FAQ; alt.sex.hello-kitty

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May 9, 2004, 3:40:31 AM5/9/04
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This posting's special guest newsfroup: alt.politics.jaffo


-------------------------------------------------

ALT.SEX.HELLO-KITTY FAQ
version 4.2.5.1 (last revised February 10, 1999)

Posted to alt.sex.hello-kitty about once or twice a month

Hi fellow friends of the Great Cute Mouthless One!

/^\_(>o<)
| |
| O . O |
\_______/


Comments, additions, and corrections welcome; please post them here.

tp...@io.com.fnord
(remove '.fnord' if you want your email to actually reach me)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
NOTICE: THIS FAQ CONTAINS EXPLICIT DISCUSSION OF SANRIO CHARACTERS!
-- you have been warned --
-------------------------------------------------------
Topics Dealt With:

1) What is alt.sex.hello-kitty?
2) Who or what is Hello Kitty?
3) Does Hello Kitty have a mouth?
4) What are some of Hello Kitty's sexual powers?
5) Who are some of Hello Kitty's sexual partners?
6) What are some of Hello Kitty's nicknames?
7) Are there really Hello Kitty condoms?
8) Can Hello Kitty really improve my sexlife?
9) Is it true that some people worship Hello Kitty?
10) Hey! I can't get alt.sex.hello-kitty! What's up?
11) What's with all these non-Hello Kitty related posts?
12) Who is this Froggy d00d?
13) Why doesn't froggy post the ASH-K FAQ anymore?
14) So who is this TPFH dOOd anyway?
15) Are the spammers agents of the EV1L Goodbye Kitty?
16) Has Sara M been possessed by the EV1L Goodbye Kitty?
17) Has Hello Kitty ever killed Kenny?
11) Is Kibo really Hello Kitty?
19) If they're mouthless, how can they scream?
20) Is Hello Kitty a Gothic Crack-Whore?
21) Alright already, what IS alt.sex.hello-kitty, anyway?

-------------------------------------------------------
ALT.SEX.HELLO-KITTY FAQ

1) What is alt.sex.hello-kitty?

Um. A Usenet newsgroup. Called "alt.sex.hello-kitty". Where
Hello Kitty is talked about. And other stuff. Er...

"M.P." <hec...@vip.best.com.fnord> says:

" news: alt.sex.hello-kitty
I've no idea what this group is or about but, yous guys is
funny. Especially Carlos May. Thanks... MORE!"

(Carlos May says: "Well, thank YOU. But hey, anyone who can be even
funnier than me here on alt.sex.hello-kitty is welcome to do so!")

As to what this group is about... um...

Well, according to tp...@io.com.fnord (The Philosopher from Hell):
"This group is for discussion of the Extra-terrestrial (or to some a
Goddess) demi-fiction cat-being Hello Kitty, whose image you can find
on many very cute japanese toys. You will also hear her refered to as
"The Great Mouthless One." She is the savior of all mankind, and without
the help of Her sevant Richard Nixon, we will be doomed to at least
the next 4 years with Clinton or Dole (who are agents of the EV1L
Goodbye Kitty (who looks just like HK, but with a Mouth))."

Uh, yeah. I mean, no. I mean, sort of.

Actually, it's easier to answer some of the other questions
first, before this one...

2) Who or what is Hello Kitty?

Hello Kitty is the macrocephalic plush kitten deity of the Sanrio
pantheon. She is discussed in non-sexual contexts over on
alt.fan.hello-kitty *. There is no general agreement as to
exactly who or what Hello Kitty is, although everyone agrees
she's cuter than hell. Some have speculated she is an
extraterrestrial from an ancient mouthless race on a more
advanced and much cuter planet. To others she is a sex goddess, an
eternal virgin, a modern marketing fad, an ancient oriental
icon, an innocent kitten, the Whore of Babylon, a wise prophet, a
newborn babe, a sassy 18 year old, your best friend, your
worst nightmare, and oh so very much more.

According to clanc...@aol.com.fnord:

: hello kitty is the polymorph whose pervesity resides in her obtuseness


* alt.fan.hello-kitty v/s alt.sex.hello-kitty: differing opinions.
While some people think that the sexual discussion of Hello Kitty
should be separated from the non-sexual, others think that this division
is not merely artificial but harmful. Some Hello Kitty fans say that
sexuality is such an inherent part of Hello Kitty's nature that any
attempt to separate it out is a denial that is ultimately futile.


3) Does Hello Kitty have a mouth?

No.

3a) But...

No "But"s. I _SAID_ No.

3b) So how does Hello Kitty talk?

Telepathically.

3c) How does Hello Kitty give head?

Alas, Hello Kitty sometimes wishes she had a mouth so she could perform
fellatio. However, since she is able to generate powerful suction with
her vaginal muscles, she has yet to leave a partner unsatisfied. Hello
Kitty is also able to extend and move her labia so that they can "lick"
like a pair of tounges.

3d) How does Hello Kitty eat?

Hello Kitty does not need to eat. Hello Kitty lives on sunshine, fresh
air, and lots and lots of hot cum shot up into her pussy.

3e) How does Hello Kitty breathe?

Through her nose, silly!

3f) But, REALLY! I _SAW_ this cartoon of Hello Kitty where she had
a mouth. REALLY!

That isn't a question.

3g) Okay. Well, since I saw this cartoon of Hello Kitty with a mouth,
how do you explain that, hunh?

Look, we've already established that Hello Kitty doesn't have a mouth,
right? Okay then. You see, Hello Kitty is an actress. In some cartoons
she is called upon to play roles of characters that have mouths. In such
cases, a "mouth" is added in the film's post-production through special
effects. Sheesh, I gotta explain this to ya?

We should also mention that many people believe that there is an evil
anti-Hello Kitty, known as "Goodbye Kitty", who looks just like Hello
Kitty except that she has a mouth.

So be wary of any alleged Hello Kitty that has a mouth!

3h) Does James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com.fnord) have anything to
say about Hello Kitty's mouth (or lack thereof)?

Indeed he does:

"Hello Kitty has evolved beyond mouthhavingness, according to her
friend, General L. Ron Semantics. Soon she will go further. She will
have no mouth.
She will have no ears. She will have no eyes.

SHE WILL HAVE NO HEAD!

SHE WILL BE SO CUTE YOU COULD DIE!!!

Then, the year after that,

SHE WILL BE SO CUTE YOU *WILL* DIE!!!"


4) What are some of Hello Kitty's sexual powers?

It's hard to separate myth and legend from reality here, since
many who've had sex with Hello Kitty are either unconscious or
babble incoherently in altered states of consciousness for days
afterwards. None the less, Hello Kitty's sexual powers are
clearly awesome, her gymnastic genital control being exceeded only by
her mastery of female ejaculation. Hello Kitty is able to propel herself
high into the air from her own ooze/squirt. She will sometimes, for
example, have half a dozen male partners lie on their backs, and Hello
Kitty will propel herself from throbbing erect penis to throbbing erect
penis without using her arms or legs, and is able to do so with such
rapidity that each partner feels like they alone are screwing Hello
Kitty. Hello Kitty's labia taste sweeter than honey, juicier than
oranges, more intoxicating than absinthe, and more addictive than
chocolate. Her lovers often bottle up her vaginal secretions, and
although they are not scarce such bottles still sell for high prices.
Some claim that Hello Kitty Pussy Juice not only cures impotence and
reverses the ageing process, but can even cure disease and raise the dead.
Tiny amounts of smegma from around Hello Kitty's clitoris are used as a
flavoring agent in all Hello Kitty Bubble Gum (especially the
strawberry flavored).

5) Who are some of Hello Kitty's sexual partners?

Hello Kitty has brought pleasure to millions all over the world, but
some of her regular partners include:
* Kerokerokeroppi, a priapic frog with an amazingly long and
flexible tongue.
* Spotty Dotty, a fashion conscious hot to trotty bitch in heat.
* Tippi, a real "teddy" bear.
* Pochacco, the pooch who put the "dog" into "doggy-style"
* Peckle the Duck. Those in the know call him "Pecker the Fuck".
* Tuxedo Sam, the elementary penguin, who is eternally spiffy,
cool, and hard.
* Zashikibuta, a sexy pig whose middle name is "pork".
* My Melody, a snuggle-bunny who likes to hump like a rabbit.
* Twin Stars. Double your pleasure, double your fun...
* Zippy the Pinhead, master of the Yow, the brilliant creation of
cartoonist Bill Griffith.
* Kibo. A series of persistent rumors allege that Hello Kitty has
kidnapped Usenet guru/deity Kibo and is holding him on Neptune
as a sex slave, but these allegations are so far unconfirmed.
* Richard Nixon. This last deserves further explanation.

san...@isa.informatik.th-darmstadt.de.fnord (Keith Sanders) says:

"Richard Milhous Nixon, the 37th president of the United States, was the
first US president ever to get a five-way labial stroke-fuck from Hello
Kitty. One warmly recounted story in the Nixon White House was of the
time that Mr. Nixon, along with John Ehrlichman, G. Gordon Liddy, VP Spiro
T. Agnew, and then-Representative Gerald Ford stood in a circle four meters
across, erect penises exposed, as Hello Kitty shot _horizontally_ in a
manic pentagram pattern of an-oral feline loving (similar to the
vertically-inclined pattern described in the FAQ). Trivia item:
the flowing juices stained the Green Room carpet irreversibly, in the
aforementioned pantagram pattern, so the carpet had to be removed; later,
the rug was used as a background "tapestry" in the "Cult Induction" scene
of the stage production of Wilson & Shea's "Illuminatus!" trilogy.

"Nixon, far from being the extremist conservative he is so often depicted as
in the liberal media, was actually an unquenchable roaring source of
desire who liked to fuck flying demi-fictional cats!!!"


6) What are some of Hello Kitty's nicknames?

Hello Titty, Hello Pussy, Hello Clitty.

7) Are there really Hello Kitty condoms?

Alilena (ali...@aol.com.fnord) wrote:
: Yes! It's true -- I'd seen a picture of what I *beleived* to be a pack
: of condoms with monchiki on them in the Japanese Seventeen mag. Then
: yesterday I picked up the new mangajin and they had a close-up on the
: product! It really exists! Think Sanrio will ever distribute them here?
: Weird...

So the answer seems to be yes and no. Condoms with Sanrio
characters actually are manufactured and sold, but are not
commercially availible in North America.

Update: Someone posted some pictures of Monkichi condoms.
If I put this up on a web-site I may have the pictures posted
there.

7a) So, can you get some Hello Kitty condoms for me?

We wish we could. If anyone has a source for getting them in North
America, we'd like to know.


8) Can Hello Kitty really improve my sex life?

Sure! Just listen to the unsolicited testimonial below:

From: gree...@pacifier.com.fnord (steven michael nelson)
Newsgroups: alt.sex.hello-kitty
Subject: Hello-kitty SM sex experience

" Just wandered across this news groop and well since it has sex in the
title I thought I'd share a true story of the catalyst for my reclaiming
my bisexuality.

" Last year I met thees two women at this Gathering I went to. they realy
liked me and expressed their intrest asking me if I would like to bottom
to them in an SM sceen. Now I'd never played with women but I liked them
so I said Yes. Well after some play piercins with hypodermic needles that
they left in, they had me kneel on this low table and while one of them
was flogging my back the other was siting on a couch in frunt of me and
pulled out this small zippered pouch, opened it and pulled
out...Hello-kitty clips, like small clothes pins. She proceded to pull my
scrotum up over my penis and fasten the two sides over the top of my penic
with the Hello-kitty clips, then she applyed more of them to the inside of
my thigs all the whil the other woman continud to flog me. I coulden't
stop laughing at the perversity of it all. Then Hello-kitty clips were
put on my nipples and the woman who was flogging me leaned around, grabbed
my left nipple, twisted and then declaired "the nipples don't work" which
inspired me to quote Red Dwarf ligns. As it turned out the other woman was
a Red Dwarf freek and we ended up quoting lignes from Red Dwarf to each
other while the other woman contnued to flog me, the three of laughing and
carring on. We ended up in bed later that night and well that was the
beguinning of my bisexuality. Thank you Hello-kitty!
Youngtree"


9) Is it true that some people worship Hello Kitty?

Well...

In response to this question by sara matthews (sl...@ozemail.com.au.fnord):
: Why is it that I only started to get the hiccups once I read that
: "Froggy" word? Is this some American Copperfieldish fiendish plot? Am I
: doomed?. Will I be able to sleep? Or will Pseudo-gaucho's try to rIde
: me? Should I assume as upright posture? Will that help? Should I just
: give up (or in), paint myself green and hope for the best (beast?)?
:
: Or should I just blame the Port?

The Philosopher from Hell (tp...@io.com.fnord) evangelized:

"you should pray at your personal shrine to The Great Mouthless One.
If you don't have one, make one. All you need is some Sanrio product
with the image of the Goddess. Pray to Hello Kitty, and Her healing
powers of cuteness will cure you of any and all ailments."

10) Hey! I can't get alt.sex.hello-kitty! What's up?

Not all systems carry all newsgroups. The distribution of a.s.h-k
is fairly good, but could certainly be better. If your internet
provider does not carry alt.sex.hello-kitty, send a email to your
postmaster or sysop asking for it by name. Many providers will add
Usenet groups from user requests; sometimes just a single request
will do the trick.


11) What's with all these non-Hello Kitty related posts?

The non Hello Kitty related posts in a.s.h-k fall into
two categories:

a) Spam.
b) Allowed.

In more detail:
a) Spam. This is mostly advertising. Some of it is widely
crossposted, some is just posted right here. This is mainly
put here by clueless jackasses selling "phone sex" or some
other scam throughout the "alt.sex.*" newsgroups.

Alas, the "spam" problem has grown exponentially in the past
couple of years. Various @(*@(% idiots have taken to crossposting
sex ads to every newsgroup with the letters "sex" in them.
Of course, this is considered unethical net abuse, and most
reputable internet service providers will cancel the accounts
of anyone who is caught doing it, and widely posted spams
will be canceled. However the problem has grown so large that
many newsgroups, especially in the alt.sex.* heirarchy, have
been abandoned by their previous users. There are now many
Usenet groups with no messages other than the spam ads, posted
by jerks who don't even read the groups they post to.

Many spammers now forge their return addresses, so you can't
send them complaints just by replying. However, if you
learn to read paths and headers (which we encourage those
new to Usenet to learn how to do) you can often tell what
server a post originated from and complain to the sysop or
postmaster at the site of origin.
For basic information on things to do and not to do on Usenet,
check out the group "news.announce.new-users". For info on
the continuing fight against abuse of the net, read the newsgroup
"news.admin.net-abuse.usenet".

If you care about the Usenet, we encourage you to join in
the fight to keep it usuable. Even just complaining about spam
once in a while helps. Perhaps you (like many other people) think
that "alt.sex.hello-kitty" is already too far gone with a flood of
spam to save. Well, if you don't want the rest of the net to be
similarly drowned, please join in the fight.

If you are the type of person who would wish to post sex ads
to off-topic groups, or spam "Make Money Fast" pyramid schemes,
we hope you'll go straight to Heck, where the Evil Goodbye Kitty
will make you bust up your computor with a hammer and eat it.


Oh, and alt.sex.hello-kitty DOES have an OFFICIAL WARNING. We used
to send it to spammers, back in the days when there were just a few
of them, and they usually included their real addresses in their posts.
It may well be out of date now (alas), but some folks still like it.
The traditional alt.sex.hello-kitty official warning looks like this:

***************************************************
* *
* SPAMMERS AND ADVERTISERS BEWARE!!! *
* *
* This Newsgoup is protected by *
* *
* /^\_(>o<) *
* | | *
* | O . O | *
* \_______/ *
* *
* *
* H E L L O K I T T Y ! ! *
* *
* ** you have been warned ** *
* *
***************************************************


b) The other category of stuff in this newsfroup is "Allowed". This is
stuff that belongs in this here newsgroup. Of course, traditional
alt.sex.hello-kitty stuff belongs here. F'example:
Talk about the sexual adventures, desires, and fantasies of Hello
Kitty and her friends, and Sexual uses of Sanrio products. But also,
there is:
Non traditional stuff that belongs here, because it
is now Allowed. Because Froggy and Friends say so.
This is our newsgroup, see? ...But we share.
We encourage you to contribute to this newsgroup, if you
have something fun or interesting to say.

Oh, and "alt.sex.hello-kitty" has been historically quite free
of flames, flamebait, and deliberate hostility. Let's try to
keep it that way.

So to sumerize:
What belongs in alt.sex.hello-kitty:
Stuff about Hello Kitty and friends, stuff by and about and in
responce to the regular posters, fun and funny stuff.
What does not belong in alt.sex.hello-kitty (some of it is here,
but we try to fight it):
Advertisements and spam.

What isn't here, and we hope stays away:

Nasty hatefull stuff.


12) Who is this Froggy d00d?

Fro...@neosoft.com.fnord, aka "The Information Super-Frog",
occasionally known as Carlos May and other names, but more generally
known as Froggy, put together early versions of this FAQ. He went on
line in July of 1994. Back then, believe it or not, the alt.sex.*
heirarchy actually contained usefull and used discussion groups not
yet drowning in spam.

He started posting FAQs for alt.sex.hello-kitty about December of
1994 (he doesn't remember, exactly, the date). He took over
alt.sex.hello-kitty in July of 1995.
Froggy used it as his personal silly newsgroup for about a
year, but in July of 1996 the spam problem got to be so
unmanagable that Froggy moved his main headquarters to alt.fan.tito.
Froggy's web page is:

http://www.angelfire.com/la/carlosmay

Froggy is glad that TPFH decided to take over the ASHK FAQ.

--

Froggy is also a high priest of the True Church of the Great
Green Frog, and a prophet of the Fraternal Religious Order
of Gollywogs. He knows that Frog croaked for our sins.
Froggy sometimes channels an ancient green entity from the
Frog Star called "Frater Frogalogus".

What others have said about Froggy:

"froggy is a benevolent god.... "
-- patricking (thir...@aol.com.fnord)

" Carlos May is the official FROG PRINCE(TM) of alt.sex.* "
-- The Jenn Conspiracy (je...@rs1.tcs.tulane.edu.fnord)

" My alt.slack ShorDurPerSav is Frater Frogalogus, who dances the
razor edge beetween alt.religion.kibology and alt.slack artfully. Hats
off to Froggy!"
-- David Lynch (erase...@iglou.iglou.com.fnord)
(note: "ShorDurPerSav" means Short Duration Personal Savior)

"Froggy's not a doctor, but he plays one on TV...I think he's more than
qualified."

-- President-for-Life Rev. Gypsy Joker KSC, IM, SP4, Earl of Fives


Froggy is also the President of Froggy's Usenet Salvage
Company (F.U.S.C), a leading dealer in reconditioned and
low milage used newsgroups. Want your own newsgroup without
mucking around in alt.config and sending a control message?
Come to Froggy's Usenet Salvage Company! Used newsgroups are
the the ecologically sound and economical choice! Check out
our impressive selection!

Froggy's Usenet Salvage Company is convienently located at
alt.sex.hello-kitty, in the heart of the alt.sex.* hierarchy;
branch office at alt.fan.tito.

Froggy's Usenet Salvage Company is the only entity allowed to
advertise in alt.sex.hello-kitty without becoming spam.
Well, other ads _might_ be allowed _only_ under the following
conditions: 1) The ads are not actually selling anything,
and: 2) The ads are very very funny.


13) Why doesn't froggy post the ASH-K FAQ anymore?

Well, here is the prolog that he included the last time he posted the
FAQ:

Hi, good folks of alt.fan.hello-kitty.
I, Froggy, FAQkeeper of the naughty sister newsfroup alt.sex.hello-kitty
for almost 2 years, am retiring from that duty, because a.s.h-k is
just too deluged in xposted sex spam for me to tolorate or ask anyone
else to. But hey, it was fun. And a.s.h-k had a FAQ I quite like.
Someone else might be taking it over, if they wish. I thought I'd
post it here one more time. I'll still be looking in on
alt.fan.hello-kitty from time to time; and any of you who like
my sence of humor can look in on me over in alt.fan.tito.
Ciao, Froggy.


14) So who is this TPFH dOOd anyway?

I am a long time reader of alt.sex.hello-kitty and I will not give up
this newsfroup!!!!!!1! As far as I can tell I am the one posting the
most in alt.sex.hello-kitty besides the spammers. My main newsfroup is
alt.fan.richard-nixon and if you are posting something semi-on-topic
in alt.sex.hello-kitty, I would appreciate it if you crosspost it with
alt.fan.richard-nixon. I would also imagine that Froggy would appreciate
it if you also crossposted with alt.fan.tito (and if not he can speak
up and I'll change this part of the FAQ). I should also mention here that
the cult of Hello Kitty has formed an alliance with the snake cult on
alt.sex.snakes so many of the on topic posts in ash-k will be crossposted
there too.

I hope to have more information about me in a FAQ for
alt.fan.richard-nixon but I will not write that until I finish my degree
in Computer and Information Science (one more unit). However, I do have
a web page but I don't want to put the URL here because HNGs will tear
my web pages apart looking for sexy Hello Kitty pictures that aren't there.


15) Are the spammers agents of the EV1L Goodbye Kitty?

As far as I can tell, yes they are. Recent visions of Hello Kitty cultists
have revealed that there will come a day when Hello Kitty will SMITE the
spammers. And in the end all agents of the EV1L Goodbye Kitty are rewarded
by spending a really long time in the smouldering dog zone. For more
information on this see the news:alt.smouldering.dog.zone

But there are things that we can do to help sifting through the spam
and find the delicious Hello Kitty related posts. One thing that is
a big help is if you "TAG" your message by putting "ASH-K" at the beginning
of the subject line. If you do this then people will immediately recognize
it as an on topic post and will read it first.

Something that helps avoiding seeing spam is a killfile/filter. These work
differently with different newsreaders, but the idea is that spammers tend
to have little imagination and use keywords/strings in their subject/from
line that people that post on topic posts don't use. For instance "XXX" and
"HOT SLUTS" is not likely to be used in an on topic post, so you should
filter out anything that has that in the subject line. To find out how
to set up a killfile on your newsreader look at the help section or try
searching the web for "killfile filter <yournewsreader>"

Don't email me asking how to do it, because I only know how to do it on
the newsreader tin (the command for tin is ^k, and then it is self-
explanatory). Ask your ISP for help if you really need it bad.


16) Has Sara M been possessed by the EV1L Goodbye Kitty?

Maybe. Either that or she has just gone completely bonkers, or maybe
its the port.

I guess I should put a quote here <sigh>

Ahh, Friday the thirteenth, and as you'd expect, I've planned a
little mirth and mayhem. Unless you are a devotee of
the Anti-Kitty, you'd probably best not leave your beds today (so
much easier to find you 8) ).

All true believers in the power that is EGK should
prepare themselves for the forthcoming festivities by
strict adherence to the "Rules of Engagement", ie partaking of the
Ritual Custard Bath, followed by the Self Lick-Off, which is then
traditionally followed by the Remedial Neck Massage.

After this, all participants are required to prove their worth by
passing the Trial of Stroking, (usually involving really tickly
feathers), and then the Test of the Latex Labyrinth,
without the aid of talcum powder.

There are a few other trials and tribulations to go thorough after
this - just read your membership papers for details. Suffice it to
say that anyone left standing after this will be entitled to be
indoctrinated into the EGK Hall of Fame, and will be granted full
admission to the "Inner Circle" of Goodbyeness. This membership
entitles the bearer to all manner of not so earthly delights,
as well as a free ticket in the Lucky Door Prize - which this year
features an interlude with a not so willing Hello Kitty - should be
fun!

Well, run along all, and make yourselves ready. Unfurl those whips
and blindfolds, prepare the custard and the vats. Don your best
black negligees and kilts. Make ready the cat suits and the cats.


As you can plainly see, she is completely perverted, and thus, is not
beyond all hope. Someday she will realize that feline demi-god/dess/es
are even cuter without mouths. She shall repent and the Great Mouthless
One will be there waiting with open paws.

It is also important to note that Sara M in no way supports the spammers,
she is just being silly :) but be carefull or she will sic the Smouldering
Dogs on you.


17) Has Hello Kitty ever killed Kenny?

Oh my God! She Killed Kenny!!!!!
err, that is to say yes.

You know the kind of things that Kenny says, and well, it seems
he picked the wrong Kitty to mess with.

Now Kenny is DEAD. Let that be a lesson to you all!

/^\_(>o<)
| |
| O . O | -Niao!
\_______/


(The first person to give me a decent ascii graphic of HK killing
Kenny for the FAQ (cause I'm to lazy to do that myself) will receive
a "Get out of being killed by Hello Kitty FREE card.)
(post graphics to alt.fan.richard-nixon to enter)


18) Is Kibo really Hello Kitty?

Some suspect that Mr. Usenet, James "Kibo" Parry is really a sekrit
alias of the Great Mouthless One. I will not touch this question with a
46 foot pool, but will include this report from some wacko conspiracy
theorist in Usenet article <MPG.ef3dcf7c...@news.wwa.com>

Michael R. Nosek <mno...@wwa.com.fnord> wrote:
> ki...@world.std.com.fnord (James "Kibo" Parry) beabled...

> [SHNIP!]
> > It's a fact--the better the Chinese restaurant, the stupider the waiters
> > assume Kibo is. Kibo has the roundest eyes in the world. And no mouth!

> Dear TPFH,

> I believe it's time to revise the ASHK FAQ. KIBO IS HELLO KITTY!!!1!

> !!!!!!!!!!!SPECIAL ADVERTISING SUPPLEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!

> SEND FOURTEEN DOLLARS AND 16/32 CENTS (CANADIAN) TO P.O. BOX 666
> TO RECEIVE YOUR SPECIAL "I MET KIBO AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS STOOPID
> HELLO KITTY SWEATSHIRT" TODAY!!! FIRST THIRTY ORDERS RECEIVE A
> FREE (DID YOU HEAR THAT, "FREE!") GLASS OF VOMIT! TWO OF THESE
> LUCKY FEW WILL RECEIVE THE ULTRAMEGASPECIOUS "PARTY-COLORED"
> GLASS OF VOMIT!!

> !!!!!!!!!!!SPECIAL ADVERTISING SUPPLEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!

> Does anyone have a "Kibo Inside" sweatshirt or know
> anyone who does?


19) If they're mouthless, how can they scream?

It is better not to even ask this question, for the consequenses
are too terrible to contemplate....

Julie-Louise <whig...@erols.com.fnord> wrote in alt.tv.southpark:

> 1) WHOOOOOOOOSH! Hello Kitty disappears in a puff of logic!

> 2) All the paraphernalia with her ineffably cute face on it
> disappears (can't violate the space-time continuum, after all)!

> 3) The Japanese economy staggers; it picks itself up again but the
> other Asian economies are greviously wounded!

> Clearly, to preserve the world economy, we all must join hands and say
> "I *do* believe in Hello Kitty!. . .I *do* believe in Hello Kitty!" I'm
> off to tell the IMF about this!


So I want you to join the rest of the world in avoiding economic
disaster by saying "I *do* believe in Hello Kitty!" three times
right now no matter where you are (even in a computer lab), no
matter who is going to stare at you.


20) Is Hello Kitty a Gothic Crack-Whore?

I'm not sure myself, but she was "Gothic Crackwhore of the Week."
http://www.gothic.net/~mage/goth/whore/kitty.html

They quoted the Goddess as saying:
I smoke crack at least x times a day: Can't smoke, no mouth.

but since we all know that Hello Kitty breaths through Her nose,
it is quite possible for Her to smoke crack through Her nose.

So there are 3 possible explanations for this:

One, that the Gothic crackwhore of the Week people mis-quoted Hello Kitty,
or maybe even didn't have an interview at all. Two, that Hello Kitty lied
to them. Or Three, that all of us are making all this stuff about Hello
Kitty up, and will shortly be sued by Sanrio.


21) Alright, already, what IS alt.sex.hello-kitty, anyway?

Sheesh. You don't know by now? Ain't ya read the FAQ?


-----------------------------------------------------
thanks to those who contributed
------------------------------------------------------


Note: "http://" is pronounced "Hut-up". Glad To Be Of Assistance!
***"http://www" is pronounced "Hut-up Wow!". Hope This Helps!***

High Priestess Rosey

unread,
Jul 27, 2004, 11:35:42 PM7/27/04
to
Wow, even with all of the spam, the cult of Hello Kitty worshippers is
still here! The snake cultists of alt.sex.snakes were driven out by
sex-ad spam a long time ago. I'm impressed you guys held your place
together.

HP Rosey

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