Intrusive S*x
Anonymous
without their permission-in some cases, without their
knowledge. The characteristic of intrusive s*x is violation;
intrusive s*x is s*x whether someone wants it or not.
Sometimes intrusive s*x can be extremely subtle, so
that the victim is unaware or, if suspiscious, uncertain
enough not to protest. Subtle intrusions include:
--- touching people "inadvertantly" in crowded public places
such as shopping malls, subways, and airports.
--- brushing up against people in dance situations such as
discos or other night spots.
Carnes, Patrick, (1991), Don't Call It Love-Recovery From
S*xual Addiction, Bantam: New York, pp. 59-60
***
Of course, the other extreme of intrusive s*x is r*pe.
For me, I recognize that the urge to "violate" others
is driven by lust. Otherwise, I would just violate others
by mugging them or non-violently stealing from them.
Compared to r*pe, the innappropriate touching seems
non-violent. And since the intrusion includes a s*xual
aspect, then I can consider myself s*xually addicted
to these violations of others spaces.
Thanks,
Anon
Positive Sex Fiend
> Intrusive s*x occurs when somene is s*xualized or touched
> without their permission-in some cases, without their
> knowledge. The characteristic of intrusive s*x is violation;
> intrusive s*x is s*x whether someone wants it or not.
> Sometimes intrusive s*x can be extremely subtle, so
> that the victim is unaware or, if suspiscious, uncertain
> enough not to protest. Subtle intrusions include:
>
> --- touching people "inadvertantly" in crowded public places
> such as shopping malls, subways, and airports.
This is something that I have been guilty of, though not in a very long
time (more than 10 years). It was incredably exciting to do, but it very
could have gotten the shit beaten out of me, and when I thought about what
I had done I felt incredible guilt (she knew what I was doing; maybe not at
first, but eventually).
Anonymous
> "Anonymous" <tryi...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> > Intrusive s*x occurs when somene is s*xualized or touched
> > without their permission-in some cases, without their
> > knowledge. The characteristic of intrusive s*x is violation;
> > intrusive s*x is s*x whether someone wants it or not.
> > Sometimes intrusive s*x can be extremely subtle, so
> > that the victim is unaware or, if suspiscious, uncertain
> > enough not to protest. Subtle intrusions include:
> >
> > --- touching people "inadvertantly" in crowded public places
> > such as shopping malls, subways, and airports.
>
> This is something that I have been guilty of, though not in a very long
> time (more than 10 years). It was incredably exciting to do, but it very
> could have gotten the shit beaten out of me, and when I thought about what
> I had done I felt incredible guilt (she knew what I was doing; maybe not at
> first, but eventually).
>
> > --- brushing up against people in dance situations such as
> > discos or other night spots.
> >
> > Carnes, Patrick, (1991), Don't Call It Love-Recovery From
> > S*xual Addiction, Bantam: New York, pp. 59-60
> >
I think about how hugs at 12 Step meetings were sometimes
based in lust. Also, recently I've noticed that I touch my
wife in a buddy-buddy type way and she has never been
a "kinetic" type of person. I've got to remember that
she does not appreciate touch at all. She doesn't
consider herself loved by being cuddled like I do, she
considers herself loved by way of speech and sight.
I think this lust for touching and being touched was what
drove my frequent visits to self-service massage parlors.
And, I thought it was perfectly OK. My wife wasn't into
the touch thing and it wasn't really cheating. Why not
fulfill my "needs" by paying for being touched? And
since I was paying for it then it was just a sophisticated
business transaction.
Thanks,
Anon
Positive Sex Fiend
You don't want to be involving people that are not interested in sex with
you to be involved. However, I think that you can also go to far in
keeping yourself away from things like touching other people. Touch is a
well documented need (and I am not saying this because I am a sex addict,
but because I am a social scientist) and denying yourself physical human
contact is also dangerous to your mental health. Baby monkeys who grew up
with no touching grew up to be anxious and depressed. Becareful with what
you deny yourself.
Anonymous
For me, I lost the true meaning of intimacy when I crossed that
invisible line into addiction. I would think that all touch was
suppose to lead to s*x. I would use the word intimate as
a "polite" word for s*x. I now am living with the understanding
that I can be intimate without events always leading to s*x.
I now see how I can be intimate and loving without the
use of touch.
>
> Touch is a
> well documented need (and I am not saying this because I am a sex addict,
> but because I am a social scientist) and denying yourself physical human
> contact is also dangerous to your mental health.
>
Ideally, I would agree. But, since I am a s*xaholic I have
used this exact rationalization to continue in the addiction.
My argument for my "needs" would start very scientifically,
but would conclude with the irrational and unscientific defense
of lust. For the non-addict, the instinct to procreate and
continue the species exists without any lust. For me,
the s*xaholic, this natural instinct is totally twisted.
Therefore, I do not have the luxury of entertaining
anything that remotely resembles lust. This includes
getting my needs met. For me, the s*xaholic, those
needs have been reduced to selfish wants for a very
long time.
>
> Baby monkeys who grew up
> with no touching grew up to be anxious and depressed.
>
I can relate to the neglect I felt as a child fueling my out of
control s*xual "needs" as an adult. In fact, I have just recognized
domination and fear of rejection as the basis for my pursuit of
street s*x.
>
> Be careful with what
> you deny yourself.
>
I don't look at sobriety as me denying myself. For me, that
is contrary to my admission of powerlessness. I look at
my way of living now as what used to be considered totally
normal under cultural morays for a single person--celibacy.
Thanks,
Anon