question..
遼颠, the Toast with the Most
<jmo...@gncom.com> wrote in message news:37AA0671...@gncom.com...
> I never wanted to be an animal and knew little about panthers and
wereanimals other
> then what I read in legends but I have learned a few months ago that I am
a
> werepanther.
No, you're not. You're a werenutcase.
> I have physically shifted
No, you haven't. You've experienced some whacky, stupid hallucination that
anyone with a grip on themselves would have easily dispelled before running
(on *two* legs) to a fucking psychotherapist. You are out of your head.
The only thing you have turned into is an ignorant, delusional FREAK.
> and possess a keen sense of smell
No, you don't. You just spend all your time around really smelly people,
things.
> night vision that rivals that of any animal,
No, you don't, you moron. Those purple afterimages you see when you turn
off the lights are NOT your sparkly astral friends. They are visual
artifacts, and you can't see worth shit in the dark compared to virtually
any other non-subterranean mammal. Want proof? Go hang out with the lions
at the zoo, some dark night. I'll talk to you the following morning, if you
can hear through the bandages.
> and the ability to adapt to
> virtually any environment.
The word is "clothing." See also "shelter," "food." HTH.
> I possess predatory and fighting instincts and have
> learned how to use them in my everyday life.
That's called "being an insecure asshole." If you need to fight in your
everyday life, it's because you have been making a fool of yourself and
people want to beat you up.
> I also have a strong psychic link
No, you don't.
> with felines and have telepathically communicated with them.
No, you haven't. When you thought the cat was saying "Fair and well met,
fellow mammal," it was really thinking "Food meow sleep meow."
> I know that I am a werepanther for a reason
That reason being that you are off your fucking rocker.
> and am currently trying to learn how to control my
> abilities
Which don't exist, so that shouldn't be too difficult.
> so that I will be ready for whatever destiny I may have.
You are destined never to hold down a job for very long. You are destined
to have piss-poor relationships. You are destined to see a fucking
psychiatrist. Swami Blub, the Weretoaster, has spoken.
> As far as I am
> concerned about normal humans I try to coexist with them but they are very
> stubborn.
Racist.
> They have lost their way and are basically sheep without a shepherd,
Weresheep.
[balance of this unbalanced bullshit snipped]
Regards,
Blub, the Weretoaster
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>
Pinky the Werecrab
<xtoa...@ytoaster.com> expounded:
>
><jmo...@gncom.com> wrote in message news:37AA0671...@gncom.com...
>> I never wanted to be an animal
I understand your problems. I never wanted to be an animal either. I
knew little about animals and, in fact, I never really cared to
understand them. A few months ago, after leaving Red Lobster, I had a
horrible experience. I fell asleep in the car and dreamed that
shellfish were pulling me apart - litterally drawing and quartering
me. The nightmare persisted for months. I sought help, but
psychiatrists just told me that I had developed a phobia for
shellfish. But one day, I noticed a coincidence.
Everytime I ate shellfish, which was three times a week, I would have
this nightmare. Then, even more bizarre, after waking from one of
these nightmares, I noticed that I couldn't breathe well, my body
temperature was low, and I was always walking sideways running into
things. I thought I had lost my mind.
Then I physically shifted...
I looked into the mirror and I was horrified at what I saw. After
three hours it was over. This persisted weekly. I didn't know what
to do. I couldn't tell a doctor or a therapist - they'd lock me up!
I was at my wits end until one night I came across the shifting FAQ.
I learned, finally, that my problem wasn't mental.
I am a werecrab.
I possess predatory and fighting insticts of any shellfish and have
learned how to filter small brine shrimp through my abdominal mouth.
I also have a strong psychic link to hermit crabs, lobsters, and
welks. For some reason I can never communicate telepathically with
clams or fresh water muscles, but I'm working on it.
I know that I have to be a werecrab for a reason and I have learned to
control my abilities such as stealth sideways walking, using the
keyboard with my claws, protecting my eyes from clown fish, and making
coffee. I am ready for my destiny as soon as it phones me up.
What I feel about normal humans is that they are hard to co-exist
with, especially around dinner. Otherwise, they're an interesting
lot.
Like you, I do not deny the existence of weres because I am one of
them. I have been walking sideways for years now and feel that while
it takes some effort to get where you are going when you walk
sideways, and the fact that people stare and point at a five and a
half foot tall crab buying eggs, it is still preferable to being a
wereurchin.
I love me. Life is good.
-----
Pinky the werecrab