submissive topping.

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Meriel

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Sep 21, 1993, 6:10:53 PM9/21/93
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Hi ASB,

I topped for the first time Saturday night. It was interesting.
I met my partner at a local SM club. We had both been attending
meetings for the past few months. He knew I was submissive, but
when he suggested it, I agreed to top him.

We went to his apartment. He had brand-new cotton clothesline, and
I brought feathers from a feather duster. There was a minor problem
after I tied his hands and attached them to the head of the bed.
We didn't have a knife strong enough to cut the rope, so his feet
didn't get tied. After I got him tied up, I found out that he
was incredibly ticklish, just running my hands lightly over his
ribs made him jump and howl. The feathers were kind of overkill,
but I used them for a bit anyway. :)

I was a little surprised to find out that pinching his nipples had
very little effect. They were less sensitive than the rest of his
chest and his stomach. The ice cubes worked reasonably well, I
took one in each hand, and ran them over his entire body until they
were completely melted.

I discovered that I have have some questions about topping. The
main one is: How do I get my orgasms? When I bottom, I focus on
my own pain and pleasure responses in order to come. When I topped,
I was focussed on my partner's responses. It was fascinating to
watch, but not in a sexually exciting way. Right now, I look
forward to topping him again the way I look forward to doing
a crossword puzzle. It's a challenge, and it's interesting to
observe how other people think, but it isn't sexually exciting.
What am I missing? Is it all attitude, or are there things I
could physically try which would help me to come? How do I lose
control, and have my orgasm, and still stay aware of whether my
bottom is enjoying himself or getting close to calling safeword?

Does anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?

-Meriel.
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Sep 21, 1993, 7:12:30 PM9/21/93
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Meriel,

There are lots of ways to "get" your orgasm when you top--as many as in
any other kind of sex. I'm sure that you can imagine them if you try (g).
An important point, however: for many tops, orgasm is not the sole goal,
sometimes not even _a_ goal, of every sexual experience. For a lot of tops,
dominance is in itself sexually satisfying.
Jon Jacobs

Rob Jellinghaus

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Sep 21, 1993, 8:10:48 PM9/21/93
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In article <221323Z...@anon.penet.fi> an2...@anon.penet.fi writes:
>I discovered that I have have some questions about topping. The
>main one is: How do I get my orgasms? When I bottom, I focus on
>my own pain and pleasure responses in order to come. When I topped,
>I was focussed on my partner's responses. It was fascinating to
>watch, but not in a sexually exciting way.

Well, that was one way to do it. There are jillions of other ways to
top, though, and you needn't limit yourself.

>Right now, I look
>forward to topping him again the way I look forward to doing
>a crossword puzzle. It's a challenge, and it's interesting to
>observe how other people think, but it isn't sexually exciting.
>What am I missing? Is it all attitude, or are there things I
>could physically try which would help me to come? How do I lose
>control, and have my orgasm, and still stay aware of whether my
>bottom is enjoying himself or getting close to calling safeword?

Many possibilities. The sort of scene you did is what I'd classify as
a torment scene, where you were putting all your energy into giving
your bottom sensations that are at the edge of what he could handle.
This required all your attention. Obviously this isn't the way you
yourself physically get off, though. And just as obviously you know
what sorts of things you do to make yourself come, at least when
you're by yourself or having vanilla sex....

So... how _do_ you get off? And how could you get your bottom to
assist you? You could easily, for example, demand that your bottom
service you sexually, and make him stroke your pussy until you orgasm;
you could put him in bondage sufficient to hold him in place until
you're well and truly done with him. THEN you could torment him, once
you're gratified, and use it as a reward for his having served you.

Or you could torment him, and then while he's still tied down, put a
condom on him and fuck him; you could masturbate yourself while you
use his cock to fuck yourself with. You can get the massive erotic
charge of using him purely for your own pleasure, while he can get the
experience of being so used.

You could just tie him up and make him watch while you masturbate
yourself... or you could make him masturbate himself while you do
yourself, and tell him that if he comes before you do you'll be VERY
angry... think of what would turn _you_ on the most to do with him,
and negotiate it with him. I seriously doubt he will object to your
ordering him to put some of his attention on you, for your orgasm's
sake.

And if you've been playing with him for a long time, and you just want
to lie back and be pleasured... well, there's no rule that says you
can't order him to fuck you, and control the tempo any way you want.
("Stop! OK, now three long strokes... yeesssss... stop again!" I
speak from experience, this can be VERY intense, for both people.)
You're the top; you can do anything you want while topping him, as
long as you've negotiated it, and it's fun for him as well!

--
Rob Jellinghaus ro...@netcom.com uunet!netcom!robj

Alex Martelli

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Sep 25, 1993, 8:07:19 AM9/25/93
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Bob....@f753.n153.z1.ship.net (Bob King) writes:
...
> That's the advantage in topping women. Men get their
>jollies and you cut them down and then whaddya do? Vibrator city, if you
>didn't take advantage.

What happened, cat got their tongues?-)

--
____ Alex Martelli - Bologna, Italia
\SM/___
\/\bi/ Never seek to tell thy love // Love that never told can be;
\/ For the gentle wind does move // Silently, invisibly.

The Mocha Tart

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Sep 26, 1993, 7:57:09 AM9/26/93
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Alex Martelli (amar...@nyx.cs.du.edu) wrote:

: Bob....@f753.n153.z1.ship.net (Bob King) writes:
: ...
: > That's the advantage in topping women. Men get their
: >jollies and you cut them down and then whaddya do? Vibrator city, if you
: >didn't take advantage.

: What happened, cat got their tongues?-)

That invoked a way strange mental image of what a tongue-lashing (*duck*)
could involve and a conversation fragment from a party I was at...

Guest1 to Host: Are there cats here?
Host to Guest1: Yes, there are
Guest1 to Host: I'd better do some Seldane
Guest2 to Guest3: Is <Guest1> allergic to cats?
Guest3 to Guest2: Of course sie is; sie's a top?

--
ms_m...@access.digex.net : We will walk on the land : Peter Gabriel
The Mocha Tart at TEAhouse : We will breathe of the air : _San Jacinto_
Please check your : We will drink from the stream :
phobias at the door : We will live; hold the line :

Alex Martelli

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Sep 26, 1993, 4:24:41 PM9/26/93
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ms_m...@access.digex.net (The Mocha Tart) writes:
...

>Guest2 to Guest3: Is <Guest1> allergic to cats?
>Guest3 to Guest2: Of course sie is; sie's a top?

Hmmm, Italian "topo" == English "mouse", but unless Guest3 is engaging
in bilingual punning, I miss the point.

Of course, the "bilingual" part would be an interesting tie-in to my
previous post on this thread...:-)

Bob King

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Sep 25, 1993, 5:25:04 PM9/25/93
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AM> From: amar...@nyx.cs.du.edu (Alex Martelli)
AM> Organization: University of Denver, Dept. of Math & Comp. Sci.

AM> Bob....@f753.n153.z1.ship.net (Bob King) writes:
AM> ...
AM> > That's the advantage in topping women. Men get their
AM> >jollies and you cut them down and then whaddya do? Vibrator city, if
AM> you
AM> >didn't take advantage.

AM> What happened, cat got their tongues?-)

There you go again, Alex, introducing practicality into a perfectly good
rhetorical construction.

Engineers!

Regards;

-Bob King->

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