Uncertain pleasures
STella
>i'm a 21 year old male who enjoys masturbating on occasion.
>problem is, that i'm tired of doing it 'the same old way.'
>i'd like some (ANY) suggestions on how i might do it
>differently.
Well, I raised this question to some of my friends, and we came up
with a top-ten list. (I LIKE that idea... TOP-ten.... Hmmm.)
10. Buy a new sheep -- wool's all soft and furry, but it gets matted
if you don't wash the splooge out now and then.
9. Buy chicken-wire sheets, and hunch away.
8. Get a pound of calf's liver, a copy of _Portnoy's Complaint_, a
pound of bacon, a can of sage, and two large onions. Read the book.
7. Use Icy Hot as a lubricant.
6. Fill an inflatable woman with hot air, open the valve, and let
her blow you.
5. Use your other hand.
4. Jack off while you talk into a tape recorder, and send copies to
_ALL_ your ex-girlfriends, so they'll know _just_ what they're
missing.
3. Get a Prince Albert, fasten the ring to the side of the washing
machine with heavy-duty magnets, and wait for the spin-cycle.
2. Drip beef gravy on your willie and call the dog.
1. Hint (it IS almost the winter consumerism holiday, y'know) to
your mommy for memberships in the "clue of the month" club.
Please, people, this is alt.sex.bondage. If we do decide to favor
this individual with a reply, let's TRY to keep 'em in tune with the
newsgroup....
STe...@xanadu.com 1016 E. El Camino Real, #302, Sunnyvale, CA 94087
(thelema.uucp seems to work for some, thelema.com has no business working)
Lurker at the Pleasure Dome
>
>10. Buy a new sheep -- wool's all soft and furry, but it gets matted
>if you don't wash the splooge out now and then.
>
> 9. Buy chicken-wire sheets, and hunch away.
Hmmm... Hair shirts were once worn by ascetics for pennance. I wonder
how hair SHEETS would work.
--
============================================================================
"Y'know how s'm people treat th'r body like a TEMPLE?
Well, I treat mine like 'n AMUSEMENT PARK... s'great..."
- Kei
Benjamin Harrison
>In article <1...@platypus.uofs.edu> rj...@jaguar.ucs.uofs.edu writes:
>>i'm a 21 year old male who enjoys masturbating on occasion.
>>problem is, that i'm tired of doing it 'the same old way.'
>>i'd like some (ANY) suggestions on how i might do it
>>differently.
>Please, people, this is alt.sex.bondage. If we do decide to favor
>this individual with a reply, let's TRY to keep 'em in tune with the
>newsgroup....
>STe...@xanadu.com 1016 E. El Camino Real, #302, Sunnyvale, CA 94087
>(thelema.uucp seems to work for some, thelema.com has no business working)
Well, I was thinking, you know, that if one is to assume that
'masturbating' as used above is an intransitive verb (which is not
necessarily true, but I'll assume it), and given the nature of the
newsgroup to which the question was posted, I would like to suggest
the following sexually unary bondage oriented experience:
Simply attempt to acheive orgasm while self-bound. For example,
handcuff yourself (behind the back or above your head) and try to
cum. You can use any other available aids: pillows, jello, the dog,
etc, but you must keep your hands bound. Since most people are pretty
dependant on their hands while masturbating, this can be quite a
challenging task. Also, it works for women too...
On another appropriate vein (to this newsgroup), try this: mix
masturbation with self-inflicted pain, either nipple clips, very hot
wax, self flagellation, (be original), etc. This way, you get to
'deviate' from the 'normal' method of purely 'pleasurable'
experiences, and to sample that other piece of your brain, the pain
center, without stealing from the pleasure center.
I am frankly surprised that you couldn't come up (boo hiss bad pun)
with any of these yourself...
--- Ben (Bosk@VisionMUD) Harrison ---