The Rules Of Food.
James Kibo Parry
happens if you completely ignore them. For instance, a box of cookies
with two identical ends will usually say "OPEN HERE" on the left and
"OPEN OTHER END" on the right. We all know it's okay to violate those
rules. However, people can be divided into two basic personality types:
Those who feel guilty afterwards, and those of us who feel a warm glow
of satisfaction solely from breaking the stupid rule.
In fact, if they made a product which just consisted of a nested
series of cardboard boxes with complicated rules we could ignore
while ripping them open, some of us would pay good money for it.
Now here are some of _my_ rules for food:
RULE 1. No fruit which tastes exactly like the artificial flavor
based on the fruit is worth eating. These fruits include bananas,
coconuts, and especially tangerines. The best fruits are raspberries,
which taste nothing like the artificial flavor (which is also great.)
RULE 2. A few months ago I realized that I hate the cubical carrot
bits that show up in some canned soup, TV dinners, etc., and always
pick them out. But when the same brands of canned soup or TV dinners
give me circular cross-wise slices of carrots, I really like them.
I cannot understand this, but cubical carrots are definitely yucky
compared to round carrots. I was quite pleased with my clever new
theory of how you can taste the shape of the carrot until a few days
ago when John Travolta told Jay Leno that he and his wife (Kelly Preston
of "SpaceCamp: The Movie") also hate cubical food. ACK! I HAVE
SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH TWO NITWITS!
I hope you have enjoyed reading about these rules, because they go
into effect when I finish typing this article. From now on, nobody
will enjoy square carrots or tangerines.
-- K.
And square tangerines are verboten!
Glenn Knickerbocker
food that has been on the floor for less than three seconds is clean
enough to dust off and eat if you get there before the dog does. If
you're serving it to more than one person, divide the three seconds by
the number of people served, unless you're going to boil it first.
Cubical carrots and tangerines are nothing compared to cubical
tomatoes. Cubical tomatoes suck the very essence of tomato out of
anything they touch. I don't mean cubical *bits* of tomato, which don't
exist, but those tomatoes actually genetically modified to grow in a
cubical shape so they pack tighter on the way to market.
ŹR
Logan Shaw
James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
>RULE 1. No fruit which tastes exactly like the artificial flavor
>based on the fruit is worth eating. These fruits include bananas,
>coconuts, and especially tangerines.
Obviously, you've never been to a chinese place that serves real
tangerine beef. That stuff is goooood. But then, they use the
tangerine (or orange) rind, which tastes nothing like the articial
flavor that tastes like the tangerine but not its rind, so maybe your
rule still holds.
By the way, this whole thread supports my theory that texture matters.
Celery, coconuts, and squash all suck because their texture is horrible.
And it takes a while to get used to tomatoes (and okra) because they
have slimy weird stuff in the middle.
Mmmm.... Okra. Now there's something that has to be good by Kibo's
rules, because it tastes nothing like its artificial flavor counterpart.
The reason is that artificial okra flavoring doesn't exist yet, because
I haven't gone ahead with my plan to invent it and replace the awful
cherry flavoring that comes with just about every cough syrup there
is. When I do so, I'll just put something on the label like, "Yes,
Okra Flavoring sounds disgusting, but let's be honest: it can't
possibly be as bad as the cherry flavoring we used to have." And
people will probably agree with me and buy my brand of cough syrup and
I'll make a zillion billion dollars.
However, and I've still never figured out why, Bronchilixir (sp?) will
still taste better. As a kid, I used to *love* that stuff. It tastes
good, and then it gives you a nice warm feeling as it goes down. And
then, as if that weren't great enough, it makes you hyper. I used to
*literally* climb on the furniture after having some of it.
- Logan
Peter Willard
Knickerbocker wrote???:
>Cubical carrots and tangerines are nothing compared to cubical
>tomatoes.
Is this what has caused the recent outbreak of ``cube brane'' in humans?
--
Peter Willard http://www.drizzle.com/~petew
``The fact that inhumanity is coupled with so much stupidity makes one feel
almost optimistic in a dangerous way.'' -Erich Hecke
Leo Sgouros
"Peter Willard" <pe...@drizzle.com> wrote in message
news:8F1A7AF9Bpet...@207.211.168.82...
I am suspecting the cubecabras myslef.
Or mebbe the Toma Theory Of Everything??
Wasnt there a TV show named Toma or somet'ing??
Brian Chase
Glenn Knickerbocker <no...@bestweb.net> wrote:
> Cubical carrots and tangerines are nothing compared to cubical
> tomatoes. Cubical tomatoes suck the very essence of tomato out of
> anything they touch. I don't mean cubical *bits* of tomato, which don't
> exist, but those tomatoes actually genetically modified to grow in a
> cubical shape so they pack tighter on the way to market.
You speak of the Vegetable 57 which goes into Heinz 57.
Also, Kibo would starve in Cuba.
-jarai.
--
--- Brian Chase | b...@world.std.com | http://world.std.com/~bdc/ -----
Now don't you see that when you invite over your not-friend Not-Kibo you
can only be sad? Don't be glum, don't be mad! I am your friend, I am
your pal! I am the one who was, I am the one who is, I am the one who
toasts buttered bumblebees in my sleeve! -- K.
Andrew J. Zimolzak
Parry) <ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)> said...
[snip]
> RULE 2. A few months ago I realized that I hate the cubical carrot
> bits that show up in some canned soup, TV dinners, etc., and always
> pick them out. But when the same brands of canned soup or TV dinners
> give me circular cross-wise slices of carrots, I really like them.
> I cannot understand this, but cubical carrots are definitely yucky
> compared to round carrots. I was quite pleased with my clever new
> theory of how you can taste the shape of the carrot until a few days
> ago when John Travolta told Jay Leno that he and his wife (Kelly Preston
> of "SpaceCamp: The Movie") also hate cubical food. ACK! I HAVE
> SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH TWO NITWITS!
>
> I hope you have enjoyed reading about these rules, because they go
> into effect when I finish typing this article. From now on, nobody
> will enjoy square carrots or tangerines.
>
> -- K.
>
> And square tangerines are verboten!
I've never had anything against square carrots, but square meat and
square cheez--!
Bleah!
However, I seem to like both of those substances (yes, I admit I eat evil
cheese) when they're sufficiently thin. Things become more complex with
thick piles of thin slices, however. I'll explain:
A big pile of lunchmeat slices is gross, but a spiral-cut ham isn't, nor
is lunchmeat in the container. Cubes of meat are gross, moreso when in
the presence of other meat cubes.
Any hunk of cheese is gross. Kraft singles are worse than a hunk of real
cheese when stuck to each other, but less gross when in their
individually-wrapped, packaged state. A pile of grated cheese is not
gross. Cubes of cheese are gross.
THE FOLLOWING IMAGERY IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART (which is why I have
encrypted it with 128-bit strong ROT-13):
N *objy* bs purrfr phorf is the worst thing I can imagine right now, and
I apologize to you if you've unROTted this.
In light of these observations, I put it to you that the palatability of
these foods to me has something to do with fractal dimension. E.g.:
P |
a |
l |
a |* *
t |* *
a | * *
b | * *
i | * *
l | * *
i | * *
t | *
y |
---------------------------------------
Fractal Dimension
^ ^
Hunk of cheese Shredded cheese
^
Objy bs purrfr phorf
^
Stack of Kraft singles
Discuss.
--
Andy Z.
"Version 5.0 of Satan's Asshole is a lot more user-friendly, and it works
as a plug-in."
--David Pacheco
Beable van Polasm
lo...@cs.utexas.edu (Logan Shaw) wrote:
> In article <kibo-18040...@192.168.200.201>,
> James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
> >RULE 1. No fruit which tastes exactly like the artificial flavor
> >based on the fruit is worth eating. These fruits include bananas,
> >coconuts, and especially tangerines.
I LIKE COCONUT! I ARE A GEENYUS!
> By the way, this whole thread supports my theory that texture matters.
> Celery, coconuts, and squash all suck because their texture is
> horrible.
What about icecream? Huh huh huh? What kind of texture has
icecream got? I think that destroys your whole theory.
> Mmmm.... Okra. Now there's something that has to be good by Kibo's
> rules, because it tastes nothing like its artificial flavor
> counterpart.
Who's tried artificial durian flavour again? And have you
tried real durian flavour?
> However, and I've still never figured out why, Bronchilixir (sp?) will
> still taste better. As a kid, I used to *love* that stuff. It tastes
> good, and then it gives you a nice warm feeling as it goes down. And
> then, as if that weren't great enough, it makes you hyper. I used to
> *literally* climb on the furniture after having some of it.
It's called 75% alcohol and codeine. YOU WERE ADDICTED TO
DRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS!!!!
http://www.rxlist.com
cheers
Beable van Polasm
--
Beable van Polasm is incredibly wealthy, handsome,
talented and funny! He has a really cute, intelligent,
funny, rich girlfriend! Everybody loves Beable!
http://members.xoom.com/_______/index.html
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Fantod
>By the way, this whole thread supports my theory that texture matters.
If you care, I'll second that theory. I won't eat tomatoes, coconuts or
mushrooms, but will eat celery.
Do you mean the sort of celery that has been sliced into molecular-sized
pieces by a fanatical person with a really sharp knife, fried in a lake of
butter, and served with stuffing, or as tool for moving cheese dip out of
the container and into your mouth?
As another example, one of the hazards of eating Japanese food (esp. Kyoto
region) is that some dishes strongly resemble phlegm.
--
Patrick Phelan
w____\\W//___w Te Hupenui
Of Prior Art Lost.
http://copeland.choicelogic.com/~phelan/
red
(James "Kibo" Parry) wrote:
> RULE 2. A few months ago I realized that I hate the cubical carrot
> bits that show up in some canned soup, TV dinners, etc., and always
> pick them out. But when the same brands of canned soup or TV dinners
> give me circular cross-wise slices of carrots, I really like them.
I wish I could meet your mother.
red
Mark Hill
> Who's tried artificial durian flavour again? And have you
> tried real durian flavour?
I like artificial durian flavour better than real durians (actually I can't
get real durians near enough to my mouth to know if I like the flavour.)
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > [...] cubical carrots are definitely yucky compared to round carrots.
>
> I've never had anything against square carrots, but square meat and
> square cheez--!
>
> Bleah!
>
> However, I seem to like both of those substances (yes, I admit I eat evil
> cheese) when they're sufficiently thin. Things become more complex with
> thick piles of thin slices, however. I'll explain:
>
> A big pile of lunchmeat slices is gross, but a spiral-cut ham isn't, nor
> is lunchmeat in the container. Cubes of meat are gross, moreso when in
> the presence of other meat cubes.
>
> Any hunk of cheese is gross. Kraft singles are worse than a hunk of real
> cheese when stuck to each other, but less gross when in their
> individually-wrapped, packaged state. A pile of grated cheese is not
> gross. Cubes of cheese are gross.
The only thing grosser than a cube of cheese: A dodecahedron of cheese.
> A *bowl* of cheese cubes is the worst thing I can imagine right now
WITH A LIVE BABY ON THE BOTTOM EATING ITS WAY OUT!!!
Ha! I win! I can think up grosser stuff than you! This proves I'm smarter!
-- K.
But what about liverwort?
Luke Breinig
little cubes in a tasty burgundy colloid suspension. Then consider
canned cranberry sauce (the type with actual chunks of cranberry in it,
not the cylindrical jello type) which has nearly the same appearance,
but the texture of pustules.
> By the way, this whole thread supports my theory that texture matters.
> Celery, coconuts, and squash all suck because their texture is
horrible.
> And it takes a while to get used to tomatoes (and okra) because they
> have slimy weird stuff in the middle.
Which is why tomatoes are only good in paste or other sauce form and
okra is only good when it is fried beyond recognition.
Speaking of scary foods, try freeze dried strawberries. They taste like
strawberries with artificial strawberry flavoring added and have the
consistency of Styrofoam.
-Luke
Daniel Buettner
[ some stuff ]
I think at this point we are supposed to resume our
discussion of Sheldon Memorial Art Gallery and/or Morrill
Hall.
I like the Sea Lion with the really substandard taxadermy.
It's right flipper is about to split in half. Thank
goodness some community do-gooders got the museum and most
of its exhibits declared "historical sites" thus preventing
them from being renovated. That was good thinkin'.
And also, have you seen the awesome statue of William
Jennings "Free Silver!!!!1!!1!" Bryan?
--
~
~
~
"Daniel Buettner" line 4 of 4 --100%--
Paul O'Driscoll
> happens if you completely ignore them. For instance, a box of cookies
> with two identical ends will usually say "OPEN HERE" on the left and
> "OPEN OTHER END" on the right. We all know it's okay to violate those
> rules.
Does this include the "do not eat" notices on those little bags of
silica gel you find in packaging - i've always wondered why they don't
print that on other things like say ....bicycle tyres - am I wrong to
believe its within the rules to eat _anything_ except liitle packets of
silica gel?
Cheers,
Paul O
Nick Bensema
Bicycle tires don't make you think food.
The first time I encountered a silica gel packet was when my dad brought
home the Amiga 500. There was one in the box, and I picked it up and
thought "Gee, I could use a snack. What is this?" And the packet clearly
read "Do not eat" so I didn't; I instead went to the kitchen and grabbed
a real snack. Silica gel is to candy what carved wooden fruit is to
real fruit. It has many of the properties of cheap Halloween candy:
little package, little jiggly pebbles inside. And if you don't stop
and actually think "hey, there is no reason the Amiga would be packaged
with something edible" you might follow your mental cues to the wrong
conclusion and make a horrible mistake.
--
Nick Bensema <ni...@io.com> ICQ#2135445
```` ``````` ``````````````
"Nach dem Spiel ist vor dem Spiel."
Peter Willard
GMT???:
>But what about liverwort?
>
>
Are you trying to tell us about some sort of bryophyte infestation, but in
a roundabout sort of way so that our feelings don't get hurt?
http://www.herb.lsa.umich.edu/Livrw_db.HTM
Peter Willard
>I tend to agree with your theory. Look at cubed beets; basically just
>little cubes in a tasty burgundy colloid suspension.
The only time in my life, so far, that I have actually eaten beets, other than
as a coloring agent or as beet sugar or in secret by-products, was two weeks
ago at an old-timey, genuinely Twin Peaks-ey (imagine the Twin Peaks chyx
waiting on truck drivers and genuine cowboys) restaurant in a rural bit of
Washington, the non-Seajjle part. O.K., so, like, these beets, canned beets,
were sliced with the special knife that is the culinary equivalent of pinking
sheers. Right, so these canned, pinked beet slices were served as a garnish for
fish and chips. The visual effect was surprisingly soothing. Highly
recommended. Try it and see. They tasted like no-salt catsup captured in
gelatin. Slimey, yet appropriately alien. Try it for yourself. Bring salt. Eat
in a creepy setting.
>Then consider
>canned cranberry sauce (the type with actual chunks of cranberry in it,
>not the cylindrical jello type) which has nearly the same appearance,
>but the texture of pustules.
>
I've found canned cranberry sauce to be very versatile, since it's basically a
ton of high-fructose corn syrup plus tartness. Kind of like catsup, only
different.
>> By the way, this whole thread supports my theory that texture matters.
>> Celery, coconuts, and squash all suck because their texture is
>horrible.
Celery is actually spicy-hot. I know you think I'm kidding, but just have a
stalk and think about it. I mean, it's not IN YOUR FACE eXtreem spicy-hot, but
celery wants to be a hot food. Someday, a creative horticulturalist will bring
it out and people will forget about the stringiness. They will say about
celery: ``You eat celery? But it's so hot!'' Think how convenient this will be
for the bloody Mary industry.
>> And it takes a while to get used to tomatoes (and okra) because they
>> have slimy weird stuff in the middle.
>
>Which is why tomatoes are only good in paste or other sauce form and
>okra is only good when it is fried beyond recognition.
>
Pickled okra belongs in your home.
>Speaking of scary foods, try freeze dried strawberries. They taste like
>strawberries with artificial strawberry flavoring added and have the
>consistency of Styrofoam.
Frozen berries are unmutual. Microwave then blend into puree.
pete
[snip]
> cubical food.
[snip]
What's the name of the movie where Dennis Hopper is piloting
a space freighter full of "square pigs"?
--
pete
Chris Costello
> RULE 2. A few months ago I realized that I hate the cubical carrot
> bits that show up in some canned soup, TV dinners, etc., and always
> pick them out. But when the same brands of canned soup or TV dinners
> give me circular cross-wise slices of carrots, I really like them.
> compared to round carrots. I was quite pleased with my clever new
> theory of how you can taste the shape of the carrot until a few days
> ago when John Travolta told Jay Leno that he and his wife (Kelly Preston
> of "SpaceCamp: The Movie") also hate cubical food. ACK! I HAVE
> SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH TWO NITWITS!
Carrots do not taste good unless they have been soaking in
a can of jalepenos. Really clears the sinuses, too.
- Chris Costello <ch...@FreeBSD.org>
Glenn Knickerbocker
> What was James "Kibo" Parry thinking circa Wed, 19 Apr 2000 06:29:36
> GMT???:
> >But what about liverwort?
Perhaps he meant bladdernut. I've eaten that lots of times, but only in
Georgia.
> http://www.herb.lsa.umich.edu/Livrw_db.HTM
Somebody's hiding instruction number one from us:
>INSTRUCTIONS:
>
> o
> o Enter ONE search term in a box.
...
ŹR
Carlos Froggy
Nick Bensema <ni...@fnord.io.com> explained:
: The first time I encountered a silica gel packet was when my dad brought
: home the Amiga 500. There was one in the box, and I picked it up and
: thought "Gee, I could use a snack. What is this?" And the packet
: clearly read "Do not eat" so I didn't.
That packet had better let Nick eat soon. He's gettin' darned peckish.
Is E.T. Piano Esq. still associated with the Silica Gel Institute?
: Silica gel [...] has many of the properties of cheap Halloween candy:
: little package, little jiggly pebbles inside. And if you don't stop
: and actually think "hey, there is no reason the Amiga would be packaged
: with something edible" you might follow your mental cues to the wrong
: conclusion and make a horrible mistake.
Nick Bensema is the reason why Silica Gel packs say "Do Not Eat"!
...I'm the reason why Tounge Of Frog says "Do Not Throw Out The
Other Person's Head".
-- F.
* Fro...@neosoft.com ** "The Information Super-Frog" [dibs] *
http://www.angelfire.com/la/carlosmay/
Logan Shaw
I don't know, but that was SOOOO cool when Devo played at Muffy's Bat
Mitzvah.
- Logan
Luke Breinig
> I think at this point we are supposed to resume our
> discussion of Sheldon Memorial Art Gallery and/or Morrill
> Hall.
Speaking of the "Art" Gallery, have they got that damn dismembered
bronze head fixed yet? IIRC major drama ensued when someone tried to
feed it pizza and the SAUCE ATE THRU THE METAL!!!!!1 (yet another reason
that tomatoes are scary)
> I like the Sea Lion with the really substandard taxadermy.
> It's right flipper is about to split in half. Thank
> goodness some community do-gooders got the museum and most
> of its exhibits declared "historical sites" thus preventing
> them from being renovated. That was good thinkin'.
Has Don ever given you the Unofficial Guided tour wherein he shows you
the mastodon fossil which was broken by the cleaning crew and the
transgendered camel?
> And also, have you seen the awesome statue of William
> Jennings "Free Silver!!!!1!!1!" Bryan?
No, but I saw the new film version of "Inherit the Wind" with George C.
Scott as William Jennings Bryan, except his name (in the movie) wasn't
William Jennings Bryan!!!1 All of the names had been changed to make it
seem more like fiction than an actual embellishment of historical
events.
--Luke
Luke Breinig
> I've found canned cranberry sauce to be very versatile, since it's
basically a
> ton of high-fructose corn syrup plus tartness. Kind of like catsup,
only
> different.
True, the gelatinous stuff which takes on the shape of the can in which
it is stored can be quite useful, like the artifical fruit version of
Spam. However, the "Natural" or "Old Fashoned" type which pretends to
contain actual cranberries is horrid.
iceberg3k
the German Beer Purity Law.
Which reads, "All persons caught drinking Coors will be spanked
to death by a three hundred pound barmaid named Helga."
-- M.
-a.r.k, a.s.v.s
-YHBT, YHL. HAND.
* Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet's Discussion Network *
The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet - Free!
Daniel Buettner
> Speaking of the "Art" Gallery, have they got that damn dismembered
> bronze head fixed yet? IIRC major drama ensued when someone tried to
> feed it pizza and the SAUCE ATE THRU THE METAL!!!!!1 (yet another reason
> that tomatoes are scary)
They have it out back at the moment. However, you don't
recall quite correctly. The sauce did not eat, as you say,
"THRU THE METAL!!!!!1", it only damaged the patina. Then
they said it would cost untold dollars to fix said damage,
which confuses me to no end as patina naturally forms when
you expose the thing to the environment. I smell a scam.
And anyway, I think that compared to the rest of the outdoor
sculpture on display a dismembered head is pretty cool.
And also, last time I was in there (back in Feb. or March)
half the interior displays were closed to "set up a new
exhibit". Or something. So I had to look at the same
pictures that are *always* up. I hate the crappy still life
of cake and pie on a table. I HATE IT!!!
SHOW ME THE -ISMS!!1! That's all I ask, just a little
cubism or pointilism or SOME SURREALISM; is that too much to
ask?
Since everyone already got bored and stopped reading by this
point, it won't hurt to keep ranting about art. So every once
in awhile I cruise through the mini art gallery in the Union
that normally houses student art. This one d00d painted a
HIGHLY derivative work that looked a WHOLE lot like that
Edvard Munch d00d's "The Scream". I mean a lot. There was
also a neo-cubist work that just screamed "LOOK AT ME!! I
CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING, SO I WILL JUST COPY PICASSO'S THREE
MUSICIANS!!!1!". Maybe I just misunderstood. Perhaps the
point of that particular art class was to duplicate a famous
work. Except that the other works were more original.
Anyway.
[ change gears to the "regular" museum ]
> Has Don ever given you the Unofficial Guided tour wherein he shows you
> the mastodon fossil which was broken by the cleaning crew and the
> transgendered camel?
I don't know if that stuff was taken down or maybe we just
skipped that part of the tour. I did get to see the
plesiosaur skeleton under glass with moisture condensing on
the *inside* of the exhibit. And the exhibit that has been
"removed for cleaning" for the last five years. And the
really lame traveling Darwin exhibit that consists mostly of
pictures of Darwin. Did you get to see the little hunter-
d00d in the mammoth mural? I've got a picture that someday
will be put on a web page.
They did have a pretty swell African sword sheath made from
a tanned juvenile crocodile. That was keen. And... um..
yeah. That's about it.
Joseph Michael Bay
>The first time I encountered a silica gel packet was when my dad brought
>home the Amiga 500. There was one in the box, and I picked it up and
>thought "Gee, I could use a snack. What is this?" And the packet clearly
>read "Do not eat" so I didn't; I instead went to the kitchen and grabbed
>a real snack.
Pica Limon -- do not eat.
Also, thanks Leah!
--
Joseph M. Bay Boy Genius
Putting the "harm" in the "Molecular Pharmacology" since 1997
(Oo) Someone you love is One of Us. (oO)
/{|\ What Would Cthulhu Do? /|}\
E Teflon Piano
<323AD82C4ECB6013.B0AEECF2...@lp.airnews.net>,
Carlos "Froggy" May <fro...@neosoft.com> wrote:
}Nick Bensema <ni...@fnord.io.com> explained:
}
}: The first time I encountered a silica gel packet was when my dad brought
}: home the Amiga 500. There was one in the box, and I picked it up and
}: thought "Gee, I could use a snack. What is this?" And the packet
}: clearly read "Do not eat" so I didn't.
}
}That packet had better let Nick eat soon. He's gettin' darned peckish.
}
}Is E.T. Piano Esq. still associated with the Silica Gel Institute?
}
The Institute is still receiving generous grants from the National
Silica Gel Council to produce This Week in Alt. Religion Kibology. The
Institute has happily discovered, as have many beneficiaries of
marketing association largesse, that after a certain amount of time the
benefactor no longer monitors the actual production of the
awareness-instrument, but relies on occasional clippings from the
benefittor to substantiate claims. This is why we at The Institute have
long applauded David Patchecho's writing efforts and have simply,
Intel-like, rebranded his output and redirected it to the Silica Gel
folks. Remember, David Pachooli is "an Institute fellow," so when you
see "David," Hivemind "The Institute."
Got Silica Gel?
dictated, not read,
ET. Piano, E=SQ(dot)
--
Institute for Misapplied Psychometry fellow E Teflon Piano is founder of the
Internet 'Lectronic Legal Society. Teflon is a mark owned by duPont. E is E
poly(TFE) Piano Enterprises' [dibs] for ironic hyperbole and elitist satire.
ŠE[dibs] 1994-2000
Chris McGonnell
> ni...@fnord.io.com (Nick Bensema) writes:
>
> >The first time I encountered a silica gel packet was when my dad brought
> >home the Amiga 500. There was one in the box, and I picked it up and
> >thought "Gee, I could use a snack. What is this?" And the packet
clearly
> >a real snack.
>
>
> Pica Limon -- do not eat.
Apply Pica Limon on chicken breast and grill -- BAM! Your chicken tastes
lemony and as spicy hot as Jennifer Lopez looked at the Grammys.
Emeril McG.
Harming humanity since 1951
Joseph Michael Bay
>Silica Gel Council to produce This Week in Alt. Religion Kibology. The
>Institute has happily discovered, as have many beneficiaries of
>marketing association largesse, that after a certain amount of time the
>benefactor no longer monitors the actual production of the
>awareness-instrument, but relies on occasional clippings from the
>benefittor to substantiate claims.
^^^^^^
YM "clams". HTH!
David DeLaney
>E Teflon Piano <e...@The-Institute.firm> writes:
>>Silica Gel Council to produce This Week in Alt. Religion Kibology. The
>>Institute has happily discovered, as have many beneficiaries of
>>marketing association largesse, that after a certain amount of time the
>>benefactor no longer monitors the actual production of the
>>awareness-instrument, but relies on occasional clippings from the
>>benefittor to substantiate claims.
> ^^^^^^
>YM "clams". HTH!
Yay! Today's the correct day to practice clams-substantiation!
Dave "genuflect generect jen(n)uflect" DeLaney
--
\/David DeLaney posting from d...@vic.com "It's not the pot that grows the flower
It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone to see
Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. VISUALIZE HAPPYNET VRbeable<BLINK>
http://panacea.phys.utk.edu/~dbd/ - net.legends FAQ/ I WUV you in all CAPS! --K.
Karlo Takki
<mberg...@vax2.winona.msus.edu> wrote:
> And of course, there is...
>
> the German Beer Purity Law.
German beer gives me gas.
> Which reads, "All persons caught drinking Coors will be spanked
> to death by a three hundred pound barmaid named Helga."
^^^^^
ITYM "Darla"?
k.
--
"In spite of everything, I still believe that people are
really good at heart. Brrrrraaaaaaappppp." - Anne Frank
Matt McIrvin
<pa...@davitel.com> wrote:
>Does this include the "do not eat" notices on those little bags of
>silica gel you find in packaging - i've always wondered why they don't
>print that on other things like say ....bicycle tyres - am I wrong to
>believe its within the rules to eat _anything_ except liitle packets of
>silica gel?
I recently figured out at least part of the reason, which is: sometimes
they put silica gel packets inside packages OF FOOD. At least, they put
them in packages of roasted wasabi-covered peas (less than 80% MSG) from
Japan.
I did not eat the silica gel.
--
Matt McIrvin http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
Jorn Barger
> I did not eat the silica gel.
And that has made all the difference...
--
To the Sirens first shalt thou come, who bewitch all men...
I edit the Net: <URL:http://www.robotwisdom.com/>
"...frequented by the digerati" --The New York Times
Luke Breinig
> Since everyone already got bored and stopped reading by this
> point, it won't hurt to keep ranting about art. So every once
> in awhile I cruise through the mini art gallery in the Union
> that normally houses student art.
Remember in grade school when they used to make you do finger paintings
and then hang them in the cafeteria????/
> CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING, SO I WILL JUST COPY PICASSO'S THREE
> MUSICIANS!!!1!". Maybe I just misunderstood. Perhaps the
> point of that particular art class was to duplicate a famous
> work. Except that the other works were more original.
Remember in grade school when the art teacher would show you a famous
work and then say something like "Okay, paint something like it," well,
one time we were supposed to paint a picture of a statue of N00D
PEEPIL!!!!!!1!!1 I said it was against my religion and the art teacher
thought I was *really* offended, so I got out of art class for two
weeks!
> I don't know if that stuff was taken down or maybe we just
> skipped that part of the tour. I did get to see the
> plesiosaur skeleton under glass with moisture condensing on
> the *inside* of the exhibit.
Well, it's... um... I've got nothing...
> And the exhibit that has been
> "removed for cleaning" for the last five years.
I think Morril could set a record for the most prepetually broken
exibits, ever.
-Luke
That is except for the Nebraska State Museum of History. Oh yeah, and
Pioneer Village.
Leah Verre
And the Seattle Science Center and also the Boston Museum of Science.
It's a conspiracy to keep us from knowing the TRUTH, you know.
They don't want us to know how a toilet works and they definitely
don't want us to learn any math by making sure that all the lightbulbs
work.
Joseph Michael Bay
>Blaspheme ye not against the philanthropy of plastics magnate Harold
>Warp! It's not his fault that he had a really bad name for a plastics
>magnate.
Also how do they get the plastic molecules to align enough to
make a magnate from them?
>I climbed Courthouse Rock.
Injunction Junction, what's your function?
Matt McIrvin
<lbre...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>I think Morril could set a record for the most prepetually broken
>exibits, ever.
[...]
>That is except for the Nebraska State Museum of History. Oh yeah, and
>Pioneer Village.
Blaspheme ye not against the philanthropy of plastics magnate Harold
Warp! It's not his fault that he had a really bad name for a plastics
magnate. Also, how functional does an exhibit of historical washing
machines really have to be? It's not as if they're charging $1.25 a pop
to use the mangle. Which is really too bad, because I hear there are
cheap plane fares, and the dryer downstairs is making a really scary
noise.
I climbed Courthouse Rock.
Daniel Buettner
[ snip ]
> I climbed Courthouse Rock.
You are now my hero.
But I have to ask, why were you in Nebraska?
Matt McIrvin
<buet...@cse.unl.edu> wrote:
>Matt McIrvin <mmci...@world.std.com> wrote:
>
> [ snip ]
>
>> I climbed Courthouse Rock.
>
>You are now my hero.
>
>But I have to ask, why were you in Nebraska?
My father's a native of Bridgeport, a smallish town amongst the bluffs
not far from said rock. My grandmother and aunt still live there.
Beable van Polasm
Daniel Buettner <buet...@cse.unl.edu> wrote:
> Matt McIrvin <mmci...@world.std.com> wrote:
>
> [ snip ]
>
> > I climbed Courthouse Rock.
>
> You are now my hero.
OH YEAH? Well *I* climbed Courthouse Rock with a PIANO
strapped to my back!!!! WHO'S YOUR HERO NOW, BUCKO!!!
> But I have to ask, why were you in Nebraska?
I could tell you, but then I'd have to... no wait, I can
tell you. Special Forces Band Unit had a gig on top of
Courthouse Rock. It was called "ROCK COURTHOUSE ROCK!".
About halfway up, I was REALLY wishing that I played the
piccolo or kazoo, let me tell you!
cheers
Beable van Polasm
Piano Player
3rd Para-Commando SpecFor Mobile Recon Band Unit
--
Beable van Polasm is incredibly wealthy, handsome,
talented and funny! He has a really cute, intelligent,
funny, rich girlfriend! Everybody loves Beable!
http://members.xoom.com/_______/index.html
Mark Hill
> I could tell you, but then I'd have to... no wait, I can
> tell you. Special Forces Band Unit had a gig on top of
> Courthouse Rock. It was called "ROCK COURTHOUSE ROCK!".
> About halfway up, I was REALLY wishing that I played the
> piccolo or kazoo, let me tell you!
Oh yeah? Well I climbed PAPER COURTHOUSE PAPER, BUCKO!!!
Daniel Buettner
> In article <8e31oj$5s5$1...@unlnews.unl.edu>,
> Daniel Buettner <buet...@cse.unl.edu> wrote:
>> Matt McIrvin <mmci...@world.std.com> wrote:
>>
>> [ snip ]
>>
>> > I climbed Courthouse Rock.
>>
>> You are now my hero.
> OH YEAH? Well *I* climbed Courthouse Rock with a PIANO
> strapped to my back!!!! WHO'S YOUR HERO NOW, BUCKO!!!
>> But I have to ask, why were you in Nebraska?
> I could tell you, but then I'd have to... no wait, I can
> tell you. Special Forces Band Unit had a gig on top of
> Courthouse Rock. It was called "ROCK COURTHOUSE ROCK!".
> About halfway up, I was REALLY wishing that I played the
> piccolo or kazoo, let me tell you!
So, um... was this a joint operation with U.S. SpecFor or an
invasion of the Austrian army? Or was this an even more
sinister operation involving the United Nations? Enquiring
minds want to know.
> cheers
> Beable van Polasm
> Piano Player
> 3rd Para-Commando SpecFor Mobile Recon Band Unit
You should put in a transfer to play the mouth harp.
Jake Speed
<8e31oj$5s5$1...@unlnews.unl.edu>:
>Matt McIrvin <mmci...@world.std.com> wrote:
>
> [ snip ]
>
>> I climbed Courthouse Rock.
>
>You are now my hero.
It would been K00LER if he climbed SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK.
-Speed!
Luke Breinig
> Blaspheme ye not against the philanthropy of plastics magnate Harold
> Warp! It's not his fault that he had a really bad name for a plastics
> magnate. Also, how functional does an exhibit of historical washing
> machines really have to be?
The last time I was there (which was, admittedly 3 or 4 years ago)
everything had been "Removed for Cleaning." The only thing you could
actually look at were:
An amphibious car
A replica of a reproduction of a real threshing machine
Several old rugs
a 1967 Oldsmobile Tornado
-Luke
Or at least that's all I remember.
James Kibo Parry
>
> Daniel Buettner (buet...@cse.unl.edu) wrote:
> >
> > Since everyone already got bored and stopped reading by this
> > point, it won't hurt to keep ranting about art. So every once
> > in awhile I cruise through the mini art gallery in the Union
> > that normally houses student art.
> >
> >
> > CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING, SO I WILL JUST COPY PICASSO'S THREE
> > MUSICIANS!!!1!". Maybe I just misunderstood. Perhaps the
> > point of that particular art class was to duplicate a famous
> > work. Except that the other works were more original.
>
> Remember in grade school when the art teacher would show you a famous
> work and then say something like "Okay, paint something like it," well,
> one time we were supposed to paint a picture of a statue of N00D
> PEEPIL!!!!!!1!!1 I said it was against my religion and the art teacher
> thought I was *really* offended, so I got out of art class for two
> weeks!
Why would you _want_ to get out of art class? I mean, you get paid to
play with fingerpaints and clay for an hour. Weren't you getting the
usual $20/hour paycheck for going to elementary school? (Were you in
some backwoods part of the world where they don't even pay little
kids a subsistence wage? Even Kathie Lee Gifford does that!)
Also, the first time I read this article, my brain swore it said
Remember in grade school when the art teacher would show you a famous
work and then say something like "Okay, paint something WITH it,"
...and I fantasized for several minutes about ripping Vermeer's
"The Lace Maker" out of its frame, wadding it up, and dipping it in
fluorescent orange hippie poster paint to use as a brush for my
new mural, "Crying Fluorescent Clown Playing Poker With Fluorescent
Dog Who Is Holding A Straight Flush In Fluorescent Orange Clubs."
And then I'd activate my growth cells and become a hundred feet tall
so I could use my hands to crumple up the wall the mural was on,
and use _it_ to paint a copy of "The Lace Maker".
-- K.
Except that in the picture,
she'd be embroidering a lace
doily with pictures of clowns
playing poker with me.