Proposing
Thumper
The last time that I was home I noticed a roadside bulletin board that
had the message "Kathy, will you marry me? -Richard" written on it with
some nice graphics around it. I assumed that the lucky woman drove to work on
that road or something. I also saw a news report once that mentioned a man
sending a plane with a banner over a stadium where his sweetheart was attending
a baseball game.
So I was curious. Does anyone else know any stories about similarly
interesting/funny marriage proposals?
_geoff
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Support your right to arm bears.
Adrian Ho
In article <16...@dartvax.Dartmouth.EDU> geo...@eleazar.dartmouth.edu (Thumper) writes:
>
> The last time that I was home I noticed a roadside bulletin board that
>had the message "Kathy, will you marry me? -Richard" written on it with
>some nice graphics around it. I assumed that the lucky woman drove to work on
>that road or something. I also saw a news report once that mentioned a man
>sending a plane with a banner over a stadium where his sweetheart was attending
>a baseball game.
>
> So I was curious. Does anyone else know any stories about similarly
>interesting/funny marriage proposals?
Sure do. Back home in Singapore about 2 years or so ago, there was a story in
the paper of a guy who took his gal to see a movie. They were waiting for the
advertisements to end when there suddenly popped on the screen a slide that was
obviously lovingly crafted and, yep, it turned out to be his marriage proposal!
Brought the house down, too, if my memory serves me correctly! 8-)
The funny thing is, this guy is by profession.....you guessed it.....an
ENGINEER! (For those of you who still don't get my point, I crossposted this
to soc.singles coz there's an ongoing flamefest over yonder concerning the
typical engineer's ineptness in matters romantic.)
>_geoff
>
>--
> UUCP:| ...!{harvard,linus,att}!dartvax!eleazar!geoffb
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> Hardcopy:| HB #0338; Dartmouth College; Hanover, NH 03755
> Support your right to arm bears.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adrian J Ho a.k.a. The Cybermat Rider adrianho@cory
"Life is like a badly-written play..... ajho@radon
.....trouble is, in life, you can't shoot the playwright." ajho@ocf
- The Omniscient Dodo adrianho@soda
(domain: .berkeley.edu)
That Crazy Tyger!!!
My brother proposed to his fiancee at a professional basketball game.
What is so special about that you say?
Well, he had it up on the scoreboard...
KIRSTEN, WILL YOU MARRY ME? - LEE
And he had the ring for her. And she said yes. Needless to say
they are to be married in June, and I'm best man, and I will be
dribbling a basketball, I assume =)
Hobbes
-----
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PSU Center for Academic Computing / CAC Staff Student Consultant
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"No, I really didn't | AH...@PSUVM.BITNET
drink all that. I |
couldn't have!" | or Syndicated in 346 Newspapers.
- Hobbes |
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Mike Freed
a 23 year old grad student about to go on a blind date with a 31 year
old professional woman. I've only talked with her once (briefly) and
I have no idea whether I'll want more than a friendship - but in any case,
I'd like to get started on the right foot.
Should I bring flowers? (or other?)
How does the paying-for-the-date work? Is the assumption that I pay?
..50/50? Should I bring up the subject if she doesn't?
I've been out of the dating scene for years (and some of this would be
new anyway) -- so any thoughts would be helpful.
Cliff Yamamoto
>I've got a couple questions for all you wise romantics out there. I'm
>a 23 year old grad student about to go on a blind date with a 31 year
Ditto, except the blind date.
>old professional woman. I've only talked with her once (briefly) and
>I have no idea whether I'll want more than a friendship - but in any case,
>I'd like to get started on the right foot.
>
>Should I bring flowers? (or other?)
Unless you want to start something serious. If you still want to bring
flowers, be sure to bring the correct type/color. Look at some previous
articles about flower meanings.
>How does the paying-for-the-date work? Is the assumption that I pay?
>..50/50? Should I bring up the subject if she doesn't?
Ok, some may think this is sexist, but I think you should pay, unless
SHE is the one who asked you on the date or unless she says you're
going "dutch" (meaning you both pay your own way)
>I've been out of the dating scene for years (and some of this would be
>new anyway) -- so any thoughts would be helpful.
Ditto... :(
Cliff
Jeffrey M White
>a 23 year old grad student about to go on a blind date with a 31 year
>old professional woman. I've only talked with her once (briefly) and
>I have no idea whether I'll want more than a friendship - but in any case,
>I'd like to get started on the right foot.
>
>Should I bring flowers? (or other?)
when I'm not sure how it will go over or be appreciated. If the date goes
well adn you like her, you can always send her flowers the next day, telling
her what a good time you had. After one date I had (which wasn't blind, BTW),
I was going to send her flowers, but instead found a card with flowers on it,
and sent it to her saying that I was going to send her flowers, but decided
the money could be better spent on our next date. It sounds like a cheap
excuse, but it really wasn't, and she did like it.
>How does the paying-for-the-date work? Is the assumption that I pay?
>..50/50? Should I bring up the subject if she doesn't?
Depends who asks and what you're doing. In my opinion, unless prior
arrangements are agreed upon, or you are going out long enough together
were these things work themselves out, I believe that who (whom?) ever
asks the other person out should expect to pay for the date. If you start
to part for it and she then offers to pay part of all of it herself, then
you have the option as to what you want to do.
An exemption I have is if the event you are going to is rather highly
priced, say a Broadway show in NYC, where tickets gain easily be $40-$50
a piece. Then, unless one of you is either very rich or very generous,
I think each of you should expect to go Dutch.
Jeff White
University of Pennsylvania
je...@eniac.seas.upenn.edu
the Renaissance Man
| Should I bring flowers? (or other?)
It can't hurt... if you're sure you want to. Nothing like the gallant
gesture. If you're going to do so, though, be sure you mean it...
--
Phil Stracchino | Knight of the Ancient and Honorable Order
Renaissance Man at Large | of the Rampant Turtle
t-p...@microsoft.UUCP | "A Good Knight is Hard to Find"
uunet!microsoft!t-phils | Not just a .signature - a way of life....
CHRISTINE BUCHTA
>
>Should I bring flowers? (or other?)
turn up with gifts the first time we meet. It looks as though he
is trying to make me obligated to him. Yeugh!
>
>How does the paying-for-the-date work?
Difficult one this: I would expect the mna to pay for the date if he
invited me out - I would pay if the date had been my idea. However,
you are a student and she if working so, in a way, she ought to pay
for you - or at least go 50/50. If I were you I would offer to pay
and see what she says. If she has money then I expect that she will
pay.
>
I've never been on a "blind date" and never would, under any circumstances.
Can someone explain to me why anyone would want to go on a blind date?
The mere thought of it makes me yawn. The chances are you are going to
have to spend the evening with someone you don't like, or who is less
than intresting. Are blind dates purely a way of getting a "partner"?
Any comments and observations would be welcomed.
Cari
PS Hope the date goes well! : )
Donna Vargas
>a 23 year old grad student about to go on a blind date with a 31 year
>old professional woman. I've only talked with her once (briefly) and
>I have no idea whether I'll want more than a friendship - but in any case,
>I'd like to get started on the right foot.
>
>Should I bring flowers? (or other?)
A pretty good idea, but I would stay away from red roses. Maybe yellow
roses or pink carnations. If I were the woman, I would think it was
a very nice gesture and a good way to start the evening.
>
>How does the paying-for-the-date work? Is the assumption that I pay?
>..50/50? Should I bring up the subject if she doesn't?
Who set up the date? This one is tough. On the first one, you might
want to pay. Subsequent ones, if any, it may be easier to talk about it.
>
>I've been out of the dating scene for years (and some of this would be
>new anyway) -- so any thoughts would be helpful.
Years???? You're only 23!!!!
Have you decided where to go for the date? That I think is
the most important decision. I personally think that a movie would
be a bad idea if you have talking and getting to know each other
as a goal.
Good Luck and Have Fun!!!!
Donna
Thomas Lapp
> >that road or something. I also saw a news report once that mentioned a man
> >sending a plane with a banner over a stadium where his sweetheart was attending
> >a baseball game.
As far as the baseball game one goes, yes it happened (at least once).
Year was 1988, the game was a home Reds game in Cinncinnati. The banner
came over the stadium in the first few innings of the game. Turns out
the lucky girl was sitting in the section above and to my left.
The banner was flashed on the stadium monitor with the addendum, "Where is
xxxx sitting?". Friends found a stadium cameraman, and she then appeared
on the monitor with the question "What is your answer?". They were then
given box seats for the rest of the game, and the in-house camera system
enjoyed getting shots of them both for the rest of the game.
(And I've got the photographic slides to prove it!)
(Oh, yes. The Reds won (after a longish losing streak)).
- tom
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Jeffrey M White
>
>I've never been on a "blind date" and never would, under any circumstances.
>Can someone explain to me why anyone would want to go on a blind date?
>The mere thought of it makes me yawn. The chances are you are going to
>have to spend the evening with someone you don't like, or who is less
>than intresting. Are blind dates purely a way of getting a "partner"?
Pretty much. You need (or want) a date, don't have the the time or
opportunity to meet the person first, so you go blind. It's that simple.
Even on Love Connection, ther person who gets picked is going blind. They
have no idea what the other person is like, so I wouldn't automatically
assume that only "losers" go on blind dates. I'll admit, it's prabably
preferrable to be able to meet you date first, but as I mentioned,
circumstances don't always make this possible.
Scott Byer
:-).
Because it is an open stadium, and the games are (usually) played during the
day (no lights), there is quite a local business of banner flying around the
stadium.
This Saturday:
"Flo, marry me - Ed"
About an hour later:
"Oh, Ed. Buzz off - Flo"
Well, at least *I* thought it was amusing.
-Scott
by...@adobe.com ...!{decwrl|sun}!adobe!byer
--- Everything is impossible until it isn't ---
--- In reality, I'm a closet extrovert. ---
Rudolph R. Zung
There was this one article I read about innovative ways of proposing, where
they did mention one ingenious young man proposing to his college
sweetheart at their graduation. It turns out that he got the permission of
the Dean of Women to include his written proposal with her
degree/diploma/parchment.
...Rudy Names and places have been identified to protect the anonymous.
InterNet: rz...@andrew.cmu.edu BITnet : rz02+@andrew
UUCP : ...!{ucbvax, harvard}!andrew.cmu.edu!rz02+
R Zung (412) 681-4237 \ CMU Box 231 \ Pittsburgh PA 15213
Kurt Hoesly
>had the message "Kathy, will you marry me? -Richard" written on it with
>
> So I was curious. Does anyone else know any stories about similarly
>interesting/funny marriage proposals?
Well, it's not exactly a proposal, but it's along the same lines as the
roadsine bulletin board.
My mother has a private bakery in the house, and makes cakes for
just about any occasion. One of the wedding cakes that she delivered
(she does the set-up to make sure nothing happens) went to a rather
isolated 'lodge' on a lake. Along the gravel road, the bride's
friends had posted a bunch of signs (a la Burma-Shave) on various topics
pertaining to the wedding. A really unique idea, I thought, especially
in northern Wisconsin. :-)
kdh
Graf Eberstein
> Subj: Proposing
> Keyw: Amusing ways to "pop the question"
> So I was curious. Does anyone else know any stories about similarly
>interesting/funny marriage proposals?
Funny that you mention it... A few years ago, I was engaged to create the
lighting for a regional Theatre company, and there was this actress who's
boyfriend worked on the crew. Anyway, on the day of the first Dress
Rehearsal, a stranger came into the auditorium. This stranger, it turned
out, was the bearer of a singing telegram.
This telegram included a proposal of marriage lifted right out of the
playscript. Aside from her acceptance, the rehearsal was pretty amusing to
watch that night -especially when that scene came up....
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+
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| Modeming since 1980 E-MAIL: tronsbox!akcs....@ddsw1.mcs.com |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+
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bleys
>Should I bring flowers? (or other?)
>
>How does the paying-for-the-date work? Is the assumption that I pay?
>..50/50? Should I bring up the subject if she doesn't?
>
right foot if you do something to demonstrate that it's a date, not a
meeting. If it turns out that you want to be "just friends", the flowers
didn't hurt, and if you want to be more, you've got a head start!<grin>
You should assume that you'll be paying the check. If she offers to pay all
or part, you'll have to use your judgement as to whether she's sincere, or
being polite. If she's not sincere, you'll have to decide how you feel
about that, too...<chuckle>
I hope that helps... I've been on more blind dates than I can count in the
last few years, and I've only got a few really scary stories. Mostly, it's
been a lot of fun, and I've met some really terrific ladies!
Bill
John F. Haugh II
>More on "why would anyone go on a blind date?"...
>
>Well, true, blind dates aren't always fun, but sometimes if you find yourself
>in a position where you just don't meet a lot of "date-able" people, why not
>put a little trust in those friends who say "you know, I have a friend that I
>think you might really like..."?
The best reason to go on a blind date is for practice, if not for the
companionship itself.
Being with someone else in a social setting gives you the oppurtunity
to refine your social manners. If you hit it off, great. If you don't,
try to figure out what went wrong and then avoid doing that again.
Also, when you go to clubs [ if you ever do that ... ], dance with anyone
that looks like they want to dance. The practice of walking up to total
strangers will improve your self-confidence and make you more attractive
at the same time. Plus, you get to dance A LOT this way. When I go home
I want to be drenched in sweat and have sore feet. I never go home with
a pocket full of fake phone numbers and empty promises. But I always
have a good time ;-)
--
John F. Haugh II +-Things you didn't want to know:------
VoiceNet: (512) 832-8832 Data: -8835 | In Ham lingo DEC is rot-13 for "Low
InterNet: j...@rpp386.cactus.org | Power". "CPU?" "QRP Vax-11."
UUCPNet: {texbell|bigtex}!rpp386!jfh +--------------------------------------
Richard McKay
>
>TITLE: JUST FRIENDS AND OTHER WHITE LIES - Important Discourse for All
> ---------------------------------
>
>JUST FRIENDS:
>Bogus, friends. I am led to believe there is really no such thing
>as a "platonic" relationships or at least not in its true sense.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS
Let me describe my own personal scenario.
After graduating from college from Boise State University in 1988, I moved
down to the bay area to find gainful employment. My fiance was going to
follow me down when I got my "feet on the ground" so to speak. Things went
well for several months, but when I would bring up the subject of her
moving down, she began to avoid it. It seems she had this good friend from
work that was offering her advice on whether it was in her best interest to
move down to California and give up her "wonderful" life in Boise, Idaho.
(Sorry for the Cynicism, but the pain is still very much felt) So she began
to see this person more frequently on a strictly platonic basis. I did not
like it, but I have always held the view that I try not to control or
influence the person I'm seeing. So even though I hated her seeing this
"good friend" I did nothing. To keep this short, our relationship died as
hers became more serious. The killing point was when she said she slept
the guy. I went off the deep end for a while, and I have not spoken to her
since. She called after the earthquake to see if I survived, but that
platonic friend of hers is now her boyfriend and living with her.
SUMMARY: PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS -NO WAY-
Rich Mckay
Nicholas Byram
>
>JUST FRIENDS:
>Bogus, friends. I am led to believe there is really no such thing
>as a "platonic" relationships or at least not in its true sense.
The hell there aren't. Although you are right in one sense--many relationships
that are called "platonic" never really were. Others become platonic, after
guy and girl decide that they can only relate to each other as friends.
>Alas I hear the protests, but let me go on to explain. A good
>number of us (and from what I hear, "a very good number") have had
>the unfortunate experience of being plagued (yes, plagued) by our
>girlfriends (I will explain why this problems seems endemic to
>males) having "guy-friends", excepionally worthy male individuals
>who just happen to be "good friends." What we (the guys) know,
>but they do not is that these "guy-friends" are busy trying to
>pick the lock to their hearts. Sorry women, believe you are not
>to blame, by no means.
The hell THEY aren't. While I have observed what you are talking about, the
ultimate decision about whether or not she wants to continue the realtionship
with you or whether or not she wants to take up with this "friend" of hers
us up to the girl/woman herself. If your ex jilted you, put the blame
squarely where it belongs--ON HER.
She was the one who jilted you--the other guy was just a convenient tool for
her to dump you.
>I have found, what the same thing boyfriends do. Unable to get it
>from a healthy normal relationship (now you ask what is normal
>- guess) have regressed to using the most dubious means to get it.
>True you, as an innocent femme, might be totally unaware of their
>undeniable nefarious intentions, but take heed.
Jee-zus, give women some credit. For the most part, they can clue into a guy's
intentions, and if they can't tell him to cool it (or at least keep putting
him off to the point where he gives up), how loyal were they to their
boyfriends in the first place? Think about it.
>Proof, proof, you demand proof. Okay, that I shall provide from
>a similar discourse taking an opposite view but proving my point
>all the same.
>
(Some other guy's posting)
>
>>Over the past few months we have discussed our relationship many
>>times. We both agree that any "normal" attachment [is not possible]
>
>>She simply doesn't want it and I will not risk our friendship.
>
>The proof. "She simply doesn't want it" - she is innocent and he?
>"He simply doesn't want it" - not even. He wants it all right. He's
>excuse "I will not risk our friendships" - a relationships she doesn`t
>want, a relationship he doesn't want to lose - and so it goes.
What the F*CK makes you think that she doesn't want his friendship? Yes, he
probably had something more on his mind to begin with, and the girl was
aware of that--but if he settled on just being friends, and the girl liked
that, so be it. Are all of your girlfriends so untrustworthy, or what?
>Aha, this demands actions my friends, a chapter of Guys with Girls with
>Good Guy Friends (G.G.G.G.F) perhaps - to discuss ways of swaying our
>girlfriends loyalties back were they belong.
Well, you could try to not be so sickeningly smug... :-)
Nick Byram (nby...@ocf.berkeley.edu)
"Disclaimer? I don't need no stinking disclaimer..."--Posting of the Sierra
Madre
Curt Halter
>Can someone explain to me why anyone would want to go on a blind date?
>The mere thought of it makes me yawn. The chances are you are going to
>have to spend the evening with someone you don't like, or who is less
>than intresting. Are blind dates purely a way of getting a "partner"?
>
>Any comments and observations would be welcomed.
>Cari
That depends on your personality. I, for instance, love to meet new people.
I agree, the chances of meeting someone you can have a relationship with is
probably slim, but then again, there's is a chance.
I have only been on a blind date once, so I'm not an expert. I'm not sure if
I'll ever go on another one, but I will never regret that one. Anyway, here's
the story:
She was only in town for a couple of weeks, and she didn't really know anyone
and wanted to go out. I knew of some places I thought she might enjoy, so
that's basically why I said yes to it.
I did talk to her for a couple of minutes the day of the date (it was set up
by someone else), and we both felt a bit strange (she never did this either).
To make a long story short, we got along very well that night, and I saw her
a couple more times before she left.
We began writing each other and it turned out that we had quite a bit in
common (in fact, it became kind of a joke between us that we couldn't find
anything to disagree about, no matter what subject we discussed). I went to
see her a couple of times, and we even talked about marriage. Unfortunately,
we eventually found something we didn't agree on, with some other factors
thrown in there (long distance relationships are a b*tch), and we're not
together anymore (although we are still friends).
So, blind dates aren't the worse thing that can happen. In fact, like some
of the other articles state, a friend can have pretty good taste, and should
know you well enough to know what you look for in a relationship. So the
chances you might like this person should be favorable. In my case, it was
a "get her out of the house" type, rather than "I think you two would get
along". Oh well, that's just my opinion.
Curt.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Billy it's fresh in my memory
The night that it had to be done
You with your pick-axe and scissors
And you with your shovel and gun
And I liked your late husband Donald
But such torture his memory brings,
All sliced up and sealed tight in baggies
Guess love makes you do funny things. - Alice Cooper
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
King Ables
> THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS
Bullshit!
Now, it is NOT easy, I will be the first to admit. And it is *almost*
impossible with someone you find extremely attractive. I have had many
platonic relationships and in many, at least one of the two of us eventually
wanted more (but usually not both) and that did cause *some* trouble, but
we always dealt with it and are still friends. You might argue that's not
*purely* platonic since there's a level of sexual tension there whether
it is ever acted upon or not, fair enough.
Far too many people decide if they can't have the kind of relationship
they want with someone, then they'll have none at all. That's a real shame
because they're missing something. I have often not been able to have quite
the relationship I've wanted with someone, but I have acknowledged that and
then accepted what I *can* have and enjoyed it. I have friends (exes) who
would have liked more from me, as well, and I am very glad they accept what
we both agree we can have for what it is (the friendship) and value it.
My best friend is female and there is almost no aspect to it other
than platonic (I say "almost" since I do think it is impossible to TOTALLY
ignore the fact that we are man and woman-- the animal part of us ;-) --
but it tends to manifest itself in harmless in-jokes and inuendos between
friends). She is a few years older than I am and we met when I was 19 (just
a "kid") and she was married. We worked together off an on for the next
10 years. I "grew up". She got divorced. During all of that we started
having the same sorts of experiences and found we could talk about them with
each other. We began to view each other as contemporaries with a lot in
common. But we had already become like brother and sister. There's a line
in "When Harry Met Sally" where Billy Crystal says that maybe you get to a
point where it's just too late to have sex. I have often believed that if
you do want something to develop with somebody, you can't be "just friends"
for too long because the sexual tension goes away. I've had it happen and
I've prevented it from happening. Almost all of my significant relationships
have started with a friendship. The one that didn't start that way has become
a friendship now even though we have left the romance behind (in fact, I just
went to her wedding last weekend).
You have to really want a platonic relationship to work for it to work.
I don't mean "oh, yeah, that would be nice," I mean REALLY want it and
WORK for it. And both sides have to want it. However, I have found it
extremely rewarding (having someone that will explain to me how women
think has been invaluable!-- I still don't understand, of course, but...).
She truly is the big sister I never had.
I could see arguments for platonic relationships being difficult,
not worth the effort, too mindboggling, or even impossible for *some people*
(who don't have the same values or criteria for "friendships"). But I cannot
accept the generic premise that they're impossible.
King Ables
ab...@mcc.com
Microelectronics and Computer Technology Corporation (MCC)
3500 West Balcones Center Drive
Austin, TX 78759
(512) 338-3749 (office)
(512) 343-0978 (switchboard)
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But that was at their funerals."
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Lui Sieh
(King Ables) writes:
>> In article <68...@merlin.usc.edu> mu...@castor.usc.edu ("Olivetti") writes:
>>>JUST FRIENDS:
>> THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS
>Bullshit!
Oh oh.....this is the second posting within a short time where
"civility" was being tested sorely.
Come on folks, don't let this degenerate into soc.* groups or
talk.politics.* groups or even like alt.sex.
Maybe, just maybe, we can have a newsgroup that's civil and friendly.
-Lui
ARPA: ls...@andrew.cmu.edu Postmail: CMU
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D.A. Hosek
>Oh oh.....this is the second posting within a short time where
>"civility" was being tested sorely.
>Come on folks, don't let this degenerate into soc.* groups or
>talk.politics.* groups or even like alt.sex.
>Maybe, just maybe, we can have a newsgroup that's civil and friendly.
I agree whole-heartedly with Lui; I just hit the u-key (unsubscribe for
any non-Unix people out there) on soc.singles because the signal to noise
ratio there is far too high (the bulk of discussion for the last week and
a half has been flames and counter flames on a single post which I never
even saw). This group, at least, had been relatively civil and I'd like to
thank all of you for that.
On a completely un-related topic (please change the subject line when
following up, if you would be so kind), let me re-ask a question I
posited to soc.singles (which seemed to be washed away by dianeh flames
for the most part):
How do you feel about guys calling the girl the day after the first date?
I usually make an effort to call the next day (or at the latest, two days
later, usually for Friday dates).
Comments?
-dh
--
"Odi et amo, quare id faciam, fortasse requiris?
nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior" -Catullus
D.A. Hosek. UUCP: uunet!jarthur!dhosek
Internet: dho...@hmcvax.claremont.edu
William H Katzman
disagree (I mean m-f platonic friendships). The first, obvious disproof
is of a homosexual (not bisexual) guy and a girl - any danger? I think
that would illustrate circumstance number one.
Number two, I am a friend to several girls, and I DO NOT WANT TO BE
MORE THAN FRIENDS WITH THE MAJORITY OF THEM. Admittedly, I would like to
be more than friends with some of them at certain times, but that feeling
usually passes and I just want to be friends with them for the rest of my life.
For the ones, who something deeper than friendship is still desired, I deeply
respect their wishes, AND WOULD NOT ENDANGER ANY RELATIONSHIP THEY HAD UNLESS
THEY WERE DATING SOMEBODY WHO CHEATED ON THEM, OR TREATED THEM BADLY. Why?
Because I really like them. And I desire for them to be happy. If I thought
the guy was a real jerk, and she asked my opinion of him, then I would
probably tell her (nicely) that I thought he was a jerk. However, I have
seen girls who boyfriends were decent, and even if I was interested in them,
I would not break up their relationships.
-thecat
"perhaps it's just me..."
P.S. Sorry you guys got burned....
Curt R Lindmark
>In article <1989Nov18....@isis.educ.lon.ac.uk> tee...@isis.educ.lon.ac.uk (Cari Loder) writes:
>>
>>I've never been on a "blind date" and never would, under any circumstances.
>>Can someone explain to me why anyone would want to go on a blind date?
>>The mere thought of it makes me yawn. The chances are you are going to
>>have to spend the evening with someone you don't like, or who is less
>>than intresting. Are blind dates purely a way of getting a "partner"?
>>
>>Any comments and observations would be welcomed.
>>Cari
>
>That depends on your personality. I, for instance, love to meet new people.
(much deleted..sorry, my server's a pain about this)
>
>So, blind dates aren't the worse thing that can happen. In fact, like some
>of the other articles state, a friend can have pretty good taste, and should
>know you well enough to know what you look for in a relationship. So the
>chances you might like this person should be favorable. In my case, it was
>a "get her out of the house" type, rather than "I think you two would get
>along". Oh well, that's just my opinion.
>
>
> Curt.
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Billy it's fresh in my memory
>The night that it had to be done
>You with your pick-axe and scissors
>And you with your shovel and gun
>And I liked your late husband Donald
>But such torture his memory brings,
>All sliced up and sealed tight in baggies
>Guess love makes you do funny things. - Alice Cooper
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------
My most recent ex-SO was a blind set up. Another one of my ex-SOs
was the one doing the setting-up. We had fun for a while, but later,
the magic wore off, and we split up. Blind dates are a lot of fun, and
have no better of worse chances of establishing a serious relationship.
Translation: Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Just like life.
P.S. I normally have a .sig for newsgroups..but I'll make a special attempt
to modifiy it that you'll soon understand.
--Curt (spu...@wpi.wpi.edu)
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..In my eyes, blood drops look like roses on white lace
They won't wash away
In my eyes, blood drops look like roses on white lace
Straight from the heart...
So dead upon the bed....
Still searching for your head...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
(neat, huh? I figured if one Curt out there likes to post AC, why shouldn't
I? Curt, you're a dude, but you know that...)
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The opinions expressed above belong to no one...what you have been reading
is a figment of your imagination...Have a nice day 8)
Peggy Bertsch
When a man and woman become very close, in a platonic sense, doesn't it seem
to you that when one of them starts a romantic relationship with someone else,
the friendship suffers? How do you deal with that? I guess it's especially
hard on the "one who wanted more" in the first place, because you are torn
between wanting this person you love to be happy, but also being envious (I
mean this as a distinction from jealousy) of the SO. Someone out there must
have gone through this before, but this is a first time for me. I feel like
I have to sacrifice some level of emotional intimacy with my friend because
he has someone else to share his day-to-day life with, and it's not really
appropriate for me to be too big a part of his life.
Is it necessary to make that adjustment to make the friendship work, or is
there some way to keep the same closeness even when there are other SO's
involved? I'm having a hard time figuring out how...
Marcia Bednarcyk
>When a man and woman become very close, in a platonic sense, doesn't it seem
>to you that when one of them starts a romantic relationship with someone else,
>the friendship suffers? How do you deal with that?
When any of my friends, male or female, start a romantic relationship, the
friendship does suffer some, if for no other reason that a lot of their time
is being taken up by the new SO, and there simply isn't as much time left
to go around. I consider this a natural turn of affairs, and I deal with
it by spending what time I can with my friend, with or without the SO.
Some of the closeness is transferred to the SO, because the greater intimacy
is part of what makes a difference between friends and lovers. But that
doesn't invalidate your friendship, it just places it in a different priority
in your friend's life.
When my close friends have become involved, I've found that during the early
stages of the relationship I usually have to expend more than half the
effort to get together, mostly because they're so busy with this new
relationship. But they have to do the same with me, and after awhile the
newness of the SOship wears off, and thigns balance out again. If, after
some attempts, you really are being ignored, talk with him about it. Chances
are he didn't even realize he was ignoring you.
With male friends especially, I like to make an effort to include the SO in
some activities. For one thing, I'm curious about the person. For another,
I want to forestall any possible jealousy before it gets started by making it
clear through my actions and words that we are friends, and that I'm happy
that he's so happy. Most of the time, I end up being friends with the SO, too.
(My friends have good taste! :-)
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Marcia Bednarcyk ADDRESS: (hplabs, sun, ucbvax, uunet)!hpda!marcia
marcia%hp...@hplabs.hp.com
"Sweaty Snugglebunnies."
Nick Rothwell
>When a man and woman become very close, in a platonic sense, doesn't it seem
>to you that when one of them starts a romantic relationship with someone else,
>the friendship suffers?
Every time. Apart from anything else, with a good friend you feel you
can talk about your feelings and so on. Then, suddenly, there's a part
of your friend's life which is none of your business.
>How do you deal with that?
With difficulty, but it's happened a number of times. One can get
quite resilient to these things.
>Is it necessary to make that adjustment to make the friendship work, or is
>there some way to keep the same closeness even when there are other SO's
>involved?
I think such a friendship has to change. I can't think of any cases
where it hasn't been affected. I suspect you'll just have to let this
guy go, in some sense. Have you explained how you feel? Have you asked
him how *he* feels?
Nick.
--
Nick Rothwell, Laboratory for Foundations of Computer Science, Edinburgh.
ni...@lfcs.ed.ac.uk <Atlantic Ocean>!mcvax!ukc!lfcs!nick
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
"...all these moments... will be lost in time... like tears in rain."
Kenji Rikitake
>to you that when one of them starts a romantic relationship with someone else,
>the friendship suffers? How do you deal with that? I guess it's especially
>hard on the "one who wanted more" in the first place, because you are torn
>between wanting this person you love to be happy, but also being envious (I
>mean this as a distinction from jealousy) of the SO. Someone out there must
>have gone through this before, but this is a first time for me. I feel like
>I have to sacrifice some level of emotional intimacy with my friend because
>he has someone else to share his day-to-day life with, and it's not really
>appropriate for me to be too big a part of his life.
I think in our case the friendship did suffer a lot. I just remained silent
while my SO was having date with another guy. I am a very jealous person
to anything :-), so I tried very hard to stay silent and to keep my smile
to her.
I also think, however, it's a very good chance to look at how you actually
feel about your SO. Being too intimate often lets you turn a blind eye on
what you really have to see.
>Is it necessary to make that adjustment to make the friendship work, or is
>there some way to keep the same closeness even when there are other SO's
>involved? I'm having a hard time figuring out how...
Friendship changes as time goes by. It's not a matter of all or nothing;
if you really love your SO you can tell him/her gently that you are still
staying close to him/her.
-- Kenji
--
Kenji Rikitake, Sakurajousui R&D Center, Packet Radio User's Group (PRUG)
7240...@compuserve.com/kenji%dctwcs....@sun.com/kenji@Nikkei_MIX
ke...@ybbs.c.u-tokyo.ac.jp/AMPR:ke...@jj1bdx.ampr{.org|.jp}[44.129.16.82]
King Ables
(Marcia Bednarcyk):
> pe...@hpindwa.HP.COM (Peggy Bertsch) writes:
>>When a man and woman become very close, in a platonic sense, doesn't it seem
>>to you that when one of them starts a romantic relationship with someone else,
>>the friendship suffers? How do you deal with that?
I had a whole bunch to say here, and Marcia said almost all of it
(and probably better than I would have anyway!).
Yes, the relationship will be affected for a while. Eventually I think
it should bounce back. My best friend and I go through this. She "goes
away" for a while when she meets somebody new, I make myself scarce when I
am with someone new. Once we identified it, we spend more effort trying
to minimize it, so it isn't as bad as it once was. But we also recognize
that it's natural.
And usually we've all 3 been good friends. We've joked about how
interesting it would be someday to "double date" if we could ever both be
semi-involved at once, but it doesn't seem to happen.
Marcia mentioned jealousy and that's the one part of it all that can be
touchy. I've had relationships with women who also had lots of male friends
and had no problem whatsoever with my friendship with women. But I also
have known women who have never known men who had female friends and didn't
think it was "normal" and that there must be something going on. But as
the three of you do things together (which you *should* regularly), it
becomes pretty obvious. I am beginning to think that a great deal of this
is how much self-esteem the new SO has (can he/she handle the idea of their
new love [or lust-object if you prefer] having other people in their life
along with them). An insecurity here can cause the new SO to want the
friendship dropped or severely curtailed. This would be a big mistake
(speaking from experience).
In general, you *want* to be happy for them. Yes, if you're not currently
busy yourself, it's not much fun to have your regular social companion
reserved all the time now. And the long philosophical conversations are
fewer and farther between. Your time alone with them is much less, but
hopefully you will do things with both of them. And as long as you only
have to give up quantity of the friendship and not quality or knowledge of
its existence, you haven't really lost anything.
The best thing that can come of it is you could wind up with another
close friend.
-king
Tom Landry is STILL the only coach the Dallas Cowboys have ever had.
Skitch
Is it easy to have a platonic relationship with a member of the
opposite sex? No. Can a relationship of this type ever work? Most
definitely, the answer is yes. You see, I have a friendship just like
this which has had its own internal quirks and turmoils that might add
something concrete to a discussion on this topic.
I first met Sharon about three years ago on band tour. We got to know
each other, and we eventually went out on a couple of dates, we ate
lunch together regularly, and in general, had a good time.
Then the bomb dropped.
I went out to Seattle in the summer of '87 to work for Boeing. We
wrote letters to each other regularly. Now, she had mentioned this
guy Jason before, and I didn't think much of it. They were just
friends, or so I thought. The decided to go steady while I was out
West. She told me, and I was crushed. I wrote her a very emotional
letter telling her how I felt (lots of emotional turmoil was inside).
Her answer was short. She was sorry. We should have talked about
this before. And I agreed. She was right. We wrote regularly after
that, but the friendship seemed more tentative.
Then we both cam back to school, and that's when I made a total ass
out of myself by trying to plant seeds of dissent in her relationship
with Jason. That was a big mistake. She told me off and told me off
good about how I had no right to do that and that she had her own life
away from me. And again, she was right. The realization that I had
to leave their relationship to grow or die on its own made me so
distraught that I could only cry on her shoulder for some time.
Frankly, her outburst at me, in my opinion, was what saved our
friendship. You've got to be able to let go enough to be able to let
your friend's relationship with his SO grow on its own. An emotional
attachment can still remain, as you'll see when my tale is told.
After that, I went through quite a bit. I got a girlfriend, I lost
myself in her lies, and in the end betrayed by her lies. I tried my
damnedest to try to flunk out of MIT. I graduated from MIT. I went
through a period of tyring and being unable to find myself a
satisfying professional job. I was accepted into grad school. I was
thrown out of bad school for poor grades. I was unemployed. I got a
job. I established my professional life and a life away from my home.
Through all of this, the person to stand by me most was Sharon. She
was always there for me, through good or bad, with words of
encouragement, joy commiseration, whatever I needed. And I was there
for her, too. She was attempting to graduate from MIT in 3 1/2 years.
She was separated from Jason for 6 onths because of work and school.
They got engaged. She was trying to help plan her wedding. Family
relations between Sharon and her family weren't the best -- in fact,
they were downright poor. I helped her through these times, too, in
my own way.
This past Saturday, 30 December, Sharon and Jason were married in
Florida. Am I envious of Jason? Damn right I am. He's got a fine
woman. Am I happy? Yes and no. I'm happy because because Sharon's
married and she's going to grad school in Texas with Jason, and she's
happy. I'm not happy because I can't help but wonder what might've
been. I think that's only natural.
But there are three things I brought away from the wedding that meant
a whole lot to me. The first was that both Jason and Sharon wanted me
there. I attened. I was even in the wedding party as an usher. The
second was that I caught the garter (I could almost have sworn that
Jason was throwing it directly to me, but I think I'm wrong). And I
didn't put it on the girl who caught the bouquet either. That's a
tangible part of the wedding no one can take from me.
And the third thing? Well, right before Sharon and Jason left on
their honeymoon, Sharon called me over to the car, opened the door,
hugged me, kissed me, and told me that she loved me. Sharon had never
kissed me before. If our relationship could be summed up in one
action, I think that was it.
Getting back to Peggy's original question, yes, there does have to be
an adjustment, but it needn't involve shedding yourself of all
emotional attachment to your friend. You may be friends, you may be
the best of friends, you may even end up being his wife. Sharon and I
love each other, and we are the best of friends. We just aren't
romantically involved.
[sniff]
Replies please to skit...@cc1.pica.army.mil.
--
Scott Kitchen Send mail to: skit...@cc1.pica.army.mil
Rebel Without a Clue ICBM: 40.88 N 74.56 W
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Tell the truth and run. -- Yugoslavian proverb