Garmin Jokes

[Matthew Lybanon]

I'm not making this up.

Our Garmin (not sure of the model; maybe nuvi 451) usually does a good
job, and sometimes she's also entertaining. Most of the time
Mississippi state highways are named correctly but once in a while we
get "Turn left on manuscript 35 (MS 35). Texas is even better. Texas
has a group of highways called "Farm to Market" (FM) roads. Again,
usually it comes out "FM 922," but "Exit onto "Federated States of
Micronesia 1307" is good for a laugh every time; sometimes it's hard to
hold the steering wheel straight.

[Mike Coon]

It must be the way she tells 'em!

Mike.
--
If reply address is Mike@@mjcoon.+.com (invalid), remove spurious "@"
and substitute "plus" for +.

[garmi...@gmail.com]

I've been directed to turn left on "Perry Meter Rd ( Perimeter Rd) !
:-)

[Steve Stone]

On a recent vacation trip we rented a small cottage up the road from a
church.
The Garmin cheerfully reported we had reached our "Final Destination"
when we drove past the church cemetery.

[Theodore Heise]

On Tue, 03 Sep 2013 09:08:45 -0400,
garmi...@gmail.com <garmi...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Mon, 02 Sep 2013 21:16:58 -0500, Matthew Lybanon
><lyb...@earthlink.net> wrote:

>> ...Most of the time Mississippi state highways are named

>> correctly but once in a while we get "Turn left on manuscript
>> 35 (MS 35). Texas is even better. Texas has a group of
>> highways called "Farm to Market" (FM) roads. Again, usually it
>> comes out "FM 922," but "Exit onto "Federated States of

>> Micronesia 1307" is good for a laugh every time...

> I've been directed to turn left on "Perry Meter Rd ( Perimeter
> Rd) ! :-)

Last time I was in Nebraska, the Google turn by turn direction
told me to turn onto Northeast 41 toward Sterling. It didn't come
to me until later that it was interpreting Nebraska (NE) state
highway 41.

--
Theodore (Ted) Heise <th...@heise.nu> Bloomington, IN, USA

[Alan]

There is a road I travel called Montezuma. Miss Garmin pronounces it
Mon-TEZZ-u-ma.

I find more amusing the odd routings. At one point I was told to turn
though a wire fence to follow what were literally wagon tracks in the
SD Badlands.


--
Alan

[Patty Winter]

In article <hp0d295e2agdcjc98...@4ax.com>,

Alan <ALANBI...@YAHOO.COM> wrote:
>
>I find more amusing the odd routings. At one point I was told to turn
>though a wire fence to follow what were literally wagon tracks in the
>SD Badlands.

Ah, so Garmin has put in an optional Pioneer Mode?

:-)


Patty

[Broadback]

To be fair to Garmin pronunciation of place name is often illogical. For
example Frome is pronounced Froom. But the worse is a seaside village in
Norfolk, when I first visited there as a 19 year old I stopped and asked
an elderly man (well he seemed it me then the way to "Happisburgh" I
pronounced it as "Happysburg". After much scratching of his head he said
"Oh you mean "Haysbruh", it was!

[BobMCT]

In Brookly, NY the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway (EXPWY) is pronounced
"Expweeee".

[Mike Coon]

Broadback wrote:
> To be fair to Garmin pronunciation of place name is often illogical.
> For example Frome is pronounced Froom.

Illogical, perhaps, but correct!

Mike (with Somerset antecedents)

[Mike Lane]

Then there were the Australian couple on their way to 'Loogboroog', which
turned out to be Loughborough.


--
Mike Lane
UK North Yorkshire
mike_lane at mac dot com

[Moe DeLoughan]

On 9/4/2013 3:45 AM, Broadback wrote:
> On 04/09/2013 04:17, Patty Winter wrote:
>> In article <hp0d295e2agdcjc98...@4ax.com>,
>> Alan <ALANBI...@YAHOO.COM> wrote:
>>>
>>> I find more amusing the odd routings. At one point I was told to turn
>>> though a wire fence to follow what were literally wagon tracks in the
>>> SD Badlands.
>>
>> Ah, so Garmin has put in an optional Pioneer Mode?
>>
>> :-)
>>
>>
>> Patty
>>
> To be fair to Garmin pronunciation of place name is often illogical.
> For example Frome is pronounced Froom.

On the other hand, sometimes it is bad just because it is just
stringing together two or more syllables to create the word, and those
syllables are incorrectly pronounced or garbled. Add to that the
problem of incorrectly identifying abbreviations as something else and
pronouncing it as such and it can get pretty annoying.

Is there any way to record one's own pronunciations of local street
names and abbreviations and incorporate them into the Garmin software?

[William Munny]

Yeah, in northern Georgia, many street names end in Bridge or
Ferry--reflecting local history of how people used to cross the rivers
that interrupted the wagon trails back in the day. So street signs often
say things like Jones Br Rd and Johnson Fy Rd.

Samantha sometimes calls them "Jones Brother Road" or "Johnson Fee
Road". The Brit female voice loves to call I-285 "Interstate two hundred
and eighty five..."

--
...William Munny, a known thief and murderer, a man of notoriously
vicious and intemperate disposition.
--Unforgiven

[pedro]

Our destination required turning onto Lakeshore Drive East (Penticton,
BC). It seems that Garmin's view of "embedded" abbreviations turns
Lakeshore Dr E into Lakeshore Doctor East.

SInce that occasion we have found quite a number of similar
"expansions" of usually-terminating-but-now-embedded abbreviations.

[Ed Pawlowski]

On Wed, 04 Sep 2013 06:56:31 -0500, Moe DeLoughan <m...@null.com>
wrote:

>
>Is there any way to record one's own pronunciations of local street
>names and abbreviations and incorporate them into the Garmin software?

No, it is not pronouncing words. It is a computer taking strings of
letters and an algorithm says what the sound will be. It may be
possible by making some adjustments in the program to recognize some
strings differently, it is not like adding words to the spell check
library.

[Patty Winter]

In article <hh6g295ol5nvndt0i...@4ax.com>,

pedro <m...@privacy.net> wrote:
>Our destination required turning onto Lakeshore Drive East (Penticton,
>BC). It seems that Garmin's view of "embedded" abbreviations turns
>Lakeshore Dr E into Lakeshore Doctor East.

Good heavens--it's a GPS system, not a general-purpose computer.
In the U.S. and Canada, "drive," not "doctor," should be the default
pronunciation for "Dr"!!


Patty

[Tom J]

Have you updated your software lately? It got rid of some of the bad calls
when I updated recently.

Tom j

[Moe DeLoughan]

This is doable with Microsoft's mapping software, and DeLorme's, too.
There are applications that allow you to open and edit the voice files
to fix mispronunciations and to just have fun customizing your
device's comments and commands. It appears there are a couple of
applications available to edit Garmin voice files as well:

http://turboccc.wikispaces.com/TTSVoiceEditor

TTSVoiceEditor

Edit and change Garmin VPM voice file (TTS voice file only)
Main Features

Change phrases like "recalculating" to something more enjoyable
Control voice volume (level)
Change voice rate (speed)
Import/Export from/to text files (used for sharing, cleaning and
copying to newer voice file)

How-To

1- Start TTSVoiceEditor.
2- Use File->Open to open a VPM file (TTS type only)
3- Click twice on the word/expression you wish to change
4- Enter the new word/expression. You are not limited to the
original length. See "Hints" below.
5- Click OK to change or Cancel to abort this change
6- Modify as many words/expressions as you wish by repeating
steps 4&5.
7- Optionally, you can change the voice rate, the voice level and
the screen name.
9- Use File->Save to save the new VPM file. Add ".vpm" to your
filename. You still need to use the original .vpm file name.
10- Copy it on your Garmin in the Garmin/Voice directory.

Also

http://turboccc.wikispaces.com/NonTTSVoiceEditor

NonTTSVoiceEditor
Split and Merge Garmin VPM voice file (non-TTS voice file only)

Main Features

Split a Garmin VPM file into a serie of WAV files
Split a TomTom CHK file into a serie of OGG files (Vorbis audio
files)
Preview and play WAV voice samples and phrases
Merge them back into a VPM file

Model Compatibility

Should be compatible with all Garmin non-TTS voice file, except
DrNightmare & Elfred which are encrypted.

How-To

1- Copy a non-TTS VPM voice file from your GPS to your computer
2- Start NonTTSVoiceEditor wizard and follow the directives
3- Select Extract to split the VPM into WAV files
4- Use an external program like Audacity to record/edit the WAV files
5- Select Play to preview the WAV voice samples and phrases
6- Select Merge to join the WAV files into a VPM file
7- Copy the newly modified non-TTS VPM voice file back to your GPS

The program will merge the audio file you have. Make sure they are in
the same format as the original WAV files. All files should be mono
(rather than stereo). They could be 16-bit PCM audio or 4-bit ADPCM
audio at 22 kHz. I provide no conversion for now, but this may be
coming later.

[DaveG]

On Thu, 05 Sep 2013 17:21:10 +0000, Patty Winter wrote:

> In the English speaking Garmin voices, "drive," not "doctor," should be

the default
> pronunciation for "Dr"!!

There, fixed that for ya :-)

--
GCHQ - The only part of the government that actually listens to you.

[Patty Winter]

In article <pan.2013.09...@dgmmnospam.net>,

DaveG <nos...@nospam.dgmm.net> wrote:
>On Thu, 05 Sep 2013 17:21:10 +0000, Patty Winter wrote:
>
>> In the English speaking Garmin voices, "drive," not "doctor," should be
>the default
>> pronunciation for "Dr"!!
>
>There, fixed that for ya :-)

I purposely said "U.S. and Canada" rather than "English-speaking"
because I don't know how the abbreviation "Dr" is used on maps in
other English-speaking countries. Does it mean "drive" in England?
In Australia? Among English speakers in India? Is it even used at
all in those countries? I limited my statement to countries where
I was sure the statement would apply. Your revised version may not
be accurate.


Patty

[Patty Winter]

In article <l0agtf$6g6$1...@speranza.aioe.org>,

Moe DeLoughan <m...@null.com> wrote:
>
>TTSVoiceEditor
>
>Edit and change Garmin VPM voice file (TTS voice file only)
>Main Features
>
> Change phrases like "recalculating" to something more enjoyable

Oooh, I like that idea! It could say, "Trying to figure out where the
hell you've driven now" or some such. :-)


Patty

[Moe DeLoughan]

I had a cunning plan to surreptitiously lift my brother's Garmin and
edit several of the phrases to include a few choice personal insults.
I forgot all about that. Hmmm...I'll have to test it out on my Garmin
first, then tell him I need to do a maps update on his and to bring it
over...

[Mike Coon]

Patty Winter wrote:
> I purposely said "U.S. and Canada" rather than "English-speaking"
> because I don't know how the abbreviation "Dr" is used on maps in
> other English-speaking countries. Does it mean "drive" in England?
> In Australia? Among English speakers in India? Is it even used at
> all in those countries? I limited my statement to countries where
> I was sure the statement would apply. Your revised version may not
> be accurate.
> Patty

Certainly "Dr" is commonly used for "Drive" in the UK. But of course a
general purpose text to speech program may assume that a Dr is more commonly
a doctor and pronounce it accordingly. Daft for satnav!

Mike.

[DaveG]

On Thu, 05 Sep 2013 22:10:47 +0100, Mike Coon wrote:

> Certainly "Dr" is commonly used for "Drive" in the UK. But of course a
> general purpose text to speech program may assume that a Dr is more
> commonly a doctor and pronounce it accordingly. Daft for satnav!

+1

[Patty Winter]

In article <XPudnZkS6vP1brXP...@brightview.co.uk>,

Mike Coon <Mike@@mjcoon.+.com> wrote:
>
>Certainly "Dr" is commonly used for "Drive" in the UK. But of course a
>general purpose text to speech program may assume that a Dr is more commonly
>a doctor and pronounce it accordingly. Daft for satnav!

Yep, exactly the point I made a couple of postings ago. This is
text-to-speech for a GPS receiver, not a general-purpose computer.
Garmin should have filtered out the nonsensical "translations."


Patty

[Reinhard Zwirner]

Moe DeLoughan schrieb:

[...]

> I had a cunning plan to surreptitiously lift my brother's Garmin and
> edit several of the phrases to include a few choice personal insults.
> I forgot all about that. Hmmm...I'll have to test it out on my Garmin
> first, then tell him I need to do a maps update on his and to bring
> it over...

That's mean! Shame on you! ;-)

[DaveG]

Giving this further thought, the text to speech also reads out POIs on
arrival, although obviously street names should have priority over other
possible pronunciations.

[Patty Winter]

In article <pan.2013.09...@dgmmnospam.net>,
DaveG <nos...@nospam.dgmm.net> wrote:
>

>Giving this further thought, the text to speech also reads out POIs on
>arrival, although obviously street names should have priority over other
>possible pronunciations.

Ah, so you're saying that a collection of POIs could include doctors'
offices?


Patty

[DaveG]

Yes, they do.

[Peter H. Coffin]

On Fri, 06 Sep 2013 18:28:53 GMT, DaveG wrote:
> Giving this further thought, the text to speech also reads out POIs on
> arrival, although obviously street names should have priority over other
> possible pronunciations.

"Dr Martin Luther King Jr Dr" might be a particular challenge.

--
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
-- Hector Berlioz

[Gene E. Bloch]

On Sat, 7 Sep 2013 16:41:01 -0500, Peter H. Coffin wrote:

> On Fri, 06 Sep 2013 18:28:53 GMT, DaveG wrote:
>> Giving this further thought, the text to speech also reads out POIs on
>> arrival, although obviously street names should have priority over other
>> possible pronunciations.
>
> "Dr Martin Luther King Jr Dr" might be a particular challenge.

For no reason I can fathom, that (nice one!) made me think of
"Ave Maria Ave", possibly in Vatican City.

I found this
http://www.avemaria.edu/

but it's on Ave Maria Blvd in Ave Maria, FL.

--
Gene E. Bloch (Stumbling Bloch)

[DaveG]

On Sat, 07 Sep 2013 16:41:01 -0500, Peter H. Coffin wrote:

> "Dr Martin Luther King Jr Dr" might be a particular challenge.

:-)

[Peter H. Coffin]

You know, that might be worse, given that there's a famous "Ave of the
Americas" which one wouldn't want to screw up. (OTOH, mere mortals
probably shouldn't try to drive on that one either...)

--
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops
in their use. That way--even if the heroes manage to neutralize my
standard-issue energy weapons useless--my troops will not be overrun
by a handful of savages armed with spears.

[willshak]

Peter H. Coffin wrote:
> On Sat, 7 Sep 2013 15:18:11 -0700, Gene E. Bloch wrote:
>> On Sat, 7 Sep 2013 16:41:01 -0500, Peter H. Coffin wrote:
>>
>>> On Fri, 06 Sep 2013 18:28:53 GMT, DaveG wrote:
>>>> Giving this further thought, the text to speech also reads out POIs on
>>>> arrival, although obviously street names should have priority over other
>>>> possible pronunciations.
>>> "Dr Martin Luther King Jr Dr" might be a particular challenge.
>> For no reason I can fathom, that (nice one!) made me think of
>> "Ave Maria Ave", possibly in Vatican City.
>>
>> I found this
>> http://www.avemaria.edu/
>>
>> but it's on Ave Maria Blvd in Ave Maria, FL.
>
> You know, that might be worse, given that there's a famous "Ave of the
> Americas" which one wouldn't want to screw up. (OTOH, mere mortals
> probably shouldn't try to drive on that one either...)
>

AKA "6th Avenue" in Manhattan, NYC.

--
Bill
In Hamptonburgh, NY
In the original Orange County. Est. 1683
To email, remove the double zeros after @

[William Munny]

On 9/7/13 5:41 PM, Peter H. Coffin wrote:
> On Fri, 06 Sep 2013 18:28:53 GMT, DaveG wrote:
>> Giving this further thought, the text to speech also reads out POIs on
>> arrival, although obviously street names should have priority over other
>> possible pronunciations.
>
> "Dr Martin Luther King Jr Dr" might be a particular challenge.
>

Less so if you keep moving with windows up and doors locked...

--
How come community-organized neighborhoods all have iron bars on their
windows? How come protesting now looks just like looting?

[Gene E. Bloch]

On Sun, 8 Sep 2013 10:26:21 -0500, Peter H. Coffin wrote:

> On Sat, 7 Sep 2013 15:18:11 -0700, Gene E. Bloch wrote:
>> On Sat, 7 Sep 2013 16:41:01 -0500, Peter H. Coffin wrote:
>>
>>> On Fri, 06 Sep 2013 18:28:53 GMT, DaveG wrote:
>>>> Giving this further thought, the text to speech also reads out POIs on
>>>> arrival, although obviously street names should have priority over other
>>>> possible pronunciations.
>>>
>>> "Dr Martin Luther King Jr Dr" might be a particular challenge.
>>
>> For no reason I can fathom, that (nice one!) made me think of
>> "Ave Maria Ave", possibly in Vatican City.
>>
>> I found this
>> http://www.avemaria.edu/
>>
>> but it's on Ave Maria Blvd in Ave Maria, FL.
>
> You know, that might be worse, given that there's a famous "Ave of the
> Americas" which one wouldn't want to screw up. (OTOH, mere mortals
> probably shouldn't try to drive on that one either...)

Well, Ave is better than Vale in this case...

That's bad enough that I should just duck and run without bothering to
grin...

[Sunshine]

On Sun, 08 Sep 2013 12:11:16 -0400, willshak <will...@00hvc.rr.com> wrote:

>Peter H. Coffin wrote:
>> On Sat, 7 Sep 2013 15:18:11 -0700, Gene E. Bloch wrote:
>>> On Sat, 7 Sep 2013 16:41:01 -0500, Peter H. Coffin wrote:
>>>
>>>> On Fri, 06 Sep 2013 18:28:53 GMT, DaveG wrote:
>>>>> Giving this further thought, the text to speech also reads out POIs on
>>>>> arrival, although obviously street names should have priority over other
>>>>> possible pronunciations.
>>>> "Dr Martin Luther King Jr Dr" might be a particular challenge.
>>> For no reason I can fathom, that (nice one!) made me think of
>>> "Ave Maria Ave", possibly in Vatican City.
>>>
>>> I found this
>>> http://www.avemaria.edu/
>>>
>>> but it's on Ave Maria Blvd in Ave Maria, FL.
>>
>> You know, that might be worse, given that there's a famous "Ave of the
>> Americas" which one wouldn't want to screw up. (OTOH, mere mortals
>> probably shouldn't try to drive on that one either...)
>>
>
>AKA "6th Avenue" in Manhattan, NYC.

I was just there (lower Manhattan, or is it considered Midtown) last week. I
drove 6th Avenue from 24th to 55th streets in both directions and didn't
notice any difficulties with traffic.

[Ed Pawlowski]

On Mon, 09 Sep 2013 21:12:35 -0500, Sunshine <suns...@none.invalid>
wrote:

>I was just there (lower Manhattan, or is it considered Midtown) last week. I
>drove 6th Avenue from 24th to 55th streets in both directions and didn't
>notice any difficulties with traffic.

So we can conclude there is never a traffic jam in NYC. Thanks for
letting us know.

[willshak]

He must not have been on 6th Avenue. You cannot drive in both directions
(not legally, anyway) on 6th Avenue. 6th Ave is a one-way street running
northbound only.

[Gene E. Bloch]

On Sun, 08 Sep 2013 12:11:16 -0400, willshak wrote:

>> You know, that might be worse, given that there's a famous "Ave of the
>> Americas" which one wouldn't want to screw up. (OTOH, mere mortals
>> probably shouldn't try to drive on that one either...)
>>
>
> AKA "6th Avenue" in Manhattan, NYC.

Just a couple of days I was driving on a street in another city whose
name new people consistently mispronounce, and I asked my companion
whether she knew if New Yorkers still refer to Avenue of the Americas as
6th Avenue.

It just occurred to me that the question is almost on-topic in this
subthread, so: does anyone here knows how New Yorkers refer to the
street these days?

[NewYor...@nowhere.com]

For New Yorkers, it's always been 6th Avenue even though the name was
officially changed in 1945. In the 25 years I lived there (born there
FWIW), I would have to try to figure out what the hell anyone was
talking about if they called it A of A. I think only visitors, when
looking at a map, call it Avenue of the Americas. I haven't tried it,
but I doubt a cab driver could find A of A.

For you non-New Yorkers, do I now live in "Hue-ston" as in Whitney, or
House-ton, as in Street? "Gren-ich" or Green-wich? Toe-may-to or
to-mah-to?

To get back on track, the Garmin lady calls the state "I-OWE (accent
here)-a.

[Sunshine]

On Tue, 10 Sep 2013 11:24:11 -0400, willshak <will...@00hvc.rr.com> wrote:

>Ed Pawlowski wrote:
>> On Mon, 09 Sep 2013 21:12:35 -0500, Sunshine <suns...@none.invalid>
>> wrote:
>>
>>
>>
>>> I was just there (lower Manhattan, or is it considered Midtown) last week. I
>>> drove 6th Avenue from 24th to 55th streets in both directions and didn't
>>> notice any difficulties with traffic.
>>
>> So we can conclude there is never a traffic jam in NYC. Thanks for
>> letting us know.
>
>
>He must not have been on 6th Avenue. You cannot drive in both directions
>(not legally, anyway) on 6th Avenue. 6th Ave is a one-way street running
>northbound only.

You're correct, it's one way northbound. I misspoke, but I did drive it
northbound on several successive days and didn't encounter any unusual or
extreme traffic situations. There were plenty of other streets in the area
that were equally busy. I've seen much worse traffic in some European
cities, for example.

[Sunshine]

That's what you got from that? Weird, but probably due to poor snipping
habits. Here, I'll help.

On Sun, 08 Sep 2013 12:11:16 -0400, willshak <will...@00hvc.rr.com> wrote:

>Peter H. Coffin wrote:
>> On Sat, 7 Sep 2013 15:18:11 -0700, Gene E. Bloch wrote:
>>
>> You know, that might be worse, given that there's a famous "Ave of the
>> Americas" which one wouldn't want to screw up. (OTOH, mere mortals
>> probably shouldn't try to drive on that one either...)
>>
>
>AKA "6th Avenue" in Manhattan, NYC.

Mere mortals, of which I am one, do just fine in NYC, including on the
street in question.

[Gene E. Bloch]

OTOH, what seems to be ascribed to me above wasn't typed by me :-)