Report: NYC Clubs. LONG (300 lines)

[an4...@anon.penet.fi]

Spent several days and several bucks in NYC over the last several
months and I'm posting some observations from memory.

All excursions were late night, eg, 10PM and later. Opinions are
mostly based on more than one visit. Mostly, I only did the basic
stuff: no champagne rooms; no special services. My manner in these
places tends toward the polite; not rude; no exorbitant displays of
lasciviousness on my part (I don't think so, anyway); etc.. This is
partly because I'm a nice guy :-) but also because I have some friends
who have done this sort of dancing and, from them, I know how hard it
can be, especially when customers behave like sleazebag jerks. (OK,
maybe I am one, but I don't behave like one.) One friend is presently
dancing at FD. It also means your mileage may vary.

See other posts for more specific details (addresses, hours, etc.) and
contradictory info. All but one of the following places has a cover
charge. All but the Harmony Theaters have a mandatory drink
requirement, eg, $5 minimum and a tip is expected everywhere (bar,
waitress, ...).

Here is a rating scale for the dancers physical appearance. The terms
kind of explain the extended 1-10 scale:

abominable atrocious hideous ugly tolerable fair
.. -5 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
attractive gorgeous incredibly-gorgeous
8 9 10 11 12 13 14 ...

Why would a rating list for dancers have values of -5 to 3? Read on.

I also wish to introduce another rating system and a New Analytical
Method for Determining Club Raunchiness. Experimental Procedure: Check
out the bathrooms! See examples below.

* Paradise Club (Para) - 50 W. 33rd, near Madison Sq. Garden
$10 cover. $2 *MANDATORY* coat check.
Main floor, I saw ~10 dancers. Mostly fair to attractive. One gorgeous.

One girl on one stage for ~15 minutes each; topless, but some showed
more. I was basically UNimpressed. TV monitors on the wall showed lame
videos of their dancers and the dungeon room. Also, there were what
appeared to be rather obvious video surveillance cameras around the
place. (Kind of makes me wonder about HIDDEN cameras in other clubs.)

Many here were very pushy and sometimes insulting. You know, the old,
"Would you like a dance?" "No thank you" followed by some sort of
insult or other comment.

In the first floor private dance room, you get a chaperoned hands off
nude dance for, I think it was, $20 (might have been $10). There is
also the chaperoned fully clothed touch dancing for $20 (might have
been $10). As if a meddlesome chaperone isn't distracting enough,
when it's over, the chaperone strongly suggests that you tip the
dancer again! Bottom line: not worth it.

There's a Dungeon Room downstairs and if they're advertising it with
the video clips on the monitors, they'd be better off showing No-Doz
commercials. Upstairs are the champagne rooms. Prices are on a little
menu on the tables. What are they? I don't remember, but basically:
too much (>>$135/half hour). From the manner of the pushy staff, I
suspected there would be lots of hidden charges. It wouldn't surprise
me if there was a charge to use the bathroom here.

Basically, this place won't be getting any more of my business. Too
expensive; too pushy. But maybe that gorgeous dancer will move to
another club ... :-)

* Legz Diamond - 54th near B'way; go up in the spooky elevator
Cover = $10 or $15, I forget
One main stage had 2 dancers at a time always going nude. About
another 4-6 on the floor drumming up business and I guess there were
several more doing business elsewhere. Most were fair to attractive.

The dancers were better than Paradise, putting more into their shows.
There was more stageside tipping and spreading, but no contact (see DC
below). They have the VIP or champagne room option and also the
interesting limousine option: go for a limo ride with the dancer of
your choice. Not for me, thanks. If I want a tour of the city, I'll
hop on the Circle Line.

Thinking about it, I saw NO table dancing in the public area. Touch
dances ($10, I think) and other (table? lap? I don't remember) dances
are in other rooms away from view.

* Flashdancers (FD) - B'way near 54th, downstairs.
Cover = $5
Main stage has three dancers; side stage has one dancer; the bar has
one dancer at each end, so there are always 6 dancers dancing ... and
we'll the skip the "maids a'milking" jokes, please. Overall, I'd guess
that there are at least 30 dancers/shift. Mostly attractive to
incredibly gorgeous. Nice personalities, too.

Everything here is TOPLESS ONLY.

There's an annoying DJ, too. Why don't the DJs just announce the
dancers' names and then shut up? If they want to do stand-up, why
don't they go to a comedy club? Oh! I just answered my own question:
these DJs are the comedy club REJECTS.

There are two champagne rooms but they are shared. If you go in there,
you are with 3 or 4 other couples. There is a minimum charge for an
hour that I think was champagne $125(??) plus tip for the dancer $100,
and then the mandatory tip for the host/hostess of $35(?) who seats
you (must be a union shop :-). The dancers I spoke to don't like to go
in there because they make more on the floor. They are more willing to
go there for a more substantial tip (eg, $300+/hour!!) and they
negotiate this before agreeing to go in there. Separate dancers told
me that they only get $80 of the $100 tip (which must be paid with
"funny money" and zilch from the champagne. I'd guess that they can
more than double that in a good hour on the floor.

Table dances are $10/song and, for the most part, little or no
contact: some soft touching, initiated by the dancer but no grinding,
groping kind of stuff. Some dancers put their breasts in your face,
but there is no fondling in the well lit, well patrolled (bouncers)
public area. If you go too far with a particular dancer, it seems
she'll kind of wiggle away and give you a friendly warning. I had
beautiful breasts, derrieres, and faces up close to my face but I
mostly kept my hands on the dancer's legs or hands.

This place features special appearances by mammoth breasted (50++ E++)
dancers. Hootermania, they call it; turn off, I call it. I don't like
those phony humongous jugs at all. There are shows at specific times
each day, but I didn't pay attention while I was there; I was occupied
with the house dancers.

Of all the places visited, this was the most polite with the least
raunch. But, it's also the place to which I am most likely to return.

* Private Eyes (PE) - 320 W. 45th near Eighth
The Flashdancers owners (Mafia?? :-)-</ [how do you draw a smiley with
a broken knee cap?] have five (or six?) clubs in Manhattan. This one
is kind of like a little sister to FD. $5 cover. Fewer and slightly
less attractive dancers than FD. 2 dancers on the main stage; one side
stage, sometimes with a dancer, sometimes w/o. It's darker here, so
maybe there's more raunch but not visible while I was there. Table
dancing at $10/song. Champagne room.

They feature visiting porn star dancers. During one stop a while back,
there was one (don't know who) who did a more substantial show,
including major customer contact at the stageside.

* Shenanigans (S) - 125 E. 47rd near Third
A very small baby sister to FD. One tiny stage with 2 dancers.
Comparing the shifts I saw, the S dancers were prettier than the PE
dancers. Well, that sample may be good enough for Gallop/CBS
/Time/Newsweek but not for the readers of this group, so you'll have
to do your own comparisons. $5 cover. Table dances, $10. Champagne
room.

* Dangerous Curves (DC) - next to Shenanigans on E. 47th near Third
$5 cover.
~10 dancers in view; ?? in the champagne room. Most range from
tolerable to attractive, tending toward the lower end. There was a lot
of waitress traffic in/out of the back room, so I guess several more
dancers were having lots of champagne.

This is a totally nude, kind of raunchy club. One dancer on a raised
center stage, ca. 2ft x 6ft with no rail. They go totally nude and
make lots of contact with those at the stage, especially if they tip.
Dancers put their legs on guys shoulders, head between her thighs,
face/breast sandwiching, etc. The stage is hardly a stage. You can arm
wrestle the guy sitting on the opposite side. It probably satisfies
some legal requirement that to be rated entertainment, the stage must
be larger than a milk crate.

The other dancers are sitting around or busy giving totally naked,
groin grinding lap dances that looked very good. $10/song. I saw a
little polite groping in the public area.

* NY Dolls - Murray St near Church
Either there was no cover or they let me in for free; mandatory drink
Dancers: 20-30, mostly attractive.

One dancer on the main stage and two on a side stage opposite the bar
for 15? minute sets. Topless only. Table dances @$10 were more
aggressive than at FD, but not full lap dances. A few of the dancers,
had tattoos, occasionally piercings and a more punk look; they were
still pretty, though.

::::: SHORT SUMMARY:::::
I'd rank the above clubs this way:
FD > Dolls > Shenanigans = DC = Legz > Paradise > PEyes
Touch, lap and nude dancing at Para, Legz, and DC set them apart, and
I do have a preference for the more relaxed stuff. For fairness, split
that list into two:
FD > Dolls > Shenan > PEyes
DCurves = Legz > Paradise

I didn't go to the Runway 69 Club, formerly Metropolis, which might
also be owned by FD guys. I think it's a $12 cover and nude within.

* Harmony Theater - Church St. (Downtown)
$12 cover. No drinks; no bar; no toilet paper or paper towels in the
bathroom; no doorknob on the bathroom door; no clean air in the
bathroom; etc.

One dancer on the upstairs stage and one dancer on the downstairs
stage. Most of the dancers were less than enthusiastic while on stage
and just sort of stood, sat or lay down on the stage. I guess they
don't want the show to distract from the entertainment :-) There is
some contact at the stage for tippers.

Around 20 dancers circulating ranging from ugly to attractive, tending
toward the lower end of the scale ... but business was brisk. Lap
dances are $10 and seem to last a longer than usual amount of time.

You enter the dark theater and there are a bunch of armchairs and
broken theater chairs around the stage. There is definitely major
groping and fondling here. One older gent had a girl on his lap, face
to face and she was stroking him (pants closed); the guy was in
rapture!, tongue out, eyes closed, glasses askew, sweating, labored
breathing ... maybe he's not happy at home, but he was at least having
some moments of pleasure here.

Downstairs, there is a dark alleyway with chairs and this would appear
to be where more serious action takes place. Although I didn't see
anything definite, the customers appeared pleased.

* Harmony Theater - 22nd near 6th (Uptown)
$12 cover. No drinks; no bar; no toilet paper or paper towels in the
bathroom; no doorknob problem here 'cause there's no door on the
bathroom; no clean air in the bathroom; etc.

If you don't BYOB, there's a canned soda vending machine.

Around 10-15 dancers ranging from abominable to tolerable with some
borderline fair. Yes, some real -5's. But even the most abominable
dancer was still doing lap dancing for some guy who must have known
her talents. $10/lap dance and they seem to last longer than a song.

The dancers don't do much on stage, some just sitting there or lying
there. Even moreso than at H downtown, they don't want the show to
distract from the entertainment.

I guess you can correlate the -5's, 'cause this is where there was the
most action, if you know what I mean. It is really kind of obvious
and, once they begin a lap dance, SOME of the dancers become helpfully
suggestive.

Harmony Uptown (for those wondering which H is which, here's a
mnemonic: H Uptown = H U. H U = H Ultimate) is actually the first
place where I had to use the bathroom and was immediately inspired to
(1) hold it in (2) come up with the Raunch Analysis via the Bathroom
Condom Index Method.

On my visit to the Harmony DOWNtown bathroom, I saw a few condom
wrappers scattered about and a few beached whitefish. OK, so maybe a
few guys wanted to protect themselves from staining their shorts (as
some have suggested to this group before).

But, back at the Harmony UPtown, the bathroom looked like the quality
control room at the Trojans factory. Dead whitefish everywhere. If you
want to come, HUp is where you should come.

Bathroom Condom Indicator Readings, (normalized to HUp = 100)
Harmony Uptown - 100
Harmony Downtown - 30
FD - 0
PE -no data
S - no data
DC - no data
NY Dolls - no data
Legz - no data
Paradise - no data

I hope you other pollsters and pullsters will contribute more data to
the index.

| Para Legz FD PE S DC Dolls Hup Hdown
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