Parable of the Laptop Billionaire
chief-t...@gay-bible.org
(a parable for the 21st century)
(c) 2005 by Ezekiel J. Krahlin
Once upon a future time--in fact barely a few years from now--a man
will become so rich that even the combined resources of Bill Gates,
Donald Trump and the Russian Mafia, will not be able to buy him out!
(In fact, that's exactly what he'll do to THEM in retaliation. He'll
buy THEM out, lock stock and barrel.)
In fact, on paper he will pretty much own the world. Yet because of the
complex and vast web of gov't restrictions and global treaties, no
person, no business will ever "own" the world. On the other hand, even
though any major changes in his stock options, bank transactions,
political stances, or favored line of underwear, will inevitably cause
one or more 2nd or 3rd world nations to collapse into utter chaos and
misery...he will NOT be held personally or even morally responsible.
In other words, he will not be a benefactor by nature. So you can
imagine how much pleading charities will go through, to even receive a
single red CENT from this Wealthiest Man in The World AND All of
History. Oh, did I mention he was born with a physical anomaly that
looked like two little goat horns poking through his forehead? They
were surgically removed in his first week of life. (I just had to throw
that in. "Zeus ex machina" and all that good stuff, you know?)
So you can ALSO imagine how many charities dedicated to feeding the
starving children of Africa, will come begging at his e-mailbox every
week! Eventually, he will stop to consider their woeful e-plea
bleatings...and after some months of deliberation, he will present his
decision (quote):
"I do not want to help these troubled tykes in the way that YOU
propose," he will proclaim on worldwide satellite link-up, his face
commanding every TV screen on the planet. "But I do feel as you, that
their situation is quite urgent, and the sooner generosity comes their
way--and in greater and greater portions--the sooner will their sorrows
end."
"So what I will do," he will then pause and look up from his speech;
and the world will suddenly become a blanket of silence for a few,
eternal heartbeats.
So what he will do, is buy all the destitute in the world (not just in
Africa, and not just starving children), a laptop. And not just any
laptop, but a really high quality laptop with the latest technology.
They will even have WiFi!
But how will he produce 2.5 billion (give or take a few tens of
millions) laptops in the short span of 24 hours? Actually, that's none
of your business; he owns the patent.
So here will be all these starving kids in Africa, without a roof over
their heads (and many without any parent, sibling, relation or friend
in the world), on the parched savannah under the desert sun, perishing
right before the lenses of first-world camcorders, as they bring into
every home in Amerika and the world, those shocking images of freshly
dead, emaciated bodies of darkling elves curled around an expensive
Thinkpad. Time Magazine, front cover August 10 2008.
Most unfortunate, this collateral damage...though unavoidable in the
transition from standalone to network. Computer jokes--that is, jokes
rendered by AI systems--will be made about humans as nothing more than
"dumb terminals". Despite this ribbing, Underground Queer IT Experts
(both digital and analog) will become the New Heroes, and little
children shall learn to hack all of us into a better reality.
And when they start hacking the world, they will first redistribute all
the wealth, so that everyone will be comfortably off. Of couse, by then
the Laptop Billionaire will no longer be a billionaire. Not even a
millionaire. Or a thousand or HUNDRED aire! There will BE no wealthy
person on the planet any more! Interestingly enough, the Laptop
Billionaire will also be a very handsome gay male, who'll discover a
new career in testing flavored condoms for the Stop AIDS Project. (Top
or bottom is none of your business.)
There shall become writ this New Law of Government (and the newest
Amendment to the United States Constitution: number 482 to be precise),
which will also be Moses' ELEVENTH commandment:
"Thou shalt own a laptop by right of birth."
Yes, the right to own a laptop provided FREELY by the government, shall
become as much a birthright as the freedom to pursue and kiss The Angel
Of Happiness. And eventually, laptops will become so INTIMATELY
embedded in our lives, that this New Law, this Eleventh Commandment,
shall finally be altered to read:
"Thou shalt be TRANSFERRED to a laptop at birth."
--finis [sleep mode]
--
"The day will soon come when biological and computer
viruses will become completely indistinguishable from
each other." - Mighty Mouse Virus
www.gay-bible.org/write/3_security.htm
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Permission granted by author for anyone to distribute this
writing free of charge (including translation into any
language)...under condition that no profit is made therefrom,
and that it remain intact and complete, including title and
credit to the original author.
Ezekiel J. Krahlin
http://www.gay-bible.org
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K-ET
<chief-t...@gay-bible.org> skrev i meddelandet
news:1110064840....@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
> THE LAPTOP BILLIONAIRE
> (a parable for the 21st century)
>
> (c) 2005 by Ezekiel J. Krahlin
>
>
<snipped>
> --finis [sleep mode]