It’s so easy to join. Some Tarvuists can even do it!
abysmalbathos
The Church of Ziontology puts that extra spiritual sizzle back into
your life. Remember when you were just a little kid? When you marveled
at the sky? When you explored your own imaginary worlds of pirates,
parrots, peg and hook prostheses, eye patches, booty and so on? When
you realized that the word "word" was indeed so very extra special,
and when you first came across the formal proofs of the two Gödel
Incompleteness Theorems? That’s when you pondered the imponderable,
and you believed the impossible, and nothing was a harsh cold reality.
Well the Church of Ziontology puts you back in that child-minded state
that you have for so long missed. And it’s so easy to join.
How does it all work? Well, it’s all about the Tech, duh! That is,
it’s you, and a properly calibrated Z-meter with two attached sardine
tins, and a deep, deep, deep wish to believe that it all really works!
After all, it’s all about the postmodern science of wishful thinking,
put on steroids, long with a massive dose of Niacin (Vitamin B3) as
well as a healthy spoonful of credulity and anticipation. And it’s so
damned easy to join.
And hey, it’s beautiful! Just try it! Just pick up those two sardine
tins, and find your way to the Wheatstone bridge to total freedom,
which is your geodesic toward Zion. When you get there, it is just
like the feeling you had when you first fell in love, all over again.
It makes you feel so special like you were in a desert storm of pixie
dust, strung out like a junky on ninety-eight percent pure
Gemütlichkeit. It will make you feel happy and peaceful, as if the
wondrous Ziontology magic and sparkle has frottaged itself all over
you and perhaps even rubbed off a bit on to your very soul. It’s a
total endorphin blow out experience of love, tranquility and
happiness. And its so frickin incredibly easy to join. In fact, it’s
so easy that perhaps even some Tarvuists could do it! Try it now. Try
it often!
How do you do it? All you have to do is say these simple words: “Hi.
My name is X, and I am a Ziontologist.” All you have to do is just
replace the variable X in that statement to be your own name, and that
it! It’s really that easy! You are then a faithful parishioner of the
Church of Ziontology. Welcome, and Congratulations!
-X