posted for asar.47 (Hineni)/Internal Family Model
Matthew Fields
Forwarded from asar.47 (HINENI)
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In reply to Bear Giles post on a teenage inner child (and other posts about
"The Inner Child" going back some ways) let me take the long way around...
While the concept of "The Inner Child" has clearly helped a lot of people,
it has the potential for being harmful as well (IMHO).
First, (as Bradshaw himself has said) it can be dangerous to do "Inner
Child" work on your own if you've been abused. This because (IMHO)
some of the other protective parts (that have been keeping you from the
feelings and emotions of this inner child for years) can have strong
(over)reactions that can be harmful. This is a serious concern of mine.
Second, the "pop" understanding of the "Inner Child" can lead people to
question their "normalcy" when they find that they're a little different
from what they understand they're "supposed" to be. EG a teenage "inner
child" or a "vengeful" inner child or several inner children.
Well...
I adhere to the "Internal Family Systems Model" (which title is
quite misleading) that asserts instead of a monolithic personality (ie
one "I" as our "ego"), we all have a multiplicity of parts inside (and
one unique part called a "Self").
BTW, this multiplicity is reflected in our language:
"I wasn't myself today"
"I saw a different side of her"
"He's a different person around her"
"Part of me wants to go, but another part of me wants to stay"
etc.
We all have a number of different parts (or subpersonalities) which
coexist in an ecological system. That is, they interact and affect
one another in ways similar to an ecological system. (Also similar
to the Family Systems Model in the therapy field, hence the title.)
Each of us has a unique internal ecology of our various parts, influenced
by whatever you think influences psychological development (family
experiences, societal culture, etc...).
When we start looking inside ourselves for, say, "The Inner Child" we may
run into a number of different parts, who can present themselves as any
age or image they find appropriate. Many survivors have _several_ parts
that present as young children. Which is why I find the phrase _The_
Inner Child inaccurate and I think it can lead to problems. Other parts
present as teenagers, old folks, even dragons and such at times (especially
if they're extreme).
I could go on about this at length (perhaps I have already, but it's not
350+ lines), but I'll defer unless people ask about it. I should credit
Dick Schwartz (Institute for Juvenile Research at U of Illinois) with the
development of the Internal Family Systems Model.
But three other things I should probably mention: each of these parts has good
intentions; that is, they want something good and positive for the collective.
Unfortunately, the means they use to try and get to the positive goals is
often quite destructive... But it's important to remember that these parts
are trying to help, and when they are successfully redirected in their
methods, they are a positive force.
Second, the goal in this model is not "unificiation", but rather one of
harmony. The goal is to have all the parts working together in harmony,
(the effect of which tends to feel like a unification at times) but not
to eliminate any of the parts through some kind of "unification" process.
Third, parts are often polarized with other parts. That is, often parts
that tend to see things from opposite points of view will become more and
more extreme (over time) as a way of counteracting the part(s) on the
other side. (I suppose it's like an internal nuclear arms race. :) )
Thus, you may have a part that wants you to assert yourself, but it is so
extreme it suggests you go on a mad rampage and beat up the person who is
manipulating you. On the other side you may have extreme passive parts
that urge you not to try to do anything in this situation because it's
hopeless, or parts that "remind" you that you deserve this awful treatment,
or that it's "improper" to question the authority of your boss (or husband,
wife, father, mother, etc.). These polarities between parts (or groups of
parts) tend to grow if left to their own devices (cf nuclear arms race).
It is only through active intervention (which can come in many forms) that
each side of the polarity can slowly make its position less extreme, by
seeing that the other side is also becoming less extreme.
Anyway, I can only sketch some of the basic concepts in this small a space.
I hope y'all find this understandable and interesting.
I also hope some of you can get some kind of reassurance that your own
personal reality is valid and not abnormal even though it differs from
"The Inner Child" image you may have had.
Also, in my view we all have multiple personalities; only extremely
polarized systems qualify for the term MPD (which term I dislike anyway).
I say this to reassure some people who may have had the term MPD thrown at
them and they have no idea why and feel that it's wrong but worry anyway...
Please give me some feedback on your reactions to all this.
Thanks,
Hineni