I always liked "I'll hit you so hard, your dog'll bark", or "I'll knock ya
into last week."
> "This oughta jar your preserves"
> "Don't you make me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya."
Those "100% Whoop Ass" shirts are everywhere in Dallas these days, sort of
like the Johnson t-shirts a few years ago.
> "Cute as a sack full o' puppies."
> "Gooder than grits."
"Crazy as a pet coon"? "Crazy as a shithouse rat"? Are those compliments
> "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
> "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepperpatch.
> " Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."
> A bothersome person is "like a booger you cain't thump off."
> When something doesn't work, you say, "That ain't no count."
> If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
> "He ran like his feet was on fire and his butt was catchin."
> A hectic schedule keeps you "busier than a cat covering up crap on a
> marble floor."
My all-time fave is still "Oh, that Billy Joe's allright, he just shits
too close to the house."
> "Your momma's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, 'To be
> "He fell out of the ugly tree. . . and hit every branch on the
> way down."
> "Uglier than a bucket full of armpits."
> "The wheel's turning, but the hamster's dead."
"You're a few clowns short of a circus."
"You couldn't pour piss out of your boots if the instructions were on the
"You got too much yardage between your goal posts."
> Bless her heart:
> Any insult is followed by, "Bless her heart."
> "She's dumber'n a door knob. Bless her heart."
> "She's uglier than homemade soap. Bless her heart."
> "He's as horny as a three peckered Billy-Goat in a heard of Lambs!"
"Hotter than a puppy with two peters."
Thanks for posting that, Sass.....makes me appreciate a few of the things
make living in the south tolerable for us Yankees. Wait a minute, is
Texas part of the south? Did y'all win that war....you know, the one when
you celebrate Juneteenth?
And what's up with people saying "I mightcould be able to do that for
ya..."? And don't get me started with the whole "fixin" thing....I kid
you not, I heard a woman at work say "I'm fixin' to fax you that
information in a few minutes here....."
The Mick --"I am a lover of women,
I am a leader of men,
and I am a surprisingly good dancer
for a big man."
Bubba: "Can ya dance?"
Cletis: "Well, I usedtacould!"
>Redneck Dictionary of Idioms
That ole' Sassy.
Bless her heart.
How about some Australians ones:
"I'll beat you like a red-headed stepchild"
> "Crazy as a pet coon"? "Crazy as a shithouse rat"? Are those compliments
"Crazy as a cut snake" "As flash as a rat with a gold tooth"
> > Weather:
> > "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"As dry as a dead dingoe's donger."
> > Insults:
> > "He fell out of the ugly tree. . . and hit every branch on the
> > way down."
> > "Uglier than a bucket full of armpits."
"As ugly as a hatful of arseholes."
> "You got too much yardage between your goal posts."
"You've got roos (kangaroos) loose in your top paddock"
"Busy as a one-armed paper hanger."
"Busy as a one-legged man in an arse kicking contest."
"Busy as a Beirut brickie."
"Flat out like a lizard drinking."
"He was so confused he didn't know whether to shit, wind his watch, or steal
~~SAVE the TURKEYS~~(( TURKEYS are nice))~~Ducks & Chickens are REAL
MEAN((they rob little old ladies & steal they welfare checks)))
It's at http://homestead.com/drverne
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