Welcome to alt.sex.bondage!
Alan Smith
that I got it right. If you don't like something either flame me publically
or send me email. I'm going to try to post once every week or so.]
Changes (Since last week): somebody told me how to spell "solely" and
I added a "/" before pub in the faq ftp site.
Welcome to alt.sex.bondage. If you haven't been reading this newsgroup for
very long, this post is for you. It is intended as a guide to nettiquitte and
the underlying concepts of this group, and while it does indirectly answer some
of the frequently asked questions, it is not meant to replace the FAQ. In fact,
it is strongly recommended you read the FAQ as soon as possible, you can get
it either when it is posted (once every month, same time, same station)
or by ftp from rtfm.mit.edu in the /pub/usenet-by-group/alt.sex.bondage
directory.
Alt.sex.bondage was originally created as the offshoot of a joke in the
summer or fall of 1988. Shortly after that a bunch of real BDSM enthusiasts
took over, and as you see it now asb is a forum for the discussion of
material and psychological tools and techniques, stories (real and fictional),
relationship advice, jokes, basically a BDSM-positive environment. It is
*not*, however, a forum for personals. Alt.personals.bondage is for that.
the group is now carried on many computers around the world and is read by
more than 200,000 people. The vast majority of these people are "lurkers",
people who just read news and post nothing. Many lurkers will read for a while
(sometimes several years) and "delurk", by posting something, anything,
out here. Once they delurk they may stay, revert to lurkerdom, or
leave the group entirely, depending solely on their mood. Other people will
read for a brief period (sometimes ten seconds) and begin posting immediately.
Both methods have produced some extremely high quality posters, so while it
is wise to lurk here for a while before leaping into posting, it is
not absolutely necessary. It should be noted that the vast majority of
lurkers never delurk at all, this too is perfectly acceptable behavior.
Alt.sex.bondage is a forum for the discussion of "BDSM", kind of a catchall
phrase made from the welding together of the initials B&D (Bondage and
discipline), D&S (Dominance and Submission), and S&M (Sadism and Masochism).
It is really misnamed, because discussions here don't have to involve bondage
per se. For the large part it deals with consensual power inequalities.
Usually this involves sex, but sometimes not. Almost all the kinks (your
kink is your set of behaviors/attitudes that differ from the norm, whatever
that is) are covered here, in fact, we have a saying called "Ugol's Law",
nobody knows what Harry Ugol actually said (including Harry Ugol) but there
are a couple of good ways of putting it, to wit: "For anything, either
nobody does it, or more than one person does it." alternately, you can use:
"If you ever ask 'Am I the only one who <insert kink here>' the answer
is invariably 'no.'" However, if you don't find your particular kink
discussed here, there are two basic things you can do.
1) Post about it. It may not be discussed here because nobody brought it up.
For example, there is no thread currently going on about Somalian Breadfruit
Bondage, whereas by Ugol's law, there has to be *somebody* else into it.
2) Find the other group that covers it. There is actually a large spectrum
of newsgroups dealing with sexuality in all its shapes and forms, including
but not limited to alt.sex, alt.sex.bestiality, alt.sex.motss, soc.men,
soc.women, soc.bi, the alt.sex.fetish groups (amputee, fa, fashion, feet,
hair, and orientals), alt.personals, alt.personals.ads, alt.personals.bondage,
alt.sex.wizards (about questions for advanced sex, not sex with magii, although
I suppose you could discuss that too), alt.sex.majick (for sex with magii)
alt.sex.wanted, alt.polyamory, and alt.personals.poly. All these groups have
their own FAQs and traditions, and what is written here may not apply. There
are also several IRC channels, notably #bondage and #bdsm, if you would
prefer that.
In addition to the other sex groups, there are some very useful informational
postings in news.announce.newusers and news.answers. Questions about the
technical aspects of posting can probably be answered there. Speaking of
which, you may have noticed several people using the same adress somewhere
in finland. This is not a symptom of an active finnish BDSM scene, these
people are using the anonymous post server, a method of protecting their
identities from being discovered. These people are not necessarily cowards
who wish to hide behind an anon server, but people legitimately in danger for
their jobs, homes, etc. or people who just want anonymity for reasons of
their own. If you wish to use the anon server, either capture their
FAQ posting (posted once every two weeks) or mail he...@anon.penet.fi and
they'll send it to you.
We'd rather you dids and we'd rather you didn'ts:
We'd rather you take the time to write your posts. We're not going to
nail you for spelling unless you really screw up, but the better we can
understand you the more respect you'll get here.
We'd rather you didn't call us sick. We came here to escape that sort
of thing, for one. For another, many people here are actually better off
after they started bdsm than before. Along those lines, we've all pretty
much found the religion (or lack thereof) of our choice, too.
We'd rather you were careful. Read the FAQ. Unless you feel like exchanging
viruses, you probably want to get something nonporous between your and
your partners' body fluids. Remember the litany "safe, sane, consensual."
*ALL* bdsm activity is inherently dangerous to all parties, so take care
of yourselves, okay?
We'd rather you didn't post personals here. This is a discussion forum,
not a meat market. Try alt.personals.bondage.
We'd rather you were open and accepting. This sounds kinda pompous, but it
really boils down to "you don't slam my kink and I won't slam yours."
We'd rather you didn't post a million line quote and "Hey, that was Great!!
--Bill." If you really feel compelled to compliment somebody on their posts
(And it's really great to be complimented, for most people) you can always
send them mail, even if they use an anon server.
We'd rather you remembered the "consensual" part in "safe, sane, consensual."
Consent is a big thing around here, it's what separates BDSM from rape and
torture. If you are into really (as opposed to in fantasy) grabbing people
completely against their will, then raping and torturing them, there is a
place for you, but this ain't it. If, however, you are into fantastically
(as opposed to really) grabbing people completely against their will, then
raping and torturing them, you're in the right place.
We'd rather you didn't involve other newsgroups in our petty problems. I
know that the temptation to cry for help from the people in alt.history.
what-if is great, and it's even more tempting to chase that clueless
dipwad to sci.bio.evolution, but those newsgroups aren't set up to handle
what we discuss, and anyone who was interested in BDSM in either
ahw-i or sbe would probably read here too.
A final note about flamewars and followups: If you haven't been responded
to or all your responses seem hostile, bear in mind that this probably
doesn't reflect on you as a person. If you haven't been responded to,
either your post hasn't propogated to the site where someone would
reply to it, or nobody found a reason/place to respond. Most posts here
don't get followed-up, so don't worry about it. If you are being flamed
left and right, you probably touched a nerve somewhere. Try to relax.
If you really try to understand the other side's position, you should be
able to work something out. On the other hand flames can be a form of
D&S, but if you're into that could you let us know? There are other
people who would love to do a flame scene with you, but not everybody. Some
people do feel nonconsensually hurt during these things.
If you find a lot of flames flitting around and none of them are aimed at
you, you should probably either be thankful or patient, these things come
in cycles.
You may notice that you get a response to your post in mail, and then see
the exact same thing posted to asb. This is an example of a "Courtesy"
or "Carbon" copy. There tends to be a lot of posts on asb, and some
people feel that if their followup is important to be read, they will
forward a copy to you in mail. This is a nice custom, especially in
view of usenet flakiness that will allow you to see a response before
the original post, or sometimes a post before the copy, but it is not
really needed. In fact, there are two things you should beware of if
you do indulge in this custom: First, don't do it religiously if you
post a lot, save it for the important ones. Second, sometimes people
will treat your Cc as regular email and respond in kind, do NOT post this
without the author's permission.
Big Al. This is a canned sig line. If it had been real, this sig line
would immediately be followed by further instructions on how to enjoy
yourself on asb.