my sexual problems

[David Dalton]

I posted this to soc.sexuality.general recently but
that group is pretty dead so I figured I would
repost it here. (But more posters to soc.sexuality.general,
which is moderated, would be very welcome.)
---------------------------------------------
I'm still finding that I am slow to catch on to
hints from women so that by the time I realize
they are interested they are gone and I don't
see them again, even in this small city. Part
of my being slow to respond to hints is that
I am shy and sort of freeze in their headlights.

But one habit I have too is that I get a sign
of interest from a woman, then don't respond
so I guess she assumes I am not interested,
then I go home and masturbate thinking of her
and rate the orgasm on a scale of 0 to 100
where 5 is good and 10 is excellent, and when
I get a 5 and up I think that I wouldn't turn
that woman down. But then I rarely see the
woman again.

Another problem I have is that I am 49 and
single women over 40 rarely frequent live
music bars that I go to, and I am not
interested in online dating sites.

Also I still have my four orientation theory,
where I think I am compatible only with
bisexual by nature women (women who have
significant and regular attraction to both
genders but who may be bisexual, straight,
lesbian, or celibate by lifestyle) who have
had a fair number of orgasms for their age
including some recently, not just years ago.
As was pointed out to me on this newsgroup
before (and possibly on soc.bi and alt.polyamory)
if I am the only example of such a fourth
orientation then it doesn't count as an
orientation but just as a fetish.

But the positive thing is that now, unlike
when I was 20--22 and had my only sexual
experiences (other than masturbation), I
have a strong sense of who I am attracted
to and thus am more likely to be compatible
with. But I still have a fear of rejection
and fear of impotence because of those
early experiences (where there was alcohol
triggered impotence and possible incompatibility
if my four orientation theory is correct).

For a while I also had some slight attraction
to men, but that wasn't the case when I was
growing up and hasn't been the case in recent
months, and isn't nearly as strong as my
attraction to some women, so I don't think
I am bisexual by nature myself. But as
has been pointed out to me on this newsgroup
before, bisexuality may be a continuum so
while someone who identifies as bisexual
might be 50% straight and 50% gay, I might
identify as straight (or fourth orientation,
which is a form of straight) but could be
90% straight and 10% gay. So I am not
sure how I would react if a woman partner
wanted a threesome with me and and another
man with possible interaction between the two
men. But for now I am just interested in
sex with bisexual women (or one).

Also I still have a faint hope that celebrity
Sarah McLachlan, who showed some signs of
interest in me when we were both in Vancouver
in 1995 and she wasn't married, will grab me
now that she is divorced. But this is a
faint hope and I am open to other women (though
perhaps the faint hope is enough to slow
my response to hints some and to prevent
me from dropping hints of my own).

--
David Dalton dal...@nfld.com http://www.nfld.com/~dalton (home page)
http://www.nfld.com/~dalton/nf.html Newfoundland&Labrador Travel & Music
http://www.nfld.com/~dalton/dtales.html Salmon on the Thorns (mystic page)
"Here I go again...back into the flame" (Sarah McLachlan)