Lando peered coldly through a thickening cloud of Tibanna gas
pipe smoke. He threw his multi-colored sabacc cards to the floor
with a grunt of disgust.
"You slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler."
Han grinned broadly. "You stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking
"Cum-burping, butt-smuggling, two-bit Corellian jizz-wailer."
Han dropped his cards and cracked his knuckles. "Come on,
Lando. I don't want to have to sick Chewie on you. Let's see some
Lando slowly stood up from the table, wearing only a tight g-string
made of Calamarian leather. The rest of his clothes lay in
a small pile on the floor. Also seated at the circular table were
Chewbacca, Boba Fett, and IG-88, all in various states of undress.
Han was the only one still fully-clothed. They were playing on an
open balcony adjacent to Lando's suite, offering a magnificent view
of the Cloud City Skyline at sunset.
Lando awkwardly peeled off the g-string, allowing his sizable
penis to flip free and dangle in the Bespin breeze. His scrotum
had shrunk to the size of a walnut. Han leaned back in his chair,
stuffing his winnings into his pockets.
He smirked. "Look at you. Titty hard-ons, nuts sucked in
tighter than your stomach. You look like a first-timer. Who'd
have thought that, huh? Are you afraid your mom's gonna walk in?"
"It's that goddamn Wookiee. He keeps sniffing my ass."
Chewbacca flexed his shoulder muscles and grunted. "Rrrrggg
rowwrr, rreearrrr, raaahhhrr." (On Kashyyyk, one born so poorly
hung would be left to die on the Great Mountain of Moopsac.)
Lando glared at Chewie. "What the fuck is he saying?"
Han shrugged. "Beats the shit outta me."
"He's your pet, isn't he? I thought you understood his
"Language? He's just a big grunting animal. I doubt he's
thinking cosmic thoughts. What would we talk about, anyway?"
"Rrrghh raaaruu roooghgg rarahh." (I could have a more
stimulating conversation with a mild case of Brigian crabs.)
Boba Fett, wearing only his helmet, broke in. "If he's so
dumb, how come he can pilot your ship and fix it quicker than you
Han lit the bud on the gas pipe and inhaled. His voice took
on a high pitch as he held the gas in his lungs. "Typical
Skinnerian reward/punishment training." He exhaled slowly. "How
did you think? Documentaries?"
"Raaa rourreh ree rahh." (Sure, fucknuts. He taught me.
Shit, I'm only 165 years older than anybody else at this table.)
Han stood up. "Okay, Lando, enough stalling. You know the
rules. You lost your dignity fair and square. It's time to pay
Lando's penis retracted an inch as he shuddered. "Can't I pay
you guys in credits this time?"
IG-88 stood up with a mechanical whir. A staccato,
synthesized southern drawl emanated from his vocoder. "Calrissian,
I didn't come all the goddamn way to the asshole of space just to
whack over a tech manual. My joint is almost frozen. I ain't
takin' off 'til I get it off, so spread 'em, ya fuckin' asshole."
Lando reluctantly switched off the sabacc field and lay down
on his stomach, draping himself over the table. "Fuckin' bounty
hunters. I told you we didn't need this scum, Solo. Don't you
give a rat's ass about me anymore?"
Han unzipped his pants and began massaging his penis, making
it erect. "Fuck you, if I'd lost, you'd be able to fly the Falcon
through your shit-eating grin."
"Come on, you old pirate. Double or nothing?"
"Double what? Have you grown another asshole recently?"
Chewie parted the fur on his groin, and his furry black organ
slowly emerged, like some kind of mutant digworm testing the air.
Lando spied it and his eyes widened in horror.
"Holy fuck," he whispered, his teeth chattering. "That's no
dick. It's a space station."
"Better let him be, it's not wise to upset a wookiee with
wood." Han was now at half-mast.
"Fuck you, Han. Nobody worries about upsetting a Tibanna gas
mine administrator who's down on his luck."
"That's 'cos Tibanna gas mine administrators don't have two-
foot cocks that could blast a hole in a shield door."
Lando began sweating in terror. "I've got a bad feeling about
Boba Fett hissed sharply. "What if Calrissian doesn't
survive? He's no good to me dead. Well...not much good, anyway."
Han bit his lip, his face reddening. "You can go before
Chewie, okay? If he dies before your turn, then check in at a jump
joint. Either that or make sure you can set the shower on Slave 1
to 'cold', 'cos I'm sure as shit not touchin' your greasy ass."
Lando, his eyes still locked on Chewie's member, was barely
able to form words. "This deal's getting worse all the time."
Chewie chortled. "Rrrr rgaarghh reurrrarh roowarrhh." (If
Mallatobuck could see me now she'd shit. A human rectum has all
the resistance of wet tissue paper. Christ knows what I'll catch
from this faggot. Oh, how I long for the mighty, fur-lined cunts
IG-88 sprayed oil on his gleaming penile attachment. "We need
a battin' order, boys. If the dog goes last, who's on first?"
Han grabbed Lando's buttocks and pulled them apart, surveying
his quivering anus. "I am." He spit on his fingers and lubricated
Lando groaned. "Come on, Solo. Gimme a break. What about my
little maneuver at the Battle of Tanaab? Isn't that worth a
"Have you forgotten about your 'little manuever' at the Orgy
of Mytus VII?"
Lando rolled his eyes. "That was a long time ago, I'm sure
everybody's forgotten about that by now."
Fett piped up. "Mytus VII? There's no such planet."
Han stuck his finger into Lando's ass, loosening it up. "They
changed the name to Mytus VIII after the Orgy. Too much bad
Lando squirmed at the sensation of Solo's cold index finger.
"I was...just following orders."
"Rrrahhh rowrr rrerahhr reeereghar." (At least Kamarrian
Howlrunners have a little fight to them. All these humans do is
talk, talk, talk.)
Han positioned his cock squarely, aiming it. "Cheer up,
Lando. You should be honored makin' it with a scoundrel like me.
I've got the death penalty for statutory rape in twelve systems."
Suddenly, a familiar low-pitched voice burst onto the balcony.
"Sure, Captain Solo. Maybe a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far
away." Darth Vader, followed by a retinue of stormtroopers, slid
the balcony door open and stepped through, his black cape billowing
Han spun quickly and drew his blaster, already firing. The
bolts ricocheted harmlessly off Vader's outstretched hand, and Han
felt an invisible force rip the gun from his grasp and pull it
across the room into Vader's palm. Then another invisible force
yanked his zipper up sharply, catching his erect cock. Han
screamed and fell to his knees, clutching himself.
Lando sprang off the table, rubbing his ass. He smiled
broadly and mussed Han's hair, laughing. "I had no choice. They
arrived right before you did. Sorry, man. Whew!" He shook his
head and began putting his clothes back on.
Vader handed Han's blaster to one of his stormtroopers and
began collecting the credits on the sabacc table into a pocket on
his cape. "I'm afraid you boys are gonna have to come with me. We
understand that certain illicit substances are being distributed
from this station." Vader picked up the Tibanna gas pipe and
examined it. "How interesting. Some kind of musical instrument?"
Lando shook his head innocently. "Solo brought that with him,
Lord Vader. I was just about to report him to the authorities."
Han hissed through clenched teeth, still cradling his wounded
prick. "Yeah, you're a real fuckin' hero."
Chewie leaned against the balcony railing and shook his head.
"Rrrrarhhrrhh rauuurhhh roooorrgharh rrrr." (This asshole Solo
certainly has a way with people. What a fuckin' mess. But this
tall black one shows a little promise. Hmm...) He eyed Vader's
stout, 7 foot frame admiringly.
Lando slapped his hands together, smiling. "So, who here's in
the mood for a little Chinese?"
A thick blast of steam filled the dimly-lit carbon freezing
chamber. Vader waved the steam out of his face, sucking the last
dregs of his wonton soup through a straw. He belched
appreciatively. "My compliments to your Chinese cooks, Calrissian.
Have them brought to my ship. They're gonna take a little star
trek with me for a while."
Lando stepped forward indignantly, chewing. He dropped his
fortune to the floor, unread. "Hey, man, you said the cooks would
be left in the city under my supervision!"
"Perhaps you think you're being treated unfairly?"
Lando rolled his eyes. "Oh, no, you're treating me like a
king. I offer you free food, you kidnap my cooks. I'm so happy!"
"Quit bitching. If not for me, you'd have that wookiee's
schwanz halfway up your lower G.I. right now."
"I could've dealt with that. But I like Chinese!"
Chewie, surrounded by an armed guard of several stormtroopers,
barked out a laugh. "Rarrharh rheeahr!" (Sure, Calrissian, you
could have dealt. And we're all gonna picnic on Alderaan next week
with the Imperial Senate.)
Han, his hands bound behind his back, was led onto the carbon
freezing platform. "Laugh it up, fuzzball. You're too dumb to
realize that I'll be probably be hanging in Jabba's sculpture
garden in a couple of days."
"Roowarrh raahahrhrr reeerrarroww." (You're breakin' my
fuckin' heart. Maybe I'll drop by every few years and hose the
pigeon shit off you.)
Boba Fett nudged Vader gently. "What if he doesn't
Vader brushed his hand away. "Then he'll be dead. And two
plus two is four. Anything else need clearing up?"
Suddenly, Luke Skywalker burst into the chamber, tightly
gripping a somewhat poorly-constructed lightsaber. "Alright, what
the fuck's taking so long?"
Leia scampered in after him, wearing only a silver bra and
panties. She began tugging on Luke's arm. "Come on, Luke. You're
not done with your training yet."
Luke jerked his arm away roughly. "Hey, Vader, what's the
story? Why wasn't I invited to this little party?"
Vader approached Luke and patted his groin gently. "The Force
is with you, young Skywalker, but you're not a Jedi yet. Now get
back to our cabin and wait for me."
Han, noticing Luke, piped up. "Hokey religions and ancient
weapons are no match for a good Corellian cock in your mouth, kid.
I expected more from you." Luke, noticing Han for the first time,
pushed Vader aside and approached.
"Han, old buddy."
"How are you doin, kid?"
"Same as always."
"That bad, huh?"
Han looked over Luke's saber. "Make that yourself?"
"I thought so. Back on that dustball you told me you gave up
all this space samurai jive. 'Happy Forceshit' you used to call
it, remember? Why the change of heart?"
"Well," Luke shrugged, motioning to Vader. "I gotta earn my
keep somehow. It makes the old man happy, so I go along with it."
Han eyed Leia appreciatively. "Who's your new prick cozy?"
Luke grinned. "Princess Leia Organa, last of the Alderaanian
cock-squashers. The same chick we saw in that message."
"No shit? Damn, kid, you really turned her around."
Leia approached, adjusting her bra over her abnormally large
breasts. She pinched Luke's ass. "Who's your friend?"
"Gambler, con artist, scoundrel, you'll like him. Leia, meet
Han leaned forward and kissed Leia's hand. "Must admit, Your
Highness, your wood factor has gone up a lot since that
Luke ran his hand through Leia's lustrous, long hair. "Well,
her hair's different, for one thing. And these," Luke grabbed one
of Leia's breasts, squeezing it, "are brand new. The latest T-38's
from Silica IV."
Leia gently pulled Luke's hand away. "Careful, honey, they're
still kinda sensitive."
Han's gaze caressed Leia's bosom. "Well, Your Highness, I
guess this is it. Too bad."
"That's right." Leia began pulling Luke away from the
"What's going on?" Luke glared at Leia, miffed.
"What are you, blind? He's being put into carbon freeze."
"What? That's bullshit!"
"Hey, he chose his own path. Nobody chose it for him."
"He's my friend, bitch, you don't even know him!"
"Alderaanian women can tell about people. And careful who you
Vader coughed, interrupting. "I hate to break this up, but
I'd rather not be here forever. Mr. Freeze?"
"He'd better survive this," Fett grumbled.
One of the stormtroopers moved to the carbon freezing control
panel. Luke immediately ignited his lightsaber. Its sickly yellow
beam sputtered and flashed. He brought it down on the trooper's
head, splitting it in half. Sizzling hot blood sprayed Luke's
face, and the trooper flopped to the floor like a rag doll.
The other stormtroopers were already taking their aim when
Vader shouted, "Wait, hold your fire! He's just a little angry,
let him work it out."
Luke advanced on one of the other troopers, who pointed his
blaster at him shakily. "Uh, Lord Vader?" the trooper asked
"What is it?"
"How about I just stun him?"
"No, don't interfere."
"Just follow orders, shitbird."
"Oh, fuc..." The troopers last words were cut short by Luke's
saber, which sliced through his helmet into his neck. Luke
wrenched the saber free, leaving the trooper's helmeted head
dangling from his neck by a slender ribbon of flesh. The trooper
began running around wildly, until he smashed against a wall and
slumped in a twitching heap, spouting blood from his neck like a
Vader smiled. "Do you feel the Force, my boy?"
Luke grinned hellishly, his face red, as he dismembered the
rest of the passive and sheepish-looking stormtrooper squad.
"Yeah, this is fun! I feel the Force for the first time in my
life! It's like having the biggest hard-on in the universe!"
"You've learned much, young one." Vader nudged Lando and
motioned to Luke. "I taught him everything, you know."
Chewie shook his head as he observed the steadily growing pile
of bodies. "Reearaghhr." (The last cup of Ruurian decaf I had was
stronger than all these cheesedicks put together.)
When the last of the troopers was dead, Luke preened happily,
nearly slipping in their viscera. He beamed at Vader.
"I want more guys! Send for more guys!"
"Game's over now, my son. Sorry, but we've gotta freeze your
friend. Leia, will you..."
Leia nodded and karate-chopped Luke lightly on the back of the
neck. He fell immediately.
Luke awoke to find himself held fast by IG-88. He struggled
uselessly. 88 laughed.
"Give it up, farm boy. You struggle like a bitch-pup on a
paper leash. Hey Vader, looks like you done hooked yourself a sow
instead of a boar."
"Shut up, 88," Vader hissed.
Luke looked around. They were all still in the carbon
freezing facility. "How long have I been out?"
Vader glanced at his watch. "Two hours."
"Two hours? What were you all doing?"
"Why is this metal prick groping me?"
"You've gotta learn discipline."
Han was sitting cross-legged on the freezing platform. "I'm
still here, kid. We couldn't have you sleeping through the big
dramatic scene, and the Dark Lord over there wouldn't wake you up.
Tell that chick to pull her punch next time." Solo got up,
groaning slightly at his stiff joints.
"I've been lifting, okay?" Leia snorted, cleaning her nails.
"Suck my left."
"Love to, your Highnessness. Hope the milk isn't as sour as
"Is that all you do? Talk?"
"Sorry, your Worship," Han grinned. "Haven't got time for
Chewie suddenly roared in frustration. "Rarearrhgharh!" (For
Christ's sake, freeze the sonofabitch and let's get on with our
"Here, here." Vader motioned to Leia, who pressed a button on
the freezing control. Han was slowly lowered into the freezing
pit. Luke struggled uselessly against 88. He looked deeply into
"I love you." A tear streamed down his face.
Han looked back at Luke, sadly shaking his head. "It was just
sex, kid. There'll be another time. The Princess. You've got
to...take care of her, you know? Show her who's the boss. Don't
let her geld you. Every man has a lightsaber. Doesn't matter how
big it is. It's how he uses it."
Leia laughed, rolling her eyes. "Okay, thanks for that
Kaiburr Crystal of wisdom. Sometimes I wish I wasn't the only
skirt in this saga."
"Join the club," Han grumbled. "Wonderful girl, Luke. Either
I'm gonna fuck her or I'm beginning to like her.
The platform hit the bottom, and a jet of steam filled the
pit. Han's eyes opened wide. "Hey, kid, this isn't so bad! You
should try..." His words were cut short as the carbonite poured in.
Luke spoke bitterly as 88 released him. "Oh, man. There goes
A huge mechanical claw lifted the block of carbonite out of
the pit and set it upright. A couple of Ugnaughts scurried in and
tipped the block over. It landed with a huge thud.
A few parts of Han's body were protruding from the carbonite,
completely uncovered, including his mouth and groin. He coughed
out a few fragments of carbonite, clearing his throat.
"What the fuck? I have a feeling something went wrong."
Vader rubbed his helmet, frustrated. "Calrissian, what's the
Lando threw his hands up, indignant. "I told you we don't
usually use this for freezing people. We can do it again, if you
"No, no, no, never mind. It's embarrassing enough as it is."
He glanced at Boba Fett. "Do you mind?"
"As long as he survives..."
"I'm glad you're so concerned with everyone's survival."
Vader began pointing at everyone in the room. "Well look, he
survived, I survived, you survived..."
"Hey, it's money, you know?"
"We oughta form a band, call ourselves 'The Survivors.'"
Han whined from inside the carbonite. "Come on, this sucks,
let me out!"
Luke yelled at Vader. "Let him out. He's my friend."
Vader chuckled. "Oh, I don't know if he'd survive that. What
do you think, Boba?"
"Fuck me?!" Vader blanched in mock horror. "Oooh, how can I
survive such abuse!"
Fett flicked Vader off and left in a huff, shouting. "Just
leave Solo there, I'll come back for him. Prick."
Luke approached Vader, an intense look on his face. He
gripped his makeshift saber tightly. "Alright, Sugar Daddy. Let
my friend out, or we're gonna have a problem."
Vader shoved him back roughly. "What are you gonna do, fuck
me to death?" Vader motioned to Luke, and Luke's zipper
immediately went down. His prick was pulled out of his pants by an
Luke shook his head. "You're not gonna get me with that
again. I've got you wrapped around my little finger, Darth. If I
withhold sex for a day I can have you squirming on the floor eating
my shit like a starving gravel-maggot."
Leia called out to Luke in a stern tone. "Come on, Luke, do
what he says."
"Bullshit, Leia. You didn't see us alone in the South
Passage. He expressed his true feelings for me. You've never
heard such sappy horseshit in your life. He'd die without me."
Luke snapped on his lightsaber and brandished it before him.
Vader reluctantly pulled out his saber and switched it on.
Its powerful red beam made Luke's look pitiful in comparison. He
laughed. "You've learned much, young one, but you've still got a
long way to go. Look at your saber, for Christ's sake. It bends
the wrong way. You don't want to fight me."
Luke smiled. "You'll find I'm full of..."
Without warning, Vader spun Luke's saber out of his hand, and
brought his own saber down on Luke's penis, severing it completely.
Luke screamed and fell to the floor, clutching his groin. Vader
circled him triumphantly, leaning over and taunting him.
"Full of what? What were you gonna say? Formex? Boiled
chak-root, maybe? Fresh bacta? What exactly are you full of?"
Vader switched off his saber and clipped it to his belt, then
kicked Luke's penis over to him. "You don't want to leave this
lying around, you know, someone might trip."
Chewie cringed. "Raeeggarrh roooeeer rawwar." (Never thought
I'd feel sorry for a human, but that's gotta smart. Damn.)
Leia shook her head. "Goddamnit. I told him. Dumb fuck."
Vader kneeled down in front of Luke. "You are beaten. It is
useless to resist. Don't make me destroy you."
Luke hissed through his teeth. "Oh, no, I wouldn't want you
to do anything drastic! You fucker!" He rolled on the floor in
"I know you're pissed now, but it was for your own good.
Someday you'll understand..."
"Understand?! When?! When it grows back?!"
"Oh, stop whining. Hey, Obi-Wan never told you what happened
to your father, did he?"
"He told me enough! He told me you killed him, which was
bullshit, of course. Actually he got gang-fucked to death by a
"No...I am your father."
Luke looked up at him. "Oh, great. It's bad enough I was
fucking my own sister. This makes Oedipus Rex look like 'My Three
"What?!" Leia yelled from the back of the room. "What was
that about a sister?"
"Leia, you're my sister. Vader's our Dad."
"Sure. And Lando's our mom, I guess. That makes these
Ugnaughts our half-brothers."
Lando began backing away. "This is too weird for me. Fuck
this, I'm Audi 5000." Lando ran from the room, followed by the
jabbering group of Ugnaughts.
IG-88 walked stiffly toward the exit, following them out.
"Y'all have a lot of catchin' up to do. Adios."
Han piped up from inside the carbonite. "Is anybody here
related to me? I'd like to know now, before I fuck anyone else."
Leia sat down on Han, scratching her breasts. "Don't worry,
you're safe. Jesus, this is twisted."
"Looks like father and son have a lot to work out over there."
"Hey Princess. Seein' as how we're not related, and this
might be my last chance for a while...How'd you like a hearty
breakfast of Corellian sausage with gravy?"
Leia examined Han's penis, which dangled free of the carbonite
block. She tickled it with her finger, weighing her options. "I
"Well Luke's out of commission for a while. And Vader's
your...well, you'd be swallowing what could have been another
brother or sister, you know."
Han's penis began filling with blood. Leia shrugged. "What
the hell." She began flicking at it lightly with her tongue,
letting it grow upward to meet her lips. Han groaned.
"You're one of those chicks with a thing for pirates, aren't
Leia licked her lips, tasting Han's pre-ejaculate. "I happen
to like nice men."
"I'm nice men."
"We'll see." Han's cock was fully erect now, and she took it
languidly into her mouth, covering most of its length. She twisted
her head from side to side, biting down slightly and gently washing
it with her tongue.
"Oh, baby. It's kinda nice bein' frozen. Oh, yeah..." He
gritted his teeth at the sensations.
Leia's head bobbed up and down rhythmically over his cock.
With her hand she played with his balls, which were soft and
pliable from the heat. Slowly, she lifted her mouth away from him
and began working his cock with her hand. She slid down with her
tongue and began sucking Solo's testicles. She went from one to
the other, letting each pop into her mouth from the suction.
Meanwhile, Vader was running his hand through Luke's hair,
trying to console him.
"Luke, you can destroy the Emperor. He has foreseen this."
"I wish he'd warned me about this part."
"It is your destiny."
"Oh, fuck off." Luke began dragging himself away from Vader,
leaving an enormous trail of blood. "Everybody's always tellin' me
about my destiny. 'Be a farmer, Luke,' 'Be a Jedi, Luke,' 'Be a
pirate, Luke.' 'Stay on Tatooine,' 'Go to Dagobah', 'Go to Hell.'
'Suck dick,' 'Eat pussy.' I'm sick of all you twisted old
motherfuckers telling me what to do. I'm gonna choose my destiny!"
"And exactly what are you gonna choose?"
"I don't know yet! Everything looks pretty shitty so far.
But when I find something..."
"Sure, keep dreaming. Your old man's as good as you'll get,
boy." Vader picked Luke's penis up off the floor and put it in his
belt. He stood up and straightened his robe. "I'll be back on my
ship waiting for you. But don't take too long." He left.
Leia was tracing the veins on Han's cock with her tongue,
marveling at his staying power. "You're not too shabby, Corellian.
Luke never lasted more than 30 seconds in my mouth."
"The kid's got a lot to learn."
Leia looked up at Chewie, who was watching dispassionately
while checking himself for parasites. "Who's the walking carpet
"That's Chewbacca, my co-pilot."
"Why doesn't he join us?"
"I don't know, sister, he's a little big."
"You forget, I'm Alderaanian." She motioned to Chewie. "Here
boy, come on, here boy! Mama's got something nice for you."
Chewie laughed. "Reeauurhgahh raaahh." (No respect for her
elders. Aw, what the fuck. I'll give this chesty one something to
regret in the morning.) He walked casually over. Leia was huddled
over Han's groin, her ass in the air. Chewie hooked one curled
claw under the strap of her bikini briefs and ripped them off. He
surveyed her vagina, spreading it with his thumbs.
"Roooarrhh raagarr reeeoouurarrh." ('It is easier for a
Rancor to pass through the eye of a needle...')
"Come on, Chewie," Han urged. "Get in there, you big furry
oaf. I don't care what you smell."
Chewie lubricated his cock as best he could and inserted it,
half-erect, into Leia's cunt. She gasped at the sensation.
"Jeeezus Christ! How much of you is there?"
"Reearrreeuhhgh rawarr." (You don't want to know, honey.)
Chewie began pumping his hips rhythmically, driving himself
into Leia as far as he could go. Half of his cock was still
outside her as it continued its merciless expansion. He leaned
forward and bit Leia on the shoulder viciously. She let out a
muffled cry of pain, climaxing at the same time, and momentarily
forgetting about Han's cock, which was still pressed
enthusiastically against her uvula. Blood began to stream from the
wound in her shoulder.
Chewie withdrew his fangs and settled into an easygoing
stroke, starting to enjoy the sensations of Leia's vagina (which
was of course remarkably small by wookiee standards.) Leia panted
and moaned desperately, sweat flying from her and spattering Han's
"Hey, Chewie, what the hell's going on back there?" Han's
mouth turned down at the edges, frowning.
"Reearrahrhra rooooaaruaur reeeaaarrhghh." (I could develop
a taste for this. Forgive me, Malla.) He continued stroking, the
tension steadily mounting. Leia's eyes fluttered as she teetered
on the brink of unconsciousness.
"Oh God, Oh God, Oh God..."
From the other side of the chamber, Luke watched bitterly,
still using both hands to staunch the bleeding from his groin.
"Boy, I hope you're all having fun over there. Never mind Luke who
just got his dick cut off and carried into space by his own father.
Just let him watch his only sister get fucked by a dog, no problem.
He doesn't mind."
Leia screamed out, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Her panting breaths
began to assume an almost musical tone. She was sure Chewie's
prick would certainly tear her in half.
Chewie began emitting a strange, low pitched growl.
"Please let that sound mean he's about to come." Han's cock
flopped against her cheek as she was jerked back and forth.
"Bingo, your Highness." Han said. "It won't be too much
With a spasm that seemed to shake the entire floor, Chewie
climaxed, expelling a thick load of semen into Leia. He roared
mightily as it overflowed her cunt, squeezing out past his cock and
splashing onto the floor.
Leia exhaled, exhausted. "I'm glad he's not multi-orgasmic.
I can practically taste it. Remind me never to do this again."
She began kissing Han's cock gratefully. "Thank God for the
average. Now let's get him out of me so I can clean up."
Han chuckled. "'Fraid not, your Worship."
"Well, you see, a wookiee's penis expands inside the vagina
during intercourse. Barring an episiotomy, there's no way we can
get him out of you for at least the next 8 hours."
"You're kidding, right?"
Leia rubbed her forehead, exhausted. "My mother warned me
there'd be days like this."
Luke glared at the three of them, muttering under his breath.
"Fuck you all."
In the Cloud City medical center, Two-One-Bee was putting the
finishing touches on Luke's new penis. Under remote control, it
hardened and softened at intervals of 30 seconds.
Luke yawned. "Is it done yet?"
"Just a moment, sir." Two-One-Bee began poking the penis with
a sharp-edged prod. Luke winced.
"Ow! What the fuck is that for?"
"I don't know." Two-One-Bee withdrew the prod.
Luke got up from his bed and walked around the room, gently
stroking his new organ. "Well, I'd like to test this thing out.
How 'bout it, sis?"
Leia lay on her stomach in the bed next to his, her ass
heavily bandaged. She frowned at him. "Very funny, Luke. This
droid says I won't be able to piss without his help for a couple
more weeks. Fuckin' wookiee."
"I guess now you appreciate me a little more."
"Don't jump to conclusions. Solo is better than you are."
"That reminds me. You'll have to do without him for a while.
I gave him to Boba Fett. They oughta be half-way to Tatooine by
Leia suddenly looked confused. "Wait a second. We blew up
Tatooine with the Death Star, remember? Along with Akrit'tar,
Ammuud, Dellalt, Orron III..."
"I meant Dantooine. Jabba the Hutt has a summer place there.
I'm sure he wasn't on Tatooine when it blew."
"So you gave up your best friend just to spite me?"
"Yep. I don't give a shit. I'll make lots of friends with my
"You're becoming quite a mercenary. Do you actually care
about anything, or anybody?"
"Apart from me?"
"That's what I figured." Leia spat in disgust and picked up
Luke tapped Two-One-Bee on the shoulder. "So how long can I
last during sex with this thing?"
"However long you want to, sir."
"And I can make it as big as I want?"
"The synthetic skin is tested up to 15 inches."
Luke laughed. "You better get used to this hospital, Leia.
Shit, I'll have half the city in here with sore asses in a week."
"Yeah, right," Leia grumbled. "Our dad might have something
to say about that."
"Oh, fuck our Dad. He can jerk off up there 'til his orbit
decays. What did he ever do for us? He can't stop me. With my
new prick I'm gonna learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi.
Then nobody can fuck with me. I'll show 'em. I'll show the whole
fuckin' galaxy. They won't soon forget the name Skywalker."
Luke pulled on a pair of pants. "Hey, droid, where's the
elementary school in this city? Might as well start with the
little ones first. Everybody'll know who their real Daddy is soon.
Big Daddy Luke."
"I think you should rest for a bit longer, sir. How do you
Luke gripped his new prick tightly, caressing its flank.
"Young, baby." He grinned malevolently as he strode out of the
medical center. "I feel young!"