who
give
>of
>their valuable time to try to smarten up the woefully declued.
>
>Last one to bed, put out the light. And don't miss; those shotgun
shells
>are up to a buck twenty-five these days.
$1.25!!! crisis strikes shotgun off shopping list. Will throw rocks
instead, not very texan but economical.
>
>averti
>
>--
>My opinions are not.
nope, I happen to think they are priceless, for whatever thats worth.
You OK???
Crisis
random
averti wrote:
> Hello, kiddies. Uncle averti here.
the coolest uncle i ever had.
> When was the last time somebody lied to you?
uummmm..... (well, not to many people lie to you when you ask: is that r X f?)
> When was the last time you lied to somebody?
sunday: i led to my parents about having done homework all day.
> Think about it, while you finish up the last of your yummy seahorse salad
> and arrowfletch soup, and be sure to drink your boiled dockweed tea
> while it's nice and piping hot.
> Hahahahaha. Like I would waste my valuable time telling you bunch of little
> empty suits and and oxygen traps one of my valuable stories!! You feebs
> best not be standing near the curb when the Chump Wagon comes by, you'll
> get collected in a flash 8).
<random watches the chump wagon pick up all her blood-relatives and leave her behind.>
> No story!! You have been LIED to again! You trusted me--whatever THAT
> means in this day and age--and I ripped you off like wax off a bimbo's
> inner thigh 8).
yes, i trusted you to be averti - which equals unpredictable and funny.
> averti
> My opinions are not.
they're pretty nice, actually.
random
Simon Woodington
mean-old-pat <anon-...@anon.twwells.com> wrote:
<snip>
Interesting conversation. Mayhap the two of you ought to get together.
(Lurk mode on).
>
> --
> For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
> he...@anon.twwells.com -- for an automatically returned help message
> ad...@anon.twwells.com -- for the service's administrator
> ano...@anon.twwells.com -- anonymous mail to the administrator
Simon Woodington
mean-old-pat <anon-...@anon.twwells.com> wrote:
> Well, Simon... it does appear you lurked long enough to get to know this
> glorious cast of characters..
>
> & please, do consider this a flame, my dear.
>
> pat
>
Consider what a flame? If you're aiming with your torch, you're missing
by a mile!
mean-old-pat
see like I said... shitface... you don't even know the cast of
characters you dealing with...
averti & mean-old-pat got married awhile back over in AAR.
stay in permanent lurk mode. it suits you better
mean-old-pat
you ain't even worth my time.. crawl back under your rock.
Simon Woodington wrote:
>
> mean-old-pat <anon-...@anon.twwells.com> wrote:
>
> > Well, Simon... it does appear you lurked long enough to get to know this
> > glorious cast of characters..
> >
> > & please, do consider this a flame, my dear.
> >
> > pat
> >
> Consider what a flame? If you're aiming with your torch, you're missing
> by a mile!
mean-old-pat
you silly... you sent it to the wrong newsgroup!
come on... i'll help you carry the dang thing over there.. let's roast
the turkey!
pat
anon-...@anon.twwells.com wrote:
>
> Crisis straps on her clown shoes, sets her fright wig right, with Buford
> helping, backs into the newsgroup room pulling a huge portable
> cannon/flamethower, aims properly and lights the match, sets the
> homing/finding site on Simon and lights it. A huge flame comes out and
> scortches Simon's shorts, there ms. Pat, THATS a flame, its all in how
> you aim it.
mean-old-pat
Well, Simon... it does appear you lurked long enough to get to know this
glorious cast of characters..
& please, do consider this a flame, my dear.
pat
mean-old-pat
averti wrote:
>
> Hello, kiddies. Uncle averti here.
hi unkie.
>
> When was the last time somebody lied to you?
today.
> When was the last time you lied to somebody?
>
yesterday.. it's still morning..
> Think about it, while you finish up the last of your yummy seahorse salad
> and arrowfletch soup, and be sure to drink your boiled dockweed tea
> while it's nice and piping hot.
>
> Everybody done? Clean plate rangers, all? Good!!
>
muchie's washing the plate right now... he likes seahorse salad.. uck!
> Now run off and wash up all neat and tidy while averti throws a couple
> of fresh Witnesses on the fire and makes things all warm and cozy here
> in the conversation, er, pit. Remember, in the bathroom, the RED tap is
> the molten lava; the BLUE tap is the chilled nitric acid. Let's not make a
> mess
i nominate Simon Woodington... he seems fresh enough
> like last week. Uncle a HATES the emergency room. They're a gang of
> dreadful snobs and that security person was TERminally rude to me about
> that leftover leg. Well, the guy wasn't going to be using it any more, that
> was plain to see...
>
> Now then. Everybody neat and pretty? Well, do the best you can with what
> you have to work with...Shimon, stop pulling out the front of buff's shirt!
> Or else pull it out far enough so _everybody_ can see. Remember, around
> here we share--unless it's something really really good, and then we GRAB
> and run away laughing like wild dingoes.
> OK then.
>
got it.
> Once upon a time in the west, three men rode up to a windy train station
> in the middle of the arizona desert...wait, that's not the story. It's A
> story,
> to be sure...
go on.. don't stop now.
> Oh Kay!! Real story follows riiiight after this stainless-steel, sawtoothed
> spoiler:
> ****************************************************************************
> **********
>
> ****************************************************************************
> *****************
>
> Hahahahaha. Like I would waste my valuable time telling you bunch of little
> empty suits and and oxygen traps one of my valuable stories!! You feebs
> best not be standing near the curb when the Chump Wagon comes by, you'll
> get collected in a flash 8).
>
> No story!! You have been LIED to again! You trusted me--whatever THAT
> means in this day and age--and I ripped you off like wax off a bimbo's
> inner thigh 8).
>
> Now go to bed, pull the barbed wire and poison oak up over your pointed
> little heads, and be grateful for devoted uncles such as myself, who give
> of
> their valuable time to try to smarten up the woefully declued.
>
> Last one to bed, put out the light. And don't miss; those shotgun shells
> are up to a buck twenty-five these days.
>
wow.. you should shop at wal-mart... think they're only .95 there. -
they beat anyone's prices you know.
> averti
>
> --
> My opinions are not.
oh yes they are.
pat
J. Montagnet
I don't get it ... are you pissed about something or
trying to make a point or just randomly spewing?
Or am I analyzing things too much?
Um ... the last time someone lied to me (to my knowledge)
was just over a month ago when I was laid off and my supervisor
said it had nothing to do with my job performance and would give
me a good reference. Then she told a prospective employer just
the opposite.
The only thing I can relate this post to (since I still don't
know averti that well) is when I got majorly screwed over by this
guy a few years ago and was so bitter and angry I listened to
"Tool" incessantly. And for reasons that I can't quite explain I
especially liked the song "Sober" - "I will find the center in
you - I will chew you up inside" or something like that. It was
some sort of process I can't quite explain - but I came out of it
feeling stronger (despite a year of being self-professed "emotionally
unavailable").
Julia
On Tue, 15 Apr 1997, averti wrote:
>Hello, kiddies. Uncle averti here.
>
>When was the last time somebody lied to you?
>
>When was the last time you lied to somebody?
>
>Think about it, while you finish up the last of your yummy seahorse salad
>and arrowfletch soup, and be sure to drink your boiled dockweed tea
>while it's nice and piping hot.
>
>Everybody done? Clean plate rangers, all? Good!!
>
>Now run off and wash up all neat and tidy while averti throws a couple
>of fresh Witnesses on the fire and makes things all warm and cozy here
>in the conversation, er, pit. Remember, in the bathroom, the RED tap is
>the molten lava; the BLUE tap is the chilled nitric acid. Let's not make a
>mess
>like last week. Uncle a HATES the emergency room. They're a gang of
>dreadful snobs and that security person was TERminally rude to me about
>that leftover leg. Well, the guy wasn't going to be using it any more, that
>was plain to see...
>
>Now then. Everybody neat and pretty? Well, do the best you can with what
>you have to work with...Shimon, stop pulling out the front of buff's shirt!
>Or else pull it out far enough so _everybody_ can see. Remember, around
>here we share--unless it's something really really good, and then we GRAB
>and run away laughing like wild dingoes.
>OK then.
>
>Once upon a time in the west, three men rode up to a windy train station
>in the middle of the arizona desert...wait, that's not the story. It's A
>story,
>to be sure...
>
>Oh Kay!! Real story follows riiiight after this stainless-steel, sawtoothed
>spoiler:
>****************************************************************************
>**********
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>****************************************************************************
>*****************
>
>Hahahahaha. Like I would waste my valuable time telling you bunch of little
>empty suits and and oxygen traps one of my valuable stories!! You feebs
>best not be standing near the curb when the Chump Wagon comes by, you'll
>get collected in a flash 8).
>
>No story!! You have been LIED to again! You trusted me--whatever THAT
>means in this day and age--and I ripped you off like wax off a bimbo's
>inner thigh 8).
>
>Now go to bed, pull the barbed wire and poison oak up over your pointed
>little heads, and be grateful for devoted uncles such as myself, who give
>of
>their valuable time to try to smarten up the woefully declued.
>
>Last one to bed, put out the light. And don't miss; those shotgun shells
>are up to a buck twenty-five these days.
>
>averti
>
>--
>My opinions are not.
>
>
J.P. Montagnet | "And he cried...
jo...@u.washington.edu | as when a lion roareth.
http://havoc.gtf.gatech.edu/jope | And when he cried,
El JoPe Magnifico! | seven thunders uttered their voices."
Kristen Kohlbecker
sim...@computerhelp.ca (Simon Woodington) writes:
>mean-old-pat <anon-...@anon.twwells.com> wrote:
>
><snip>
>
>Interesting conversation. Mayhap the two of you ought to get together.
>
>(Lurk mode on).
Good thing too...
Please stay there till your IQ gets into the double digits, kay?
I'd rather read Averti's stuff any day of the week than be subjected to
spew from ignorant newbies with a case of diaper rash.
Blackhawk, wondering *where* these people get the cajones, anyway?
--
Kristen Kohlbecker And I would choose to be with you
ty...@netcom.com That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
A Tyger and a Lady And you can have this heart to break
IceAngel
In article <Pine.SUN.3.94.970417165835.12334E-100000@sunbird>,
Dragon <sken...@sunbird.usd.edu> wrote:
>x-no-archive: yes
>
>
>Do you feel better now?
>
>Tell me, in what way do you consider these specifically directed insults
>justified?
>
>This isn't meant as a flame. I'm really curious.
>
>Dragon
>*************************************************************************
>Dragon sken...@sunbird.usd.edu anon...@anon.twwells.com
>an3...@anon.penet.fi
>
>"Time will ease your pain. Life's about changin', nothin' ever stays the
>same. How can I help you say goodbye? It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to
>cry. So come let me hold you, and I will try... How can I help you say
>goodbye?" Patty Loveless, How Can I Help You Say Goodbye
>**************************************************************************
Thank you, Dragon. I'm totally with you on this. I'm puzzled and
concerned.
IceAngel
(crisisgal)
In <tygerE8...@netcom.com> ty...@netcom.com (Kristen Kohlbecker)
writes:
>sim...@computerhelp.ca (Simon Woodington) writes:
>>mean-old-pat <anon-...@anon.twwells.com> wrote:
>>
>><snip>
>>
>>Interesting conversation. Mayhap the two of you ought to get
together.
>>
>>(Lurk mode on).
>
>Good thing too...
>
>Please stay there till your IQ gets into the double digits, kay?
>
>I'd rather read Averti's stuff any day of the week than be subjected
to
>spew from ignorant newbies with a case of diaper rash.
>
>Blackhawk, wondering *where* these people get the cajones, anyway?
Kaymart bluelight specials
:-)
Crisis
Swenson
On 17 Apr 1997 16:36:26 -0400, anon-...@anon.twwells.com
(mean-old-pat) wrote:
>see like I said... shitface... you don't even know the cast of
>characters you dealing with...
>
>averti & mean-old-pat got married awhile back over in AAR.
>
>stay in permanent lurk mode. it suits you better
>
Ahhhh .... this makes wayyyy more sense. I thought this was Shimon for
a bit and thought that at the start of his post that he said "Averti
dear do NOT consider this a flame," and thought the whole thing was
tongue-in-cheek ... but he actually said "DO consider this a flame."
I think the "dear" threw me off. :)
I actually thought the generalized stuff in the flame was kinda neat,
if generated toward like a real troll or something. But it doesn't
really fit in well with someone you really have a beef with.
But I hardly considered Averti's post a "blatantly deliberate attack."
Sheesh. Melllllow out, Simon. "Dear."
And hiya Pat. :)
Laurie
>
>Simon Woodington wrote:
>>
>> mean-old-pat <anon-...@anon.twwells.com> wrote:
>>
>> <snip>
>>
>> Interesting conversation. Mayhap the two of you ought to get together.
>>
>> (Lurk mode on).
>> >
IceAngel
In article <Pine.OSF.3.95.97041...@saul4.u.washington.edu>,
J. Montagnet <jo...@u.washington.edu> wrote:
>
>I don't get it ... are you pissed about something or
>trying to make a point or just randomly spewing?
>
[...]
>The only thing I can relate this post to (since I still don't
>know averti that well) is when I got majorly screwed over by this
>guy a few years ago and was so bitter and angry I listened to
>"Tool" incessantly. And for reasons that I can't quite explain I
>especially liked the song "Sober" - "I will find the center in
>you - I will chew you up inside" or something like that. It was
>some sort of process I can't quite explain - but I came out of it
>feeling stronger (despite a year of being self-professed "emotionally
>unavailable").
*hug* if okay, Julia.
I can relate to every word in this paragraph.
"I will find the center in you - I will chew you up inside"....yes.
I've often looked back and wondered if I was a mere conquest. A challenge.
Someone to be brought down, because she looked strong on the outside, but
was broken on the inside if anyone cared to look there too. And if that
someone needed to take something for himself from me, what difference
would it really make in a life like mine where so many took so much more
than any human being is ever entitled to take from another?
Just another notch on someone's gunbelt.
Like you, it took me about a year to come out of it too. Sometimes I'm
still hurled back into the bitter, angry, and hurt darkness of it...but
only for mere moments nowadays. Not as a way of being and living, as it
was for so long.
Mostly it's just all historical reference for me now. Like you, I came out
of it feeling stronger. And ready to walk further and longer in the light
with myself and anyone who wants to walk beside me.
Myself...what a beautiful feeling to have that "me" in me. If that's all I
ever have from now on, it's more than I ever had before.
So I guess my gunslinger screwed up. :) He helped me get back more than I
had of me.
These days I lean more toward living these words: "Ain't nothin' gonna
break-a my stride; nobody's gonna slow me down. Oh no! I'm runnin' and I
won't touch down." :)
>
>Julia
Ta Ta! Gotta run! :)
geode
>
>On Tue, 15 Apr 1997, averti wrote:
>
>>Hello, kiddies. Uncle averti here.
>>
>>When was the last time somebody lied to you?
I respectfully decline to answer this...on the grounds that it's gonna
create a problem, if I do.
[eliminating the rest....too bizarre-feeling]
averti
In article <5j4bp5$1...@dfw-ixnews7.ix.netcom.com>, kie...@ix.netcom.com(pj) writes:
> ok
> sometimes i'm not sure if your insane or what
That makes several of us.
Whose standard shall we use?
> i kinda wondered if you did drugs, legal or not, or maybe how much you
> did in the past
Lots and lots, thanks.
But I have always thought like this regardless of any outside
influences (or inside influences). Surrealism is like autism; you
don't _get_ it, you _have _it_.
> i dunno
> 6 bizarre posts
Thank you.
> then a good 1
According to whom?
> then 2 that seem a little more then strange
I'll try harder.
> then 2 that made perfect sense
I'll HAVE to try harder 8).
> i dunno
> i gotta be honest here- this one is not one of the more understandable.
> but now the monkey one...that was worth a chuckle
Well, there you go. Use the parts you can use, and if you can't
use any of it, laugh at it. So it is with posts, so it is with
people...
> ok averti...big question
> r u nuts or not?
I am.
However, in the last few instances all I have revealed is a certain
snobbish exceeding of the local imagination ceiling.
OR I have been studying at the Brainiac School of Persuasive
Rhetoric 8). You pick.
> syddie
Assuming I ''r'' nuts, does that invalidate the things I say? Grave
implications, here and in all the recovery groups...8).
a.
averti
In article <geodeE8...@netcom.com>, ge...@netcom.com (IceAngel) writes:
> In article <Pine.SUN.3.94.970417165835.12334E-100000@sunbird>,
> Dragon <sken...@sunbird.usd.edu> wrote:
> >x-no-archive: yes
> >
> >
> >Do you feel better now?
No, actually I am in constant physical pain, and corrosive sexual
longing. I don't post obscurities to newsgroups in order to
change the way I feel. The way YOU feel, maybe.
> >
> >Tell me, in what way do you consider these specifically directed insults
> >justified?
Tell me, who are the specific targets at whom you think these
''insults'' are directed? Parables, fables, and satires are usually
directed at human traits and quirks rather than human individuals.
Or were you standing in front of the target and are now irritated
at having been hit? 8)
> >
> >This isn't meant as a flame. I'm really curious.
> >
I believe you.
Poor me. I don't even have as good an excuse as Michelangelo; the
Pope does not pay me to paint the ceiling. I do it for free.
It is as much of an imposition for you to try to make me take you
seriously as it is for me to lampoon you (in the general ''you''
sense). People talk about ''safety''--the ingrown namby-
pambiness and circular condemning festivals that infest this
group are not safe for ME.
> >Dragon
> >*************************************************************************
> >Dragon sken...@sunbird.usd.edu anon...@anon.twwells.com
> >an3...@anon.penet.fi
> >
> >"Time will ease your pain. Life's about changin', nothin' ever stays the
> >same. How can I help you say goodbye? It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to
> >cry. So come let me hold you, and I will try... How can I help you say
> >goodbye?" Patty Loveless, How Can I Help You Say Goodbye
> >**************************************************************************
>
It is NOT OK to cry. Get a grip. Life is not country music. I've
done both, and have no difficulty telling the one from the
other.
> Thank you, Dragon. I'm totally with you on this. I'm puzzled and
> concerned.
Hm. You've seen this before, and you've seen it worse.
a.
>
> IceAngel
Shelayla
Just lately?
hee hee
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"My Journey has only just begun,
I've not failed till I quit
As long as I keep trying
I've already won."
---- Shelayla
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(crisisgal)
In <3357F7...@bway.net> Shardrol <shar...@bway.net> writes:
I remember the part in the movie Network - "I'm mad as hell and I'm not
going to take it any nore". I think we all have moments when we feel
that way and some of us are lucky enough to have the verbal skills to
articulate what we are feeling rather than simply opening up the window
and yelling. That was what I felt when I read averti's post, no
craziness, just exasperation and frustration with the world in general
and some of the people who populate it specifically.
>
My comments regarding the below.....
>Armchair analysis of the averti situation from someone who doesn't
>know him at all:
Armchair analysis is worth everything you pay for it.
>
>He is hating himself & feeling upset with nowhere to direct his
>energy so he's sending it out toward the mirror of a.s.a.r. in
>the hope that it will come back to him in a form he can deal with,
>i.e. that people will react to it in a way that will give him some
>kind of focus for his anger that is no longer himself.
It is this kind of stupid, mindless drivvel that does a lot of damage
in this world. You state you do not know averti, so I can only asume
that this comes from looking inside and not outside in obsevation of
anything concrete. Been reading averti for a while, if he needs
feedback he generally asks for it directly and has and has gotten it.
The stuff above is sophmoric psychobabble.
>
>I don't really think it's going to work - he has too much insight
>to fall for his own trick. I think we should all just keep our
>distance & let him work it out with himself & not take what he
>says too personally, if we can help it. He is not talking to us.
If you understood anything of what he has written in his last few posts
you would not have written the sentence regarding not taking what he
says too personally, that fact that you would take it upon yourself to
personalize and thus allow anything written on that big glowing thingy
in front of you to hurt you and not hit the next button on the top of
the big glowing thingy in front of you or turn off the button that
powers the big glowing thingy leads me to say go back and reread the
posts and stop whining.
If you don't understand where someone is coming from sometimes its
better to wait to analyze them until you gain a little more information
regarding their situation.
Crisis
>
>--Shardrol
(crisisgal)
In <E8unL...@ccc.amdahl.com> averti writes:
Was wondering when you would show up lint boy, good to see ya!!! Take
a load off averti, take a load for free, take a load off averti, and
put the load right on me. (watching the VH1 honors, god james taylor
looks old - are we that old??? He did more drugs than we did, he looks
older) Any how, sit right down on this comfy couch and visit a while,
rest your load here for a minute or we can walk and talk, I'll carry it
a bit or not.
>
>In article <geodeE8...@netcom.com>, ge...@netcom.com (IceAngel)
writes:
>> In article <Pine.SUN.3.94.970417165835.12334E-100000@sunbird>,
>> Dragon <sken...@sunbird.usd.edu> wrote:
>> >x-no-archive: yes
>> >
>> >
>> >Do you feel better now?
>
> No, actually I am in constant physical pain, and corrosive sexual
> longing. I don't post obscurities to newsgroups in order to
> change the way I feel. The way YOU feel, maybe.
I have looovvved reading the variety of responses you have gotten, you
made my week. It was good to stop the whirl every once in a while and
reading and shaking my head in wonder, wondering why everyone was
wondering and looking at the assumptions.
>> >
>> >Tell me, in what way do you consider these specifically directed
insults
>> >justified?
>
> Tell me, who are the specific targets at whom you think these
> ''insults'' are directed? Parables, fables, and satires are
usually
> directed at human traits and quirks rather than human
individuals.
>
> Or were you standing in front of the target and are now irritated
> at having been hit? 8)
Ahem....obviously the points of those wonderful parables fables and
satires were missed by some. What hit them were their own darts thrown
by their own interpretations.
>> >
>> >This isn't meant as a flame. I'm really curious.
>> >
> I believe you.
>
> Poor me. I don't even have as good an excuse as Michelangelo; the
> Pope does not pay me to paint the ceiling. I do it for free.
Its still pretty cool to ponder and the price is good.
>
> It is as much of an imposition for you to try to make me take you
> seriously as it is for me to lampoon you (in the general ''you''
> sense). People talk about ''safety''--the ingrown namby-
> pambiness and circular condemning festivals that infest this
> group are not safe for ME.
I hear you.
>
>> >Dragon
>>
>**********************************************************************
**
>> >Dragon sken...@sunbird.usd.edu
anon...@anon.twwells.com
>> >an3...@anon.penet.fi
>> >
>> >"Time will ease your pain. Life's about changin', nothin' ever
stays the
>> >same. How can I help you say goodbye? It's OK to hurt, and it's
OK to
>> >cry. So come let me hold you, and I will try... How can I help you
say
>> >goodbye?" Patty Loveless, How Can I Help You Say Goodbye
>>
>**********************************************************************
***
>>
>
> It is NOT OK to cry. Get a grip. Life is not country music. I've
> done both, and have no difficulty telling the one from the
> other.
To some life is country music, to me its more classic rock, but thats
just me. There are NO tears in rock and roll and every day is
different pushing the limit a little further. But on the other hand,
buford always says when presented with tears and sympathy don't poop on
their shoes, they mean well. But he's not very good at remembering
that, me neither.
(Ooops now they are doing a Jimi Hendrix special...sigh..memories...
Buddy Miles!!! wow!!)
>
>> Thank you, Dragon. I'm totally with you on this. I'm puzzled and
>> concerned.
>
> Hm. You've seen this before, and you've seen it worse.
>
> a.
All I can respond to is what I see and I see you not in a real
comfortable spot right now and I respond to that because I care how you
feel. nuff said, probably too much.
Crisis
>>
>> IceAngel
>
>
>
>
Swenson
On Fri, 18 Apr 1997 20:00:51 GMT, averti wrote:
>> Dragon <sken...@sunbird.usd.edu> wrote:
>> >"Time will ease your pain. Life's about changin', nothin' ever stays the
>> >same. How can I help you say goodbye? It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to
>> >cry. So come let me hold you, and I will try... How can I help you say
>> >goodbye?" Patty Loveless, How Can I Help You Say Goodbye
>> >**************************************************************************
>
> It is NOT OK to cry. Get a grip. Life is not country music. I've
> done both, and have no difficulty telling the one from the
> other.
>
> a.
>
Life is more than quotations from anything, but when those quotations
effectively sum up a concept that hits us close to home, it becomes
very important to us. I have little pieces of paper stuck all over my
walls and desk at work, just to remind me of these things when it
feels like I'm lost in the relative nothingness of my job, where I
live in this vacuum of being the person who everyone thinks is just
plain happy and easygoing and never gets upset about anything.
And Averti, it IS TOO okay to cry. Whether we can do it or not. It is
always okay. Whether or not anyone else (including ourselves) has told
us differently.
I may not be able to cry at all about the big sadnesses in my past,
even though I wish I could, but I make up for it by crying about the
little ones now, crying about just feeling sad or stupid or whatever
sometimes, crying about how others feel. And it's okay to do that.
It's honest.
If I could, Averti, I'd sit with you, and hold you while you (if YOU
could) cried. And it would be totally OK with me. I believe that as
much as I believe anything.
Regardless of how much or how little you believe in anything for
yourself, I have never given up on you in any way. I have hope for you
and continue to feel that way, and I don't consider it naive or
foolish or not OK or anything ... I consider it caring and believing
in my friend.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Averti}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Love,
Laurie
J. Montagnet
On Fri, 18 Apr 1997, IceAngel wrote:
>*hug* if okay, Julia.
gladly accepted :)
>I've often looked back and wondered if I was a mere conquest. A challenge.
>Someone to be brought down, because she looked strong on the outside, but
>was broken on the inside if anyone cared to look there too. And if that
>someone needed to take something for himself from me, what difference
>would it really make in a life like mine where so many took so much more
>than any human being is ever entitled to take from another?
Yes - exactly how it felt.
On the subject of "theme songs" my other favorite at that time was
a Courtney Love song - "Go on take everything, take everything I want
you to ..."
>Myself...what a beautiful feeling to have that "me" in me. If that's all I
>ever have from now on, it's more than I ever had before.
Me, too! I still feel like it's a new thing for me to have my own
thoughts and my own sense of identity not based on trying to get love
from someone or trying to be safe. Thankfully, when I'm in those old
patterns they don't last so long anymore.
It always sounds a little corny to say - but something I did not long
into the "emotionally unavalable period" was to get a tattoo of three
Celtic runes - "the Self" "Protection" and "Joy". For me it was kind of
an empowering symbol because those were the three things I lacked the
most in the first portion of my life.
>These days I lean more toward living these words: "Ain't nothin' gonna
>break-a my stride; nobody's gonna slow me down. Oh no! I'm runnin' and I
>won't touch down." :)
Weeee! You go, girl!
Thanks for writing! :)
Julia
>>
>>On Tue, 15 Apr 1997, averti wrote:
>>
>>>Hello, kiddies. Uncle averti here.
>>>
>>>When was the last time somebody lied to you?
>
>I respectfully decline to answer this...on the grounds that it's gonna
>create a problem, if I do.
>
>[eliminating the rest....too bizarre-feeling]
>
>
>
>
>
J.P. Montagnet | "And he cried...
J. Montagnet
On Fri, 18 Apr 1997, it was written:
> It is as much of an imposition for you to try to make me take you
> seriously as it is for me to lampoon you (in the general ''you''
> sense). People talk about ''safety''--the ingrown namby-
> pambiness and circular condemning festivals that infest this
> group are not safe for ME.
Oh. That's what I thought might be going on.
Thanks for clarifying.
And I totally understand.
Julia
(crisisgal)
considered and nothing invalidated on this corner of the net.
Hugs and smooches.
Crisis
Buff Lee
excuse me while i *fart*
Buff Lee
the subject header says it all.
::yawn::
On 17 Apr 1997, Simon Woodington wrote:
(crisisgal)
In <Pine.BSI.3.95.970419...@enteract.com> Buff Lee
<bu...@enteract.com> writes:
Crisis jerks her head around.....I recognize that
sound...Bufffffff!!!!! hihhihihhihi!!!!! Hugs
>
>
>excuse me while i *fart*
>
>
>On 17 Apr 1997, Simon Woodington wrote:
>
(crisisgal)
In <Pine.SUN.3.94.970419170741.23257A-100000@sunbird> Dragon
<sken...@sunbird.usd.edu> writes:
>
>> >spew from ignorant newbies with a case of diaper rash.
>> >
>> >Blackhawk, wondering *where* these people get the cajones, anyway?
>>
>>
>> Kaymart bluelight specials
>> :-)
>
>*laugh* Thank you, Crisis! The last thing I expected from *this*
>thread was a good laugh!
>
You just gotta rummage around in there long enough to find one, there's
a laugh someonewhereinthere everywhere.
Crisis
>Dragon
>**********************************************************************
**
>Dragon sken...@sunbird.usd.edu
anon...@anon.twwells.com
>an3...@anon.penet.fi
>
averti
In article <5j4bph$o...@sjx-ixn4.ix.netcom.com>, cri...@ix.netcom.com((crisisgal)) writes:
[...]
>
> Can I stick to my Whole Foods salad mix with organic tomatoes and
> avacodo and some tomato herb honey dressing and then granola for
> desert, oh yes and there was cornbread. I ain't lying yet. What is an
> arrowfletch??
A roadside weed that resembles the feathers on arrows. Eating it
sometimes makes horses hallucinate or run a fever.
>
> >averti
> >
> >--
> >My opinions are not.
>
> nope, I happen to think they are priceless, for whatever thats worth.
I feel the same way about yours.
>
> You OK???
No, I'm fucked. On UnFucked as STella used to make the distinction.
>
> Crisis
>
a.
averti
In article <3357F7...@bway.net>, Shardrol <shar...@bway.net> writes:
> Armchair analysis of the averti situation from someone who doesn't
> know him at all:
Probably the best position, taking all into consideration.
>
> He is hating himself
I am hating ALL of us insofar as I am feeling anything in
particular. Perhaps one starts with oneself in the same general
way that one usually starts cutting on one's own arm rather than
somebody else's.
>& feeling upset with nowhere to direct his
> energy so he's sending it out toward the mirror of a.s.a.r. in
> the hope that it will come back to him in a form he can deal with,
> i.e. that people will react to it in a way that will give him some
> kind of focus for his anger that is no longer himself.
>
I don't think so. I deplore human behavior but that's not the same
thing as being angry at it. And I am not particularly interested
in getting into what amounts to the same old fights with a new
set of opponents.
> I don't really think it's going to work - he has too much insight
> to fall for his own trick.
The amount of insight I have is one of my major troubles; I can't
turn the damn stuff off. Can you?
>I think we should all just keep our
> distance & let him work it out with himself & not take what he
> says too personally, if we can help it. He is not talking to us.
>
More or less true. Very good of you to define that.
> --Shardrol
a.
Roving Reporter
Well, I don't understand it. I thought surrealism was an art style, and
imagined it as being like an artist drawing under the influence of LSD. (-:
(I prefer realistic styles, although there are a few who are realistic
enough in their weirdness that I can cope with it -- like Escher, and the
guy who stretches clock faces so they drip over things, etc.)
On Mon, 21 Apr 1997, Dragon wrote:
>On Fri, 18 Apr 1997, it was written:
>
>> But I have always thought like this regardless of any outside
>> influences (or inside influences). Surrealism is like autism; you
>> don't _get_ it, you _have _it_.
>
>Ohho! *Now* I understand why I didn't understand (and if you understood
>that, maybe it's time for both of us to see a psychiatrist!)!
>
>I've never been read good on surrealism. There was only one post
>the struck anything in my head, and that was the one that started
>with something about "when was the last time you were lied to".
>
>Dragon
**********************************************************
* Therese Shellabarger - tls...@concentric.net *
* http://www.concentric.net/~tlshell/ Shalom tovarot! *
* XENA: http://www.concentric.net/~tlshell/xena.html *
**********************************************************
* See if I care about your opinion, the life I've led -- *
* each dawn I go forth with sword in hand, to sweep scum *
* from the decks of my battleship. Revenge at last, and *
* it be sweet, too, 'cuz now I get the girl, _not you_. *
**********************************************************
Finger: use tls...@finger.concentric.net
(crisisgal)
In <E905...@ccc.amdahl.com> averti writes:
>
>In article <5j4bph$o...@sjx-ixn4.ix.netcom.com>,
cri...@ix.netcom.com((crisisgal)) writes:
>[...]
>
>
>>
>> Can I stick to my Whole Foods salad mix with organic tomatoes and
>> avacodo and some tomato herb honey dressing and then granola for
>> desert, oh yes and there was cornbread. I ain't lying yet. What is
an
>> arrowfletch??
>
> A roadside weed that resembles the feathers on arrows. Eating it
> sometimes makes horses hallucinate or run a fever.
>
> >
Oh yummy lintboy, I had to ask!!!! Ummm....I'll stick to my little
salad here...
>> >averti
>> >
>> >--
>> >My opinions are not.
>>
>> nope, I happen to think they are priceless, for whatever thats
worth.
>
> I feel the same way about yours.
>>
>> You OK???
>
> No, I'm fucked. On UnFucked as STella used to make the
distinction.
Sorry, lb. I care.
>>
>> Crisis
>>
>
> a.
>
>
>
crisis
averti
In article <Pine.SUN.3.96.97042...@mariner.cris.com>, Roving Reporter <Tls...@concentric.net> writes:
> Well, I don't understand it. I thought surrealism was an art style, and
> imagined it as being like an artist drawing under the influence of LSD. (-:
Surrealism is a general art _system_...and life is art, at least mine
is 8). It involves strange-appearing juxtapositions that sometimes make
a point by seeming not merely pointless but anti-point.
For my part, if I wanted to tell some people that I thought they were
behaving in foolish and counter-productive ways, I would be more
artistically motivated to tell them bizarre stories than to yell at
them to clean up the act 8). Think of a literality scale, with perhaps
Syddie on one end and me on the other 8).
>
> (I prefer realistic styles, although there are a few who are realistic
> enough in their weirdness that I can cope with it -- like Escher, and the
> guy who stretches clock faces so they drip over things, etc.)
Salvador Dali.
The net as a whole has always had a surrealistic, dreamlike quality
for me. How does so much emotion get invested in such meager input?
I understand how a thousand brush strokes make a great painting (or
a crappy one); but how do phosphor words on a glass tube wrench our
emotions to such an extent?
>
> On Mon, 21 Apr 1997, Dragon wrote:
> >On Fri, 18 Apr 1997, it was written:
> >
> >> But I have always thought like this regardless of any outside
> >> influences (or inside influences). Surrealism is like autism; you
> >> don't _get_ it, you _have _it_.
> >
> >Ohho! *Now* I understand why I didn't understand (and if you understood
> >that, maybe it's time for both of us to see a psychiatrist!)!
> >
> >I've never been read good on surrealism. There was only one post
> >the struck anything in my head, and that was the one that started
> >with something about "when was the last time you were lied to".
> >
> >Dragon
>
> **********************************************************
> * Therese Shellabarger - tls...@concentric.net *
> * http://www.concentric.net/~tlshell/ Shalom tovarot! *
> * XENA: http://www.concentric.net/~tlshell/xena.html *
> **********************************************************
> * See if I care about your opinion, the life I've led -- *
> * each dawn I go forth with sword in hand, to sweep scum *
> * from the decks of my battleship. Revenge at last, and *
> * it be sweet, too, 'cuz now I get the girl, _not you_. *
> **********************************************************
> Finger: use tls...@finger.concentric.net
>
averti, one doodah short of dada
J. Montagnet
On Mon, 21 Apr 1997, it was written:
>In article <3357F7...@bway.net>, Shardrol <shar...@bway.net> writes:
>> Armchair analysis of the averti situation from someone who doesn't
>> know him at all:
>
> Probably the best position, taking all into consideration.
>>
>> He is hating himself
>
Maybe I'm not insightful at all ... but that's not how I perceive
averti. ????
Question for averti, though -
I would like to know you more.
There's all sorts of questions I want to ask you -
like what your life experience has been so far?
Sometimes you are brilliantly insightful, sometimes you seem like
you're really bitter/angry - like you've been hurt many times in this
life. Despit that I've seen you be open to admitting if you think you're
wrong and I've heard (read) comforting supportive things from you.
But you're still a mystery to me.
I'd like to more about you - if you ever want to tell me about yourself.
(e-mail replies to jps...@wolfenet.com, please)
Julia
> I am hating ALL of us insofar as I am feeling anything in
> particular. Perhaps one starts with oneself in the same general
> way that one usually starts cutting on one's own arm rather than
> somebody else's.
>
>>& feeling upset with nowhere to direct his
>> energy so he's sending it out toward the mirror of a.s.a.r. in
>> the hope that it will come back to him in a form he can deal with,
>> i.e. that people will react to it in a way that will give him some
>> kind of focus for his anger that is no longer himself.
>>
> I don't think so. I deplore human behavior but that's not the same
> thing as being angry at it. And I am not particularly interested
> in getting into what amounts to the same old fights with a new
> set of opponents.
>
>> I don't really think it's going to work - he has too much insight
>> to fall for his own trick.
>
> The amount of insight I have is one of my major troubles; I can't
> turn the damn stuff off. Can you?
>
>
>>I think we should all just keep our
>> distance & let him work it out with himself & not take what he
>> says too personally, if we can help it. He is not talking to us.
>>
> More or less true. Very good of you to define that.
>
>> --Shardrol
>
> a.
>
>
>
>
>
J.P. Montagnet | "And he cried...
averti
In article <geodeE8...@netcom.com>, ge...@netcom.com (IceAngel) writes:
> In article <Pine.OSF.3.95.97041...@saul4.u.washington.edu>,
> J. Montagnet <jo...@u.washington.edu> wrote:
> >
> >I don't get it ... are you pissed about something or
> >trying to make a point or just randomly spewing?
> >
>
> [...]
>
> >The only thing I can relate this post to (since I still don't
> >know averti that well) is when I got majorly screwed over by this
> >guy a few years ago and was so bitter and angry I listened to
> >"Tool" incessantly. And for reasons that I can't quite explain I
> >especially liked the song "Sober" - "I will find the center in
> >you - I will chew you up inside" or something like that. It was
> >some sort of process I can't quite explain - but I came out of it
> >feeling stronger (despite a year of being self-professed "emotionally
> >unavailable").
>
> *hug* if okay, Julia.
>
> I can relate to every word in this paragraph.
Me too. Except I tend to listen to Gwar or the Genitorturers...
>
> "I will find the center in you - I will chew you up inside"....yes.
>
> I've often looked back and wondered if I was a mere conquest.
Not to anybody known to me.
>A challenge.
That, definitely. You REMAIN a challenge.
> Someone to be brought down, because she looked strong on the outside, but
> was broken on the inside if anyone cared to look there too. And if that
> someone needed to take something for himself from me, what difference
> would it really make in a life like mine where so many took so much more
> than any human being is ever entitled to take from another?
I don't know of anybody that would do that to you. I know of people
who would refrain from taking anything--even stuff they probably
should have--but that's a different line of inquiry.
>
> Just another notch on someone's gunbelt.
>
Don't become intimate with people who wear gunbelts 8).
> Like you, it took me about a year to come out of it too. Sometimes I'm
> still hurled back into the bitter, angry, and hurt darkness of it...but
> only for mere moments nowadays. Not as a way of being and living, as it
> was for so long.
>
> Mostly it's just all historical reference for me now. Like you, I came out
> of it feeling stronger. And ready to walk further and longer in the light
> with myself and anyone who wants to walk beside me.
>
Yes.
> Myself...what a beautiful feeling to have that "me" in me. If that's all I
> ever have from now on, it's more than I ever had before.
>
> So I guess my gunslinger screwed up. :) He helped me get back more than I
> had of me.
Then he didn't screw up. He did good by accident, which is usually
better than doing bad on purpose, no?
>
> These days I lean more toward living these words: "Ain't nothin' gonna
> break-a my stride; nobody's gonna slow me down. Oh no! I'm runnin' and I
> won't touch down." :)
>
Tires me out at the very thought.
> >
> >Julia
>
> Ta Ta! Gotta run! :)
>
> geode
>
a.
averti
In article <Pine.SUN.3.94.970421103907.17404F-100000@sunbird>, Dragon <sken...@sunbird.usd.edu> writes:
> On Fri, 18 Apr 1997, it was written:
>
> > But I have always thought like this regardless of any outside
> > influences (or inside influences). Surrealism is like autism; you
> > don't _get_ it, you _have _it_.
>
> Ohho! *Now* I understand why I didn't understand (and if you understood
> that, maybe it's time for both of us to see a psychiatrist!)!
Seeing one, thank you. Or do you mean together? The commute would be
a little rough...
>
> I've never been read good on surrealism.
You speak it like a native 8). What sorts of things HAVE you been
read good on? I been read good on Pogo comics and Poppy Z. Brite
horror thrillers, myelf.
>There was only one post
> the struck anything in my head,
I THOUGHT I heard a distant hollow clanging sound.
>and that was the one that started
> with something about "when was the last time you were lied to".
>
> Dragon
> *************************************************************************
> Dragon sken...@sunbird.usd.edu anon...@anon.twwells.com
> an3...@anon.penet.fi
>
> "Time will ease your pain. Life's about changin', nothin' ever stays the
> same. How can I help you say goodbye? It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to
> cry. So come let me hold you, and I will try... How can I help you say
> goodbye?" Patty Loveless, How Can I Help You Say Goodbye
> **************************************************************************
>
>
averti, read fairly good
Shimon Walner
Kelizascop wrote:
>
> On Tue, 22 Apr 1997, as...@imap3.asu.edu wrote:
> > On 22 Apr 1997, Blain Nelson wrote:
> > > Swenson wrote:
> > > > Gee, Blain, I don't think I'll ever look at a platter of Trout
> > > > Almondine quite the same way again. ;P
> > > First rule of food: If you really think about what you are eating,
> > > eventually you'll starve.
>
> >not if you're vegetarian :)
> ruh-roh.... does this mean we're gonna have to talk about marshmallows
> again?????
>
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> eliza "in saturn's rings i feel no pain" -paula cole
> bd2...@binghamton.edu keliz...@aol.com (until april 23 only)
Aren't Mallows an endangered species?
Or was it just that the marshes are federal set-asides?
Shimon, confused again... probably that weirdo Passover veggie diet
affecting blood to the brain...
Kelizascop
Shelayla
In article <19970421033...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
shel...@aol.com (Shelayla) writes:
> You are kidding right?
24 x 7.
>
>
> LOL
That (and orgasms) is what I am here for.
thanx.. you know one's hand is a girl/boys best friend..
>
> never will make the mistake of taking averti too seriously again..and
that
> is a compliment.
Thank you. When the truth becomes legend, print the legend, and
then
follow up with T shirts, bumper stickers, coffee mugs, and caps.
Nah..I'de rather have it printed on the handle of my bullwhip and
handcuffs.
"shelayla"
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "My Journey has only just begun,
> I've not failed till I quit
> As long as I keep trying
> I've already won."
> ---- Shelayla
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
averti
averti
In article <19970423052...@ladder01.news.aol.com>, shel...@aol.com (Shelayla) writes:
> In article <19970421033...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
> shel...@aol.com (Shelayla) writes:
> > You are kidding right?
>
> 24 x 7.
> >
> >
> > LOL
>
> That (and orgasms) is what I am here for.
>
>
> thanx.. you know one's hand is a girl/boys best friend..
>
> >
> > never will make the mistake of taking averti too seriously again..and
> that
> > is a compliment.
>
> Thank you. When the truth becomes legend, print the legend, and
> then
> follow up with T shirts, bumper stickers, coffee mugs, and caps.
>
> Nah..I'de rather have it printed on the handle of my bullwhip and
> handcuffs.
>
> "shelayla"
>
> >
>
averti, somebody's best friend
Rainbow Colors
In article <Pine.SOL.3.91.97042...@general5.asu.edu>,
<as...@imap3.asu.edu> wrote:
>On Tue, 22 Apr 1997 averti@.MISSING-HOST-NAME. wrote:
>
>> The net as a whole has always had a surrealistic, dreamlike quality
>> for me. How does so much emotion get invested in such meager input?
>> I understand how a thousand brush strokes make a great painting (or
>> a crappy one); but how do phosphor words on a glass tube wrench our
>> emotions to such an extent?
>
>trees? words are ideas. ideas wrench our brains. our brains wrench our
>emotions, which in turn affect our understanding of the ideas. it is a
>recursive dance these words have the power to initiate. the tarantella.
>
> astri #AKA pink bunnies#
No _wonder_ I'm so hestitant to 'do' feelings! Wrenching my brain
sounds _so_ painful! (wonder if I could 'pull' something that way?:)
But I thought that emotions came first and then thinking? Wouldn't
it be that ideas wrench our emotions, which wrench our thoughts?
And, astri, it's _graphite_ not carbon *grin*
Rainbow Colors (Jill, wondering if ace bandages would help a wrenched
brain)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I am in the process of becoming, so this space is blank.
ji...@magicno.com
anon...@anon.twwells.com
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Rainbow Colors
In article <19970423050...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
Kelizascop <keliz...@aol.com> wrote:
>
>On Tue, 22 Apr 1997, as...@imap3.asu.edu wrote:
>> On 22 Apr 1997, Blain Nelson wrote:
>> > Swenson wrote:
>> > > Gee, Blain, I don't think I'll ever look at a platter of Trout
>> > > Almondine quite the same way again. ;P
>> > First rule of food: If you really think about what you are eating,
>> > eventually you'll starve.
>
>>not if you're vegetarian :)
>ruh-roh.... does this mean we're gonna have to talk about marshmallows
>again?????
Nope, I think we pretty definitively concluded that generic
marshmellows from Jewel Food Stores in IL are vegan for some reason,
while most other brands are not. But, I guess if there are still some
_emotional_ issues left unresolved about marshmellows we could
re-open the topic *RC straps on her brain's ace bandage just in case*
Rainbow Colors (Jill, blissfully munching on veggie chili without
giving it's origins a second thought :)
J. Montagnet
On Wed, 23 Apr 1997, it was written:
>
> That's dangerous and difficult. usually for both parties.
I will presume a lot here and think I know what you mean.
> Sort of like Pulp Fiction only with more sex and less shooting.
Well - that's somewhat more interesting than "Sleeping with the Enemy"
(they had to have Julia Roberts in a movie about something I already
lived ... the only one worse coulda been Winona Ryder - sigh)
> I believe all people are multi-sided.
Ideally. I've met some who've forgotten what it is to be responsible
for one's own action.
>
> I also believe that most of what has hurt me is in some ways my
> responsibility--not ''fault''--and that is an unpopular view in
> recovery groups, so I tend to downplay it.
12-step groups are big on "everything being an individual's fault" - at
least the ones I used to frequent. But then that's not your point of view
either.
I'd have to say that after I became an adult, my decisions became my
responsibility. Not saying my ex. who was quite violent with me was
justified. But I didn't leave for two years. For that I'm responsible.
> I can be comforting and supportive when I am not angry or afraid.
> This is pretty clear. Is it a useful thing to know? I dunno.
It pretty much applies to the general populace, I think. Some just never
come out of being angry/afraid. I've never met anyone who was *never*
angry/afraid. I think if I ever do - that person will annoy me.
>> I'd like to more about you - if you ever want to tell me about yourself.
>>
> I daren't.
Ok.
Some mysteries are best left as they are.
>> (e-mail replies to jps...@wolfenet.com, please)
>>
> Not a good idea. Thanks anyway.
You're welcome -
as per usual, the e-mail address applies to all on this ng -
who aren't planning on sending me spam. :)
Julia
averti
In article <5jk9d3$q...@news.istar.ca>, sim...@computerhelp.ca (Simon Woodington) writes:
[...]
>
> Well as long as he's not actually attacking anyone...
Don't dick around with me, Britboy, I'm not in the mood.
You had your five seconds of fame--praps you should go and
work your issues for a while.
> >
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > "My Journey has only just begun,
> > I've not failed till I quit
> > As long as I keep trying
> > I've already won."
> > ---- Shelayla
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
averti, attack animal
averti
In article <Pine.OSF.3.95.970424...@saul5.u.washington.edu>, "J. Montagnet" <jo...@u.washington.edu> writes:
> On Wed, 23 Apr 1997, it was written:
>
> >
> > That's dangerous and difficult. usually for both parties.
> I will presume a lot here and think I know what you mean.
I was too abrupt about this. I apologize and plead intermittent
states of semi-panic.
You are an intelligent woman--or the electronic representation
thereof 8). Historically, that has meant trouble. Great goodness,
too, but great trouble. Nothing personal at all.
>
> > Sort of like Pulp Fiction only with more sex and less shooting.
> Well - that's somewhat more interesting than "Sleeping with the Enemy"
> (they had to have Julia Roberts in a movie about something I already
> lived ... the only one worse coulda been Winona Ryder - sigh)
>
> > I believe all people are multi-sided.
> Ideally. I've met some who've forgotten what it is to be responsible
> for one's own action.
>
Yeah. Me too. Right here and everywhere else 8). Also in the
mirror.
> >
> > I also believe that most of what has hurt me is in some ways my
> > responsibility--not ''fault''--and that is an unpopular view in
> > recovery groups, so I tend to downplay it.
> 12-step groups are big on "everything being an individual's fault" - at
> least the ones I used to frequent. But then that's not your point of view
> either.
I tend toward throwing out the whole concept of fault. (It keeps
crawling back in through the doggy door.)
> I'd have to say that after I became an adult, my decisions became my
> responsibility. Not saying my ex. who was quite violent with me was
> justified. But I didn't leave for two years. For that I'm responsible.
>
But not guilty 8).
>
> > I can be comforting and supportive when I am not angry or afraid.
> > This is pretty clear. Is it a useful thing to know? I dunno.
> It pretty much applies to the general populace, I think. Some just never
> come out of being angry/afraid. I've never met anyone who was *never*
> angry/afraid. I think if I ever do - that person will annoy me.
Then you can smack them and they will become angry and afraid 8).
>
> >> I'd like to more about you - if you ever want to tell me about yourself.
> >>
> > I daren't.
> Ok.
> Some mysteries are best left as they are.
>
I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea. It's not you, it's
me.
> >> (e-mail replies to jps...@wolfenet.com, please)
> >>
> > Not a good idea. Thanks anyway.
> You're welcome -
> as per usual, the e-mail address applies to all on this ng -
> who aren't planning on sending me spam. :)
>
> Julia
>
> J.P. Montagnet | "And he cried...
> jo...@u.washington.edu | as when a lion roareth.
> http://havoc.gtf.gatech.edu/jope | And when he cried,
> El JoPe Magnifico! | seven thunders uttered their voices."
>
a.
averti
In article <E94C8...@illusion.magicno.com>, ji...@illusion.magicno.com (Rainbow Colors) writes:
> In article <Pine.SOL.3.91.97042...@general5.asu.edu>,
> <as...@imap3.asu.edu> wrote:
> >On Tue, 22 Apr 1997 averti@.MISSING-HOST-NAME. wrote:
> >
> >> The net as a whole has always had a surrealistic, dreamlike quality
> >> for me. How does so much emotion get invested in such meager input?
> >> I understand how a thousand brush strokes make a great painting (or
> >> a crappy one); but how do phosphor words on a glass tube wrench our
> >> emotions to such an extent?
> >
> >do you also ask, then, how they do so as carbon scribed on processed
> >trees?
Not at all. Perhaps it's cultural; ink and paper confer dignity.
A BOOK is a valuable artifact (must be to me, I have thousands
and thousands of the damn things.) Computer traffic is as
ephemeral as the wind.
>words are ideas. ideas wrench our brains. our brains wrench our
> >emotions, which in turn affect our understanding of the ideas. it is a
> >recursive dance these words have the power to initiate. the tarantella.
> >
I like that. Though I seem to have been bitten by a slug, my
own personal self 8).
> > astri #AKA pink bunnies#
>
> No _wonder_ I'm so hestitant to 'do' feelings! Wrenching my brain
> sounds _so_ painful! (wonder if I could 'pull' something that way?:)
>
It's the scar tissue that really unbalances you after a while.
Best thing to do if you wrench your brain too painfully is soak
your head in a bucket of warm water for a couple of hours 8).
> But I thought that emotions came first and then thinking?
Nuh uh. Not automatically. I can't STOP thinking, whereas I can't
hardly summon up a decent emotion without mechanical assistance.
>Wouldn't
> it be that ideas wrench our emotions, which wrench our thoughts?
>
Where do the vice grip pliers figure into this?
> And, astri, it's _graphite_ not carbon *grin*
>
I have carbon pencils. And parchment.
> Rainbow Colors (Jill, wondering if ace bandages would help a wrenched
> brain)
Thinking with a limp for a few days...
averti
J. Montagnet
On Thu, 24 Apr 1997, it was written:
>In article <Pine.OSF.3.95.970424...@saul5.u.washington.edu>, "J. Montagnet" <jo...@u.washington.edu> writes:
>> On Wed, 23 Apr 1997, it was written:
>> > That's dangerous and difficult. usually for both parties.
>> I will presume a lot here and think I know what you mean.
>
> I was too abrupt about this. I apologize and plead intermittent
> states of semi-panic.
Yea - that's what I thought you meant. I've heard that line before.
And I've said that line before. Although, I must admit that for a
moment I ventured down fantasty-lane and thought, "Hmmm ... maybe he's
in the mafia, or is in hiding for being a crime informant ..."
> You are an intelligent woman--or the electronic representation
> thereof 8). Historically, that has meant trouble. Great goodness,
> too, but great trouble. Nothing personal at all.
Julia puffs out her chest and does a hair-toss ... yes, I *am* intelligent
- thanks for noticing! (ok ... coming back down off my arrogance now)
>> > I believe all people are multi-sided.
>> Ideally. I've met some who've forgotten what it is to be responsible
>> for one's own action.
>>
> Yeah. Me too. Right here and everywhere else 8). Also in the
> mirror.
Yes. Occassionally, I will have a very uncomfortable recollection of
some of the things I did when I was younger and totally twisted up
inside. Things that hurt other people. Lately, the one that's been
in my face (and I look forward to resolving because it's uncomfortable)
is a person I dated briefly out of highschool who I was so cold to
he deemed me the "ice queen". He tried really hard to reach me, and
he tried really hard to ease the pain I didn't even want to acknowledge.
As happens - he was pretty messed up too, and I later learned he tried
to kill himself one night in a drunken stupor over it all. I know I
didn't cause that unhappiness for him (anymore than he cause mine)
but I still wish I could go back and not have been such a bitch to him.
For some reason I keep remembering seeing him after I started going out
with "sleeping with the enemy"-boy, and him trying to reason with me
that I needed to get out of that relationship. Sigh. Ironically, he's
in a really famous band now so I keep hearing about him/seeing him
in the media. And his band is playing a benefit for the non-profit I
work for so I see/hear about him there too.
I just totally spewed ... oops. Intellectually, I know that in
situations like these there's nothing I can do but forgive myself
for being messed up. But I can't help the wish to go back and make
everything "right".
Anyway - this is just one of the many examples of ways I acted that
has left me with a knee-jerk reaction sometimes of "you don't want to
get to know me - that would be bad."
One way I'm trying to help myself get out of that is to make sure
I take responsibility when I freak and treat my current boyfriend
badly.
> I tend toward throwing out the whole concept of fault. (It keeps
> crawling back in through the doggy door.)
the concept mostly stalks me through phone sales and the postal mail -
kind of like Fingerhut catalogs - it just keeps showing up each week.
>> > I can be comforting and supportive when I am not angry or afraid.
>> > This is pretty clear. Is it a useful thing to know? I dunno.
>> It pretty much applies to the general populace, I think. Some just never
>> come out of being angry/afraid. I've never met anyone who was *never*
>> angry/afraid. I think if I ever do - that person will annoy me.
>
> Then you can smack them and they will become angry and afraid 8).
Yea! (giggling ... oh ... ok ... excuse me ...)
> I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea. It's not you, it's
> me.
thank you for saying so. I had a relatively healthy moment of understanding
that. Of course ... then it went away again. But at least I believe you -
there was a time I would not believe you.
> a.
Buff Lee
so just who is *she*? who does she hope to be?
are we supposed to be impressed?
On 23 Apr 1997, Simon Woodington wrote:
> <averti> wrote:
>
> > >I think we should all just keep our
> > > distance & let him work it out with himself & not take what he
> > > says too personally, if we can help it. He is not talking to us.
> > >
> > More or less true. Very good of you to define that.
>
> More or less can be pretty messy... but I'm likely to be fairly nasty if
> it happens again (fair warning, I don't *like* sickly uncles).
>
> Yes, possibly nastier than my resurfacing post. *grin*
>
>
vesta *Tirzah*
hope you don't mind if i butt in here....opps! too late. well ignore this
if you do mind.
averti wrote:
>> You are an intelligent woman--or the electronic representation
>> thereof 8).
something about that inspired me to ask: you read - take as present or
past tense - Heinlein? something about your style in general reminds me
of Heinlein.
regardless of all that...i'd have to agree with you about Julias smarts.
Julia wrote:
>One way I'm trying to help myself get out of that is to make sure
>I take responsibility when I freak and treat my current boyfriend
>badly.
>
i'm doing this too now. i lash out at current SO. i never really did this
in my past. with most other ppl i've been very subdued and quite. sort of
a simmering pot about to boil over. this SO is the first person i've ever
really lashed out at - lucky him?!? i try not to beat myself up, but to
take responsibility all the same, and to promote change in myself. that's
a tough combo. esp when my lashing out looks an awful lot like what my
mom did - make that does - to me.
vesta
__________________________________________________________
* days up and down they come like the rain on a conga drum
* forget most, remember some, but don't turn them away
* everything is not enough, nothing is too much to bear
* - cowboy junkies
girl w/ kelizascope eyes
On Thu, 24 Apr 1997, Rainbow Colors wrote:
> Kelizascop <keliz...@aol.com> wrote:
> >On Tue, 22 Apr 1997, as...@imap3.asu.edu wrote:
> >> On 22 Apr 1997, Blain Nelson wrote:
> >> > Swenson wrote:
> >> > > Gee, Blain, I don't think I'll ever look at a platter of Trout
> >> > > Almondine quite the same way again. ;P
> >> > First rule of food: If you really think about what you are eating,
> >> > eventually you'll starve.
> >>not if you're vegetarian :)
> >ruh-roh.... does this mean we're gonna have to talk about marshmallows
> >again?????
> Nope, I think we pretty definitively concluded that generic
> marshmellows from Jewel Food Stores in IL are vegan for some reason,
> while most other brands are not. But, I guess if there are still some
> _emotional_ issues left unresolved about marshmellows we could
> re-open the topic *RC straps on her brain's ace bandage just in case*
time as well ;) not that i'm still not bitter about the whole thing of
course... ;)
> Rainbow Colors (Jill, blissfully munching on veggie chili without
> giving it's origins a second thought :)
mmmm. do you have any leftovers?
-eliza, in desperate need of going foodshopping!!!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
eliza "quilts, shopping, soap operas, and southern
suny binghamton landscapes. in terms of women's cultural studies,
bd2...@binghamton.edu who could ask for more?" -allison fraiberg
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
-------------------==== Posted via Deja News ====-----------------------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Post to Usenet
J. Montagnet
On 26 Apr 1997, vesta *Tirzah* wrote:
>averti wrote:
>>> You are an intelligent woman--or the electronic representation
>>> thereof 8).
>
>something about that inspired me to ask: you read - take as present or
>past tense - Heinlein? something about your style in general reminds me
>of Heinlein.
Having read Heinlein myself (and really liking him) I'll have to start
looking to see if I see a similarity in averti's writing style. I never
thought of that.
>regardless of all that...i'd have to agree with you about Julias smarts.
Oh! I don't know if you guys have any idea how much it means to me
to hear that! One of the biggest things I struggle with is the fear
that I'm not smart. After not being able to finish my college degree
and being one of the only people I know who doesn't even have a
Bachelor's, I often struggle with feelings that I'm just stupid and
not worth much.
I had a woman tell me recently that I was the best self-educated
person she knew and I must have asked her a billion times "Really?
Do you really mean that?" My role in my biological family for so long
was I was the loser. The drug addict who would never amount to much.
I feel often like my brother - the Director of a free clinic in town
and Mr. I-have-my-PhD-from-Antioch still sees me like that.
Then there's my boyfriend who's wall at his parent's house in plastered
with awards and scholarships and who graduated from highschool early
and got a perfect SAT score. And who went to Tech on full scholarships
and even did a summer program at Oxford on sholarship. And I have
nothing to show for acedemic achievement - even though I know that
that is not what defines a person'a worth.
I've not gotten many jobs because I don't have a college degree.
I've had perspective employers make it obvious they see me as a
slacker. There's no award for spending one's 20's kicking ass to
recover from a lifetime of trauma. There's no certificate to show
what I've achieved.
Once I told a co-worker at one of my receptionist jobs that I had
an IQ of 165 (not that it really means anything) because I was tired
of him treating me like I was too stupid to do anything else. He
just couldn't understand why I was a receptionist then, and I didn't
want to explain that my college years were spent huddled in a ball
crying over years of violence and sexual abuse.
I've got a long way to go before I can view myself in my own
terms - not on society's terms. My parents brought my brother and
I up to be rich, highly-educated snobs and I've still got far to
go before I see myself from my terms - not my parents.
Every month I get a newsletter from my old private, expensive,
snobby highschool telling me about how this classmate is a fellow
at Yale, and this classmate is getting her PhD at Harvard and
how this other classmate who's a rock star just gave $100,000
towards scholarships to the school. It's bugged me for years,
and I didn't go to my 10 year reunion because I couldn't muster
the confidence to tell them that yes, I was so poor I lived in
a tiny apartment and couldn't afford to buy new socks without
holes, and I didn't have any degrees and I'd not become famous
for anything. Recenlty, though, I sent a letter to the administrative
office and said that though I couldn't afford to give even $5
to the school or their scholarship funds, I would offer my
services and build a webpage for free. They called back and
said they'd like to take me up on it and thought it was an
extremely generous offer. That made me feel better.
My point? I guess I'm trying in ways I know how to find my
own worth in my own terms.
And hearing you guys say you see me as smart amounts to so much
I can't even describe it.
Crisis gal
Dont dick with me brit boy???? Wow, I have missed a lot, I am borrowing
someone's lap top and am only reading a few posts and have to get home
weds, to read the rest, wow!!! you guys are getting viscious while I'm
away.
Crisis - having fun in south carolina and eating everything in sight.
averti
In article <Pine.OSF.3.95.97042...@saul3.u.washington.edu>, "J. Montagnet" <jo...@u.washington.edu> writes:
> On Thu, 24 Apr 1997, it was written:
>
> >In article <Pine.OSF.3.95.970424...@saul5.u.washington.edu>, "J. Montagnet" <jo...@u.washington.edu> writes:
> >> On Wed, 23 Apr 1997, it was written:
>
> >> > That's dangerous and difficult. usually for both parties.
> >> I will presume a lot here and think I know what you mean.
> >
> > I was too abrupt about this. I apologize and plead intermittent
> > states of semi-panic.
> Yea - that's what I thought you meant. I've heard that line before.
Line? Line? Everything I say is factory fresh 8).
> And I've said that line before. Although, I must admit that for a
> moment I ventured down fantasty-lane and thought, "Hmmm ... maybe he's
> in the mafia, or is in hiding for being a crime informant ..."
I am ethnically unqualified to be in the LCN Club; and I long
ago informed all the crime information I had, to a hearty
round of general boredom 8).
>
>
> > You are an intelligent woman--or the electronic representation
> > thereof 8). Historically, that has meant trouble. Great goodness,
> > too, but great trouble. Nothing personal at all.
> Julia puffs out her chest and does a hair-toss ... yes, I *am* intelligent
> - thanks for noticing! (ok ... coming back down off my arrogance now)
>
Odd place to keep your intelligence 8). I have some difficulty
discerning chests in ascii prose--but I keep trying 8).
> >> > I believe all people are multi-sided.
> >> Ideally. I've met some who've forgotten what it is to be responsible
> >> for one's own action.
> >>
> > Yeah. Me too. Right here and everywhere else 8). Also in the
> > mirror.
> Yes. Occassionally, I will have a very uncomfortable recollection of
> some of the things I did when I was younger and totally twisted up
> inside. Things that hurt other people. Lately, the one that's been
> in my face (and I look forward to resolving because it's uncomfortable)
> is a person I dated briefly out of highschool who I was so cold to
> he deemed me the "ice queen". He tried really hard to reach me, and
> he tried really hard to ease the pain I didn't even want to acknowledge.
Been, if not there, next door or down the block.
> As happens - he was pretty messed up too, and I later learned he tried
> to kill himself one night in a drunken stupor over it all. I know I
> didn't cause that unhappiness for him (anymore than he cause mine)
> but I still wish I could go back and not have been such a bitch to him.
> For some reason I keep remembering seeing him after I started going out
> with "sleeping with the enemy"-boy, and him trying to reason with me
> that I needed to get out of that relationship. Sigh. Ironically, he's
> in a really famous band now so I keep hearing about him/seeing him
> in the media. And his band is playing a benefit for the non-profit I
> work for so I see/hear about him there too.
>
Small world 8P. No wonder there's no parking spaces.
> I just totally spewed ... oops. Intellectually, I know that in
> situations like these there's nothing I can do but forgive myself
> for being messed up.
Well, I have been messed up longer than you, I dare say 8).
And I find that the trouble often lies more in a mismatch of
agenda than in being mean and thoughtless...in the past I
ended up hurting a number of people in a very similar way:
We would make a deal to do A, B, and C. With options for D and
possibly E. After a few months of lovely and enthusiastic
A,B, and C'ing, my partner would raise the possibility of
a little bit of P or R or even Z. Being both a man and an
overgrowed child, this would freak me out bigtime...and my
''cold,'' defensive reaction to Z ended up taking the joy out
of A, B, and C.
>But I can't help the wish to go back and make
> everything "right".
>
I don't usually have that feeling. But then I don't usually have
much sense of the past. It's back there somewhere, that's about it.
> Anyway - this is just one of the many examples of ways I acted that
> has left me with a knee-jerk reaction sometimes of "you don't want to
> get to know me - that would be bad."
>
> One way I'm trying to help myself get out of that is to make sure
> I take responsibility when I freak and treat my current boyfriend
> badly.
In what ways do you take responsibility? I take abject, overdone
_guilt_ 8).
>
> > I tend toward throwing out the whole concept of fault. (It keeps
> > crawling back in through the doggy door.)
> the concept mostly stalks me through phone sales and the postal mail -
> kind of like Fingerhut catalogs - it just keeps showing up each week.
>
Ha. _I_ get two Victoria's Secret catalogs a DAY--and I totally
lack the figure for the stuff 8).
> >> > I can be comforting and supportive when I am not angry or afraid.
> >> > This is pretty clear. Is it a useful thing to know? I dunno.
> >> It pretty much applies to the general populace, I think. Some just never
> >> come out of being angry/afraid. I've never met anyone who was *never*
> >> angry/afraid. I think if I ever do - that person will annoy me.
> >
> > Then you can smack them and they will become angry and afraid 8).
> Yea! (giggling ... oh ... ok ... excuse me ...)
>
> > I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea. It's not you, it's
> > me.
> thank you for saying so. I had a relatively healthy moment of understanding
> that. Of course ... then it went away again. But at least I believe you -
> there was a time I would not believe you.
>
I like being believed. Even when I'm holding somebody at arm's
distance 8).
> > a.
>
> Julia
>
> J.P. Montagnet | "And he cried...
> jo...@u.washington.edu | as when a lion roareth.
> http://havoc.gtf.gatech.edu/jope | And when he cried,
> El JoPe Magnifico! | seven thunders uttered their voices."
>
a, gain