So where the hell is god in all this?
downth...@myway.com
just the way I feel.
I was baptized in early 1996 and my life has gone down the tubes
eversince. In fact, I live in a constant hell of financial misery and
clinical depression.
I asked God for love, he sent me a crazy person into my life. We had
everything at one time. But she was a liar and unfaithful and our
business suffered, as well as my emotional state. I have been
struggling through health problems, both physical and emotional for the
last few years. I practically worked myself to death at the business. I
basically lost everything I owned and now I am in debt and I am being
sued for financial debts. And now I am all alone. I have no money to
give them, I have no job and I have no hope at all left. It's all over.
I can't even pay my next month's rent in my tiny little apartment. I am
down to my last 140 dollars.
After dealing with this for over 3 years, I am ready to quit living. I
mean by suicide. Please, I am not asking for a savior. I am only here
to state my case. I don't believe in God any longer, nor do I believe
in the bible. It all appears to be one big lie and I cannot stand these
lies.
People keep telling me that these are lessons I am learning. I don't
believe that. I am numb from head to toe and I am at the end. Do I
blame God? No, not really. I more blame myself for being so stupid to
live in these dream world that is Christianity. And my health just
keeps getting worse.
So where the hell is god in all this? He is no where to be found.
Perhaps this manic god of the bible wants me dead. Fuck, I hope so,
'cause this awful life is just not worth living any longer.
Religion was a cancer in my life and I wasted too many years believing
in this invisible god. It's all just insanity and more insanity and it
ruined my life.
AVOID GOD!
SheBlewHimDidYouBlowHim?
more than a BIG WASTE OF TIME.
<downth...@myway.com> wrote in message
news:1106038550.9...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
H Dickmann
"SheBlewHimDidYouBlowHim?" <KIL...@KILLGOD.COM> wrote in message
news:l_6Hd.4146$Rs....@newsread3.news.atl.earthlink.net...
> congratulations for finally realizing the truth, worshipping god is
> NOTHING more than a BIG WASTE OF TIME.
You worship hate and that is an even bigger waste of time.
RS
of your sufferings and misfortunes, you do have a life to live for. We are
a people of resiliance despite suffering. If you can consider this, please
do: If you find yourself looking back on your life from some form of after
life, do you want to realize that you gave up? You have a strength within
you to face all of this, your own strength and no one elses. You have a
strength to bounce back and let people know that you aren't going to take it
anymore. I understand that you are angry at God for not offering you
blessings in these areas, but you still have such great things you can do
for this world if you resolve yourself to stand up and fight. Do not resign
to the shadows. As the great Dylan Thomas wrote: Do not go gentle into that
good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
I hope you find your strength and you will be on my thoughts.
-RS
<downth...@myway.com> wrote in message
news:1106038550.9...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
SheBlewHimDidYouBlowHim?
gods
"H Dickmann" <HER...@bigpond.com> wrote in message
news:wx7Hd.123361$K7....@news-server.bigpond.net.au...
SheBlewHimDidYouBlowHim?
gone totally downhill......nah, I suppose that's just a coincidence. LMAO.
<downth...@myway.com> wrote in message
news:1106038550.9...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
downth...@myway.com
news:csjrv9$39i$1...@news3.bu.edu...
> Please, friend, I beg you to reconsider the value of your life.
Despite all
> of your sufferings and misfortunes, you do have a life to live for.
We are
> a people of resiliance despite suffering. If you can consider this,
please
> do: If you find yourself looking back on your life from some form of
after
> life, do you want to realize that you gave up? You have a strength
within
> you to face all of this, your own strength and no one elses. You
have a
> strength to bounce back and let people know that you aren't going to
take it
> anymore. I understand that you are angry at God for not offering you
> blessings in these areas, but you still have such great things you
can do
> for this world if you resolve yourself to stand up and fight. Do not
resign
> to the shadows. As the great Dylan Thomas wrote: Do not go gentle
into that
> good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
I used to be able to rage against the dying light. But I am not sure
where that good energy went. These days I just feel lifeless and
listless. I have no energy left at all and just the simplest of things
require an enormous amount of effort. I guess this comes with clinical
depression.
Thanks for your kind words and thoughts. I have fought on long enough.
Basically, I am tired of fighting and my rent is due. I have creditors
calling me for past business debts. Now one is suing me. I have no
money to give for him or for hiring of a lawyer at 200 dollars/hour. I
explained this to them and they sued just the same. I have considered
bankruptcy but I have not even the capital for that. So soon I will
have to drag myself into court for my first appearance in this
financial matter.
> I hope you find your strength and you will be on my thoughts.
>
> -RS
Thanks RS. I will give your thoughts and words some consideration. But
I am still not sure how I would be able to manage my bills. They are in
the thousands and I can't even afford next month's rent. And I am just
fed up with depression and pain.
- Chris De Boer
SheBlewHimDidYouBlowHim?
asking jesus for and expecting his help, and 50 cents (make that 75 cents)
will buy you a cup of coffee, nothing more.
<downth...@myway.com> wrote in message
news:1106103124.0...@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
RS
back on your feet? I am aware of being depressed, and know that it seems as
if it will never go away. I can assure you, however, that it will. It will
be a long and hard road, and the world will be against you. You may not
find strength and have to struggle along the way, but once you climb out of
this canyon, you will be as right as rain :) A job will find itself to you
if you are open to opportunities, and you will find your footing again. I
am sure of it. I hope you find peace in your life and tranquility in your
mind. Be well, friend.
-RS
<downth...@myway.com> wrote in message
news:1106103124.0...@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
SheBlewHimDidYouBlowHim?
problems ???
I'm sure the same god that murdered 150,000 people in the tsunami wouldn't
mind helping out a fellow human being (after all, we are made in "his"
image).
"RS" <rsw...@bu.edu> wrote in message news:cskqiq$srt$1...@news3.bu.edu...
Thomas Keske
>
> Religion was a cancer in my life and I wasted too many years believing
> in this invisible god. It's all just insanity and more insanity and it
> ruined my life.
>
Yes, it is all insanity. Sad, when you see it for what it is, isn't it?
It's an ironic shame- human beings resort to believing in nonsense
as a desperate attempt to make sense of a nonsensical world.
I realize that human existence is basically an unredeemed, unrelenting
tragedy. Not for me, particularly, or for you- for everybody,
whether they know it or not. It is sadder still when people don't realize
how sad their existence ultimately is- like the innocence
of a child, just waiting for betrayal.
Seeing the world for what it is does not really change anything.
The sun still comes up over the house of an atheist, as much as
over a believer. They are both subject to the same rules of random
fate- the atheist simply seeing this clearly, and the believer comforted
falsely by illusion.
I suppose that if I were going to try to encourage someone to hang
on, I would refer to a Russian folk-tale about two frogs who fell
into a large can of cream. One saw that he was drowning, and just
gave up, and died. The other kept kicking his legs so hard that
something completely unexpected happened- the cream turned
into butter, and he was able to climb out.
When fate is random, and when God isn't real, that is one place to
still look for a bit of hope- totally unexpected things can happen.
Tom Keske
chief-t...@gay-bible.org
<<
I was baptized in early 1996 and my life has gone down the tubes
eversince. In fact, I live in a constant hell of financial misery and
clinical depression.
>>
You were sucked into a phony religion that is essentially nihilistic.
But just because those fundies are rotten people, doesn't mean that
God's rotten too. If you reject belief in God, based on the ugliness of
some who claim to worship him, you are (to put it euphemistically)
throwing the baby out with the water.
I believe in a benevolent Creator, and I don't have to be Christian to
believe this way. In fact, I consider myself an "animist", which puts
me in the religious spectrum of pagans. Studying anthropology and world
relgions/philosophies is what got me there (as a spiritual person).
No doubt you've read and watched many a tale of great misfortune
befalling someone, and their heroic struggle to rise about this;
resulting in a wonderful outcome. There are countless true stories of
such inspiring lives...souls which have endured far WORSE than you are
right now (and far longer), yet wound up in an excellent situation
after their long suffering.
God does answer all prayers...well, all those that are sincere. But he
doesn't usually answer them when we want; it usually takes longer. And
hardship in our lives can open our hearts to others less fortunate,
that had we not endured a crisis or tragedy, we'd be insensitive and
callous instead.
Everything that happens to us, does not happen w/o a good
reason...though said reason may not be readily apparent. You will find,
over the long run, that ALL your life experiences to date (including
those times that seemed pointless, boring, or desperate) evolve into an
optimistic wisdom that makes a lot of pieces fall together.
I've shared this wisdom with my homeless buddies, and it seems to have
been a positive impact in their lives. Two now have good jobs and are
off hard drugs, three others are now emotionally stable, always clean,
and totally confident their lives will turn out wonderful. (I'm a gay
and street activist; see my website.)
I do not believe a truly benevolent God would allow the horrid
tragedies that seem to have occurred. I say "seem"...for I've concluded
that--while we each suffer for whatever reasons, from time to
time--this extraordinary suffering such as from concentration camps and
world wars, was not borne by the affected victims themselves, but by
angelic actors who entered their bodies once their souls were shunted
into a safer realm. For further explanation of my philosophy in this
matter, see my essay:
Neochristianity: a gay religion
http://www.gay-bible.org/neochrist.htm
BTW, I call it "Neochristianity" tongue-in-cheek. You can be of any
faith, including Buddhist or Pagan, and incorporate my optimistic
belief into your own worldview. I plan to soon rename it, though, so as
not to imply that one must belief in Christ to apply my ideas. That is
most certainly not the case; and I explain all that in the essay.
Anywayz, don't believe everything you see/read. They are illusions on a
vast stage: earth. As Shakespeare said: "All the world's a stage...".
What horrors you believe may have happened to others, make you think
they could happen to you, too. That is simply untrue: it is a fear, and
nothing more. Think of it this way: "Worry never does any good."
Put your faith in your creator, no matter how you choose to see him or
her or it. Put your faith in your self, your higher self. Each morning
say to your creator (or guardian angel or other deity/magickal creature
you prefer):
"Even though I don't like or understand what I'm going through, I thank
you now, for I know you are strengthening my spirit, making me into a
better person. You strike my soul some time (as you sculpt me) like
blacksmith's hammer to anvil...and it hurts!"
Go out of your way each day to put a smile on another's face. Doesn't
matter who: friend, stranger, relation, co-worker, boss, homeless, etc.
Use various methods of thinking or meditation, to instill in yourself,
a refreshed attitude of optimisim, several times each day.
Seek out environments and situations that are stabilizing: coffeehouses
(especially open mic nights), book-reading or movie clubs or any other
hobby you like (such as computers), library events, classes, activist
meetings. Consider a support group; but if there's nothing out there,
all the other ideas I mentioned will be a very fine support system,
overall.
This is what I now do, realizing how much prouder I'll be of myself,
once I'm over this horrid cycle. As miserable as my situation was, I
still made others smile.
In fact, I've taken this challenge to heart, and have been trying my
hand at open mic standup comedy! Actually, I'm more of a humorist, as I
read from my book, I don't have it memorized. But the audiences love
me! So I look forward to possible fame and fortune, as this open-mic
stuff is simply my latest facet as a queer activist and homeless
advocate.
Besides NOT committing suicide, do not succumb to alcohol or hard
drugs. Marijuana, OTOH: go for it!
You are NOT alone, you have many angels always with you. Your
experience of loneliness is an opportunity to draw resources from deep
within, that you didn't know you had: spiritual resources. Don't allow
panic to take over: anxiety attacks are awful, and a waste of your
valuable time. Learn how to realease such nihilistic energy into a
positive manifestation.
A LOT of people will soon go through crises identical to yours: our
economy is gonna tank very, very soon. With 10s of millions of us in
dire straits, no way will the gov't be able to control us, to keep us
from losing our homes, etc. The whole world is now going through
increasing crisis after crisis...causing each, in his or her own
(accelerated) time to find a way through this frightening muck.
And we will. As we go through our life's horrors, eventually enough of
them pile up where it becomes simply a piece of cake. We become that
strong.
The best thing you've done for yourself, is to be so honest with us,
about your present feelings of depression, despair, and anxiety. This
means you are not closing down to life, into a little ball of fear. Let
this tast of fear that wells up so frequently these days, increase your
lust for life, and it's adventures each and every day. Just because you
have a reaction that seems to be one of fear (or panic), does not meant
that's really what it is! Ever hear of PTSD? Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder. You suffer jolts of fear that tempt you to go stark raving
insane...but you manage to hang in, there. And as the months/years
pass, these anxiety attacks become a nuisance (like a migraine
headach), but really mark you as a man who has real feelings for
himself and this life.
Deal with each issue forthrightly, with confidence that you'll be fine.
Reward yourself for your courage each and every day: have a cup of
coffee in a friendly cafe, watch a fun video, take a leisurely stroll,
meditate, whatever.
Oh, and make sure you have some good, hearty laughs each and every day.
Watch a comedy, or read something funny, or crack your own jokes!
Sincerely,
Zeke Krahlin
--
Lavender-Velvet Revolution
http://www.gay-bible.org