Social Skills
Ray Lockheed
Does anyone know of a really worthwhile book that explains good social
skills and how to develope these skills?
I'm looking for ways to immediately feel at ease when meeting new people.
(or just not uneasy!) I think that first impressions can mean a lot in
today's fast paced world. %}
Michael Carraher
"Shyness" by Philip Zimbardo
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie
Al Tino
Ray Lockheed wrote:
>
> Does anyone know of a really worthwhile book that explains good social
> skills and how to develope these skills?
> I'm looking for ways to immediately feel at ease when meeting new people.
> (or just not uneasy!) I think that first impressions can mean a lot in
> today's fast paced world. %}
Try:
Conversationally Speaking, by Alan Garner
How to Start a Conversation & Make Friends, by Don Gabor
Both are widely available.
Good Luck!
Patrick Magee
Ray Lockheed wrote:
> Does anyone know of a really worthwhile book that explains good social
> skills and how to develope these skills?
> I'm looking for ways to immediately feel at ease when meeting new people.
> (or just not uneasy!) I think that first impressions can mean a lot in
> today's fast paced world. %}
I recommend Stephen Covey's book, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People".
In his "Principles of Personal Leadership" chapter, Covey describes the
advantages of centering yourself on fundamental principles. I believe
our relations with others are a mirror of the lessons we need to learn
on our path of personal development. You might try the Tony Robbins'
technique of changing your focus when you meet someone. Ask yourself, "I
wonder what fascinating lesson I will learn from meeting this person?"
Another book that might be useful is Deepak Chopra's "7 Spiritual Laws
of Success". He describes a mindset of "releasing tension" or anxiety
about a particular outcome, a technique for balancing your desire to
create more harmony in relationships with a more "let the universe run
it's course" attitude. To apply this, spend a moment when you are alone
imagining a conversation going very well, both of you walking away with
gratitude for having met. Then totally let go of that thought. The next
time you meet someone, just let the conversation flow as it will.
Many times in the past I've tried to impose my idea of how I thought a
conversation should go on a conversation. Some conversations aren't
meant to flow, others flow in ways beyond my wildest imagination. The
trick is to know when to interject a bit of willpower into directing the
flow, which involves tuning into your intuition. Have you ever wanted to
say something in a conversation but got the impression that the other
person was trying to block you from saying it? It may be that they
aren't open to the discussion at that particular moment.
The biggest lesson I've learned in interpersonal relations is that I
cannot be honest with others until I am first honest with myself. Being
honest with myself involves being in touch with my true feelings during
a conversation. Many times in the past, I sort of stuffed my feelings,
dealing with the person only from an intellectual viewpoint, on some
level figuring that I could address my feelings about the issue later
after having some time to think about things. I am now striving to be
more emotionally present in my conversations.
Just a few thoughts from someone who wrestled with this issue for a
number of years, and probably still has a ways to go.
--
Patrick T. Magee, author of "Brain Dancing", m...@bdance.com
http://www.bdance.com/bdance/homepage.htm
"Focused action beats brilliance any day." Art Turock
Joe Mahma
Al Tino <ti...@hostare.ho.att.com> posted:
:Try:
:Conversationally Speaking, by Alan Garner
hmmm. Garner's book is maybe a little weak for my taste,
while,
:How to Start a Conversation & Make Friends, by Don Gabor
i found to be AWESOME,
as was,
Andrew Matthews' MAKING FRIENDS isbn 0-8431-2969
(and some people really like Alan McGinnis' THE FRIENDSHIP FACTOR),
and, heck,
my suggested secret to excellent social skills,
let go of all pretense,
be yourself,
and watch and observe how people interact,
if you start paying attention to the 'skills' other people use
you will eventually become 'attuned' and learn.
grum...@iwaynet.net
In article <3203AD...@halcyon.com>, Patrick Magee <m...@halcyon.com> wrote:
>Ray Lockheed wrote:
>
>> Does anyone know of a really worthwhile book that explains good social
>> skills and how to develope these skills?
>> I'm looking for ways to immediately feel at ease when meeting new people.
>> (or just not uneasy!) I think that first impressions can mean a lot in
>> today's fast paced world. %}
The best book I have ever read on this subject was, "How To Win Friends and
Influence People". A CLASSIC book on which many newer social skills/sales/leadership
techniques are based. It will be at your local bookstore, and is quite easy to
understand and to put into practice!
Let me know how you like it.
Dave
Will Schmitt
Ray Lockheed wrote:
>
> Does anyone know of a really worthwhile book that explains good social
> skills and how to develope these skills?
> I'm looking for ways to immediately feel at ease when meeting new people.
> (or just not uneasy!) I think that first impressions can mean a lot in
But most of all - Just be yourself, be happy and be sincerely more
interested in the other person more than yourself. Meeting new people
is very exciting - People are exciting! - You are interesting and
exciting!
jbs...@magi.com
Ray Lockheed <xph...@istar.ca> wrote:
>Does anyone know of a really worthwhile book that explains good social
>skills and how to develope these skills?
>I'm looking for ways to immediately feel at ease when meeting new people.
>(or just not uneasy!) I think that first impressions can mean a lot in
>today's fast paced world. %}
To add to all of the other Great suggestions, may I suggest a way to
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Some excellent programming on Social Skills includes Jim Rohn's
programming on Jim Rohn's Unshakable Character series, The Art of Self
Motivation from Bonnie St. John Deane, The Six Pillars of Self Esteem
from Nathaniel Branden, Greatest Secrets of Success from the great Og
Mandino, How To Position Yourself for Success from Nido Quebein....
There are endless ideas, concpets, and tips on building your inner
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complete social harmony.
Just thought I would throw this in as an option to receiving TOP
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if you would like additional informtion
Jeff
Jeff Smith
KISP Communication Services
TPN Independent Distributor
Personal Devpt. Satellite Opportunity
Joe Mahma
Will Schmitt <wsch...@philly.infi.net> posted:
:Ray Lockheed wrote:
:> Does anyone know of a really worthwhile book that explains good social
:be happy and be sincerely more
:interested in the other person more than yourself.
and per my other post in this thread (somewhere), i think that this
simplistic idea (which i had when i first read the book), is TOTALLY
MISSING THE POINT (which, admittadbly i did too, and it did not come
to me until the 'umteenth' re-reading).
being interested in other person is not the answer. if we are, for
example, interested in others, and wanting to correct them, change
them, fix them, according to Mr. Carnegie's philosophy we are on the
wrong, WAY WRONG, track.
interest is not really the key (as i understand it), the interest is
really concern, or CARING (caring about other people),
and is built on a solid foundation of RESPECT and ACCEPTANCE.
for someone seeking social skills, (well, successful social skills,
anyhow), imho, ACCEPTANCE of other people AS THEY ARE, is a primary,
fundamental, and basic element.
anyhow,
Copr. 1996 Joe Mahma.
All Rights Reserved.
Joe Mahma
grum...@iwaynet.net posted:
: The best book I have ever read on this subject was, "How To Win Friends and
:techniques are based. It will be at your local bookstore, and is quite easy to
:understand and to put into practice!
and while if find this also to be a CLASSIC,
i did not find the book "easy to understand".
i probably had to read the book about 10 times to really understand
what was going on UNDER the facial context of the writing,
ie,
to my mind, (warped as it may be),
the is some powerful, VERY POWERFUL, stuff in that book,
stuff which does not (at least for me) appear anywhere near the
surface,
and stuff that, after the book is read carefully for the (6th, 10th,
whatever) time,
starts to shine through the surface,
and totally changes (at least for me) the ideas offered.
for example,
after very, very careful re-re-reading, the 'philosophy' of the work
becomes more clear, one based on kindness, words of appreciation and
encouragment.
for example,
in chapter two, "The BIg Secret of Dealing with People" (and there is
much more in there than just this,) Mr. Carnegie directs "Show honest
and sincere appreciation", and, after much re-reading,
from those same pages, imerged the (to my mind) greater concept and
philosphy that "Hurting people .. does not change them".
that idea (which relates to kindess, etc) to my mind is powerful, and
yet, it took me a long, long time with the book, to realize this was
the thrust (or part of the thrust) of Mr. Carnegie's "Principle 2".
or, for further example, under the same principle, which to the casual
reader is simply "Show honest and sincere appreciation.", lies a great
and POWERFUL (to my thought) concept/philosophy of ACCEPTANCE. Mr.
Carnegie writes "I can't think of six things I would like to change
about you. I love you the way you are."
even Mr. Carnegie explains "I am talking about a new way of life.",
though for some reasons, i missed this point the first few times i
read the book (thinking the book was one of technique, btw, the same
mistake COVEY makes about it). (interestingly, and since i've
mentioned covey, Mr. Carnegie's philosophies include many of the
'modern' empowerment ideas, for example in his "You Can't Win an
Argument" chapter, Mr. Carnegie offers a "Listen First." approach,
"Try to build bridges of understanding". Covey's equivelant is, of
course, "Seek first to understand, and then to be understood".
anyhow,
just some thoughts.