Dating a friends sibling.
Brenda Lee
Could you or have you ever dated a friends sister or brother?
How was that taken by the friend?
And did you notice that you were interested in them before actually
acknowledging it?
--
Brenda Lee
Official Lady DreamCatcher, Wordsmith,
and President of the RFA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
** Come check out our web page. ** or the RFA TITLE LIST
http://www.frontiernet.net/~ehmka/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Those who think they have no time for bodily exercise will, sooner or
later, have to find time for illness.
---Edward Stanley, Earl of Derby, 1873
Brandon Quina
> Reading a post has had me wondering about who we date..
>
> Could you or have you ever dated a friends sister or brother?
I could, yes. I haven't; I came close, once. One of my friends older
sisters, Natalie. I had such a horrible crush on her...I even told her
my feelings, one day, only to see her listen to me lightly -- when it
was all over, she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the door,
"Is that all?" Nodding, she just stood there... I walked away, she
went inside... I cried, got over it, and shrugged.
> How was that taken by the friend?
He thought I was insane for wanting to date his sister. He found it
annoying that I would counteract his every little insult and bad
mouthing of his sister, but put up with it. *smiles* Hehehe.
He and his sister /didn't/ get a long! At all!
> And did you notice that you were interested in them before actually
> acknowledging it?
Yes. I had a huge crush on Natalie for years, though I never really
let it get anywhere for quite some long time. I believe I noticed her
10 years ago, when I first moved into the neighborhood...
Brandon,
Brenda Lee
Brandon Quina wrote:
So. are you saying that you befriended him to get closer to her???
<Just kidding Brandon :)>
>
>
> Brandon,
Brenda Lee
my brother. I got to watch the Wizard of Oz one year in his room with my brother
of course.. I was in heaven just being in his room. I kept staring at him out of
the corner of my eye. I thought he was the *best*... I did get to walk around the
lake a few times at night with him. Frogs croaking in the background and all.. I
had that crush for about 4 years.. Ah, the memories :)
Brandon Quina wrote:
> Brenda Lee wrote:
> > Reading a post has had me wondering about who we date..
> >
> > Could you or have you ever dated a friends sister or brother?
>
> I could, yes. I haven't; I came close, once. One of my friends older
> sisters, Natalie. I had such a horrible crush on her...I even told her
> my feelings, one day, only to see her listen to me lightly -- when it
> was all over, she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the door,
> "Is that all?" Nodding, she just stood there... I walked away, she
> went inside... I cried, got over it, and shrugged.
>
> > How was that taken by the friend?
>
> He thought I was insane for wanting to date his sister. He found it
> annoying that I would counteract his every little insult and bad
> mouthing of his sister, but put up with it. *smiles* Hehehe.
>
> He and his sister /didn't/ get a long! At all!
>
> > And did you notice that you were interested in them before actually
> > acknowledging it?
>
> Yes. I had a huge crush on Natalie for years, though I never really
> let it get anywhere for quite some long time. I believe I noticed her
> 10 years ago, when I first moved into the neighborhood...
>
Brandon Quina
Well, yes. I actually did befriend him just to get closer to her; we
became closer friends as time went by, though...
> <Just kidding Brandon :)>
Hey, nobodies perfect. *smiles* Least of all me...
Brandon,
Brandon Quina
> I remember a crush I had on one of my younger brothers friends.. He was older
> than my brother. I got to watch the Wizard of Oz one year in his room with my
> brother of course.. I was in heaven just being in his room. I kept staring at
> him out of the corner of my eye. I thought he was the *best*... I did get to
> walk around the lake a few times at night with him. Frogs croaking in the
> background and all.. I had that crush for about 4 years.. Ah, the memories :)
*smiles*
Memories are the best, aren't they? Natalie and I didn't really ever
do anything; I just talked to her a lot when I was over at codys...
I'm /convinced/ that her mom knew the entire time, though; she herself
was completely ignorant of any feelings I might have had.. *smiles*
..ahhh, oohh well, if only things had been different.
Brandon,
Dale C. Eddy
> Reading a post has had me wondering about who we date..
>
> Could you or have you ever dated a friends sister or brother?
> How was that taken by the friend?
>
> And did you notice that you were interested in them before actually
> acknowledging it?
As you know from reading my story, I did date a friend's sibling....and
married her!
At first Chip (my friend) wasn't too thrilled with the idea. As he said,
it seemed "almost like incest!" But he saw how happy his sister was...and
how unhappy her twin was! As far as he was concerned, from that point on
it was OK with him.
I knew them since the girls were nine and he was ten. I didn't really
get interested until I was about 15 or 16. It didn't take me any time
between knowing I was interested and acknowledging it- I was and let her
know it!
- Dale
Brenda Lee
a match-maker surely cannot hurt.. :)
Sla7401197 wrote:
> I dated this one girl in high school for about 2days. Yeah okay it was short.
> We became such good frineds I set her up with my younger brother. They are
> getting married soon. Does that count?
Brenda Lee
"Dale C. Eddy" wrote:
> Brenda Lee wrote:
>
> > Reading a post has had me wondering about who we date..
> >
> > Could you or have you ever dated a friends sister or brother?
> > How was that taken by the friend?
> >
> > And did you notice that you were interested in them before actually
> > acknowledging it?
>
> As you know from reading my story, I did date a friend's sibling....and
> married her!
Hug Dale... Yes, actually your post promted the question. I just did not
want to name your name in case you wouldn't like it.. :)
>
> At first Chip (my friend) wasn't too thrilled with the idea. As he said,
> it seemed "almost like incest!" But he saw how happy his sister was...and
> how unhappy her twin was! As far as he was concerned, from that point on
> it was OK with him.
I think it is pretty cool in way.. I mean your brother in law was also your
friend already.. Like an instant family kind of thing. I think that would be
cool.
>
>
>
> I knew them since the girls were nine and he was ten. I didn't really
> get interested until I was about 15 or 16. It didn't take me any time
> between knowing I was interested and acknowledging it- I was and let her
> know it!
Your friend was very close in age to the girls. I wonder if it is different
whether it is boys or girls as the sibling? And I wonder if it makes a diff
if the sibling is older or younger?
> :)
> - Dale
Brenda Lee
our energy if we let them. I try to hold on to the good parts of my memories. It
is always our choice in how we create the memory. So if someone did me wrong in my
past then I try to focus that memory on the good things I remember about that
person. Doing this allowed me to recreate a whole new set of memories about my
family.
As far as the guys who broke my heart? I thank them for contributing to who I am
today.
I wish my brother would have had more friends. I hung around with him all the time
for about 6 years so I would have had ample opportunity with his friends. He is
younger than me though.
Brandon Quina wrote:
--
Brenda Lee
way around. Thanks for your honesty.
Brandon Quina wrote:
If we were puuurrrrfect, would we really need to be here at all? I wonder that a
lot... Somehow I doubt it..
We are all learning and and striving to be better... <smile> At least I think
that is the game plan. :)
Brandon Quina
> Actaully you are the first one I have ever heard that admitted it was the
> other way around. Thanks for your honesty.
It's like I said, I've done a few things in my life that I'm not
exactly proud of; the only way I will ever learn from them is to /admit
to myself/ that I did them and that they were wrong.
You're quite welcome for your honesty, but in truth it had nothing to
do with you -- It was more me being honest to myself.
> If we were puuurrrrfect, would we really need to be here at all? I wonder
> that a lot... Somehow I doubt it..
I would...I'm here because I enjoy everybodys company and want to share
my feelings and get input from other people. I don't necessarily want
to apply any of that input to my life (I might do such, but that's a
different topic all together), I just want to see how others live their
life and maybe have a little discussion about a few topics that interest
me...
Brandon,
Brandon Quina
> I do think that memories are very valuable. They can nurture us. They can
> also sap our energy if we let them. I try to hold on to the good parts of my
> memories. It is always our choice in how we create the memory. So if someone
> did me wrong in my past then I try to focus that memory on the good things I
> remember about that person. Doing this allowed me to recreate a whole new set
> of memories about my family.
That's a very healthy attitude. I imagine it can be difficult at
times, as I certainly know there are some people that I just can't help
but feel badly about -- they hurt me sooo badly that I just can't find
it within my heart to think good of them unless they do something that
makes me think they will treat me better... The fact that I think badly
about them, I think, gives me something of a shield -- some kind of "I'm
not going to let you get to me, no matter how much shit you throw at
me."
> As far as the guys who broke my heart? I thank them for contributing to who I
> am today.
*smiles*
I feel pretty much the same way about /most/ of the girls who I've
dated since I started dating-- I don't want to date most of them again,
and not all my memories are fond; I do try to focus on the good,
though. :0) Hehe.
> I wish my brother would have had more friends. I hung around with him all the
> time for about 6 years so I would have had ample opportunity with his friends.
I just wish I had a brother or sister when I was growing up... Or even
that my cousin Justin had lived closer, so we could have spent more time
together. I still think back to that one summer, when he spent the
entire summer with us and everything. That was so very nice; I felt
like I had a brother, someone I could relate too.
*smiles*
I'm gonna have to drag my mom off to visit my step-sisters and brother.
Brandon,
Dale C. Eddy
> "Dale C. Eddy" wrote:
>
>
> >
> > As you know from reading my story, I did date a friend's sibling....and
> > married her!
>
> Hug Dale... Yes, actually your post promted the question. I just did not
> want to name your name in case you wouldn't like it.. :)
>
You'll get no protests from me on that account. Basically anything I post to
this group that prompts new threads or questions is fine by me, whether or not it
is attributed to me. In this, I have no ego.
>
> >
> > At first Chip (my friend) wasn't too thrilled with the idea. As he said,
> > it seemed "almost like incest!" But he saw how happy his sister was...and
> > how unhappy her twin was! As far as he was concerned, from that point on
> > it was OK with him.
>
> I think it is pretty cool in way.. I mean your brother in law was also your
> friend already.. Like an instant family kind of thing. I think that would be
> cool.
>
And my father-in-law was my scoutmaster!
>
>
> Your friend was very close in age to the girls. I wonder if it is different
> whether it is boys or girls as the sibling? And I wonder if it makes a diff
> if the sibling is older or younger?
Good questions. I know that the oldest of my three sisters was always protective
of me (even though we didn't really get along when we were kids/teenagers/young
adults), but the reverse wasn't true. As far as the older/younger sibling thing
goes, I haven't a clue.
- Dale
Wynke Stulemeijer
>Reading a post has had me wondering about who we date..
>
>Could you or have you ever dated a friends sister or brother?
>How was that taken by the friend?
I did this from another point of view: I dated my brother's best friend
for a while. My brother didn't like it a lot, but he accepted it. It was
a weird situation, because for some reason we didn't want our parents to
know about it and so my brother was always used as an excuse for him to
see me... I sort of hung around with his sister, too, but I never really
was friends with her.
>And did you notice that you were interested in them before actually
>acknowledging it?
I noticed that I liked him... I didn't dare to tell him though, and
waited for him to say he liked me before I did dare to tell him.
Wynke.
Brenda Lee
Brandon Quina wrote:
> When I said here at all I meant on the *earth*.. I can see that you thought I
> meant the newsgroup, right? I should have stated it better.
> It is said by some that once we are *perfect* there is no reason to be here.
>
> Brandon,
--
Brenda Lee
Official Lady DreamCatcher, Wordsmith,
and President of the RFA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
** Come check out our web page. ** or the RFA TITLE LIST
http://www.frontiernet.net/~ehmka/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brenda Lee
Brandon Quina wrote:
> Brenda Lee wrote:
> > I do think that memories are very valuable. They can nurture us. They can
> > also sap our energy if we let them. I try to hold on to the good parts of my
> > memories. It is always our choice in how we create the memory. So if someone
> > did me wrong in my past then I try to focus that memory on the good things I
> > remember about that person. Doing this allowed me to recreate a whole new set
> > of memories about my family.
>
> That's a very healthy attitude. I imagine it can be difficult at
> times, as I certainly know there are some people that I just can't help
> but feel badly about -- they hurt me sooo badly that I just can't find
> it within my heart to think good of them unless they do something that
> makes me think they will treat me better...
The error of this logic, for me, Brandon is that sometimes those people will
*never* do anything to make you feel better. So what then? What do you do with that
hurt? You have to find some way to deal with it.. I mean you cannot carry it around
on your back the rest of your life(it would get a mite heavy :)) so there has to be
a way for you to process it.. For me? What I do is relegate them to the stranger
category again. And it matters not whether they are family. I will give them the
same respect that I would offer a stranger. I would not have cause to wish them ill
will for I would not feel I know them well enough to judge. They would be written
off as the realtionship existed before. Clean slate. No feelings whatsoever. If
they decided to pursue a connection again then so be it.. If not that is ok too.
But then I am not hanging onto baggage and that frees me up for the people who are
caring and showing love in their attitude towards me..
> The fact that I think badly
> about them, I think, gives me something of a shield -- some kind of "I'm
> not going to let you get to me, no matter how much shit you throw at
> me."
And the only problem with the shield approach is that it gets mighty lonely. And it
seems to get hard to erect a boundary for the shield and then it bleeds over and
into other areas. Have you noticed this happening?
>
>
>
> > As far as the guys who broke my heart? I thank them for contributing to who I
> > am today.
>
> *smiles*
>
> I feel pretty much the same way about /most/ of the girls who I've
> dated since I started dating-- I don't want to date most of them again,
> and not all my memories are fond; I do try to focus on the good,
> though. :0) Hehe.
Nope, agreed. No need for a retake.. :)
>
> I'm gonna have to drag my mom off to visit my step-sisters and brother.
That sounds like it would be fun for you.
Brandon Quina
> *never* do anything to make you feel better. So what then? What do you do
> with that hurt? You have to find some way to deal with it.. I mean you cannot
> carry it around on your back the rest of your life(it would get a mite heavy
> :)) so there has to be a way for you to process it..
Oh, I agree that there are problems with it but the advantage is that I
don't get hurt /again/. I don't have to deal with the problems all over
again, I instead just live with what they did before...
Love isn't the only emotion that you take inside you, never to return
and never to give up. The others can be just as stubborn, if given half
a chance. Anger, or hate, or any other emotion can become 'a part of
you' just as easily as love can...I view my method of dealing with it a
lot more healthy than just bottling it up...
I let the emotion out, I keep it in check but I /admit that it
exists/. Most importantly, I'm willing to put it aside -- if I get some
goodwill token from them. If not, then I'm willing to keep my anger or
my whatever for the rest of my days. It's /mine/ now, and while I'd
rather have a happier gift sometimes you get a sack full of coal....
It's better to put the coal in the grill and use it to BBQ up some food,
in my mind, than it is to just throw away the coal or bury it somewhere.
> For me? What I do is relegate them to the stranger category again. And it
> matters not whether they are family. I will give them the same respect that I
> would offer a stranger. I would not have cause to wish them ill will for I
> would not feel I know them well enough to judge. They would be written off as
> the realtionship existed before. Clean slate. No feelings whatsoever. If
> they decided to pursue a connection again then so be it.. If not that is ok
> too. But then I am not hanging onto baggage and that frees me up for the
> people who are caring and showing love in their attitude towards me..
You say that as if its the easiest thing in the world, but its really
not at all. It's /difficult/ to take people who you really dislike and
just 'forget about it' and treat them as if nothing ever happened...
I've tried, on occasion, but some little measure of it always sneaks
back in -- the heart is much stronger than the brain, and it always
seems to win in their little duels over who should be in charge.
> And the only problem with the shield approach is that it gets mighty lonely.
> And it seems to get hard to erect a boundary for the shield and then it bleeds
> over and into other areas. Have you noticed this happening?
No, actually, I haven't... I erect a shield against that one person,
so that no matter what other bad things they do I am 'protected'. I've
never noticed it bleeding over into other areas... My depression,
though, was an example of the shield method being misused -- I thought
'everyone' hated me and disliked me and I was hiding from them behind my
shield. /That/ was lonely; very very lonely.
Brandon,
Brandon Quina
> thought I meant the newsgroup, right? I should have stated it better.
Hehe, yeah, I certainly did... *smiles* ...ohh well, the post is
still useful just not really a "reply" to your post. Hehe
> > It is said by some that once we are *perfect* there is no reason to be
> > here.
Assuming that perfection is even possible... I'd still have to say no;
even if we were perfect, there would still be a biggggggg reason to stay
here.
That reason would be helping others reach that same perfection, and
just enjoying the fruits of the labor you've undergone soo long...
Brandon,
Brandon Quina
> >And did you notice that you were interested in them before actually
> >acknowledging it?
>
> I noticed that I liked him... I didn't dare to tell him though, and
> waited for him to say he liked me before I did dare to tell him.
Who finally said something? How did it feel for you when everything
finally got out into the open??
Brandon,
nosy....
Wynke Stulemeijer
He did. I was way too uncertain back then to ever tell a guy such a
thing. It felt wonderful, finally knowing that he liked me too. But the
whole relationship was an odd mixture of being extremely exited and
being desperate. No-one was allowed to know, and he didn't come over as
often as I wanted him to, or worse, he wouldn't show up at all when he'd
said he would. I was so much in love that I lived only to be his girl,
in a way. I couldn't let go. Not even after we broke up. It took me half
a year and a great amount of willpower, and the sacrifice of our
friendship that might still have been good otherwise, to get over him. I
guess if I'd see him more often now our friendship could rebuild, no
hard feelings from my side any more, but at the time I had no other way
of getting over it than making myself hate him.
It's a good thing that I found better ways later... and I'll never again
live just to be someone's girlfriend...
Wynke.
Brenda Lee
Brandon Quina wrote:
> > When I said here at all I meant on the *earth*.. I can see that you
> > thought I meant the newsgroup, right? I should have stated it better.
>
> Hehe, yeah, I certainly did... *smiles* ...ohh well, the post is
> still useful just not really a "reply" to your post. Hehe
>
> > > It is said by some that once we are *perfect* there is no reason to be
> > > here.
>
> Assuming that perfection is even possible... I'd still have to say no;
> even if we were perfect, there would still be a biggggggg reason to stay
> here.
Exactly and from what I understand, when you get to the point that you are
perfect(whatever that entails) then you would come here to help others as you
said.
> hugs,
>
> That reason would be helping others reach that same perfection, and
> just enjoying the fruits of the labor you've undergone soo long...
>
> Brandon,
--
Brenda Lee
Brandon Quina wrote:
> Oh, I agree that there are problems with it but the advantage is that I
> don't get hurt /again/. I don't have to deal with the problems all over
> again, I instead just live with what they did before...
See, but this is where I differ.. For me,(and I only speak from my experience.:) I
am sure you have your own, which I am very interested in. BTW)
I have noticed that when I *don't* deal with someone they will come to me in another
form. Different person but most likely the same issues will surface. I don't think
we can bury or turn our back on issues. They doggedly follow us till we deal with
them..
>
>
> Love isn't the only emotion that you take inside you, never to return
> and never to give up. The others can be just as stubborn, if given half
> a chance. Anger, or hate, or any other emotion can become 'a part of
> you' just as easily as love can...I view my method of dealing with it a
> lot more healthy than just bottling it up...
Exactly.. In my opinion, I find love the easiest one to deal with.. Disappointment
and anger and frustration are far harder for me.
>
>
> I let the emotion out, I keep it in check but I /admit that it
> exists/.
I have never been one not to admit something exists. I am a realist. A romantic one
but a realist nonetheless.:)
> Most importantly, I'm willing to put it aside -- if I get some
> goodwill token from them.
Same here.
> If not, then I'm willing to keep my anger or
> my whatever for the rest of my days.
This is where we differ. Anger held within festers and it almost always NEVER hurts
the one who has hurt you. It only hurts you then.
> It's /mine/ now, and while I'd
> rather have a happier gift sometimes you get a sack full of coal....
Or maybe 3 or 4.. :)
>
> It's better to put the coal in the grill and use it to BBQ up some food,
> in my mind, than it is to just throw away the coal or bury it somewhere.
>
> > For me? What I do is relegate them to the stranger category again. And it
> > matters not whether they are family. I will give them the same respect that I
> > would offer a stranger. I would not have cause to wish them ill will for I
> > would not feel I know them well enough to judge. They would be written off as
> > the realtionship existed before. Clean slate. No feelings whatsoever. If
> > they decided to pursue a connection again then so be it.. If not that is ok
> > too. But then I am not hanging onto baggage and that frees me up for the
> > people who are caring and showing love in their attitude towards me..
>
> You say that as if its the easiest thing in the world, but its really
> not at all. It's /difficult/ to take people who you really dislike and
> just 'forget about it' and treat them as if nothing ever happened...
Brandon.. <hug> I had to do this very thing with my entire familiy.. Mother,
step-father, two sisters and a brother. I wouldn't live in the dysfunction anymore
so they beat me up, spit in my face and swore I would rot in hell if I crossed their
doorstep. Does that kind of treatment sound easy to you. These are rough people I
am talking about. Family loyalty does not exist. They live in a state of suvival.
If you could no longer serve a function you were of no use. No it was far from
easy.. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But I was dying as a person..
I was getting sick. I was getting what she had from my empathy toward her and her
problems. What were my options? To hate them?. To become jaded? Who would that
hurt? Me, Brandon. If they had any feelings they would not have done what they did
in the first place. No, I forgave them. I thank my mother for bringing me into the
world. I wish her well and I hope she comes to realize what she did to me. If not,
then perhaps next life. One cannot hate their mother Brandon. Without her I would
not exist. And walking away was the only choice I had.
>
> I've tried, on occasion, but some little measure of it always sneaks
> back in -- the heart is much stronger than the brain, and it always
> seems to win in their little duels over who should be in charge.
>
Exactly and should the day ever come when I am in her company again? I will love
her and such but I would not be able to trust her. I can forgive someone but that
does not mean I can trust them. After all I have already seen what they can do..
>
>
> > And the only problem with the shield approach is that it gets mighty lonely.
> > And it seems to get hard to erect a boundary for the shield and then it bleeds
> > over and into other areas. Have you noticed this happening?
>
> No, actually, I haven't... I erect a shield against that one person,
> so that no matter what other bad things they do I am 'protected'. I've
> never noticed it bleeding over into other areas... My depression,
> though, was an example of the shield method being misused -- I thought
> 'everyone' hated me and disliked me and I was hiding from them behind my
> shield. /That/ was lonely; very very lonely.
Ok, I hear you and perhaps I worded it wrong for you just explained what I called
bleeding over. Thanks. :)
I had a shield too. In my uge to keep others out I didn't realize I was also
stopping anyone from coming in. And yes, it did get very lonely. I went into a 6
year cocoon.. That is the name I gave to it.
Please remember that when I am talking it is from years of working through this
stuff.. Not much in my life would be coined as *easy*. But like you I keep mucking
my way through and learning.
Great post and share.
Brenda Lee
Brandon Quina wrote:
> Wynke Stulemeijer wrote:
> > >And did you notice that you were interested in them before actually
> > >acknowledging it?
> >
> > I noticed that I liked him... I didn't dare to tell him though, and
> > waited for him to say he liked me before I did dare to tell him.
>
> Who finally said something? How did it feel for you when everything
> finally got out into the open??
>
> Brandon,
> nosy....
Brandon Quina
> > Who finally said something? How did it feel for you when everything
> >finally got out into the open??
> thing. It felt wonderful, finally knowing that he liked me too. But the
> whole relationship was an odd mixture of being extremely exited and
> being desperate. No-one was allowed to know, and he didn't come over as
> often as I wanted him to, or worse, he wouldn't show up at all when he'd
> said he would. I was so much in love that I lived only to be his girl,
> in a way. I couldn't let go. Not even after we broke up.
Oh my, you were quite attached to him. Very attached to him. You poor
thing; I was like that once, it really tore me apart when things
finally broke apart and life proceeded to go downhill. *sighs softly*
Ohh vell, I suppose everybody has to go through bad times..
> It took me half a year and a great amount of willpower, and the sacrifice of
> our friendship that might still have been good otherwise, to get over him. I
> guess if I'd see him more often now our friendship could rebuild, no
> hard feelings from my side any more, but at the time I had no other way
> of getting over it than making myself hate him.
I can certainly understand how that is... Did you ever come into
contact with him again, after that, or did you kind of drift apart??
Socially, of course, not romantically or anything..
> It's a good thing that I found better ways later... and I'll never again
> live just to be someone's girlfriend...
*smiles*
Good for you! It's important to have more than a girlfriend...
Brandon,
Brandon Quina
> Exactly and from what I understand, when you get to the point that you are
> perfect(whatever that entails) then you would come here to help others as you
> said.
n', as I said, just to enjoy the fruits of your heard earned
protection; after all, you spent all that time (and all those lives)
slowly becoming perfect; you deserve some time just enjoying yourself
and living a good life. Also, this "good life" thing also checks and
makes sure that you really /are/ perfect; seeing if you can handle the
good life...
Brandon,
Brandon Quina
> See, but this is where I differ.. For me, (and I only speak from my
> experience.:) I am sure you have your own, which I am very interested in. BTW)
> I have noticed that when I *don't* deal with someone they will come to me in
> another form. Different person but most likely the same issues will surface.
> I don't think we can bury or turn our back on issues. They doggedly follow us
> till we deal with them..
It's not a question of not dealing with them in my case... We both
just seem to have different methods of dealing with them; neither of us
let the feelings bottle up, we each handle them in our own way.. I
could likely try things your way, but I am just comfortable with /my/
way and it works...
> Exactly.. In my opinion, I find love the easiest one to deal with..
> Disappointment and anger and frustration are far harder for me.
Yep, yep! Much much harder... I don't find love /easy/, though.
> I have never been one not to admit something exists. I am a realist. A
> romantic one but a realist nonetheless.:)
Hehe, I know...I wasn't accusing you of doing such, just pointing out a
few details about how I do things...I have to be able to deal with
something, to feel it and basically "live with it." I don't let it run
my life; I can very much be civil with someone I dislike or
distrust...I just keep it in mind, and it does color my attitude toward
that person to some small degree.
> > If not, then I'm willing to keep my anger or
> > my whatever for the rest of my days.
> This is where we differ. Anger held within festers and it almost always NEVER
> hurts the one who has hurt you. It only hurts you then.
*smiles softly*
If you bottle it up, yes. Anger, though, is an emotion just like any
other and emotions are not /bad/. None of them... I've found that
anger gives me a little edge, a nice energized feeling; something that
keeps me awake, that keeps me active. It's not so much that it festers
as I /use/ it, harass it, throw a yoke around it and plow the fields
with it...
I hope you understand what I'm saying ... that's about the best that I
can explain it, to tell the truth.
> > It's /mine/ now, and while I'd rather have a happier
> > gift sometimes you get a sack full of coal....
> Or maybe 3 or 4.. :)
Hehe, yep! Three or four sacks are a possibility, too.
> Brandon.. <hug> I had to do this very thing with my entire familiy..
<<<snip a good bit of the paragraph>>>
> No it was far from easy.. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Ohh, I wasn't trying to downplay what you were doing, hon. *hug* Not
in anyway; I was just saying that, the way in which you said it,
sounded like it was the easier thing in the world.
N' as you just admitted -- it's not!
> But I was dying as a person..
I've been there too....
> I was getting sick. I was getting what she had from my empathy toward her and
> her problems. What were my options? To hate them?. To become jaded? Who
> would that hurt? Me, Brandon. If they had any feelings they would not have
> done what they did in the first place.
I wasn't suggesting that at all, Brenda. There are more options than
just your way and the wrong way. ;0) My way is, I think, somewhat
similar to your way it's just the way we describe it that is
different... As well as a few little details, likely caused by how we
handle our emotions; nobody handles their feelings and such forth the
same way, after all...
> No, I forgave them. I thank my mother for bringing me into the world. I wish
> her well and I hope she comes to realize what she did to me. If not, then
> perhaps next life. One cannot hate their mother Brandon. Without her I would
> not exist. And walking away was the only choice I had.
Well, I won't get into this...I don't hate my mother (not my
grandmother, but my real mother), but I will admit to being a bit
disappointed in her. I wish she had been there more, that she hadn't
given me up so easily (not that I don't love living with my
grandparents), and numerous other things.
*frowns*
Oh, almost got into it!
Ne'way, I don't let that impede my relationship with her. The same way
there are some people who have treated me bad; I am angry with them, I
am wary of anything they suggest -- I don't let those feelings get in
the way of being myself... I don't let my feelings rule me, and I don't
forget they exist...
> Exactly and should the day ever come when I am in her company again? I will
> love her and such but I would not be able to trust her.
Ahhh....I hate to say this, but if you don't trust her you aren't
really treating her like a stranger.
> I can forgive someone but that does not mean I can trust them. After all I
> have already seen what they can do..
I agree; I've already talked on the subject; forgiving is not the
same as forgetting. I just don't even /forgive/ unless I have some sign
that its going to be worth my trouble... My great-grandmother for
example. I have to have contact with her every now and again, yet I
dislike her as a person for how she's always treated me through the
years and how she continues to treat me to this very day. Thus, I keep
it to the minimum and try my best to be a good little great-grandson --
n' nothing more...
I know what my responciblitys are, and I keep to them. Anything more
than that, anything that a good little grandson would do because he
loves his grandmother -- if she wants that, she'll have to start
treating me like a member of the family, like a human being, instead of
some pest.
> Ok, I hear you and perhaps I worded it wrong for you just explained what I
> called bleeding over. Thanks. :)
Hehe; no problem.
> I had a shield too. In my uge to keep others out I didn't realize I was also
> stopping anyone from coming in. And yes, it did get very lonely. I went into
> a 6 year cocoon.. That is the name I gave to it.
You have to be careful, but you have to be careful /anyway/ when
dealing with these feelings, no matter /what/ you end up doing with
them... Everybody is going to handle them differently; it's a matter
of what works for you...
> Please remember that when I am talking it is from years of working through
> this stuff.. Not much in my life would be coined as *easy*. But like you I
> keep mucking my way through and learning.
I admire you for it, too.
*smiles*
I've found my short life, thus far, rather sucky too -- I don't like to
make comparisons, of course. It's hard for anyone but the people
involved to realize the real depths of someone elses life and
experiences...
> Great post and share.
Thank you; you too!
Brandon,
Wynke Stulemeijer
>Wynke Stulemeijer wrote:
>> > Who finally said something? How did it feel for you when everything
>> >finally got out into the open??
>> He did. I was way too uncertain back then to ever tell a guy such a
>> thing. It felt wonderful, finally knowing that he liked me too. But the
>> whole relationship was an odd mixture of being extremely exited and
>> being desperate. No-one was allowed to know, and he didn't come over as
>> often as I wanted him to, or worse, he wouldn't show up at all when he'd
>> said he would. I was so much in love that I lived only to be his girl,
>> in a way. I couldn't let go. Not even after we broke up.
>
> Oh my, you were quite attached to him. Very attached to him. You poor
>thing; I was like that once, it really tore me apart when things
>finally broke apart and life proceeded to go downhill. *sighs softly*
>Ohh vell, I suppose everybody has to go through bad times..
I guess so... and I believe that now, 6 years later (I was only 16 back
then), I am completely over him. The bad memories have faded almost into
non-existence, and the good memories will linger on forever, as will the
lessons I learned from it...
>> It took me half a year and a great amount of willpower, and the sacrifice of
>> our friendship that might still have been good otherwise, to get over him. I
>> guess if I'd see him more often now our friendship could rebuild, no
>> hard feelings from my side any more, but at the time I had no other way
>> of getting over it than making myself hate him.
>
> I can certainly understand how that is... Did you ever come into
>contact with him again, after that, or did you kind of drift apart??
>Socially, of course, not romantically or anything..
I see him on the train or so sometimes, about once every two years on
average. We can talk normally, and if we'd take the time we might be
friends again, but so far we haven't.
>> It's a good thing that I found better ways later... and I'll never again
>> live just to be someone's girlfriend...
>
> *smiles*
>
> Good for you! It's important to have more than a girlfriend...
Indeed, and it is also important to be more than a girlfriend :) I'm me,
first of all :)
Wynke.
Brandon Quina
> > Oh my, you were quite attached to him. Very attached to him. You
> > poor thing; I was like that once, it really tore me apart when things
> >finally broke apart and life proceeded to go downhill. *sighs softly*
> >Ohh vell, I suppose everybody has to go through bad times..
>
> I guess so... and I believe that now, 6 years later (I was only 16 back
Hmm, that makes you 22 now, I take it? :0) Hehe, either that or I'm
sooo tired that my math skills are /verrrrrry/ screwy!
> then), I am completely over him. The bad memories have faded almost into
> non-existence, and the good memories will linger on forever, as will the
> lessons I learned from it...
That's always good to hear. Hehe; I would hope that you would get
over him, given that amount of time, though. One never knows, though...
> > I can certainly understand how that is... Did you ever come into
> >contact with him again, after that, or did you kind of drift apart??
> >Socially, of course, not romantically or anything..
>
> I see him on the train or so sometimes, about once every two years on
> average. We can talk normally, and if we'd take the time we might be
> friends again, but so far we haven't.
*nods softly*
That's a shame...
> > Good for you! It's important to have more than a girlfriend...
> Indeed, and it is also important to be more than a girlfriend :) I'm me,
> first of all :)
Hehe, of course. my point is that it's also nice to /get/ more than a
girlfriend. I mean, generally if you date someone you want to get to
know them better -- that means you like what you know about them
already. If that person you had gotten to know thus far just
/disappears/.... Well, that's a bad thing!
Very very bad!!
Brandon,
Brenda Lee
Brandon Quina wrote:
> Brenda Lee wrote:
>
> It's not a question of not dealing with them in my case... We both
> just seem to have different methods of dealing with them; neither of us
> let the feelings bottle up, we each handle them in our own way.. I
> could likely try things your way, but I am just comfortable with /my/
> way and it works...
That is the only way to really have it work for you. You have to be comfortable
with your expression. In some instances, I do not like how I handle myself. I wish I
was more conscious of my actions while in progress but sadly I am right in the thick
of it and by the time I can reason enough to step back and see clearly the moment
has changed form. And I could try things your way too.. <hehehe> It is just that
it might get...... messy! :)
>
>
> > Exactly.. In my opinion, I find love the easiest one to deal with..
> > Disappointment and anger and frustration are far harder for me.
>
> Yep, yep! Much much harder... I don't find love /easy/, though.
Love was not easy for me either, until later.. much later. :) In fact, I felt like a
disaster. Disappointment, for me, is the worst. For the life of me I can never
find a pigeon-hole to place it. It cannot be mixed up with the other emotions and
yet it is always seems to loom large for me. And the expression of it stinks as
well.
>
> > I have never been one not to admit something exists. I am a realist. A
> > romantic one but a realist nonetheless.:)
>
> Hehe, I know...I wasn't accusing you of doing such, just pointing out a
> few details about how I do things...I have to be able to deal with
> something, to feel it and basically "live with it." I don't let it run
> my life;
See thanks, this little piece here on this last sentence is precisely why we
differ. I can't *not* let it run my life. It all but consumes my life. Innate
little quirk I would say, but one that creates much havoc in my life. So, what I
have done is basically created the space where I would/could have a sense of
completion. That way I don't have to carry the issues around like weights around my
shoulders. You cannot make others do what you would like so you can only work with
many of them on your end. I am now reading a good book called Toxic People and
another called Emotional Resilience. I love getting them *A-ha* moments like I just
did above when I realized what the difference is between you way and mine.
> I can very much be civil with someone I dislike or
> distrust...I just keep it in mind, and it does color my attitude toward
> that person to some small degree.
Agreed. Being a human being with feelings I don't know how we could be any other
way.
>
> > > If not, then I'm willing to keep my anger or
> > > my whatever for the rest of my days.
> > This is where we differ. Anger held within festers and it almost always NEVER
> > hurts the one who has hurt you. It only hurts you then.
>
> *smiles softly*
>
> If you bottle it up, yes. Anger, though, is an emotion just like any
> other and emotions are not /bad/. None of them...
Very good point and very true.. The few times I have been able to harness my anger
and direct it I was incredibly powerful and focused. But for me that is a rarity.
An exception to the rule. Usually I have two choices.. Bottle it till I blow(in
which case I am like a loose cannon), or bottle it till I make myself sick. As I
don't like to hurt others, my tendency is to swallow it and then it festers.. As a
child we were not allowed to express emotions whatsoever.
> I've found that
> anger gives me a little edge, a nice energized feeling; something that
> keeps me awake, that keeps me active. It's not so much that it festers
> as I /use/ it, harass it, throw a yoke around it and plow the fields
> with it...
Well that is surely the most positive use of anger.. If you can do that, I envy
you. Or at least I am willing to listen how you don't let it get to you and free
the energy of anger up so that you can work with it :)
> I hope you understand what I'm saying ... that's about the best that I
> can explain it, to tell the truth.
Sure do.. And I want to hear more...
> Brandon.. <hug> I had to do this very thing with my entire familiy..
> <<<snip a good bit of the paragraph>>>
> > No it was far from easy.. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
>
> Ohh, I wasn't trying to downplay what you were doing, hon. *hug* Not
> in anyway; I was just saying that, the way in which you said it,
> sounded like it was the easier thing in the world.
I know.. And I didn't take it that you were at all.. :) I just wanted to clarify
that *easy* was not a word I had even heard of until the time I met Kevin. Dealing
with people and their emotions is our greatest challenge next to money.
> N' as you just admitted -- it's not!
Not a chance.
>
> > But I was dying as a person..
>
> I've been there too....
Can you remember them feelings you felt? I don't think you ever forget them. I also
think they serve as a constant reminder of how great life really is.
And when the sh*t hits the fan and I feel like the whole world is coming down on me
I remember back to what I was before and it is usually enough to get things back in
perspective post haste. That is the one saving grace of that period of my life. I
can always look back on it and see my progress..
>
> I wasn't suggesting that at all, Brenda. There are more options than
> just your way and the wrong way.
Sure. And I am always open to any other ways than mine or what I know.. If it is
something that I can use I will adopt it right on the spot.
> ;0) My way is, I think, somewhat
> similar to your way it's just the way we describe it that is
> different...
I think you are right... As Kevin would say: it is like singing to the choir..:)
> As well as a few little details, likely caused by how we
> handle our emotions; nobody handles their feelings and such forth the
> same way, after all...
Sure, Brandon! :) You are obviously stronger in that you can just walk away....
<smile> I am still working on that area and I am open to whatever works/ has worked,
for you.
>
> > No, I forgave them. I thank my mother for bringing me into the world. I wish
> > her well and I hope she comes to realize what she did to me. If not, then
> > perhaps next life. One cannot hate their mother Brandon. Without her I would
> > not exist. And walking away was the only choice I had.
>
> Well, I won't get into this...I don't hate my mother (not my
> grandmother, but my real mother), but I will admit to being a bit
> disappointed in her.
I never said I wasn't disappointed in her.. Brandon she is the epitome of
disappointment to me. She used me.
> I wish she had been there more, that she hadn't
> given me up so easily (not that I don't love living with my
> grandparents), and numerous other things.
I am sure I know what you mean.. <hug> And my mother gave me up as well.. Just later
on in life. There is no getting around the fact that it hurts. It is lucky that you
have your grandparents to love you.
> *frowns*
>
> Oh, almost got into it!
That is ok. I notice that I can go for months on end not thinking about my family
and then something will crop up that reminds me and there they are again. And I am
forced to deal with it.
I realize it probably differs from your beliefs but for myself? Next lifetime I am
not going to worry about anything but the family structure. I want the total
package.. Loving healthy, whole, inspiring parents that honestly care who you are
and what you can be. That take the time to love you just because you are you and
unique. And because they genuinely want to see you thrive.
>
>
> Ne'way, I don't let that impede my relationship with her. The same way
> there are some people who have treated me bad;
Do you see your mom very often? How old were you when you went to live with your
grandparents?
> > Exactly and should the day ever come when I am in her company again? I will
> > love her and such but I would not be able to trust her.
>
> Ahhh....I hate to say this, but if you don't trust her you aren't
> really treating her like a stranger.
Sure.. And I am the first one to admit this. As I said she *is* a stranger. In
fact total strangers off the street have been nicer to me than she has by what she
did. I respect her. I don't hate her. I also don't give her any more berth than I
would a stranger. At least in this way I can still relate with her should the day
come when that is possible.
>
> I agree; I've already talked on the subject; forgiving is not the
> same as forgetting. I just don't even /forgive/ unless I have some sign
> that its going to be worth my trouble...
Ok, I agree.. It is not like I am out searching her out or something. I work on
myself from within. Sometimes you have to realize that cutting the tie that binds
is the only way. A lonely way but sometimes the choice factor is really slim..:)
> My great-grandmother for
> example. I have to have contact with her every now and again, yet I
> dislike her as a person for how she's always treated me through the
> years and how she continues to treat me to this very day.
Wow, I know this one. It is like they have formed an opinion it solidified into
stone.. Forget that it was years ago and you are a completely different person..
They see what they want to see.
> Thus, I keep
> it to the minimum and try my best to be a good little great-grandson --
> n' nothing more...
Brandon.. Do I detect a little sarcasm in that there tone of yours???? <just
kidding> Actually dealing with people like that is really hard.
>
>
> I know what my responciblitys are, and I keep to them. Anything more
> than that, anything that a good little grandson would do because he
> loves his grandmother -- if she wants that, she'll have to start
> treating me like a member of the family, like a human being, instead of
> some pest.
Here , Here
> > I had a shield too. In my uge to keep others out I didn't realize I was also
> > stopping anyone from coming in. And yes, it did get very lonely. I went into
> > a 6 year cocoon.. That is the name I gave to it.
>
> You have to be careful, but you have to be careful /anyway/ when
> dealing with these feelings, no matter /what/ you end up doing with
> them... Everybody is going to handle them differently; it's a matter
> of what works for you...
I guess the goal is to be as healthy emotionally as you can so that the emotions
have an outlet and do not become trapped.
>
> > Please remember that when I am talking it is from years of working through
> > this stuff.. Not much in my life would be coined as *easy*. But like you I
> > keep mucking my way through and learning.
>
> I admire you for it, too.
Thanks.. For the most part I am proud of my accomplishments. And then when I screw
up and slip backward I get disappointed in myself.
I am the epitome of someone who has the little devil and little angel on my
shoulder.. Each one fighting for expression. And they both get me in trouble.
>
> *smiles*
>
> I've found my short life, thus far, rather sucky too -- I don't like to
> make comparisons, of course. It's hard for anyone but the people
> involved to realize the real depths of someone elses life and
> experiences...
Sure enough.. Maybe you will be like me and find that your life gets consecutively
better as you go along. I sure never pictured myself where I am now a few years
back. This would be considered fantasyland. A daydream.
Perhaps it is my equivalent of winning the lottery... <hmmm. :)>
I also guess if you have a sucky life it might as well be in the beginning while you
are a kid and can handle it..
>
>
>
> > Great post and share.
>
> Thank you; you too!
<hugs to you.> I don't mean to be nosy, so if you don't feel comfortable answering
something then say so.. Deal? Somehow I know that you would though...:)
> Brenda
>
> Brandon,
--
Brenda Lee
Official RFA Lady DreamCatcher and Wordsmith
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
** Come check out our updated web page.**
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If ye can't live very well with yourself-can ye with others?"
---Edgar Cayce
Edgar Cayce on Soul Mates
Brandon Quina
> > It's not a question of not dealing with them in my case... We both
> > just seem to have different methods of dealing with them; neither of us
> > let the feelings bottle up, we each handle them in our own way.. I
> > could likely try things your way, but I am just comfortable with /my/
> > way and it works...
>
> That is the only way to really have it work for you. You have to be
> comfortable with your expression.
Yes, I agree 100%. If you're not happy with what you're doing, and it
doesn't /work/, then you just have to find some other way to handle it.
All to often, what works for somebody else /won't/ work for you,
too.... It's through no fault of your own, either; just the sad truth
of the situation.
Everyone is different; n' that /isn't/ sad!
> In some instances, I do not like how I handle myself. I wish I was more
> conscious of my actions while in progress but sadly I am right in the thick
> of it and by the time I can reason enough to step back and see clearly the
> moment has changed form.
Hehe, that can be a problem for me too. One of my biggest problems,
though, is that I like /stability/. I like things to stay the same, or
move in readily foreseeable patterns. Chaos is hard for me to handle,
and my reactions to it kind of show; it was the utter chaos and
confusing of moving away from all my friends at 9 years old that
initially started the whole "change of personality" and "deep
depression" thing...
*smiles*
It's not so much that I /hate/ it when things get chaotic; I'm just
not at my best when things aren't easy to understand and I don't know
quite what I'm doing and what's going on -- It's gotten to the point
where I can even /enjoy myself/ in these situations; it's just
difficult...
> And I could try things your way too.. <hehehe> It is just that it might
> get...... messy! :)
Hehe, my road is not for any other to follow. *smiles* It's my road,
and I've laid every brick in my road by hand with sweat and tears...
> > Yep, yep! Much much harder... I don't find love /easy/, though.
> Love was not easy for me either, until later.. much later. :)
Hehe, does love become easier when it /works/?? :0)
> See thanks, this little piece here on this last sentence is precisely why we
> differ. I can't *not* let it run my life. It all but consumes my life.
> Innate little quirk I would say, but one that creates much havoc in my life.
Hehe, I imagine so, and that is definately where we differ; I am
inhumanly accomplished at "ignoring" /anything/ that I don't want to pay
attention too. Always have been, always will be...
It all goes back to that "liking to know where I am and where I'm
going; disliking being in chaos and the unknown" thing I talked about
above...
> > I can very much be civil with someone I dislike or distrust...I just
> > keep it in mind, and it does color my attitude toward that person to
> > some small degree.
> Agreed. Being a human being with feelings I don't know how we could
> be any other way.
Hehe, there are some people that go to either extreme; they either let
their emotions rule them to the point that they can't function in polite
society, or they cut themselves off from them so much that their like
cold automatons or lawyers or dentists...
> > If you bottle it up, yes. Anger, though, is an emotion just like
> > any other and emotions are not /bad/. None of them...
>
> Very good point and very true.. The few times I have been able to harness my
> anger and direct it I was incredibly powerful and focused.
It's a /very/ powerful emotion. There's nothing like spite to make
someone work their hardest; the movies "Hardball", both one and two, is
a good example of this despite the fact that it's a comedy...
> Well that is surely the most positive use of anger.. If you can do that, I
> envy you. Or at least I am willing to listen how you don't let it get to you
> and free the energy of anger up so that you can work with it :)
*laughs*
It's simple; someone gets you mad for some stupid little comment, and
instead of getting pointlessly angry and yelling and basically doing
nothing...you end up working extra hard (harder than you would) to prove
them wrong (and prove to yourself that they were wrong).
> Sure do.. And I want to hear more...
Hehe, I hope the above helped -- it's just an example...
> I know.. And I didn't take it that you were at all..
Hehe, I wasn't sure if you were or not -- I decided to play better safe
than sorry, you know?? *smiles* Hehe.
> I just wanted to clarify that *easy* was not a word I had even heard of until
> the time I met Kevin. Dealing with people and their emotions is our greatest
> challenge next to money.
Hehe; Similar to the reason I mentioned that I wasn't trying to
downplay your experience, eh? Just to make sure the point got through..
> > > But I was dying as a person..
> > I've been there too....
> Can you remember them feelings you felt? I don't think you ever forget them.
> I also think they serve as a constant reminder of how great life really is.
Yes, I remember....
You're right; you never forget...
> And when the sh*t hits the fan and I feel like the whole world is coming down
> on me I remember back to what I was before and it is usually enough to get
> things back in perspective post haste. That is the one saving grace of that
> period of my life. I can always look back on it and see my progress..
I don't like to look back there, but I do now and again. I wish I had
made more progress, but it hasn't been all that long since I slipped out
of it so I'm probably asking for too much. *smiles* Ohhh well...
> > I wasn't suggesting that at all, Brenda. There are more options
> > than just your way and the wrong way.
Hey! You cut my ;0) that clarifies how that was just a silly comment.
> Sure. And I am always open to any other ways than mine or what I know.. If it
> is something that I can use I will adopt it right on the spot.
I'm always open to listening; I tend to be a bit wary of actually
changing any of my particular ways of doing things unless something
isn't working for me...
> I think you are right... As Kevin would say: it is like singing to the
> choir..:)
Hehe; I've used that expression myself, except its always "preaching
to the choir," or some such...
> Sure, Brandon! :) You are obviously stronger in that you can just walk
> away.... <smile> I am still working on that area and I am open to whatever
> works/ has worked, for you.
Hey, that doesn't mean anything about me being stronger. *smiles* N'
don't you go talking like that, either; you're very strong.
Impressively strong; n' you've even got someone there who loves you who
can lend a shoulder when times get rough... That's one up on me!
> I never said I wasn't disappointed in her.. Brandon she is the epitome of
> disappointment to me. She used me.
Hehe; we were talking about my mother, not yours. ;0) You keep your
stories to your time, I'll keep mine to mine. Hehehe. *giggles*
Silly.
> I am sure I know what you mean.. <hug> And my mother gave me up as well.. Just
> later on in life. There is no getting around the fact that it hurts. It is
> lucky that you have your grandparents to love you.
*hugging you right back*
There, I don't think Louise can make any comments on that hug. ;))
Hehe.
N' yes, you're right. It hurts, and it doesn't feel good at all, and
there's nothing you can do about it except live with it -- you can't
change people, even your parents. At least, not deliberately -- I
imagine every child changes their parents in more ways than they know;
just not in the ways they would change them, if they were given the
chance...
> > Oh, almost got into it!
> That is ok. I notice that I can go for months on end not thinking about my
> family and then something will crop up that reminds me and there they are
> again. And I am forced to deal with it.
*nods softly, hugging you*
Yep; same here... 'cept about various subjects...
> I realize it probably differs from your beliefs but for myself? Next lifetime
> I am not going to worry about anything but the family structure. I want the
> total package.. Loving healthy, whole, inspiring parents that honestly care
> who you are and what you can be. That take the time to love you just because
> you are you and unique. And because they genuinely want to see you thrive.
Awww, that sounds really nice, Brenda. May I be your brother???
Or maybe your sister; I would be up for being female next time. ;0)
> Do you see your mom very often? How old were you when you went to live with
> your grandparents?
My mom is currently (until around the 15th) living with my grandparents
too; they helped her buy a house recently, and she's been living with
us while she waits to move in! Hehehe; that's one of the reasons she's
been on my mind a lot recently. She's here more than once every couple
of months! :) I'll hopefully see her more now, too; the new house is
15 minutes away...
The other question -- I was young. I don't know how young, but I was
/young/. I don't have /any/ memories of anyone except my grandparents
other than the few small times I used to go visit my real parents in the
summer. Lemme go ask gramma; She said I was with her and grandpa right
when I came home from the hospital. I was never with anyone else...
*silence*
Sheesh, that's a bit depressing.
She says its because my mom and dad didn't make more tha $10 an hour
between them, both were working, they couldn't get a babysitter. Also,
I was very tough on my mother -- her thyroid had problems, and she just
wasn't in any shape to take care of anyone....so I was left with my
grandma-- who was only about 44 at the time! *smiles* She still only
looks fifty, twenty years later.
> Sure.. And I am the first one to admit this. As I said she *is* a stranger.
> In fact total strangers off the street have been nicer to me than she has by
> what she did. I respect her. I don't hate her. I also don't give her any
> more berth than I would a stranger. At least in this way I can still relate
> with her should the day come when that is possible.
*hugs you tightly*
> Wow, I know this one. It is like they have formed an opinion it solidified
> into stone.. Forget that it was years ago and you are a completely different
> person.. They see what they want to see.
She didn't even get to know me to form an opinion. My
great-grandmother doesn't like anyone. People are just little chess
pieces for her to move around on some board. Even now, she tries to use
her inheritance to get everyone to do whatever she wants; n' it works
on everybody but us... My grandpa doesn't want the money, and me and my
grandmother just don't like her--she never liked either one of us.
*sighs* I hate talking about her badly, but .. it's her fault! ;0)
> Brandon.. Do I detect a little sarcasm in that there tone of yours???? <just
> kidding> Actually dealing with people like that is really hard.
*nods*
Yes, it is...
She's gotten old, a bit senile, and so helpless... *sigh* ...it's
hard to hold anything against her, but she is /still/ a mean old broad
-- she still treats me second rate when she's not trying to buy my
support/love... she still dislikes my grandma (which is /not/ a good
way to get on my good side), and basically she still does whatever she
can to be mean...
> > I admire you for it, too.
>
> Thanks.. For the most part I am proud of my accomplishments. And then when I
> screw up and slip backward I get disappointed in myself.
Everybody makes mistakes, but not everybody succeeds. :) It's easy to
fail, but actually accomplishing something is very difficult and
requires more than just dumb luck. I stand by that belief...
> I am the epitome of someone who has the little devil and little angel on my
> shoulder.. Each one fighting for expression. And they both get me in trouble.
*laughs*
That's cute.
;0)
*smiles*
Ever so true, yes. But...cute!
> Sure enough.. Maybe you will be like me and find that your life gets
> consecutively better as you go along. I sure never pictured myself where I am
> now a few years back. This would be considered fantasyland. A daydream.
*smiles*
I never pictured myself as anything but dead more than two years ago.
Never; I didn't want to picture myself as anything else. I certainly
didn't picture myself in college...at best, I was a fat lonely looser
who managed to fail high school and rot on some street corner...
> I also guess if you have a sucky life it might as well be in the beginning
> while you are a kid and can handle it..
*nods*
True...
> <hugs to you.> I don't mean to be nosy, so if you don't feel comfortable
> answering something then say so..
Ohhh, don't worry, if you ever ask something that I don't feel
comfortable sharing then I won't share it... *smiles* ...I'm not the
shy type about telling people I don't want to talk about something.
> Deal? Somehow I know that you would though...:)
*smiles*
Brandon,
Wynke Stulemeijer
>Wynke Stulemeijer wrote:
>> > Oh my, you were quite attached to him. Very attached to him. You
>> > poor thing; I was like that once, it really tore me apart when things
>> >finally broke apart and life proceeded to go downhill. *sighs softly*
>> >Ohh vell, I suppose everybody has to go through bad times..
>>
>> I guess so... and I believe that now, 6 years later (I was only 16 back
>
> Hmm, that makes you 22 now, I take it? :0) Hehe, either that or I'm
>sooo tired that my math skills are /verrrrrry/ screwy!
No, you're correct, even thogh I tend to forget my exact age myself
sometimes... I even thought I was 18 a few days ago when calculating
something. Saw what I did wrong soon enought though :)
>> then), I am completely over him. The bad memories have faded almost into
>> non-existence, and the good memories will linger on forever, as will the
>> lessons I learned from it...
>
> That's always good to hear. Hehe; I would hope that you would get
>over him, given that amount of time, though. One never knows, though...
Well, I guess I'll always have a soft spot for him, same as for all my
ex-boyfriends (except one maybe) and some male friends of mine... only
friendly though, nothing romantic.
>> > I can certainly understand how that is... Did you ever come into
>> >contact with him again, after that, or did you kind of drift apart??
>> >Socially, of course, not romantically or anything..
>>
>> I see him on the train or so sometimes, about once every two years on
>> average. We can talk normally, and if we'd take the time we might be
>> friends again, but so far we haven't.
>
> *nods softly*
>
> That's a shame...
It is. But I've found myself in a situation where I have enough friends
that I don't have to cling to the ones I had in the past with all I can
any more... For the first time in my life, maybe...
>> > Good for you! It's important to have more than a girlfriend...
>> Indeed, and it is also important to be more than a girlfriend :) I'm me,
>> first of all :)
>
> Hehe, of course. my point is that it's also nice to /get/ more than a
>girlfriend. I mean, generally if you date someone you want to get to
>know them better -- that means you like what you know about them
>already. If that person you had gotten to know thus far just
>/disappears/.... Well, that's a bad thing!
That's true. A relationship isn't worth much if there is no base of
friendship to build on...
Wynke.
peanut
[snip]
> Everyone is different; n' that /isn't/ sad!
This would make a good motto for newsgroups! If
everyone could respect the other's opinions and not
go on the defensive, it would greatly reduce the flames.
But then our resident troll would have to find a new career,
and we can't have that now :-)
Faith
Brandon Quina
> > Everyone is different; n' that /isn't/ sad!
> everyone could respect the other's opinions and not
> go on the defensive, it would greatly reduce the flames.
>
> But then our resident troll would have to find a new career,
> and we can't have that now :-)
Hehe; we can't???
Brandon,
wondering why not...
peanut
> > > Everyone is different; n' that /isn't/ sad!
> > everyone could respect the other's opinions and not
> > go on the defensive, it would greatly reduce the flames.
> >
> > But then our resident troll would have to find a new career,
> > and we can't have that now :-)
>
> Hehe; we can't???
> Brandon,
> wondering why not...
Dan is a wise one with great incites, once you look past
his troll-atarian nature.
Did I say that?
:-)
Faith
Pete Turk
<pea...@thiswontwork.com> writes
>Brandon Quina wrote in message
>
>
>> Everyone is different; n' that /isn't/ sad!
>
>everyone could respect the other's opinions and not
>go on the defensive, it would greatly reduce the flames.
>
>But then our resident troll would have to find a new career,
>and we can't have that now :-)
>
Oh now, let's not be too hasty, Faith!
Let's see now.... tar-flecks need cleaning from beaches....
BTW Dan, I didn't mean you! -- you're nowhere near the sea,
unlike some.... :)
Pete Turk <Pe...@ragtag.demon.co.uk> ICQ# 11981084
RFA Moonshadow
--
May your doorstep ever be dirty.
-- Romany blessing
CraZjim
news:375858EA...@tmgbbs.com...
> peanut wrote:
> > > Hehe; we can't???
> > > Brandon,
> > > wondering why not...
> > Dan is a wise one with great incites, once you look past
> > his troll-atarian nature.
>
>
Intended Pun, actually!
--
James
Official Outback Poet and Wombat Wrestler of the RFA
(Most people I know think that I'm crazy).
CraZjim
news:375858EA...@tmgbbs.com...
> peanut wrote:
> > > Hehe; we can't???
> > > Brandon,
> > > wondering why not...
> > Dan is a wise one with great incites, once you look past
> > his troll-atarian nature.
>
> Great incites, or great insights?? :) Hehehe.
>
>
>
>
> freudian slip??
Why, Dan! You look so................ cute(?) in a Freudian slip!
Wynke Stulemeijer
>Wynke Stulemeijer wrote:
>> > Hmm, that makes you 22 now, I take it? :0) Hehe, either that or I'm
>> >sooo tired that my math skills are /verrrrrry/ screwy!
>> No, you're correct, even thogh I tend to forget my exact age myself
>> sometimes... I even thought I was 18 a few days ago when calculating
>> something. Saw what I did wrong soon enought though :)
>
>I get used to my "new age" pretty quickly and pretty much adjust from
>that point on until the next January the 21st...
>
> The one problem I had was in 1997; everytime I wrote my birthyear, I
>always wanted to put down that it was 1997, and I kept writing 1979 for
>the present date--mixxing up my birthyear and present year, due to the
>fact that they were the same number backwards. Weird, eh??
Not really, I guess, I mix up mu birth year and the current year too.
Funny that I also did that most in '97, I was born in '77 :)
>> Well, I guess I'll always have a soft spot for him, same as for all my
>> ex-boyfriends (except one maybe) and some male friends of mine... only
>> friendly though, nothing romantic.
>
> *nods*
>
> That's sweet; I'm mostly the same way, except there are a few girls
>that I don't have a soft spot for because of the ways in which things
>worked out and such forth. *smiles*
I've been lucky with the guys I dated. Most of the relationships ended
because one or both of us realized we just didn't match. The guy I don't
really have a soft spot for any more is the only guy I ever dated
without ever being friends with him... He was the greatest mismatch
ever, but I could have known that in advance (actually I did but I was
so flattered by his attention...).
>> > That's a shame...
>> It is. But I've found myself in a situation where I have enough friends
>> that I don't have to cling to the ones I had in the past with all I can
>> any more... For the first time in my life, maybe...
>
> Wow; that's impressive. I'm currently rather lonely; I lost most of
>my (few) friends whenever I left high school, and I'm just starting to
>earn a few of them back... So if you have excess friends, send a few of
>'em over here!
I would, if there was such a thing as 'excess friends' :) But real
friends one can never have enough of, I think...
I am afraid of loosing most of the friends I have now when I (or they)
leave the university, and I'm even more afraid that I won't be able to
make any new... even though I seem to do better every time I get into a
new situation...
Wynke.
A.Boodoo
> Brandon Quina <lo...@tmgbbs.com> wrote in message
> > peanut wrote:
>
> > Brandon,
> > freudian slip??
>
> Why, Dan! You look so................ cute(?) in a Freudian slip!
Nah... you haven't seen enialle in one...
A.Boodoo
CraZjim
news:375982B3...@bham.ac.uk...
Brandon Quina
> > > Dan is a wise one with great incites, once you look past
> > > his troll-atarian nature.
> > Great incites, or great insights?? :) Hehehe.
Hehe, that's what I figured but I wasn't /quite/ sure...
Brandon,
*grinning*
Brandon Quina
> >always wanted to put down that it was 1997, and I kept writing 1979 for
> >the present date--mixxing up my birthyear and present year, due to the
> >fact that they were the same number backwards. Weird, eh??
>
> Not really, I guess, I mix up mu birth year and the current year too.
> Funny that I also did that most in '97, I was born in '77 :)
*laughs*
That's weird; I wonder why you did that....
> I've been lucky with the guys I dated. Most of the relationships ended
> because one or both of us realized we just didn't match.
I've had one relationship that ended like that, and I was the one that
ended it. It was sad; it took me a while to finally end it. I didn't
want to give it up, as I had been lonely and alone for a good long time
before hand...
*sighs*
It's kind of hard to give up somebody who you just don't fit with when
their the only person who seems to want to spend any time around you...
> I would, if there was such a thing as 'excess friends' :) But real
> friends one can never have enough of, I think...
*snaps his fingers*
Ohh well, can't blame a guy for asking, eh?? :)
> I am afraid of loosing most of the friends I have now when I (or they)
> leave the university, and I'm even more afraid that I won't be able to
> make any new... even though I seem to do better every time I get into a
> new situation...
I'm sure your worries were for nothing; my problem was that I was in
my depression in high school, and only had a few friends in the first
place. Thus, whenever I was "pulled out" of high school I was thrust in
a completely different setting in which I didn't know anybody... That
was a good thing, though; it gave me some space, so I could distance
everything from the old situation..
It's just, now that I'm all better -- I kind of want some good friends,
and I just /don't have any/!
Brandon,
Brandon Quina
> Nah... you haven't seen enialle in one...
*grumbles*
Freudian Slip = A verbal slip in which you say something that you
/really feel/, rather than what you meant to say in the first place..
Brandon,
Brandon Quina
> > Nah... you haven't seen enialle in one...
*giggles*
You people are silly. [exactly what it says!]
Brandon,
peanut
Actually, I meant "insight". IMO Dan gives some pretty
good advice. He often form his 'insights' as a question
to the poster.
Sorry about the spelling error.
Faith
Bill C Riemers
>
> > > Why, Dan! You look so................ cute(?) in a Freudian slip!
> > Nah... you haven't seen enialle in one...
>
>
> Freudian Slip = A verbal slip in which you say something that you
> /really feel/, rather than what you meant to say in the first place..
And wouldn't you like to see enialle where that was all that she was
wearing?
Bill
Brandon Quina
> > /really feel/, rather than what you meant to say in the first place..
>
> And wouldn't you like to see enialle where that was all that
> she was wearing?
I don't really know enaille all that well, so it wouldn't hold anything
but raw physical attraction for me. I'm sure she would look quite
stunning, though. *smiles softly* Other than that....
Brandon,
John Farrell
>On Sun, 06 Jun 1999 15:14:21 GMT, Bill C Riemers <b...@feynman.com>
>said :
>|Brandon Quina wrote:
>|>
>|> > > Why, Dan! You look so................ cute(?) in a Freudian slip!
>|> > Nah... you haven't seen enialle in one...
>|>
>|> *grumbles*
>|>
>|> Freudian Slip = A verbal slip in which you say something that you
>|> /really feel/, rather than what you meant to say in the first place..
>|
>|And wouldn't you like to see enialle where that was all that she was
>|wearing?
>|
> Freudian slip when you say something and really meant your mother
>:-)
>enialle
Whoa! Heavy Psychobabble!
I would hate to think I had the kind of thoughts about my mother that produced
*MY* last freudian slip!
JF
==========================================================
...To root in my heart and grow great and make known to me
what is dark in the brightness,the rose of creation.......
Pablo Neruda
==========================================================
A.Boodoo
> On Sun, 06 Jun 1999 15:14:21 GMT, Bill C Riemers <b...@feynman.com>
> |Brandon Quina wrote:
> |>
> |> > > Why, Dan! You look so................ cute(?) in a Freudian slip!
> |> > Nah... you haven't seen enialle in one...
>
> |> Freudian Slip = A verbal slip in which you say something that you
> |> /really feel/, rather than what you meant to say in the first place..
> |
> |And wouldn't you like to see enialle where that was all that she was
> |wearing?
> |
> Freudian slip when you say something and really meant your mother
when you said something like that I'd make enialle a mother...
Oops!
A.Boodoo
Brenda Lee
Brandon Quina wrote:
> Yes, I agree 100%. If you're not happy with what you're doing, and it
> doesn't /work/, then you just have to find some other way to handle it.
> All to often, what works for somebody else /won't/ work for you,
> too.... It's through no fault of your own, either; just the sad truth
> of the situation.
>
> Everyone is different; n' that /isn't/ sad!
Exactly. And that is also what adds spice to life.
>
>
> > In some instances, I do not like how I handle myself. I wish I was more
> > conscious of my actions while in progress but sadly I am right in the thick
> > of it and by the time I can reason enough to step back and see clearly the
> > moment has changed form.
>
> Hehe, that can be a problem for me too. One of my biggest problems,
> though, is that I like /stability/. I like things to stay the same, or
> move in readily foreseeable patterns. Chaos is hard for me to handle,
> and my reactions to it kind of show; it was the utter chaos and
> confusing of moving away from all my friends at 9 years old that
> initially started the whole "change of personality" and "deep
> depression" thing...
I used to be soo bad in that area Brandon. We moved around a lot as a kid. I
couldn't stand walking into them new schools. I was very shy and each time we would
do it I would get physically sick and my parents would have to come and get me.
>
>
> *smiles*
>
> It's not so much that I /hate/ it when things get chaotic; I'm just
> not at my best when things aren't easy to understand and I don't know
> quite what I'm doing and what's going on -- It's gotten to the point
> where I can even /enjoy myself/ in these situations; it's just
> difficult...
>
> > And I could try things your way too.. <hehehe> It is just that it might
> > get...... messy! :)
>
> Hehe, my road is not for any other to follow. *smiles* It's my road,
> and I've laid every brick in my road by hand with sweat and tears...
And in recognition to the fact that you are still with us then I would say your
effort and work has paid off in the most wonderful of ways.
>
> > > Yep, yep! Much much harder... I don't find love /easy/, though.
> > Love was not easy for me either, until later.. much later. :)
>
> Hehe, does love become easier when it /works/?? :0)
I think it is partly because when you are first starting out you(we) tend to try and
*force* things. Matters of the heart cannot be forced. It only creates
frustration. Finally when you get to a certain point you say "That's it.. I give"
And when you give up the fight the essence of love flows through you. At least it
was that way for me.
>
>
> > See thanks, this little piece here on this last sentence is precisely why we
> > differ. I can't *not* let it run my life. It all but consumes my life.
> > Innate little quirk I would say, but one that creates much havoc in my life.
>
> Hehe, I imagine so, and that is definately where we differ; I am
> inhumanly accomplished at "ignoring" /anything/ that I don't want to pay
> attention too. Always have been, always will be...
I admire that. I cannot tune out noises that I don't want to hear. I cannot tune
things out. And one cannot walk away when you are dragging whatever it is on your
back.. :) You are lucky. I have wished many times I was like that.
> >
> > Very good point and very true.. The few times I have been able to harness my
> > anger and direct it I was incredibly powerful and focused.
>
> It's a /very/ powerful emotion. There's nothing like spite to make
> someone work their hardest; the movies "Hardball", both one and two, is
> a good example of this despite the fact that it's a comedy...
Hmmm.... another one(or should I say two) that I have not seen..
> It's simple; someone gets you mad for some stupid little comment, and
> instead of getting pointlessly angry and yelling and basically doing
> nothing...you end up working extra hard (harder than you would) to prove
> them wrong (and prove to yourself that they were wrong).
>
>
> > Sure do.. And I want to hear more...
>
> Hehe, I hope the above helped -- it's just an example...
Got it thanks.
>
> > I know.. And I didn't take it that you were at all..
>
> Hehe, I wasn't sure if you were or not -- I decided to play better safe
> than sorry, you know?? *smiles* Hehe.
Gee isn't there another option besides safe or sorry.?. Can't say that either one
sounds like fun..:)
>
>
> >> > > But I was dying as a person..
> > > I've been there too....
> > Can you remember them feelings you felt? I don't think you ever forget them.
> > I also think they serve as a constant reminder of how great life really is.
>
> Yes, I remember....
>
> You're right; you never forget...
:) Hug
>
>
>
> > And when the sh*t hits the fan and I feel like the whole world is coming down
> > on me I remember back to what I was before and it is usually enough to get
> > things back in perspective post haste. That is the one saving grace of that
> > period of my life. I can always look back on it and see my progress..
>
> I don't like to look back there, but I do now and again. I wish I had
> made more progress, but it hasn't been all that long since I slipped out
> of it so I'm probably asking for too much. *smiles* Ohhh well...
It comes with time..:) Add that to the fact that you are the one living it and are
sooo close to it that you may not be seeing your progress as someone who is on the
outside looking in might. Just a thought.
>
> > > I wasn't suggesting that at all, Brenda. There are more options
> > > than just your way and the wrong way.
>
> Hey! You cut my ;0) that clarifies how that was just a silly comment.
Hey, I thought that was my smiley face???? :) Well that is ok, I took it that way
anyway.
>
>
> > Sure. And I am always open to any other ways than mine or what I know.. If it
> > is something that I can use I will adopt it right on the spot.
>
> I'm always open to listening; I tend to be a bit wary of actually
> changing any of my particular ways of doing things unless something
> isn't working for me...
>
I think you have to be open to listening. May not like what you hear but if our
ears were meant to be closed they would have flaps or lids like our eyes. Nope
those orifices are there and are meant to be open and receptive all the time for
some reason..
:)
>
>
>
> > Sure, Brandon! :) You are obviously stronger in that you can just walk
> > away.... <smile> I am still working on that area and I am open to whatever
> > works/ has worked, for you.
>
> Hey, that doesn't mean anything about me being stronger. *smiles* N'
> don't you go talking like that, either; you're very strong.
thanks.
>
> Impressively strong; n' you've even got someone there who loves you who
> can lend a shoulder when times get rough... That's one up on me!
While this is true and I am thankful for that every day, I still think it is better
when it comes from within.
>
>
>
> > I never said I wasn't disappointed in her.. Brandon she is the epitome of
> > disappointment to me. She used me.
>
> Hehe; we were talking about my mother, not yours. ;0) You keep your
> stories to your time, I'll keep mine to mine. Hehehe. *giggles*
> Silly.
I was answering this part to your question about how I could trust my mom again from
the other post..
>
>
> > I am sure I know what you mean.. <hug> And my mother gave me up as well.. Just
> > later on in life. There is no getting around the fact that it hurts. It is
> > lucky that you have your grandparents to love you.
>
> *hugging you right back*
Hey, that felt nice. Thanks.
>
> Hehe.
>
> N' yes, you're right. It hurts, and it doesn't feel good at all, and
> there's nothing you can do about it except live with it -- you can't
> change people, even your parents. At least, not deliberately -- I
> imagine every child changes their parents in more ways than they know;
> just not in the ways they would change them, if they were given the
> chance...
Wise words. While we live in a cocreated society we are not responsible for the way
others treat us. We can just watch our own actions and reactions.
>
>
>
> > > Oh, almost got into it!
> > That is ok. I notice that I can go for months on end not thinking about my
> > family and then something will crop up that reminds me and there they are
> > again. And I am forced to deal with it.
>
> *nods softly, hugging you*
>
> Yep; same here... 'cept about various subjects...
Even so, I still say life is extremely cool. And I am real happy to be here during
this time with all the technology we have. Such cool toys out there. But they are
certainly not cheap..these toys.
>
> > I realize it probably differs from your beliefs but for myself? Next lifetime
> > I am not going to worry about anything but the family structure. I want the
> > total package.. Loving healthy, whole, inspiring parents that honestly care
> > who you are and what you can be. That take the time to love you just because
> > you are you and unique. And because they genuinely want to see you thrive.
>
> Awww, that sounds really nice, Brenda. May I be your brother???
I thought you would never ask.. <big smiley face.. too big for this little guy
:) >I'd be honored. :)
Hmmm.. maybe I don't have to wait till next life.. :)
>
>
> Or maybe your sister; I would be up for being female next time. ;0)
Well either way it would work for me.
>
>
>
> > Do you see your mom very often? How old were you when you went to live with
> > your grandparents?
>
> My mom is currently (until around the 15th) living with my grandparents
> too; they helped her buy a house recently, and she's been living with
> us while she waits to move in! Hehehe; that's one of the reasons she's
> been on my mind a lot recently. She's here more than once every couple
> of months! :) I'll hopefully see her more now, too; the new house is
> 15 minutes away...
Well that will be nice for you then. And I am sure you enjoyed having her so close
while she was waiting. 15 minutes is nothing really.
>
>
> The other question -- I was young. I don't know how young, but I was
> /young/. I don't have /any/ memories of anyone except my grandparents
> other than the few small times I used to go visit my real parents in the
> summer. Lemme go ask gramma; She said I was with her and grandpa right
> when I came home from the hospital. I was never with anyone else...
>
> *silence*
Sometimes silence is golden. :) I just read a book about speaking and they said
that those moments when there is silence are necessary.. And here come to think that
I have lived my life trying to fill them all in. I have been trying to let the
silences be ok and it really does work. They are intense.
>
>
> Sheesh, that's a bit depressing.
Well this is a first for me.. <Brenda sneaks up on Brandons grandparents and gives
them both a super hug for taking care of Brandon from the get go.>
Interesting..I called my grandmother gramma too.
>
>
> She says its because my mom and dad didn't make more tha $10 an hour
> between them, both were working, they couldn't get a babysitter. Also,
> I was very tough on my mother -- her thyroid had problems, and she just
> wasn't in any shape to take care of anyone....so I was left with my
> grandma-- who was only about 44 at the time! *smiles* She still only
> looks fifty, twenty years later.
Well I think what your grandma did for you was take you from a life that would have
been rough on a little boy.. Many would have left you to your own devices. I feel
the love.
>
>
> > Sure.. And I am the first one to admit this. As I said she *is* a stranger.
> > In fact total strangers off the street have been nicer to me than she has by
> > what she did. I respect her. I don't hate her. I also don't give her any
> > more berth than I would a stranger. At least in this way I can still relate
> > with her should the day come when that is possible.
>
> *hugs you tightly*
>
> > Wow, I know this one. It is like they have formed an opinion it solidified
> > into stone.. Forget that it was years ago and you are a completely different
> > person.. They see what they want to see.
>
> She didn't even get to know me to form an opinion. My
> great-grandmother doesn't like anyone. People are just little chess
> pieces for her to move around on some board. Even now, she tries to use
> her inheritance to get everyone to do whatever she wants; n' it works
> on everybody but us... My grandpa doesn't want the money, and me and my
> grandmother just don't like her--she never liked either one of us.
> *sighs* I hate talking about her badly, but .. it's her fault! ;0)
I have known people like that. I remember my mom telling me constantly that when
they were gone everything they had was coming to me. I would look at her and simply
say: I don't want your stuff. Wiithout you this stuff is worthless. It was their
way of holding on to me. But I truly didn't care about the stuff. It meant
nothing. Funny, all I ever wanted was to feel normal and be treated nicely..
Guess it was too much to ask. It goes back to the same thing. You cannot ask for
more than what people are capable of giving.
>
>
> > Brandon.. Do I detect a little sarcasm in that there tone of yours???? <just
> > kidding> Actually dealing with people like that is really hard.
>
> *nods*
>
> Yes, it is...
>
> She's gotten old, a bit senile, and so helpless... *sigh* ...it's
> hard to hold anything against her, but she is /still/ a mean old broad
> -- she still treats me second rate when she's not trying to buy my
> support/love... she still dislikes my grandma (which is /not/ a good
> way to get on my good side), and basically she still does whatever she
> can to be mean...
>
Hopefully the day will come when she sees what she did.
>
>
>
> Everybody makes mistakes, but not everybody succeeds. :) It's easy to
> fail, but actually accomplishing something is very difficult and
> requires more than just dumb luck. I stand by that belief...
I agee. Very nicely put.
>
>
>
>
> *smiles*
>
> I never pictured myself as anything but dead more than two years ago.
> Never; I didn't want to picture myself as anything else. I certainly
> didn't picture myself in college...at best, I was a fat lonely looser
> who managed to fail high school and rot on some street corner...
> That is why I so adamantly state that things will get better. everything is
> transitory. Just gotta hang in there.
>
>
>
> > I also guess if you have a sucky life it might as well be in the beginning
> > while you are a kid and can handle it..
>
> *nods*
>
> True...
>
> Well that it that then. Hang on for the ride.. Your life only gets better and
> better from here on out...:)
I guess this would be the time to sprinkle some of my stardust on you.. jut for good
measure....:)
enialle
said :
And it's Mom to you!
enialle
As I walked through the wilderness of this world,
I lighted on a certain place where was a Den,
and I laid me down in that place to sleep;
and as I slept, I dreamed a Dream.
~The Pilgrim's Progress, by John Bunyan, 1675~
Brandon Quina
> good advice. He often form his 'insights' as a question
> to the poster.
Hehe, cool. *smiles* Sowwy about the confusion.
> Sorry about the spelling error.
No need; you just made a typo! :) That's certainly nothing to be
sorry about, after all! If I had to apologize after every typo I made I
would never be able to stop apologizing; hehehe. Thankfully, I'm a
fast type and it doesn't take me long to go back and fix a typo that I
make as long as I /notice/ that I made it. Hehe.
Brandon,
Brandon Quina
> > Everyone is different; n' that /isn't/ sad!
> Exactly. And that is also what adds spice to life.
Yep yep, if everybody was the same the world would be dull and boring.
> I used to be soo bad in that area Brandon. We moved around a lot as a kid. I
> couldn't stand walking into them new schools. I was very shy and each time we
> would do it I would get physically sick and my parents would have to come and
> get me.
Hehe, I'm like that in more ways than just that...I still remember
when, right in the middle of my 8th grade class; they moved all the
classrooms to a diffrent part of the building. I /hated/ it, it was too
/diffrent/...
*smiles*
I was miserable for about a month before I got used to it, and /it/
became the "status quo". Hehe; I still remember the night I didn't get
much sleep and ended up standing infront of the old classroom (for the
sixth grade class, now) for about ten minutes before I rememberd we'd
moved...
> > Hehe, does love become easier when it /works/?? :0)
>
> I think it is partly because when you are first starting out you(we) tend to
> try and *force* things. Matters of the heart cannot be forced. It only
> creates frustration. Finally when you get to a certain point you say "That's
> it.. I give" And when you give up the fight the essence of love flows through
> you. At least it was that way for me.
Hmm, yes. I see what you're saying, and it makes a lot of sense. What
do you think the other part of it is, or do you not know??
> I admire that. I cannot tune out noises that I don't want to hear. I cannot
> tune things out. And one cannot walk away when you are dragging whatever it
> is on your back.. :) You are lucky. I have wished many times I was like that.
*smiles*
I dunno, I sometimes think things would be a bit easier/better if I
/wasn't/ so good at ignoring things that I didn't want to deal with;
its not always a good thing, I assure you!
> > It's a /very/ powerful emotion. There's nothing like spite to make
> > someone work their hardest; the movies "Hardball", both one and two, is
> > a good example of this despite the fact that it's a comedy...
>
> Hmmm.... another one(or should I say two) that I have not seen..
Err, excuse me, that was the wrong name. I meant "Major League," both
the original and part two. Hehe; sowwy!
> Gee isn't there another option besides safe or sorry.?. Can't say that either
> one sounds like fun..:)
*chuckles*
In some questions there isn't, tell the truth. ;) Most of the time
there is, but sometimes you're left with just "Either I do it this way
just to be sure I'm safe, or I take a chance and maybe end up sorry down
the line."
> It comes with time..:) Add that to the fact that you are the one living it
> and are sooo close to it that you may not be seeing your progress as someone
> who is on the outside looking in might. Just a thought.
Oh, I've thought that too. *smiles softly* It doesn't really help
much coming from myself; others are always telling me how much better
I'm doing and such forth. ;) Of course, my mom is always saying how
I'm loosing weight and looking a lot better so....
*giggles*
> > Hey, that doesn't mean anything about me being stronger. *smiles*
> > N' don't you go talking like that, either; you're very strong.
> thanks.
Welcome.
> > Impressively strong; n' you've even got someone there who loves you who
> > can lend a shoulder when times get rough... That's one up on me!
> While this is true and I am thankful for that every day, I still think it is
> better when it comes from within.
I agree, but its best when you're both strong /and/ have someone there
who can help you out and lend a shoulder.. Then you've got all the
angles covered, you know??
> > N' yes, you're right. It hurts, and it doesn't feel good at all,
> > and there's nothing you can do about it except live with it -- you can't
> > change people, even your parents. At least, not deliberately -- I
> > imagine every child changes their parents in more ways than they know;
> > just not in the ways they would change them, if they were given the
> > chance...
>
> Wise words. While we live in a cocreated society we are not responsible for
> the way others treat us. We can just watch our own actions and reactions.
*nods*
We change everyone we encounter, in small ways that we might not even
notice. They, in turn, change us! For better or worse, that's the way
it is..
> Even so, I still say life is extremely cool. And I am real happy to be here
> during this time with all the technology we have. Such cool toys out there.
> But they are certainly not cheap..these toys.
Oh, I know! This is a wonderful, if stressful and challenging, time to
be alive. *smiles* Advancements and social changes that would take
generations to happen in the past occur in the span of decades...
> > Awww, that sounds really nice, Brenda. May I be your brother???
> I thought you would never ask.. <big smiley face.. too big for this little guy
> :) >I'd be honored. :) Hmmm.. maybe I don't have to wait till next life..
Hehe. *smiles* Honoruary siblings, then?? :)
> > My mom is currently (until around the 15th) living with my grandparents
> > too; they helped her buy a house recently, and she's been living with
> > us while she waits to move in! Hehehe; that's one of the reasons she's
> > been on my mind a lot recently. She's here more than once every couple
> > of months! :) I'll hopefully see her more now, too; the new house is
> > 15 minutes away...
>
> Well that will be nice for you then. And I am sure you enjoyed having her so
> close while she was waiting. 15 minutes is nothing really.
Yes, I certainly have enjoyed her...she'll be leaving this next
weekend; earlier than I thought, tell you the truth! :) (: Ohh well,
it will be very nice having her only 15 minutes alone. She's promised
to spend more time with me, too; of course, my mom isn't that good
about keeping promises..
Just as long as she lets me take up that "mowing the lawns" buisness,
though, I'm very very happy! :) Hehe.
> > The other question -- I was young. I don't know how young, but I
> > was /young/. I don't have /any/ memories of anyone except my grandparents
> > other than the few small times I used to go visit my real parents in the
> > summer. Lemme go ask gramma; She said I was with her and grandpa right
> > when I came home from the hospital. I was never with anyone else...
> > *silence*
>
> Sometimes silence is golden. :) I just read a book about speaking and they
> said that those moments when there is silence are necessary.. And here come to
> think that I have lived my life trying to fill them all in. I have been
> trying to let the silences be ok and it really does work. They are intense.
Yep, sometimes silence says more than all the words in the world.
After I wrote this, by the way, my grandma came in to talk with me a bit
more; I think she noticed that I got a bit depressed after she told me
that -- it turns out my mom would occasionally try to "steal me away in
the night", to go off and live with her... I'd just always end up back
there in the morning; so, it wasn't an easy decision for her, anyway!
> > Sheesh, that's a bit depressing.
>
> Well this is a first for me.. <Brenda sneaks up on Brandons grandparents and
> gives them both a super hug for taking care of Brandon from the get go.>
> Interesting..I called my grandmother gramma too.
:)
I call her "mom", "gramma", and "grandmom".
> Well I think what your grandma did for you was take you from a life that would
> have been rough on a little boy.. Many would have left you to your own
> devices. I feel the love.
*smiles, nodding*
So do I... As I've said in the past, I do love my grandparents and I
consider them my family; its still a bit hard, now and again, to admit
that my mom basically gave me up and turned me out of her life...
> I have known people like that. I remember my mom telling me constantly that
> when they were gone everything they had was coming to me. I would look at her
> and simply say: I don't want your stuff. Wiithout you this stuff is
> worthless. It was their way of holding on to me. But I truly didn't care
> about the stuff. It meant nothing. Funny, all I ever wanted was to feel
> normal and be treated nicely.. Guess it was too much to ask. It goes back to
> the same thing. You cannot ask for more than what people are capable of
> giving.
No, I imagine you can't...*sighs*...but that doesn't stop you from
wanting more, I guess. Oh well... People /are/ who they /are/, you
know??
> I guess this would be the time to sprinkle some of my stardust on you.. jut
> for good measure....:)
*giggles, looking up a bit and blinking some of the stardust out of his
eyes; shaking his head a bit to get some of it out of his hair*
Hey! Now I've gotta go take another shower; gettin me all dirty ;0)
Brandon,
A.Boodoo
> On Mon, 07 Jun 1999 01:48:47 +0100, "A.Boodoo" <axb...@bham.ac.uk>
> |enialle wrote:
> |> On Sun, 06 Jun 1999 15:14:21 GMT, Bill C Riemers <b...@feynman.com>
> |> |Brandon Quina wrote:
>
> |> |> Freudian Slip = A verbal slip in which you say something that you
> |> |> /really feel/, rather than what you meant to say in the first place..
> |> |
> |> |And wouldn't you like to see enialle where that was all that she was
> |> |wearing?
> |> |
> |> Freudian slip when you say something and really meant your mother
> |
> |when you said something like that I'd make enialle a mother...
>
> Bad boy! Now bend over and let me spank you.
>
> And it's Mom to you!
No, no... <shakes head> I have to *impregnate* you first...
A.Boodoo
Wynke Stulemeijer
>> > The one problem I had was in 1997; everytime I wrote my birthyear, I
>> >always wanted to put down that it was 1997, and I kept writing 1979 for
>> >the present date--mixxing up my birthyear and present year, due to the
>> >fact that they were the same number backwards. Weird, eh??
>>
>> Not really, I guess, I mix up mu birth year and the current year too.
>> Funny that I also did that most in '97, I was born in '77 :)
>
> *laughs*
>
> That's weird; I wonder why you did that....
Don't know, I just did... but I had to correct just about every form I
filled in...
>> I've been lucky with the guys I dated. Most of the relationships ended
>> because one or both of us realized we just didn't match.
>
> I've had one relationship that ended like that, and I was the one that
>ended it. It was sad; it took me a while to finally end it. I didn't
>want to give it up, as I had been lonely and alone for a good long time
>before hand...
>
> *sighs*
>
> It's kind of hard to give up somebody who you just don't fit with when
>their the only person who seems to want to spend any time around you...
I know... I was pretty lonely back then... And I didn't realize that I
was an individual in my own right even if I didn't have a boyfriend...
that relationship lingered on long past the point that we broke up, and
then it took the most difficult decision in my life to that point to end
it...
>> I would, if there was such a thing as 'excess friends' :) But real
>> friends one can never have enough of, I think...
>
> *snaps his fingers*
>
> Ohh well, can't blame a guy for asking, eh?? :)
No :) If a friend of mine ever moves over to where you live, I'll tell
'em to visit you :)
>> I am afraid of loosing most of the friends I have now when I (or they)
>> leave the university, and I'm even more afraid that I won't be able to
>> make any new... even though I seem to do better every time I get into a
>> new situation...
>
> I'm sure your worries were for nothing; my problem was that I was in
>my depression in high school, and only had a few friends in the first
>place. Thus, whenever I was "pulled out" of high school I was thrust in
>a completely different setting in which I didn't know anybody... That
>was a good thing, though; it gave me some space, so I could distance
>everything from the old situation..
Me too... it turned out better each time so far, and still I'm afraid
that I'll be in a situation that there will just not be enough people to
become friends with...
> It's just, now that I'm all better -- I kind of want some good friends,
>and I just /don't have any/!
I'm not sure where I got mine, otherwise I'd tell you... I guess I just
ran into them...
Wynke.
Brandon Quina
> >> Funny that I also did that most in '97, I was born in '77 :)
> Don't know, I just did... but I had to correct just about every form I
> filled in...
Oh, I did the same thing in 1997; I had to correct close to 90% of the
forms and school papers I wrote, because I kept writing in the wrong
date. It was annoying as hell!!! :) (: I even missed a few time,
filling in the wrong date. Of course, the really funny thing is that
the few times I had to write down my birthday I also put /that/
backwards!
> I know... I was pretty lonely back then... And I didn't realize that I was an
> individual in my own right even if I didn't have a boyfriend... that
> relationship lingered on long past the point that we broke up, and then it
> took the most difficult decision in my life to that point to end it...
I understand exactly what you're saying... *nods softly* ...it's a
hard and horrible thing, to cut yourself off like that, especially
before you realize that you don't /need/ to be with somebody... If the
act of being with somebody defines who you are, then it's difficult to
seperate yourself with somebody unless you have someone else to run too
-- I think that's what causes a lot of the emotional chaos in high
schools. People just pick whoever they can get, and then when they find
somebody "better" they "climb the ladder..."
> > Ohh well, can't blame a guy for asking, eh?? :)
> No :) If a friend of mine ever moves over to where you live, I'll tell
> 'em to visit you :)
Hehe, thank you ma'am. I appreciate the thought!
> Me too... it turned out better each time so far, and still I'm afraid
> that I'll be in a situation that there will just not be enough people to
> become friends with...
No matter how well events tend to go, it's never easy to give up your
friends and "start over"; never... *nods softly* ...there's always
some element of doubt in your mind.
> I'm not sure where I got mine, otherwise I'd tell you... I guess I just
> ran into them...
Hehe; thank you. :) (: I'm sure I'll run into them, too...
Brandon,
Wynke Stulemeijer
>> >> Not really, I guess, I mix up mu birth year and the current year too.
>> >> Funny that I also did that most in '97, I was born in '77 :)
>> > That's weird; I wonder why you did that....
>> Don't know, I just did... but I had to correct just about every form I
>> filled in...
>
> Oh, I did the same thing in 1997; I had to correct close to 90% of the
>forms and school papers I wrote, because I kept writing in the wrong
>date. It was annoying as hell!!! :) (: I even missed a few time,
>filling in the wrong date. Of course, the really funny thing is that
>the few times I had to write down my birthday I also put /that/
>backwards!
Same here :) only somehow on forms that required both, I only did one
wrong most of the time, guess I did learn a bit from my mistakes :) This
year and my birth year have a nice effect too by the way, especially in
Dutch where 7 and 9 practically rhyme...
>> I know... I was pretty lonely back then... And I didn't realize that I was an
>> individual in my own right even if I didn't have a boyfriend... that
>> relationship lingered on long past the point that we broke up, and then it
>> took the most difficult decision in my life to that point to end it...
>
> I understand exactly what you're saying... *nods softly* ...it's a
>hard and horrible thing, to cut yourself off like that, especially
>before you realize that you don't /need/ to be with somebody... If the
>act of being with somebody defines who you are, then it's difficult to
>seperate yourself with somebody unless you have someone else to run too
>-- I think that's what causes a lot of the emotional chaos in high
>schools. People just pick whoever they can get, and then when they find
>somebody "better" they "climb the ladder..."
I never dated anyone in my highschool, the guys I dated during that time
were all going to school somewhere else. In fact I only ever dated one
guy whom I saw just about every day... and it didn't work... guess a
little distance is better for me, even though I would like to see my
boyfriend more (especially now I was too busy to see him last
weekend...)
>> > Ohh well, can't blame a guy for asking, eh?? :)
>> No :) If a friend of mine ever moves over to where you live, I'll tell
>> 'em to visit you :)
>
> Hehe, thank you ma'am. I appreciate the thought!
You're welcome :) Maybe I'll even drop by myself if I'm ever around, but
I doubt that will ever happen, I've never travelled outside Europe...
>> Me too... it turned out better each time so far, and still I'm afraid
>> that I'll be in a situation that there will just not be enough people to
>> become friends with...
>
> No matter how well events tend to go, it's never easy to give up your
>friends and "start over"; never... *nods softly* ...there's always
>some element of doubt in your mind.
If there's something I hate, it's ending a friendship. Especially if
it's because of distance or misunderstandings. Growing apart I can live
with, even though it's hard too, but the shock of being friends one day
and no longer being friends the next is the worst thing I can imagine...
>> I'm not sure where I got mine, otherwise I'd tell you... I guess I just
>> ran into them...
>
> Hehe; thank you. :) (: I'm sure I'll run into them, too...
Sure you will, and probably when you least expect it :) Love and
friendship are very much alike in that way...
Wynke (thinking she must stop ending all her paragraphs with ...)
Brandon Quina
> wrong most of the time, guess I did learn a bit from my mistakes :) This
> year and my birth year have a nice effect too by the way, especially in
> Dutch where 7 and 9 practically rhyme...
Hehe, same here. I sometimes wrote the /same thing/ in both of them,
but it was none the less right for one of them. ;) (; I'm not sure
/why/ it turned out like this -- it just did...
> I never dated anyone in my highschool,
I never dated /during/ highschool; at all. I did know lots of people
who dated, and I got used to their habits and such forth..
> You're welcome :) Maybe I'll even drop by myself if I'm ever around, but
> I doubt that will ever happen, I've never travelled outside Europe...
I /want/ to come visit Europe one day; England, Germany, Italy. All
sorts of places; I just always have... *smiles* ...Thank you for the
thought, though; if you're ever in Florida look me up. :)
> If there's something I hate, it's ending a friendship. Especially if
> it's because of distance or misunderstandings. Growing apart I can live
> with, even though it's hard too, but the shock of being friends one day
> and no longer being friends the next is the worst thing I can imagine...
Oh, I agree. I agree soooo much; I remember losing my friend jules; he
just moved away, so one day we were great friends and the next we
weren't.. I lost my friend peter much more slowly; we just grew slowly
apart...
It's hard to loose a friend, but it /does/ happen...
> Sure you will, and probably when you least expect it :) Love and
> friendship are very much alike in that way...
*chuckles*
Yep, yep!
Brandon,
who likes to end /everything/ with...