When a close friend of mine died of an accident in 1984 I started to
search. To find an explanation of what I had experienced during the
night of that death and at his grave. 5 years later I found
Scientology. I went on lines in Hamburg and started a program with
study, reading LRh books and auditing. Though my husband at that time,
experienced a lot of excitement during his sessions, I never felt the
same intensity. I found answers to my questions, I learned a lot of
practical things I could use in every day life.
In 1990/91 I went to Flag to have a break from the misery of my
marriage and wanted to do the Key to Life course. After arriving there
I changed my mind and went on the Clear Certainty Rundown which I
finished and attested to the State of "Clear" in January 1991.
I went back to Germany, got divorced and worked part time in one of the
Orgs while having a full time job during the day. When you start
working on staff in an org you are an expeditor and they put you
whereever someone is needed. Sunday nights after 10pm was Cleaning
Station, and I found myself cleaning floors on my knees. I don't have
any problems with physical work, but it was quite degrading, and I
thought it is for a good purpose. I worked 3 units of 2 1/2 hours plus
study time per week, and my pay checks per week were usually around DM
7,50. Most of the full time staff were moonlightning, otherwise they
could not have survived on the small pay they were getting. I still
admire these dedicated people.
After 3 months I resigned and went on with my own life. In 1994 I
decided to move to the US. I met a lot of people at Flag, went to all
kinds of events and committees. Then I met another Scientologist and we
fell in love. He was an Ex-Sea Org Member, one of the friendliest
beings I have ever met. We had a great relationship and lived together
for about 1 1/2 years.
After a year being into our relationship he told me that he had an out
ethics situation that he was trying to handle and complete but he was
not allowed to be on the base. I went in and talked to the MAA, to OSA,
to the Chaplain. I wrote letters to David Miscavige, Guilleaume
Lesevre, the Int'l Justice Chief. I got standard answers with no
answer, and finally one day a letter arrived for my friend with this SP
Declare. End of story, end of our relationship, and I think it was
already the end of my belief in Scientology's so-called "Justice
System". Here was a person who was desparately trying to solve a
specific situation, and got denied even the most basic humanity:
He moved away, we were not allowed to talk to each other anymore and I
was still trying to get help. Help for the loss ofthis person and the
emotions I experienced, but I never got one answer, not to mention
help. I was on my own. But still I stuck with it, went on with my life,
was a good parishioner and participated in a lot of volunteer work.
Next thing I know is that another friend of mine, OT8 left the Church.
A bunch of Germans got declared all over sudden, another friend of
mine, OT5 died of cancer, then the Lisa McPherson case, and finally I
received an email with Virginia's and Mike's story. When I saw that
Greg and Debra Barnes had the same problems when trying to apply KSW
Series 1, and got declared, I finally woke up.
I started to look outside the Scientology world and "confronted the
evil" that a parishioner is actually not allowed to look at. I found
out, that all copyrights to L. Ron Hubbards works, originally put into
Norman Starkey's hands as trustee were all transferred to a so-called
"Church of Spiritual Technology" whose board members were people like
Meade Emory who had worked as a IRS commissioner's assistant, and
Sherman Lenske, a non-scientologist attorney. I looked into the
Management-Series Volumes and found that 129 references alone were
revised after January 1986, when LRH died, and 55 were newly issued
after that date. I continued to look, bought an old ethics book and
compared it to the newest version. Boy, was I surprised about the wap's
nest of alterations I was digging into.
Fortunately I was lucky of never buying into the reg's sales
techniques. I stuck with my integrity on finances and only spend money
for services, courses or materials when I was able to and wanted it. I
know of people who have put themselves into a debt situation they could
not control anymore and ended up with suicide. I remember being on a
chaplain's cycle with auditing when I was called to come in right away
because the DofP wanted to see me urgently. It turned out the whole
thing was about regging me for the Sea Org. I spend an hours in the
DofP's office listening to all the reasons why I should join.
I have not experienced such dramatic incidents as many of those who
have left, but enough was enough. I took some time to make a final
decision - to leave this organization that puts on its flag to set
people free. Truth is, you are in a mind prison. If you do not agree
with their rules and beliefs 100% you have to go through security
checks, wait for hours to see the MAA and in the end you are not free
anymore because you are punished if you think outside Scientology. A
free person has a choice, in Scientology you have no choice other than
to run with it. If you don't, you will be punished and expelled.
I found later more alterations, and one of the most important one is
that the "Code of Honor" is changed. One passage that stated earlier
"Never regret yesterday. You are now and create your tomorrow" is
changed now into "Never regret yesterday. You are now and your tomorrow
I am a free person, I always was and will be because I chose freedom
and decide for myself and take the responsibility for my decisions. And
I defined the famous Scientology term "SP- Supressive Person" new: SP-
Do You Yahoo!?
Get email at your own domain with Yahoo! Mail.
Thanks for the story. I hope you are doing fine, and are pursuing your
Thanks for sharing your story with us. It is like so many others.
Sooner or later, if you are in Scientology long enough, either
you or someone you are close to is declared an SP over
some nonsense. In many cases its so they can put blame
on someone or because they can't admit they have failed.
Eventually the truth comes out -- that you can live just fine
Glad you didn't get sucked into a financial quagmire as a
result of your experiences. Even so it can take quite a while
to really get your life back after Scientology.
Perhaps you can look into the list of suspicious scientology-related
deaths I've collected, and provide info the deaths I've missed.
Why are these people dead Scientology?