no evidence that a crime was committed
Cindi
Barbara Mayo-Wells (b...@nova.umuc.edu) wrote:
<snip>
: Or... just occurred to me ... are any of your duly elected political
: representatives the sort who plunge in up to their elbows to help
: "deserving cases"? In cases like this, it's altogether fair to bring in
: any sort of leverage you can find. And so much the better if you can
: find cases in the news of agency money being spent on fluffy stuff, when
: a crime victim -- a CHILD (yup, shout!) crime victim -- can't get
: redress.
Hey, great minds think alike! :) I have sent Allison's story to a local
county supervisor and a representative. The supervisor immediately took
an interest and I was *very* optimistic. This was back in '92 when
Allison first told me of the SA. This supervisor made some calls for me
and got some things rolling. However, the end result was that they could
do nothing and the supervisor herself actually told me "well, the next
time it happens you call CPS and somebody will be there to really
investigate deeply."
The next time it happened, I did call CPS and they "investigated" which
consisted of asking Allison if she can name the body parts of a teddy
bear and who is in her family. She did not volunteer the info about the
SA, so the case was dropped. Then a few months later it happened again
and this time she told me "Mommy, I want to tell the policeman." I had
again called the county supervisor and sent a detailed fax and she said
that she would have somebody at CPS be assigned to my case on a 24 hour
emergency basis.
This time CPS did really investigate a lot more thoroughly, and the CPS
worker said that she believes Allison was SA'ed by her dad, but that the
role of CPS is to *remove children from abusive homes* and since Allison
does not live in the abusive home, the duty falls to me to go thru the
family court system to get no-visitation orders in place. I told the CPS
worker about the county supervisor's involvement and she told me - get
this - that the local politicians are *always* making promises like that
but it doesn't really mean anything and it doesn't change the way the
workers do their job or the way the overall system works. I have new
calls in to the supervisor to talk to her about this.
I also am going thru the family court system, like CPS told me I have to
do, and family court tells me that they are just in over their heads -
that they *never* deal with such "ambiguous" cases like this and that if
it really were true that Allison's dad were SA'ing her that CPS would
take the case thru the juvenile court system where they have "much more
experience with these kinds of things." But CPS says that's crazy; they
say that for them to get involved, their only procedure is to remove the
child to a foster care home and start a juvenile court proceeding. And
that in my case, they won't do that because that would mean taking
Allison away from me and placing her in foster care for the duration of
their investigation. They have said that if I push them enough and
*surrender my custody* of her, they *will* take her away and start an
investigation, but the investigation will be to investigate *all* of us;
me, my new husband, my parents, my ex, his new wife, etc., and that if
they rule that there was no abuse they will probably place Allison with
my ex because I have been "lying" this whole time. In other words, not a
good idea to go that route.
I am in the process of writing letters to the heads of the CPS and the
family court. I think that I have discovered a *major* loophole in the
system - children who are molested by non-custodial family members who do
not live in the home. There has to be some agency that is willing to
really investigate these types of cases, instead of CPS saying it's
family court's responsibility and family court saying it's CPS's
responsibility.
: Yup, I guess this could bring the sort of publicity that could bring your
: ex- charging in with accusations of slander. Scratch the suggestion.
: But there must be a way to find a pressure point that'll work.
You know, I really don't think I could ever get in trouble for slander.
(although I fail to see why I still have some optimism...) I am not
saying something bad about my ex to be vindictive or to hurt him; in
fact, I am really not even saying anything slanderous (I don't think)
because I never run around saying "He molested his daughter!" I simply
am telling people what Allison has told me... I don't know though, I'm
no attorney. And I should learn by now that anything I say can and
*will* be held against me in a family court... <sigh>
Anyway, BMW, thanks for the reply and the thoughts. I really appreciate it!
best wishes,
cindi
--
--
cin...@netcom.com anon...@anon.twwells.com
"We are not only our brother's keeper; in countless large and
small ways, we are our brother's maker." Bonaro Overstreet
Cindi
Oh, spoiler for quote from Allison regarding her SA, not that graphic but
certainly upsetting... Quote at end...
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It really helps me to see how
it is pretty normal for children to *not* want to tell about their SA. I
wonder how many others out there remember being a child and simply not
being able to tell... I was not abused as a child (I was older) but it
really makes sense to me. I don't understand why the "authorities"
don't consider it... They think they can just sit around with her and
talk about coloring and movies and school and that she will suddenly
volunteer the info about the SA. Yeah, right. She knows already from
what she says her dad tells her and from everybody else's reaction (or
lack thereof) that it is not a "good" subject.
Your idea is a really good one, your idea to have one of the "correct
people" listen in or watch Allison talking with one of the people that
she feels comfortable talking about it with. But you know, I don't think
they are denying that she actually says this stuff to me. I just think
that they believe that she has been told to say it. I mean, I don't just
think, I know that is the position of several people including her
therapist - the one person who is supposed to be on her side! :( So I
think even if they did hear her telling somebody, they would just
rationalize it away.
You know, her therp asked me to repeat a coversation she and I had about
the supervised visit that took place the other day. Allison said to me
"I am going to see my daddy at Bertha's office so that i can stay safe
and my daddy can't put his fingers up my butt." And Allison's therapist
said "Oh, yeah, I can tell by how she said that that she is just
repeating what somebody told her to say." Excuse me???? How in the world
can she "tell" something like that. Especially when it was me repeating
it to her and not even something she heard Allison say first-hand.
I am searching for a new (or at least another) therapist for her and I
have told my attorney some of the weird, unprofessional things that the
current therp has done. My attorney is no help really, so I might fire
her and get a new one who actually *cares* and who won't say "OH well
Cindi, you will just have to hope that as Allison gets older she loses
her fear to talk." Actually, forget "might" - I will start to look for
another attorney too. Screw this crap. this will be the 2nd attorney I
have fired, the last one said "Oh well, when he SA's her again we will
just come back to court again and again until something finally
happens." Sheesh, where do these people come from anyway...
Anyway, thanks for your input and thoughts, I really really appreciate it!
Best wishes,